Monday, July 26, 2010

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "She also could have worn a shirt, but we can't make all her decisions for her"

First the good news! Rumors on the Al Gore have it that Annie may be coming back into the Big Brother house even though she was evicted after week 1 as the Saboteur. If those rumors are true it obviously means that: 1) Annie's not really crazy; 2) I don't have bad taste in women after all; and 3) Annie's not really a lesbian. How awesome is that for me??!!

For the first time in this game we actually had some real drama in the house. After Britney told Rachel that Matt was pissed off at her for putting him up as a replacement nominee, Rachel dropped the bomb that Matt was actually the one who approached her about going up for elimination against Monet as a pawn. Rachel took things a step further by calling a house meeting and publicly outing Matt for playing both sides, and Matt responded by saying that Rachel was on a power trip and that she'd be his next target. Somehow that wasn't enough to save Monet, as the house (including Rachel and Brendon) voted to keep Matt by a 7-2 margin.

Hayden and Kristen got a little sloppy in hiding their secret showmance, and Andrew overheard their midnight makeout session when he pretended to be sleeping. Matt outlasted Ragan for Head of Household in one of Big Brother's crappy endurance challenges that unnecessarily spanned two episodes. After he won Head of Household Matt continued to believe that he's the one running the house, and he probably needs to remember that "pride comes before the fall" when it comes to Big Brother (bonus points and a beer to the first person who gets that reference).

As expected, Matt's ego ended up getting the best of him. Instead of nominating his biggest rivals (Rachel and Brendon) for eviction, he put put Andrew up as a pawn against Kathy. Matt wants Kathy out of the house simply because she voted against him at last week's elimination in favor of her friend Monet. Word to Mr. Mensa, there is a big difference between actually being targeted by someone and having someone vote against you out of loyalty to a close friend like Kathy did. Right now Matt is more "Diabolical Biz Markie" than "Diabolical Super Genius."

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 3:

11. Kathy - (previously #8) With Matt seeking revenge against Kathy for her vote against him last week, it looks like her time in the house will come to an end barring a replacement nominee via the Power of Veto.

10. Rachel - (previously #5) - So far Rachel has pretty much shown the entire house her boobs and ass, which means everyone has gotten just as far with her as Brendon has. I think Rachel is at risk of getting back doored this week, and I don't mean by Brendon.

9. Andrew - (previously #10) In response to my question from week 1, we finally learned that Big Brother slop is NOT kosher. While I don't think Andrew is the target for eviction this week in spite of being nominated, the possibility of being evicted did seem to wake him up in terms of his need to play the game. Matt should have put up Rachel and Brendon as everyone expected, as by putting up Andrew for eviction he picked up an unnecessary enemy. Bonus points to Enzo noting that the nut huggers Andrew wore during the Head of Household challenge definitely were not kosher.

8. Brendon - (previously #4) I'm moving Brendon down the power ranking list for the time being. Surprisingly, Matt winning Head of House did not turn out to be the worst case scenario for Brendon and Rachel. While it was pretty clear that the other 3 members of the Brigade alliance wanted Rachel and Brendon up for eviction, Matt inexplicably nominated Kathy and Andrew instead. Sure, Brendon could still get back doored, but that can be avoided if the Power of Veto challenge goes in his favor.

7. Kristen - (previously #6) Kristen loses ground in this week's rankings for two reasons. First, while he hasn't told the rest of cast as of yet, Andrew overheard Kristen and Hayden's secret makeout session. Second, the Brigade alliance has suspicions that the two housemates rumoured to know each other coming into the game might be Hayden and Kristen. At this point the Brigade suspects that Hayden and Kristen are relatives, not lovers. Of course we could have had the best of both worlds on Big Brother 5 when Michael and Jennifer came into the house not aware of the fact that they were long lost brother and sister. How hot would it have been if those two would have hooked up?

6. Britney - (previously #9) I went from liking Britney because she was hot, to hating her because she's from Arkansas, to loving her again because of the snarky comments she makes about the other housemates. I'm going on record to say that Britney is one of the funniest contestants in the history of Big Brother. A couple of her comments from this week:

Monet: She nominated Matt...I think she just wanted to get that extra jab in there, and she's lucky she didn't get my fist up her head."
Britney: She also could have worn a shirt, but we can't make all her decisions for her Monet."

Britney (during her tearful farewell message following Monet's eviction): I'm going to miss sitting in the back yard and talking with you about how high waisted Kristen's pants are, and how skanky Rachel's dressing every day, and how annoying her (Rachel's) laugh is, and all the things we could do with her (Rachel's) hair extensions."

5. Ragan - (previously #7) Surprisingly, Ragan continues to fly under the radar with no real alliance and no real enemies. He proclaimed that "being tied up and strapped to a wall is a typical night in West Hollywood for me." Of course he was referring to the Have/Have Not Challenge where he was duct taped to a wall and squirted with fluid, and not anything kinky.

4. Matt - (previously # 11) Having won Head of Household, Matt moves up the power ratings this week. However, his arrogance is still bound to cost him as the game continues. The Brigade is questioning his decision to nominate Andrew and Kathy for eviction instead of Rachel and Brendon, while his loyalties have already been questioned by the rest of the house.

3. Hayden - (previously #1) Hayden has become more vulnerable because of his relationship with Kristen. Not only are the other Brigade members questioning whether Hayden and Kristen might be the two housemates who knew each other coming into the game, but Andrew knows the truth about their secret romance. I have a strong suspicion that Hayden's relationship with Kristen is going to cost him a lot of money, but since all reality show relationships work out, I'm sure it will totally be worth it in the end.

2. Enzo - (previously #3) As much as I hate to admit it, Enzo deserves to move up. I actually enjoyed listening to Enzo when Britney attempted to teach him how to speak with a southern accent. Enzo has also been able to hide his secret alliance with Snookie from the other contestants much better than I imagined he would.

1. Lane - (previously #2) I'm not really sure how we got to the point where I have the guy who uttered the phrase, "I love role playing, I've rolled played a couple of times back in Texas, mainly with horses and cows" rated number 1, but we did. Fortunately these rankings are not final.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "We lost to some idiot who wasn't even smart enough to put pants on before the competition"

After Brendon won the power of veto in week my worst nightmare came true - Hayden put Annie up for eviction as a replacement nominee. Of course Annie had a meltdown in front of the entire house after being nominated, proving once and for all that all hot chicks are crazy. Even after outing Brendon as a budding physicist and not just a high school swim coach, Annie was still evicted by a 12-0 vote. This extends my streak of horrible luck on reality television where the girl I decide that I'm going to tune in to watch gets evicted in week 1...then again, maybe it's not just bad luck and I'm only attracted to crazy women. We'll let my track record speak for itself on that one.

After Annie's eviction Rachel pulled the upset and won Head of Household, shifting the balance of power in the house for at least this week. It was finally revealed to the house that Annie was the "Saboteur" even though she had previously left a message for the house saying that they had voted the wrong person out. Rachel decided to nominate Britney and Monet for eviction, which was a smart move since they both privately declared their hate for her in spite of their attempts to kiss her fake boobed-ass in hopes of staying in the house.

Unfortunately for Rachel, Britney won the Power of Veto and removed herself from the nomination block. While Rachel considered putting Andrew up as Britney's replacement, Matt surprisingly volunteered to go up as a pawn against Monet in this week's elimination. Given that pawns have not historically fared very well in Big Brother eliminations, if I were Matt's manager I'd demote the self proclaimed Mensa member to Golden Key status until he proves he can hit big league pitching.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 2:

12. Monet - (previously #5) Monet was a victim of Rachel winning Head of Household. Her response to Rachel putting her up for eviction, "I hope she gets fired from her job and she can get her job back as a stripper." I fully concur with that statement, and I really hope to see it play out.

11. Matt - (previously #1) - Violating the rule that you should never give yourself a nickname, Matt proclaimed himself the "Diabolical Super Genius" and volunteered as a pawn to go up for nomination after Britney won the Power of Veto. Matt repeatedly declared that he was confident that he was safe, not realizing that his housemates had picked up on the fact that he was making up the story about his wife's crippling illness and that he was intentionally acting paranoid about the initial eviction nominations. While Matt proclaims himself to be a member of Mensa, he needs to remember that being being book smart doesn't necessarily translate to having people matter how many bad tattoos you get to try and overcompensate.

10. Andrew - (previously #9) While Andrew isn't even aligned with Rachel and Brendon, he raised the suspicion of his housemates when he reacted like a twelve year old boy who had just won tickets to see a Jonas Brothers concert after Rachel won Head of House. Andrew is very lucky that Matt volunteered himself as a replacement nominee after Britney won the power of veto and took herself down from nomination, as he likely would have gone on the block had Matt not done so.

9. Britney - (previously #7) Faced with the prospect of her closest friend and ally Monet going home, Britney is going to need to make some major strategic moves in order to stay in this game.

8. Kathy - (previously #10) Kathy stayed under the radar this week, which should be her strategy for the entire game. While being annoying and a week competitor makes her an easy target, she should also be able to last a few weeks simply because she doesn't pose a threat to anyone at this time. Then again, she is really annoying.

7. Ragan - (previously #8) Ragan definitely has a mind for the game. He is yet to establish an allegiance to any alliance or create any enemies, which kind of surprises me. Ragan could get targeted as a floater by the existing alliances if he doesn't make a move relatively soon.

6. Kristen - (previously #6) Under the radar in week 1, Kristen and Hayden have shown some chemistry. While that should keep her in the good graces of the secret Brigade alliance for the time being, Hayden also rebuffed her proposed alliance, which should tip her off about his secret allegiance with other players in the game. Kristen's shining moment of the week came when she told Hayden that birthmarks show where you were stabbed in previous lives, which finally explains why I have a big one on my coccyx.

5. Rachel - (previously # 12) Having won Head of Household, Rachel appears to have made amends with the Brigade alliance, who originally nominated Brendon and herself for eviction in week 1. If true, that should help reposition herself for the rest of the game. Quote from Britney on Rachel winning HOH: "We let some idiot, who wasn't even smart enough to put on pants before the competition win." Again, I can't disagree. After all, she revealed that she was hospitalized last January for drinking too much. I'm starting to think Rachel is a little confused as to what her profession is called. Pouring a shot of alcohol in a test tube and letting people drink it from your cleavage makes you a mixologist at best, not a chemist.

4. Brendon - (previously #13) Brendon was able to avoid eviction last week by winning the power of veto. With Rachel having won Head of Household Rachel this week, Brendon is now in a position of power. With Rachel more likely to be a target for elimination when it comes to the two of them in future weeks by virtue having nominated Monet and Britney for eviction this week, Brendon just repositioned himself as a major long as Rachel's fake boobs can keep their alliance afloat.

3. Enzo - (previously #3) Enzo, a/k/a Meow-Meow, a/k/a The Adjustment, is in a secure position within the house for now, although I don't see his Brigade alliance as being one of the stronger ones in Big Brother history. Matt is either going to get overconfident and screw things up for the Brigade or bail on them entirely.

2. Lane - (previously #2) Lane can thank Hayden for talking Rachel out of putting Enzo and himself up for nomination. So long as the Brigade remains in power Lane will remain in a good position, and he is probably less of a threat to the other housemates than either Hayden and Enzo in the event that they try to target the Brigade.

1. Hayden - (previously #4) Hayden was able to avoid being targeted for nomination out of revenge for putting Rachel up last week. Not only did he make peace with Rachel, but Hayden is striking up a showmance with Kristen. All in all, Hayden is the strongest connected player in the house with his alliance and relationships outside of the Brigade.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

BBB12 (Blogging Big Brother 12) - "I have no idea what a brigade is"

Season 12 of Big Brother is upon us, which signals the true start to my summer. My summer used to commence when the weather became warm enough for me drink beer on my couch in my underwear, but thanks to the neighbor girl who insists upon peering into my front window to see if my son can come out and play instead of ringing the doorbell I was forced to cease that practice. Alright, I'm uncomfortable too, let's move on.

This season's twist is that one of the 13 contestants is a "Saboteur." The yet to be disclosed Saboteur is not competing to win Big Brother, but can instead earn $50,000 if he/she stays in the house for 5 weeks without getting voted off while throwing challenges and otherwise making life miserable for the other contestants.

During the first week of BB-12 Hayden, a baseball player from Arizona, won Head of Household. He quickly joined a four person alliance that was proposed by Enzo - a Jersey Shore douche bag, Matt - a closet Mensa member, and Lane - a meathead from Texas. Realizing that their alliance needed a totally awesome nickname that would propel them to fame, they quickly decided upon "The Brigade." Personally, I would have gone with something like "Jersey's Four" or "The A-Team," but I digress. Enzo also decided that the alliance members needed individual nicknames, so he dubbed Hayden "The Animal," Lane "The Beast," Matt "The Brains," and himself (for obvious reasons that nobody else knows) "Meow-Meow." I probably would have gone with "The Adjustment" to pay homage to his Jersey Shore roots and career as an insurance adjuster, but that's just me.

A budding showmance developed between closet academics Brendon and Rachel, who both had decided not to disclose how smart they were to their castmates for fear of putting a target on their backs. Brendon is a high school swim coach who is is pursuing a Masters Degree in physics, while Rachel is a chemist who chooses to put her talents to better use as a VIP cocktail waitress in Las Vegas. You won't be able to convince me that they're both not strippers in real life, but since strippers aren't really people I guess I really don't care. In any event, the Brigade quickly decided that Brendon and Rachel needed to be split up, and they were nominated for eviction by Hayden.

Big Brother 12 Power Ratings - Each week I'm going rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after week 1:

13. Brendon - Identified as the biggest threat by The Brigade, Brendon was nominated for eviction in part due to his showmance alliance with Rachel.

12. Rachel - Faced with with a decision equally as difficult as whether or not she should put her chemistry degree to use or get fake boobs and work as a cocktail waitress in Vegas, Rachel decided to hide her intelligence from the rest of the house but participate in an open showmance/alliance with Brendon, which of course identified her as an obvious target for the first eviction. I'd disown her as a fellow ginger if she wasn't a dye job wanna be poser.

11. Annie - Realizing that she has become a target because of her friendship with Brendon and Rachel, Annie may still be able to reach out to the other cast mates and stabilize her position in the house. I need her to do this, because this lesbian bartender is hot enough to convert me...oh wait, I guess I'd be the one who needs to convert her.

10. Kathy - For a deputy Sheriff, this peroxide fueled southern belle is not only the worst competitor in the house, but she has already started rubbing some of the other contestants the wrong way with her personality. Note to Kathy - the next time your ass literally gets stuck in caramel (sadly, it was not nearly as hot as it sounds), don't accuse one of the hot young girls that dusted you in the competition of performing as bad as you did. You reminded me of one of the beached whales that simply chose to give up and die instead of swimming back out to sea once dislodged by animal rights activists.

9. Andrew - The Orthodox Jewish podiatrist also found it necessary to lie about his professional life, claiming to have been laid off so the other contestants wouldn't question his financial need for the final prize since he is a successful doctor (yes, somewhere in Miami Beach somebody's plantar warts are going untreated for half of a summer so Andrew can compete on Big Brother). My main question for Andrew is whether or not Big Brother "slop" is kosher?

8. Ragan - The openly gay college professor could rub people the wrong way with his arrogant personality, but he also has the confidence to put together an alliance to counter The Brigade.

7. Britney - Britney seems a little to into herself to do well in this game. Plus she hates old people, which is just bad karma if you say it out loud on national TV instead of just think it like me.

6. Kristen - The Philly boutique manager and model really has not caught my attention one way or the other, which may not be a bad thing at this point in the game.

5. Monet - A model/actress that is all about playing the game. If she can find the right alliance she could win it all.

4. Hayden - While Hayden is secure for now in the tightest alliance in the game, he could find himself as a target down the road since he was the first Head of Household and will surely be targeted by either Brendon or Rachel for putting them up for eviction.

3. Enzo - While Enzo is the leader of The Brigade, once that alliance is exposed he quickly becomes the primary target of the other housemates. Plus, he has that Jersey Shore backlash thing working against him.

2. Lane - While he is secure for now in his alliance, Lane would probably be safe from eviction for a few weeks even if The Brigade were to fall apart since there are bigger targets/threats within that alliance. He also seems like a giant dumb ass, admitting "I have no idea what a brigade is" in response to the name of his new alliance.

1. Matt - This has nothing to do with Matt being a Mensa member, he just seems to be the most likely of the Brigade to flip alliances should the need arise, which makes him the most powerful player in the game.