Thursday, October 30, 2014

Blogging Survivor: San Juan del Sur - "You're so beautiful"



This week at Coyopa began with Dale angry at the rest of his tribe because his mouth ended up costing him his daughter, Kelley, who got voted out because he couldn't keep his hidden sexual tension towards Missy in his pants.

Knowing that he was Coyopa's next target, Dale showed Jon his "Immunity Idol" in order to try and stay in the game, and Jon seemed to buy it even though it was really a prosthetic.

At Hunahpu, Jeff Probst visited camp with his offer for the bag of rice that the tribe was desperate for.

"There's never been a tribe in the history of Survivor that has needed as much help as you guys have...First you lose your flint...Now you're completely out of rice and you need help again!"

Jeff noted Hunahpu's exorbitant food consumption as a reason why they've dominated the challenges thus far, and demanded a steep price to re-fill their food bag, namely their tarp, blankets, hatchet, hammer, one of their two pots, and their extra flint.

After accepting Jeff's offer, that left Hunahpu with only a machete, a single pot, and a flint, which essentially left them starting the game over.

Not everybody at Hunahpu was on board with making that trade, as Jeremy wanted to keep their comfort items in hopes of being able to bed down one of the girls since his wife had been evicted.

Unfortunately, his pleas fell on deaf ears...Especially the ears of the women.

The Reward Challenge required one person from each tribe navigate an obstacle course blindfolded, study a braille puzzle, and then take puzzle pieces back through the obstacle course to the other side and assemble the puzzle they touched from memory.

With Reed squaring off against Baylor, Jeff Probst noted how there was a "lot of head bopping into poles," which actually had nothing to do with Reed fame whoring himself out and dating Clay Aiken.

While Reed Kelly is no stranger to his head "bopping into poles," if Clay Aiken is repulsed by getting kissed by a male model type gay guys, I'm starting to wonder exactly what he's into.

Reed ended up winning for Hunahpu, which sent Baylor to Exile Island along with Natalie, who volunteered to go along in hopes of gaining some goodwill in the event of a merge.

I'm wondering, are Natalie and her sister Nadiya smokers?


While Hunahpu ended up winning a feast as a result of the Reward Challenge, they also had to deal with a rain storm without a tarp or any real shelter of any sorts, making Jeremy a prophet of sorts.

The Immunity Challenge required the tribes scale a wall, push a huge cube over to posts and grab bags of puzzle pieces, and then solve that puzzle.

Hunahpu ended up coming from behind to win, sending Coyopa to Tribal Council once again.

Before Tribal Council Dale told Jon that if he didn't get voted out he'd give him his Immunity Idol, which was in fact fake, in order to get Missy out.

Jon told Missy and Baylor of Dale's offer, who wanted to split the votes between Dale and Keith 3-2 in order to make sure that Dale went home.

However, Jon and Jaclyn were still undecided about how to vote, and wanted to make their decision on who they could trust going forward.

In the end, Jon didn't fall for Dale's fake Idol trick, and Dale was voted out 3-2 pursuant to Missy and Baylor's plan, much to his dismay.

Jon must have been feeling it as well, because he leaned over to his Miss Michigan girlfriend (the real Miss Michigan, not his hand...Because that would have been weird) and said, "You're so beautiful."

Say what you want about Jon Misch, but the dude's not a liar...Jaclyn Schultz is beautiful.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Blogging Survivor: San Juan del Sur - "Another conversation? This ought to be good."



While Coyopa began this week's episode coming off of their first Immunity Challenge victory, at Hunahpu, Jon was left scrambling after his closest ally, Drew, was blindsided.

Don't worry for Jon Misch too much though, Sparty usually has a way of  persevering. 

Upon arriving at the Immunity Challenge, Coyopa also seemed shocked that Drew was voted out.

And when Jeff Probst asked Baylor why she looked so shocked that Drew was voted out she responded, "I thought that Drew was Mr. Popular," which caused most of the Hunahpu Tribe to break out laughing.

Drew Christy: Rule number one, male models are never, ever popular...That is, except for Gisele Bundchen.

However, the big surprise came when Jeff told the contestants to drop their buffs and prepare for a re-draw of the tribes.

The new Hunahpu Tribe saw boyfriends Reed and Josh land together, along with Wes, Alec, Jeremy, Julie and Natalie.

Coyopa landed three sets of loved ones with Jon and Jaclyn, Kelley and Dale, Missy and Baylor, as well as Keith, who astutely noted, "I know that's not good Jeff."

Reed and Josh decided to sneak off in order to have sex, as did Kelley and Dale.

Actually, Josh informed the audience that he and Reed had decided to remain abstinent until they get married, which meant that they just did each other up the ass, kind of like teenage girls do these days so they can still call themselves "virgins."

...And in Reed Kelly and Josh Canfield's case, they just might end up being "virgins" for life.

Jon and Jaclyn had no shortage of PDA with one another after being reunited on Coyopa.

Baylor admitted that she was a little jealous, but in a non-bitchy kind of way.

"I'm totally jealous, I'm sitting here single, twenty...My mom's made her share of mistakes. She's been married three times, and divorced three times. My time will come, my mom's next time will come," as she broke out laughing.

After Missy helped exhaust Hunahpu's food supply, she immediately came over to Coyopa and began cooking up an extra large batch of rice, which pissed Dale off, especially since he was already at odds with her daughter Baylor.

Kelley did her best to calm her dad down before he lost his shit.

"Missy plays that sweet mom role, but she can be a bit of a diva, while my dad is a small town hardworking farm man, and he doesn't deal with that kind of stuff."

Or as Dale said, "She's a self centered bossy bitch." Hmm...Do I smell a love connection?!?

The old Coyopa players arrived at Hunahpu and quickly realized that the old tribe had essentially devoured all of their food.

Or as Josh said, "There were some very fool hearty players on this side. It's very very frustrating," mainly referring to Missy and Drew, who apparently liked to eat two big meals a day before he was voted out.

The Immunity Challenge was set up as a race for each tribe to dig up a bag with keys, crawl through a huge mud pit, open a gate and shake down twenty sandbags from a pole, and then toss ten of those bags onto a wobbly platform.

Hunahpu ended up winning easily, tossing all of their bags before Coyopa even made it to their platform, which, by yet another technicality, allowed Josh Canfield and Reed Kelly to claim that they're still abstinent.

Reminiscent of Immunity Challenges past, Reed wanted to barter with Jeff Probst saying, "Jeff, when you get a sec we'd like to talk to you please."

That caused Jeff to sigh, "Another conversation? This ought to be good."

And with Reed informing him that their tribe was in dire straits when it came to their food supply, Jeff informed them that he would get back with them after Tribal Council, but warned them that any trade would not come cheap.

Heading into Tribal Council, Kelley and Dale, who were on the outs with Baylor and Missy, approached Jon and Jaclyn about working together.

Dale even did his best to kiss Jon and Jaclyn's asses saying, "We got your back Michigan."

And when Dale spoke up at Tribal Council and declared, "To be perfectly honest, they're (Jon and Jaclyn) the hottest couple in camp right now," Baylor joined in the love fest saying, "They're the hottest couple, period."

In the end, Jon and Jaclyn decided that it was in their best interest to work with Baylor and Missy, and Kelley was voted out, which left her father Dale steaming as he headed back to camp alone.


Thursday, October 16, 2014

Blogging Survivor: San Juan del Sur - "So basically I'm a badass, the manipulator of this game."



Coyopa began this week's episode as the happiest tribe to ever return from Tribal Council, mainly because they were able to vote John Rocker out of the game.

After Hunahpu had to give up their reward of fishing gear to get fire back after losing their flint two weeks ago, Natalie found it in the sand right next to their fire pit.

That caused Reed to say, "I didn't feel like we were that dumb to leave it in the fire pit."

...Which caused me to ask, "Why were Reed Kelly and Hunahpu so dumb that they didn't even think to dig through their fire pit for their flint before crying to Jeff Probst and having to give up their reward?" And more importantly, "Is this how Reed Kelly met his ex, Clay Aiken?"

At the Reward Challenge, the news that John Rocker had been voted out by Coyopa was met by applause from Hunahpu.

Better yet, Drew informed Jeff Probst that they had found their flint, and had the balls to ask him if they could trade it for half of the fishing gear that they had traded away for their second flint.

And when Jeff pretended to entertain that offer, Jon Misch laughed it off by saying, "I feel like you're taunting us," to which Jeff replied, "I am taunting you, put the flint back, you made the trade."

The Reward Competition itself required one competitor to use a grappling hook to retrieve three bags of balls, and then use a catapult to launch balls into five different baskets.

With the winner getting a choice between comfort supplies like blankets and pillows  or food for a grill out, Jon Misch squared off against his girlfriend, Jaclyn.

In a closer than expected contest between an ex D-I football player and a pageant queen, Jon came from behind to win and sent Jaclyn to Exile Island.

He also chose Drew to join her there, who would have been the last person I would have sent to spend the night alone with my girlfriend.

Even though Jaclyn Schultz rejected him, I'm pretty sure that Drew Christy will still tell his friends that spent the night with "Miss Michigan."

Or as Drew noted, "I've got a pretty Miss Michigan chick out here, but I'm not out here looking for love, definitely not with one of my buddies' girl," as he blatantly stared at her ass when she bent over.

Fortunately for John, Jaclyn laughed after she recalled how Drew's brother had warned her that Drew was a "ladies man."

Keith used his clue, but still couldn't find the Hidden Immunity Idol for Hunahpu.

That left Keith convinced him that Jeremy had already found it after he returned from Exile Island a week earlier, and he told that to anyone who would listen to him.

When news got back to Jeremy, he was pissed that Keith had put him on the spot without even asking him.

Sure enough, Keith kept looking, and then found Hunahpu's Idol. And like any racist from Louisiana, he didn't apologize to Jeremy, or tell anyone else.

The Immunity Challenge required the teams to swim out to and dive off a platform one-by-one to retrieve a floating ring, and then swim back with it so other team members could toss those rings onto a target.

Drew insisted on tossing the rings for Coyopa, and then proceeded to fuck up the challenge, which gave Coyopa their first win.

Of course, Drew had said that he was going to throw the challenge after he arrived from Exile Island so he could "get rid of some of the snakes."

Feeling pretty good about himself, like all wanna be male models do, Drew said, "So basically I'm a bad ass, the manipulator of this game."

After getting voted out Drew Christy said, "I'm obviously a physically and sexual threat to the them (referring to the girls)."

And when he said "getting rid of some of the snakes," Drew decided that the person who needed to go was Kelley, since she was "low key and very observant," just like most snakes.

Of course, nobody else seemed to be on board with that plan, and Jeremy even called him out in front of the rest of the tribe.

Forgetting that she was too fat to be a girl, Natalie proposed that the girls should consider getting rid of Drew.

She then took her plan to Jeremy who said, "Yeah, he's a moron, but that's a big move."

On the other hand, Jeremy wanted to get rid of Keith for personal reasons, even though John also wanted to get rid of his friend Drew.

Socially unaware, Drew rallied the guys by saying, "I'm telling you, let's get Kelley out tonight, and then all these bitches don't know what to do other than come to us. Trust me guys," not even noticing that Kelley was standing right next to him.

At Tribal Council, Jeremy called out Keith for insinuating that he had the Hidden Immunity Idol without even asking him about it first considering that they were supposed to be in an alliance together.

And while Keith tried to downplay what he had told the rest of the tribe, Natalie confirmed that Keith didn't say "I think, he said, 'I tell ya one thing, Jeremy got that Idol.'"

However, like a true manipulator of the game Drew got voted out, which was funny considering that he threw the Immunity Challenge to get rid of some of the snakes...Fortunately for us, he did!


Saturday, October 11, 2014

Blogging Survivor: San Juan del Sur - "If you were a man, I'd knock your teeth out!"



This week began with John Rocker attempting to justify that he held his word when he told Jeremy he'd protect his wife by telling Val to play her Immunity Idol.

And while Val didn't really have one Idol, let alone the two Idols as she had told him, John Rocker made sure that he had told the rest of the Coyopa Tribe knew that she had secretly told him that she did.

At Hunahpu, Drew decided it was more important to take a nap than help build his camp, which put him under fire from the rest of the tribe for his work ethic, or lack thereof.

Or as Jeremy said, "I was planning on taking him along with me because he's a moron, but I'm not going to be able to."

Drew Christy has aspired to be on Survivor ever since he was on Beverly Hills 90210.

At the Reward Challenge, Jeremy was shocked to see that his wife, Val, had been voted out last week.

After an angry Jeremy called out the men at Coyopo, John Rocker acknowledged that he tried to help Val, but simply couldn't get the votes together to save her.

That infuriated Josh and the rest of Coyopo, who saw John Rocker as trying to work with the enemy.

He didn't earn any points with Jeremy either, who saw John Rocker as breaking his word by failing to protect his wife as he had promised.

John Rocker: I mean, who wouldn't trust a homophobe wearing a see-through blouse?

The Reward Challenge itself was once again a one-on-one contest to maneuver six different tiles with a pole over a balance beam, and then stack them on top of each other, one by one.

With Wes playing Keith in a father vs. son challenge, Wes defeated his father for Coyopa's first win, which gave them the fishing gear that Hunahpu won, but gave up last week to get fire after they lost their flint.

Wes ended up sending the openly gay Josh to Exile Island with his dad, which was only slightly less uncomfortable for Keith than when Jeremy sent him to Exile Island with his African American wife, Val.

However, Josh and Keith seemed to get off to a good start with Josh saying, "I think people would be shocked at how well Keith and I get along, you know, a Louisiana hick and a gay guy from New York."

Keith was a little less enthusiastic about their relationship, and when I say "enthusiastic," I mean homophobic.

"He seems like a good ole' boy, just not my good ole' boy...Josh will be one side of the fire, I'll be on my side...I just don't see a lot of "Josh's" down in Louisiana (laughing)."

That doesn't mean that Keith didn't want to see a bunch of Josh's down in Louisiana, he jut didn't see many of them down there...Aside from his "dead gay son," Wes. 

Back at Hunahpu, Jeremy outed John Rocker for not only running the show, but for his bigoted comments when he played for the Braves, which sent John's girlfriend Julie running off into the woods in tears.

Deep down inside, John Rocker is really a good guy...Just so long as you're white. 

The Immunity Challenge saw each tribe send pairs tethered together to navigate an obstacle course to get to a ball, and shoot it into a hoop, with the first tribe getting to three winning.

We Alec crashed into Julie at an intersection Jeremy shouted out, "They just smashed your girl John!"

John went next and got even by intentionally threw his hip into one of Hunahpu's girls, Reed,

Go figure, a gay guy from New York and his boyfriend helped contribute to John Rocker's demise on Survivor. 

Jon Misch ended up wining Immunity for Hunahpu as Natalie yelled at Coyopa to "Change it up," while calling John Rocker out as a racist.

But instead of staying quiet as his tribe mates urged, John yelled back, "If you were a man I'd knock your teeth out."

John Rocker Survivor: "If you were a man, I'd knock your teeth out!"

For Coyopa, Baylor remained worried that she would be the target even though John Rocker lost his cool and disrespected women, which seemed to fuel her even more to try and stay in the game.

And while John Rocker told the girls that he wanted to blindside Dale, he really wanted to vote out Baylor. To sell his plan to Josh and the guys, he also revealed that he had an Idol, which made them consider listening to him.

On the other hand, after Josh learned that some of John Rocker's controversial comments here homophobic, he no longer wanted to keep him around as a shield to draw votes away from himself.

"Ooh, I don't think I want to be an ally with this person, because they stand for so many things that I'm against, and in John' case, if I don't have to use him, I don't want to."

Josh then lead a plan to vote out John Rocker, telling Baylor that John Rocker was planning on blindsiding her.

Of course, at Tribal Council Jaclyn tipped John Rocker off that some of the other guys were starting to turn on their "all guy" alliance.

But John Rocker elected not to play his Immunity Idol, even though he feigned getting up to play it, which turned out to be the wrong decision, as he was voted out.

That caused Baylor and the rest of America to mouth, "Thank God."

A stunned John Rocker walked off into the jungle as he mumbled, "I had a damn Idol right in my pocket too."

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Blogging Survivor: San Juan del Sur - "It's Reed that is on our team"



The second episode of Survivor: San Juan del Sur began with Josh trying to explain his decision to vote against Baylor in the initial episode, which he explained by saying that he didn't want the guys to know he was actually working with her.

At the same time, while Josh didn't vote with the rest of the guys like he was supposed to, his failure to commit to a side ended up screwing the women over because it helped the men to send Nadiya home.

At the Reward Challenge Natalie saw that her sister Nadiya had been sent home, which caused her to get even fatter.

Amazing Race competitor Natalie had to kiss her twin sister Nadiya goodbye, or maybe it was Nadiya kissing Natalie...In the end, nobody gave a shit. 

The competition was once again a one-on-one challenge, with the winner's tribe getting fishing gear.

John Rocker ended up playing against his stripper girlfriend, Julie, in a balance maze, in which they had to maneuver a ball on a platform over several obstacles and then roll their balls into various holes.

And as a stripper, Julie had not problem maneuvering over poles and jamming balls into holes, which sent her man John Rocker to Exile Island.

Explaining what it felt like to beat misogynistic dude Julie said, "I know I'm good at some things, but he's really good at a lot of things," before she sent a black dude, Jeremy, to Exile Island along with her racist man.

Wes blabbed about how John was really "John Rocker," or as shocked Dale gasped, "Was he the guy that got ran out of the friggin' league (for being racist)?"

That caused someone to blurt out, "It better be a big freakin' island."

John was visibly disgusted when Jeff Probst made it a point to note how he lost to his girlfriend. That caused John to bemoan, "drop the friend, I lost to a girl."

After winning the Reward Challenge and fishing gear, Reed, the resident gay guy for Coyopa, offered to trade Coyopa's beans for Hunahtu's flint since Coyopa had lost their flint and ability to make fire.

However, before Hunahtu could answer, an angry Jeff Probst jumped in and called Reed and Coyopa out, basically saying that if they didn't trade the fishing gear that they just won, he'd make sure the price for fire went up.

The Immunity Challenge turned out to be a sumo style battle where each tribe sent a member to square off one on one to try and knock their opponent off of a floating platform.

And while it was kind of unfair for Survivor to sent an admitted steroid user like John Rocker out to battle, Jon Mish literally beat the ever-loving shit out of him.

Better yet, even though her tribe won, John Rocker's girlfriend Julie looked at him like he was a giant pussy for losing to Jon Mish...but at least he was white. 

In a mother vs. daughter match between Misty and Baylor, Misty either had no motherly instinct, or put it aside.

"All I have to do is put a different face on her, and I'm going to kill her." Sure enough, both said that they were visualizing one of Misty's exes for the challenge, and for Baylor, it was the one who sexually molested her.

As it turned out, Misty split Baylor's lip right off the get go, who started crying and dropped her pad.

Baylor Wilson: This picture wasn't even from when she was on Survivor, it was from when she dated Brandon Hantz.

For the first time in her life Misty had her motherly instinct kick in and forgot about her ex(es), and basically refused to finish her daughter off even though she was hurting and dropped her pad.

That allowed Baylor to regain her composure and defeat her mother, who did not seem to put up much of a fight after her initial last to Baylor's face.

In a battle of the gay boyfriends between Reed and Josh, Drew from Hunahtu yelled out, "Go Josh," only to have Jon remind him, "It's Reed that is on our team."




Reed Kelly: To be fair to Drew, all gay people kind of look alike.

Reed wound up on top, which would seem to make him dominant one.

Then again, Reed Kelly used to date Clay Aiken.

With the result ending up tied, Kelley ended up redeeming herself in a rematch against beauty queen Jaclyn to win Immunity for Hunahtu.

Despite getting his ass whooped by a Yankee at the Immunity Challenge, John Rocker came back to camp and found the Immunity Idol for Coyopa after getting a clue for it while he was at Exile Island.

After Jeremy had John vow to protect his wife Vale, for some reason Val told John that she already had two Idols, one for her, and one for Jaclyn.

After blabbing about Val's claim, John Rocker tried his best to hold true to his word by telling Val that the rest of the tribe was going to split their votes between her and Baylor, and that she should probably play her Idol.

Of course, Val didn't really have an Idol, and while John Rocker technically kept his word to Jeremy, he knew that, and still acted like a douche.

That caused Val to say, "This is like an Oscar winning moment. I don't have an Idol, but it really doesn't matter," assuming that a vote split would mean that she'd be safe.

On the other hand, Josh was not happy when he saw John walk off to talk to Val alone, since it's not in John Rocker's character to talk to black people for no reason, and Josh questioned splitting the vote.

At Tribal Council, Val threw Baylor under the bus for playing both sides, saying she promised to vote with the girls but ended up siding with the guys.

I guess that was a bit of gamesmanship, because Val and Baylor ended up tied 4-4 in the initial vote, which lead to a re-vote.

Upon the re-vote, John Rocker switched his vote to Val since she didn't play her Idol like he told her to, which ultimately lead to Val getting voted out.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Blogging Survivor - San Juan del Sur: Because if there's one thing that John Rocker and the gay guy from New York City could possibly bond over, it's that they're both pitchers.



Survivor - San Juan del Sur: Blood vs. Water began in Nicaragua with most of the pairs of loved ones being dropped off on a beach with nothing but a flint to spend the night alone together.


However, ex Atlanta Brave John Rocker seemed to have a comfort advantage over the other contestants, as Jeff Probst allowed him to be dropped off with two pillows. 

To start off, we learned some additional background information as the duos struggled to make camp for the night.

For example, who would have ever guessed the the cheerleader mom from Texas had been divorced three times, and that her twenty-year old daughter Baylor had taken on the maternal role in the relationship? (By the way, that was a rhetorical question.)

We also found out that Kelley and her father have had a strained relationship at times, which is something that you would have never guessed from Dale's Twitter handle, FarmGuy69...And no, Dale's not 69-years-old, he's just 55 and creepy.

Two time Amazing Race veterans Nadiya and Natalie yelled at each other in a foreign language that I quickly identified as Fatty.

Meanwhile, the redneck father and son firefighter duo from Louisiana managed to lose the striker for their flint, causing them to spend the night without fire and argue about who was smarter.

Or as Keith, the father, said to his son, "Your mind is about as strong as that rock," which I think is some sort of redneck proverb.

After meeting with Jeff Probst, the loved ones were all divided into separate tribes, with Natalie and Nadiya both deciding to use their buffs as girdles instead of bikini tops or mini-skirts like the hot girls do.

The initial Reward Challenge involved solving a rope maze and tossing rings to retrieve two platforms the fastest.

In a twist, the challenge only consisted of two total competitors, one from each team, a loved one against a loved one, with the loser going immediately to Exile Island.

Jeremy ended up beating his wife Val (not literally...well literally, but not in a Ray Rice kind of way) to give the Hunapuh Tribe fire and beans. He also had to immediately select a member of his own tribe to join his wife on Exile Island.

Interestingly, without even asking if he could volunteer to go himself, Jeremy sent another dude, Keith, the inept firefighter who admitted he lost his striker and broke his flint on night one, to spend the night with his wife.

Back at Hunahpu Jeremy lamented about sending his wife to Exile Island, but not for too long, as quickly reached out to the ladies and struck up a two person alliance with Kelley...Natalie...AND Missy.

At Coyopa, Dale felt ostracized as the old guy, but found a tag with an emblem on it that he took to use as a fake Immunity Idol in case he needed it. He also broke his glasses in half so he could use two lenses to better start a fire for the tribe to show his worth.

Meanwhile, Val and Keith both got clues for their tribes' Immunity Idols at Exile Island. And while Keith looked at Val skeptically since he had never been further north than Arkansas and she was black, they ended up bonding since her husband and he were both firemen.

Kelly noted how she understood Drew, who was trying trying to be the alpha male and take charge around camp, by relating his behavior to being in a relationship with her boyfriend, John Rocker.

John Rocker's girlfriend Kelly then went on to call Drew "just a dumb young guy." 

Wes outed John Rocker, who idiotically tried to conceal that he was an infamous ex major leaguer.

Keep in mind that this wasn't a situation where the producers got involved and a twenty something-year-old weather bunny for her local sports network claimed that she recognized Gary Hogoboom from his two starts for the Dallas Cowboys ten years before she was even born.

John Rocker is a guy who continues to make news for his racist comments and ties to the baseball steroid scandal several years after he was all but banished from the league. 

After discovering poisonous sap falling from the branches above the shelter he was building Drew noted, "We got poisonous sap, we got scorpions. Shoot, there could be a puma running around here that I don't know about. There are definitely dangers far from anything I know in Florida around here."

Sadly, I used to live in Florida, and the poisonous sap was probably coming from a tree called "Poison Wood" that is indigenous to Florida...Kind of like scorpions and pumas are.

The First Immunity Challenge was a team race up a tower, under an obstacle, and then over three walls where four people from each team then had to solve a puzzle to win.

Despite an early lead for Coyopa, Hunahpu ended coming from behind to win Immunity

Heading into Tribal Council for Coyopa, Dale wanted to target Nadiya based upon her ruthless strategy on the Amazing Race.

Meanwhile, the girls all tried to align and target Dale, who they thought was the weakest of the male competitors on their tribe. Fittingly, Josh, the gay guy entertained both plans, and seemed to be the swing vote.

At Tribal Council, Nadiya took an optimistic approach saying, "When given lemons, make margaritas." However, she also kept calling Josh her "girlfriend," although he noted in private how that is a term that people should never say to him even though he's gay.

If there's anything that John Rocker and a gay guy from New York City could possibly bond over, it's that they're both "pitchers." 

In the end, Josh stayed out of the male/female drama and cast an androgynous vote for Baylor, and Nadiya was sent back home to India.


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Survivor: San Juan del Sur — Meet The Cast



Survivor - San Juan del Sur: Blood vs. Water is upon us, which means that the contestants will once again be competing against their loved ones.

And while there are no returning players on this season, the cast is mostly made up of former beauty queens, athletes and other wanna be celebrities.

Twists this season include the return of Exile Island, as well as the premier of ex-MLB pitcher John Rocker as Survivor's racist villain...but only because Russell Hantz was too busy making some really important repairs to his Camaro to reprise that role this season.

Actually, I'm pretty relieved that CBS did not cast another member of the Hantz clan (and when I use the term clan, I mean it literally), because we were about a season away from having enough little inbred rednecks running around to form their own returning players tribe.

Fortunately, we were saved from having to experience that reality show...At least for now.

Now let's get to know the contestants and break down their pros and cons based upon their official bios on the CBS website.

Missy Payne - A 47-year-old owner of a competitive cheerleading gym in Dallas.

Missy Payne

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: Well, she owns her own cheerleading studio, so good for her.

Cons: Then again, I'm pretty sure that every middle aged woman in Texas owns a competitive cheerleading gym...Or at least that's how I envision things down there.

Baylor Wilson - A 20-year-old musician currently living in Nashville. Missy's daughter.

Baylor Wilson

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: Baylor was part of the 2009 World Champion Cheerleading team, which means that she's used to guys looking up at her crotch. 

Cons: Not only is Baylor the youngest player in the game, but she's clearly on the show just to promote her musical career. In fact, I highly doubt that "Baylor" is her real given name considering that she's an aspiring country music singer from Texas. Then again, I imagine a lot of people in Texas name their offspring after ultra conservative Southern Baptist universities. In fact, Oral Roberts comes to mind.

John Rocker - The 39-year-old ex-Major League Baseball player from the sticks of Georgia.

Despite all his faults, John Rocker still has his fans. 
John Rocker don't like him no immigrants, gays or queers. 

Tribe: Coyopa.

Cons: Consider Rocker's racist remarks to Sports Illustrated about why he'd hate playing for and living in New York.

"I'd retire first. It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 train to the ballpark looking like you're [riding through] Beirut next to some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing… The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?"

Pros: He recently followed his original ignorant comments up by blaming the Holocaust on gun control laws...Oh wait, that's not exactly a "Pro," is it?

Julie McGee - A 28-year-old actress, model and spray tan business owner from Atlanta. John Rocker's girlfriend.

Survivor contestant Julie McGee

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: Well, she technically is a professional, I guess.

Cons: By spray tan business owner, Julie really means "stripper."


Nadiya Anderson - A 28-year-old cross-fit teacher from New Jersey.

Survivor contestant Nadiya Anderson

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: Claims that her social game needs work because she and her sister don't care what people think about them.

Cons: Has already competed multiple times on The Amazing Race.

Natalie Anderson - A 28-year-old cross-fit teacher from New Jersey. Nadiya's twin sister.

In case you can't tell them apart, Natalie Anderson is the Indian one. 

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: Has already competed multiple times on The Amazing Race.

Cons: Claims that her social game needs work because she and her sister don't care what people think about them.

Reed Kelly - A 31-year-old Broadway performer and model.

Reed Kelly's penis, "The Gimp."

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: He's Clay Aiken's ex-boyfriend, so he's basically proven that he can put up with just about anything.

Cons: I'm guessing that when he signed up for Survivor he was just trying to put in a request for a Destiny's Child song at karaoke.

Josh Canfield - A 32-year-old actor, singer and writer from New York City. Reed Kelly's boyfriend.

Josh Canfield

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: His boyfriend describes his game as being similar to Lisa Whelchel's, only I'm assuming in a non-ultra religious pro Proposition 8 kind of way.

Cons: Josh is either willing to accept Clay Aiken's sloppy seconds, or he actively sought out Clay Aiken's sloppy seconds. Either way, I just wish that it was actually Clay Aiken competing on the show instead of Josh.

Jon Misch - A 26-year-old financial assistant from Waterford, MI. 

Survivor contestant Jon Misch

Tribe: Hunapu.

Pros: A former football player at Michigan State who earned the nickname "The Missile" for his tenacity.

Cons: In Michigan, when most people say they are dating Miss Michigan it means that they are in a relationship with their hand (you know, because Michigan is shaped like a mitten). In John's case, he actually likely to be getting hand jobs from the real Miss Michigan, which could distract him from the game.

Jaclyn Schultz - A 25-year old Miss Michigan winner who's currently living in Las Vegas where she currently works as a media buyer. John Misch's high-school sweetheart.

Miss Michigan and Survivor contestant Jaclyn Schultz

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: She's hot.

Cons: She's a pageant girl, so she's not as hot as she thinks she is.

Drew Christy - A 25-year-old traveling sales representative for his family's business in Winter Park, FL.

Drew Christy getting his "Zoolander" on.

Tribe: Hunapuh. 

Pros: Expect his abs to get more air time than either of the Anderson twins.

Cons: In addition to his role with his family's business, he's also an aspiring male model, His bio also suggests a competitive relationship with his younger brother, so I'm thinking that he may have less loyalty to his blood than the other contestants, which would be a disadvantage.

Alec Christy - A 22-year-old student and lacrosse player at Florida Gulf Coast University. Drew's younger brother.

Alec Christy playing lacrosse at Florida Gulf Coast University.

Tribe: Coyopa. 

Cons: Lists a Playboy magazine as one of the luxury items he wishes he could bring with him on the show.

Pros: Perhaps if Alec really had a Playboy with him maybe he wouldn't fall victim to any of the aspiring vixens this season, which I see as a potential problem for him.

Jeremy Collins - A 42-year-old fireman from Foxboro, MA.

Jeremy Collins

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Pros: Lists his claim to fame as making it as a player in the Arena Football League as a player despite never having played football in college.

Cons: While he claims that he'll be a beast in competitions, Jeremy's black, so he may or may not be able to swim, which could be a problem when it comes to Survivor.

Val Collins - A 35-year-old cop from Foxboro, MA. Jeremy's wife. 

Val Collins

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: She's a cop, who seem to do well in reality shows like Survivor.

Cons: Her claim to fame is her family, which is probably more of a depressing fact than a "claim to fame."

Wes Nale - A 23-year-old firefighter from Shreveport, LA.

Wes Nale and his 'Bama hair.
Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: He has John Parker Wilson hair (a/k/a "Alabama hair")?"

Cons: The guy calls himself "Big Wes" on Twitter, which would kind of be like Kim Kardashian calling herself "Smart Kim."

Keith Nale - A 53-year-old fire captain from Winter Haven, FL. Wes's father. 

Keith Nale

Tribe: Hunahpu.

Cons: He's old.

Pros: He has a really bitchin' mustache.

Dale Wentworth - A 55-year-old farmer from Ephrata, WA.

Dale Wentworth

Tribe: Coyopa.

Pros: Dale's Twitter name is "FarmGuy69," which should get him plenty of attention on FarmersOnly.com.

Cons: He's playing with his hot daughter, who probably didn't need to know that he threw the number 69 into his Twitter handle.

Kelley Wentworth - A 28-year-old marketing manager from Seattle. Dale's daughter. 

Survivor contestant Kelley Wentworth in her bikini.

Tribe: Hunapuh.

Pros: You don't find many rednecks from Seattle, but she seems to be making it work for her.

Cons: Will the hot girl factor be negated by being on the show with her dad?