Saturday, February 4, 2012

Super Bowl XLVI Prediction - Because I Fucked Tom Brady!

Great, another Super Bowl where we have to hear New Yorkers and Bostonians tell us how great they are, oblivious to the fact that the rest of the country doesn't give a rat's ass about either team or city.

There are so many questions to debate before finally making a prediction on who will win Super Bowl 46. Will Madonna sing one of her classic pop hits during the half time show, or will she once again try to re-invent herself and shamelessly try to pimp her new single?

I'm looking forward to seeing the old pigskin again this weekend...but enough about Madonna's vagina, who's going to win the Super Bowl? And who the fuck did Johnny Cougar piss off to get snubbed from peforming the Super Bowl half-time show in his own home state?

Will Tom Brady's change in hairstyles be the trick to help him avenge the Patriots heartbreaking loss to the Giants in Super Bowl 42 that cost them an undefeated season?

Tom Brady changes hairstyles like, well, like he's a bitch. I'm guessing he spent the better part of last year threatening Gisele that he was going to cut his hair short...and then crying over a tub of Ben and Jerry's once he finally did.

Or will Eli Manning win his second ring and bolster his argument that he's the greatest Manning to play quarterback in the NFL? recently asked married women, "Would you rather have an affair with Tom Brady or Eli Manning?" I'll give you a hint who came out on top...It's the one with the haircut from Greatclips and a perpetual look on his face like he's trying to figure out who farted in the huddle.

Now let's breakdown these two teams and find out how the Patriots and the Giants compare:

Quarterbacks - Both quarterbacks have impressive pedigrees, including Super Bowl wins. While Tom Brady has won more titles, Manning's win was a come from behind victory over Brady's Patriots in 2008. I expect Brady and Manning to both put up huge numbers in this game, but when it comes down to it I think Manning is more likely to be the one who will panic and throw a costly interception or two...or three.

Advantage - New England

Somebody needs to tell Tom Brady that that only girls are supposed to wear stupid hats at the Kentucky Derby.

Receivers - The Giants have two of the most explosive receivers in football in Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks, as well as a capable #3 target in Mario Manningham. The Patriots really have no answer for their size and speed in their secondary, and they will have to play soft or risk giving up the big play. The Giants pass defense will have their hands full as well, as the Patriots receivers present match-up problems that New York has not yet been presented with all season. With two big and athletic tight ends in Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez, New England has the capability of going no-huddle and running the ball if the Giants try to go small trying and cover them with an extra DB in the nickle package, or splitting them out wide and sending them down field if either is left alone with a slower linebacker. Throw in Wes Welker to keep the safeties honest, and the Giants back seven could be in for a very long day.

Advantage - Even.

I'm betting that when Rob Gronkowski met porn star Bibi Jones it was one of the only times all season that he was actually glad he was "covered."

Running Game - The Giants at least have the potential to get some decent production from their running backs with Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs. Jacobs is hit or miss in the power running game, while Bradshaw is more versatile. In fact, the Giants seem to be sending him down field on pass routes in recent weeks like New Orleans and Miami have utilized Darren Sproles and Reggie Bush. New England will be a pass first offense, and may even abandon the run altogether aside from a few situational packages with Danny Woodhead and Ben Jarvis Green-Ellis on short yardage downs.

Advantage - New York.

Offensive Line - New England has kept the core of their offensive line in tact over the course of their championship years, while adding veteran Pro Bowler Brian Waters and 1st round draft pick Nate Solder into the mix this season. That combination of continuity and talent will help negate New York's pass rush, especially since NFL Officials seem to be letting teams hold this post season (to the tune of 1 hold penalty per every 88 pass attempts) in order to protect the elite quarterbacks. The Giants have an aging and shaky offensive line, but their task will be made easier by New England's lack of skilled pass rushers. They will, however, need to do a better job of run blocking than they did against San Francisco in the NFC Championship Game.

Advantage: New England.

Pass Rush - The Giants have 3 star pass rushers who will rotate at defensive end in Justin Tuck, Jason Pierre-Paul and Osi Umenyiora, or they can put them all on the field at once in their "NASCAR Package." While Mathias Kiwanuka is playing more coverage at OLB, he can also get to the passer if called upon. That depth will be important, as the Giants were the first team in the NFL to expose an weakness in Tom Brady's game in Super Bowl 42 by being able to pressure him with up the middle. Faced with pressure from the inside, Brady struggled when he was unable to simply step up in the pocket as he has become so adept at doing. For the Patriots, losing Andre Carter for the season due to injury was a huge blow, as he was one of the few pass rushers for New England who was capable of reliably getting to the quarterback.

Advantage: New York.

Tom Brady's biggest fears have been exposed as strong interior pass rushes, Federal subpoenas marked "United States vs. Balco," and waterslides.

Run Defense -The Giants are thin at linebacker, with rookies like Greg Jones and Mark Herzlich forced into action at times this season due to injuries before they were truly ready to contribute. Fortunately for them, the Patriots do not put a great deal of focus on running the ball, allowing opposing defense to cheat and put an extra defensive back into coverage. New England is equally thin at linebacker, and if the Giants don't fall behind early and stop trying to establish their running game, they could find some success against the Patriots.

Advantage: Even/Slight Advantage New York.

Pass Defense - Both secondaries are brutal. The Giants primarily because of injuries, and the Patriots due to a lack of talent. Julian Edelman, a quarterback in college who converted to a wide receiver and punt returner in the NFL, has been getting playing time in the Patriots secondary in the Playoffs as a nickel back. While both teams will struggle to slow down talented and veteran passers like Eli Manning and Tom Brady, New York's pass rushers should help their secondary in that they will not have to hold their coverage as long as the Patriots will.

Advantage: New York.

Special Teams - New York's special teams are solid, but not spectacular. New England has invested high draft picks on their kicking game, and have the most explosive trio of slow white kick returners in Julian Edelman, Danny Woodhead and Wes Welker this side of Notre Dame...In fact, Joe Theismann would be proud.

Advantage: New England.

Key Players - New England QB Tom Brady, New England TE Aaron Hernandez, New England TE Rob Gronkowski, New England DT Vince Wilfork; New York QB Eli Manning, New York WR Hakeem Nicks, New York WR Victor Cruz, New York CB Corey Webster.

MVP Predictions - New England - Tom Brady; New York - Hakeem Nicks.

Final Predictions:

New England Patriots 34 - New York Giants 27
New England Patriots -3 over New York Giants/Over 53

Whether Eli Manning and the Giants fuck Tom Brady, or whether New York gets screwed by Brady and Patriots in the end, I'm ordering this "I Fucked Tom Brady" t-shirt from Mohut and making the last place finisher in by fantasy football league wear it at our draft next year.

Season Record Against the Spread:

NFL Championship Game Results: 2-2
NFL Results Season to Date: 124-129-11

College Football Results: 32-31-2

No comments:

Post a Comment