Thursday, April 17, 2014

Blogging Survivor: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty - "If any person in the world could decide, you know, to be ugly or cute, most would pick cute"

This week's Survivor began with Spencer pissed off that fellow Brain alliance member Kass flipped their Brains alliance.

Spencer snarked, "She'll go basically wherever her estrogen takes her, not where her brain takes her," which actually was a pretty accurate assumption.

On the other hand, Kass was pretty proud of herself for playing a key role in Sara's eviction.

"It's like I pulled off a hat trick on Survivor. I got rid of the girl that I wanted to get rid of, and two big lugs played their Idols."

Of course, Kass neglected to think about how she put a target on herself in the process of settling her score with Sarah. 

Then again, the way that all women end up hating each other when they live together, I doubt that Kass really even cared...She got her victory when Sarah couldn't even figure out who the person who blindsided her was.

While you would have thought that Kass would have been content with her rival Sarah out of the game, she quickly aimed her menstrual cycle straight at Morgan when she accused her of being mean to her. 

On the other hand, Morgan thought that her treatment of Kass was just par for the course. "I think she's been ignored and made fun of all her life, so she should be used to this."

Morgan then went on to show how she viewed herself.

"With Kass, I feel like she's just a bitter, ugly old lady, and this sounds really conceited, but I think she hates me just because I'm cuter than her."

Then again, pretty much everyone is cuter than Kass...Well, except Trish.

Of course, Morgan was forgetting that she was once much like Kass herself, at least before she found that guy who bought her those huge fake boobs and let her pluck her eyebrows until they turned into worms that lived under the surface of her forehead.

Morgan McLeod: Maybe her inability to forget her pre-plastic past was part of the problem.

The Reward Challenge divided the competitors into two teams where they had to run through a land/sea maze, retrieve a box full of puzzle pieces, pull those pieces over a wall, and then solve a puzzle.

LJ, Spencer, Morgan and Jeremiah ended up winning the reward, which turned out to be a feast from Outback Steakhouse, even though they were in the Philippines and not Australia.

And considering that I have to poop within minutes every time that I eat at an Outback that actually has a bathroom, I'm pretty sure than the winning team had some interesting moments in the jungle considering they hadn't had any real food in weeks.

When it was announced that there was a new Hidden Immunity Idol with "special powers" somewhere around camp, it set off a bevy of treasure seekers more frenzied than a bunch of meth heads near an abandoned building with copper wiring.

Of course, it was Spencer, who was still at the Outback feast, who got the clue to that Idol in his napkin.

However, Wu noticed how Spencer snuck off on his own after he arrived back at camp, so he secretly followed him.

And as the two crossed paths, Wu asked him if he was out on a walk. And when Wu noticed that Spencer had left his pants behind and tried to toss them back to him, his clue to the Idol fell out.

That caused Wu to take the clue and bolt with Spencer chasing after him in hot pursuit, which went to prove that even Asian dudes are faster than white guys. 

Arriving back at camp first, Wu shared the clue with the rest of his alliance, which set off yet another Easter egg hunt for the ages, if only the Easter Bunny pooped Immunity Idols instead of colored eggs.

Or as Tony said, "You know it's bad when Morgan, the girl that you can't tell if she's a pillow or a person...You know it's serious when she's up off her ass."

According to Tony, Morgan McLeod apparently only gets up off her ass when she's down on her knees.

However, despite everyone's best efforts to get a blow job from Morgan, Spencer still ended up finding the Idol first. Worse yet, Kass was standing right next to him when he found it, but was completely oblivious.

The Immunity Challenge required the competitors to stand on their toes while pressing a block on their head against a ceiling without dropping it, which was a clear advantage for all of the girls who wear high heals, and Tony.

Somehow Spencer manged to outlast Tasha after nearly two hours and won Immunity.

Full of piss and vinegar after helping to eliminate Sarah last week, Kass went on to brag how she practices law by "trial by ambush," which not only was a tactic last used by Perry Mason, but is something that 99.9% of all BAR Associations would consider unethical.

At Tribal Council, Kass put Morgan on the spot for her lack of effort around camp, which was something that she hardly tried to deny. 

"LJ and Jeremiah, they took real good care of us girls in the beginning, just like waking up with a full pot of rice, and I got used to it."

That caused Jeff Probst to ask, "I'm going to guess that you're sort of used to that back home too?"

Morgan not only affirmed Jeff's assumption, but she went on to make herself look like a total materialistic bitch.

"Absolutely, I'm used to things being easier for me, not having to work that hard to get things...If any person in the world could decide, you know, to be ugly or cute, most would pick cute."

Morgan McLeod chose cute over ugly the day she let some schmuck buy her fake boobs.

In the end, Kass held firm and did not re-join her former Brains alliance and voted out Morgan, who didn't even seem at all disappointed to be leaving the game.

And it wasn't because she seemed miserable, but more likely because it simply didn't mean anything to her after she was able expose her breasts...I mean get some exposure on national TV.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Blogging Survivor: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty - "There are Idols, because I got one"

This week's Survivor began with tension at the Aparri camp. More specifically, Kass basically told Sarah, the swing vote in the event of a merge, that she didn't trust her.

"Show me blood on your hands from a former tribemate, and then we'll talk."

Sure enough, a merge was announced, with Solana packing up and joining the Aparri to form the new Solarrion tribe, with Aparri outnumbering Solana 6-5, assuming Sarah held rank with her new tribe.

Of course, Tony and LJ both had Hidden Immunity Idols for Solana that nobody else knew about to at least make things a little more interesting.

The old Solana tribe saw Sarah as their only hope, banking on her prior "Donuts r' Us" alliance with Tony, even though he basically dumped her for Trish when the tribes were initially re-drawn.

When Tony approached Sarah, or as he calls her, "Say-wha," she refused his request to "swear on her badge" that she'd be loyal to him.

She instead elected to remain the swing vote, or as she and the boys in her precinct back in Missouri call it, a "Sarah sandwich."

And like everything in the south, a "Sarah Lacina sandwich" tastes like catfish.

While Sarah elected to remain loyal to her new Aparri tribe members, she also demanded that they target either LJ or Wu in the first Tribal Council after the merge.

That kept her at odds with Kass, who for some reason wanted to target the weaker members of the Solana tribe.

That didn't go over well with Sarah.

"I think it's completely idiotic to pick a fight with me. I'm not saying let me be the princess and walk on eggshells around me, but the last thing you want to do is piss me off."

Sarah went on to say, "I can do whatever I want. You want to pick a fight with me? I'll flip over with those other guys, so don't test me, because I will put you in your place and send you packing."

I just wanted to get as many Sarah Lacina pictures in as I could before her dumb ass got voted out.

On the other hand, Kass didn't like the fact that Sarah was calling the shots, apparently forgetting the part where she was the swing vote and could just as easily go back to her original alliance and flip the post merge numbers.

"Who made her queen? I can't even look at her, I just want to punch her sometimes."

Kass next proceeded to get pissed off at Tasha, who was simply trying to keep Sarah on board so as not to lose their majority numbers.

"I totally think that Tasha took Sarah's side in the argument. What the heck?"

The first Individual Immunity Challenge of the season consisted of balancing on a triangular water platform, where the contestants could only use their feet to hold onto narrow wooden strips of wood.

Wu won Immunity, which was good, because he was one of the two primary targets for elimination.

On the other hand, Morgan McLeod did her past to overcome a built in obstacle...Top-heaviness and wide "birthin" hips.

Back at camp, Sarah began to power trip about being the swing vote saying, "I will make the decision on who goes home next, I'm the President."

With the old Solana tribe coming to the realization that Sarah was not going to flip from her new alliance, they decided to target Kass given the rift that they had witnessed between her and Sarah.

Or as Kass said, "I know she's going to destroy the game, I wanna have the preemptive strike. I want to destroy it!"

Sarah then did her best to discredit any testimony she may ever given in the future as a witness in a criminal trial. 

"Tony and I have a relationship because he's a police officer, and I'm a police officer. But he is the biggest threat in this game. He observes everything, he's sneaky. He's just like me, and I would get rid of me if I could."

At Tribal Council, LJ played dumb and suggested that there may not be any Hidden Immunity Idols in this season's game.

That caused Tony to blurt out, "There are Idols, because I got one."

Spencer dared him to show his hand by asking, "You wanna pull it out?"

That caused Tony to drop trow as he proudly exclaimed, "Why don't you look at these six faces right here, look what's going on right here Jeff," as the old Aparri tribe scrambled to change their vote.

And after the vote, Tony decided to give his Idol to LJ by saying, "Hang on Jeff, I'd like to cover Tony's ass myself," assuming that's who Aparri had decided to change their vote to after they saw his Idol.

Crazier yet, LJ pulled out the Idol that he had secretly possessed and gave it to Tony, which officially made them married in the Philippines.

But as the Solana tribe celebrated the genius of their play, they quickly realized that Aparri had changed their vote to Jefra, not LJ, as Jeff Probst read off the vote.

I'm not saying that Jefra Bland is a poorer, whiter trash version of Emily Maynard from the Bachelor...Well, actually I am.

However, Kass came through for the Solana tribe, as she flipped on her six person alliance with Aparri.

And while that saved Tony and LJ's ass, the only use they got out of their two respective Immunity Idols was the joy they got from the giggles and high fives they gave each other after they played them.

On the other hand, Sarah went from being drunk with power over the former Aparri tribe, to being completely blindsided.

Not realizing that she had irritated Kass to the point that she flipped on her own original "Brains" alliance, Sarah was so shocked that she actually had to ask, "Who flipped?" and then, "I don't know why Kass flipped." 

Of course, Jefra was sure to point out who the guilty party was in front of everyone by saying, "Kass, Kass, thank you!"

2014 NFL Mock Draft: Post Free Agency

Here is my Post Free Agency 2014 NFL Mock Draft. It will be followed by regular updates up until the NFL Draft on May 8th.

My mock draft has been linked by The Football Fan Spot, Sports Jabber, DC Pro Sports ReportWalter Football, FF Toolbox,, The Football ExpertFantasy Football Help Desk, The Huddle Report, Niners Nation, EDS Football, NFL Mock Draft Central and NFL Pro Zach in their Mock Draft Databases.

1st Round

1. Houston Texans – Jadeveon Clowney, DE, South Carolina:

Should the Texans draft a franchise QB like Johnny Manziel, or should the select a higher rated player like Jadeveon Clowney even though DE is not a position of need?

One one hand, the Texans aren't rebuilding, so they could use a QB like Johnny Manziel who could step in and help them win right away. On the other hand, Jadeveon Clowney is a once in a lifetime talent who's too good to pass up regardless of what position he plays and how he fits in the Texans 3-4 scheme.

I find it funny how some people have criticized Clowney's motivation and work ethic. This kid was supposed to be the clear cut #1 pick heading into this year's draft after his sophomore season, and he made no attempt to hide the fact that he did not want to remain in college for another year. Clowney made little attempt to hide the fact that he played last season not to get hurt, which explains his perceived lack of effort and production, especially against lesser opponents. Then showed up at the Combine and blew everyone away.

2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Mathews, OT, Texas A and M:

Do the Rams stay put at #2, or can they trade down and accumulate additional picks?

Ideally, the Rams could trade down a few spots and still land the impact LT that they so badly need. However, the only player that I really see as worth trading up to the #2 spot for is Jadeveon Clowney, and in this scenario he went #1 to the Texans. That leaves the Rams to take Jake Mathews at #2 unless another team really covets Sammy Watkins, Khalil Mack, or one of the QB's.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars – Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A and M: 

Will the Jaguars address their need for a QB in the 1st Round?

Much like the Browns, Jacksonville owner Shad Khan has already disclosed that he intends on finding a new quarterback for the Jaguars. The Jaguars will face perhaps the toughest question in the draft in deciding whether or not to draft that QB at #3, or whether they take another impact player like Sammy Watkins or Khalil Mack. As it turns out, "Johnny Football" is the only marketable draft candidate who can serve as the face of the franchise when Khan ultimately moves the Jags to London.

4. Cleveland Browns - Sammy Watkins, WR, Clemson: 

Is there a more dysfunctional franchise in all of pro sports right now than the Cleveland Browns? 

Having blown through two head coaches and two GM's in just over a year, it's been rumored that the Browns will pass on a QB at #4, and instead focus on David Carr or one of the top QB's who might fall when they pick at #26. While that's not a bad strategy in theory, when you have a pocket full of draft picks to work with and your best QB in the past 25 years has been Derek Anderson, it's probably best not to shop in the bargain rack. 

5. Oakland Raiders - Khalil Mack, DE/OLB, Buffalo:

Will the Raiders pass on a QB?

At one point it looked like the Raiders might miss out on a chance to select the top three QB prospects at #5. Now it looks like they might even have a chance of having their pick of them should they so choose. However, John Clayton has reported that the Raiders are not expected to select a QB in the 1st Round, I'm guessing because GM Reggie McKenzie is trying to win a few games now and save his job rather than doing the prudent thing and rebuilding. Either that, or he truly believes that Oakland was just six or seven aging veterans away from being Super Bowl contenders.

6. Atlanta Falcons – Greg Robinson, T, Auburn: 

Will the Falcons target a LT or a OLB/DE in the 1st Round?

If Atlanta is looking for a DE/OLB for their new 3-4 defense in the 1st Round, it's looking more and more like they'll have to trade up to get one of the elite prospects like Jadeveon Clowney or Khalil Mack. That leaves the Falcons looking at a LT. Whether it's Jake Mathews or Greg Robinson, the Falcons desperately need help at OT, and either would immediately represent a much needed upgrade over current LT Sam Baker.

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Mike Evans, WR, Texas A and M: 

Will Tampa Bay be better than they were last year?

Despite being very active in free agency for the second straight year, it seems like Tampa Bay simply made a lot of lateral moves. Likewise, Mike Williams finally wore out his welcome in Tampa Bay after his brother stabbed him in the thigh, so now they need to use a high draft pick to replace him. A big WR like Mike Evans would be an ideal replacement...Well, either Evans or Plaxico Burress.

8. Minnesota Vikings – Blake Bortels, QB, Central Florida: 

Will the Vikings land their franchise QB at pick #8, or will they wait until the 2nd Round to find a signal caller to develop?

Unless one of the top three QB's falls to #8, the Vikings could wait until the 2nd Round to find a signal caller of the future. As of right now, Bortels might be too attractive of an option to pass up if he's still available when the Vikings at pick.

9. Buffalo Bills – Taylor Lewan, OT, Michigan: 

What position represents the best value for Buffalo in the 1st Round?

Buffalo could go for an OT in the first round, or they could target an OLB, TE or WR. If a legitimate LT like Taylor Lewan is still available, the Bills could move Cordy Glenn to a more natural position like RT or even G where he could put his physicality to better use. Unlike a true LT, the other positions can be filled later in the draft.

10. Detroit Lions – Anthony Bar, LB, UCLA: 

Would the Lions really trade up for Sammy Watkins?

Don't mistake the Lions doing their due diligence on Sammy Watkins for an interest in trading up to the #2 spot to select him, because that's not going to happen. If Mike Evans is off the board, I'm starting to think that Detroit will pass on a CB even if they have their choice of Justin Gilbert and Darqueze Dennard. The Lions would really like to improve their pass rush, and OLB Anthony Barr may be the three down "flamethrower" that new defensive coordinator Teryl Austin is looking for at the SAM position.

11. Tennessee Titans – Justin Gilbert, CB, Oklahoma State: 

Do the Titans have the personnel to transition to a 3-4 defense?

Akeem Ayers and Zack Brown are both LB's that appear better suited for a 4-3 defense, but it's probably too early to given up on them without giving them a shot at rushing the passer first. Justin Gilbert would give the Titans a cover CB who can not only replace Alteraunn Verner, but should allow the rest of the Titans defense to play more aggressively.

12. New York Giants – Aaron Donald, DT, Pittsburgh: 

Will one of the elite T's drop to the Giants at #12?

The Giants offensive line is a complete mess, and drafting a LT would be the best place to start to address that problem. However, the Giants will be hard pressed to find a true starting caliber LT on the board when they pick at #12. High motor DT Aaron Donald of Pittsburgh seems to be a player that many GM's are clamoring for.

13. St Louis Rams - Darqueze Dennard, CB, Michigan State:

Will the Rams draft a WR in the 1st Round?

WR's have historically been devalued in Jeff Fisher offenses, so look for the Rams to sit back and address other needs with their two picks in the 1st Round. St. Louis could stand to upgrade their secondary at both CB and S. With Darqueze Dennard grading out higher than any of the safeties on the board, CB would be the most logical pick for the Rams with their second selection in the 1st Round.

14. Chicago Bears – Timmy Jernigan, DT, Florida State: 

Which DT are the Bears targeting?

Timmy Jernigan of Florida State or Aaron Donald of Pittsburgh would seem to be a perfect fits for the Bears as the type of disruptive and penetrating DT who could replace Henry Melton at the "3-Technique."
15. Pittsburgh Steelers – Louis Nix III, DT, Notre Dame: 

Is a NT worth a mid first round pick?

The Steel Curtain is broken with holes at key positions like NT, S and OLB. Louis Nix III would have to be a strong consideration at NT given Steve McLendon's inability to stop the run last season in a failed bid to replace Casey Hampton. With age and injuries limiting Troy Polamalu's playing time and effectiveness in recent years, Ha Ha Clinton-Dix of Alabama could also be an intriguing option at S.

16. Dallas Cowboys - Kony Ealy, DE, Missouri:

Why did the Cowboys demote Monte Kiffin if they are still going to play a "Tampa-Two" style defense?

Dallas finally realized the deficiencies in Monte Kiffin's "Tampa Two" defense given their lack of appropriate personnel, so they replaced him with (wait for it)....Monte Kiffin...I mean Rod Marinelli. The fact of the matter is that the four most important positions in the "Tampa Two" are DE, DT, WLB, and S, and the Cowboys still have glaring needs at three of those four positions. While Kony Ealy may be a bit of a reach at #16, Dallas doesn't have much of a choice given the other options that are available...And no, while re-signing Anthony Spencer might be a step in the right direction, it wouldn't be an answer to that problem either. 

17. Baltimore Ravens – C.J. Mosley, ILB, Alabama:

Should the Ravens draft a WR or a LT?

Daryl Smith adequately filled the shoes of Ray Lewis last season, but Baltimore lost another MLB in Jameel McClain this off season. With the addition of Steve Smith at WR filling one need, ILB C.J. Mosley could help bring the Ravens defense back to being an elite unit. Plus, Baltimore GM Ozzie Newsome is an Alabama grad who loves his fellow Crimson Tiders/Elephants.

18. New York Jets – Kelvin Benjamin, WR, Florida State: 

Will one of the top WR's fall to the Jets at #18?

If the Jets want to add another WR via the draft, they will likely be looking at the second tier of the projected 1st Round prospects. However, word has it that they are very intrigued by Florida States Kelvin Benjamin, who despite his concerns about his work ethic, route running and blocking has scouts drooling over his side, speed and potential.

19. Miami Dolphins Zack Martin, T, Notre Dame: 

Would the Dolphins draft Taylor Lewan after the Ritchie Incognito scandal?

The Dolphins addressed the left side of their offensive line in free agency, but still could stand to add another piece or two to the puzzle on the right side via the draft. Zack Martin has the ability to play either RT or RG, giving Miami some much needed flexibility. 

Even if Taylor Lewan of Michigan happens to be on the board, I can't see him being a consideration for Miami given that he has been charged with battery and is being questioned in connection with allegedly intimidating the victim in a teammate's rape investigation in two separate incidents.

20. Arizona Cardinals – Calvin Pryor, S, Louisville: 

Should the Cardinals reach for a tackle?

At #20 Arizona can either reach for a T or take the best playmaker available at another position of need. The Cardinals would probably be better served by going the BPA approach and getting value at a position like WR or S. A big S like Calvin Pryor would not only fill one of their needs, but provide the Cardinals with better value than any of the remaining OL candidates. They could also consider the explosive Brandin Cooks to play slot receiver and draw some coverage away from Larry Fitzgerald.
21. Green Bay Packers - Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, S, Alabama:

Where should the Packers go in the draft to help their defense?

The lack of a playmaker at S was a huge problem for Green Bay last season. Ha Ha Clinton-Dix of Alabama would give the Packers some much needed range and ball-skills in the back end of their defense.

22. Philadelphia Eagles - Brandin Cooks, WR, Oregon State:

Can the Eagles afford to use their 1st Round pick on offense?

Philadelphia could use a S to take over starting duties from Nate Allen and an OLB, but they also created a need at WR by releasing their best big play threat, DeSean Jackson. If Calvin Pryor and Ha Ha Clinton-Dix are both off the board, the Eagles could turn to Oregon State WR Brandin Cooks. While there should still be plenty of quality WR's still available in the 2nd Round, only Cooks has the explosiveness to adequately replace Jackson.

23. Kansas City Chiefs - Eric Ebron, TE, North Carolina:

Should the Chiefs draft a TE or a WR?

Kansas City could go in several different directions in this year's draft such as S, CB, WR, TE or DL. With Alex Smith in need of another receiving target, WR could be an option. However, the Chiefs could satisfy the same need at better value should TE Eric Ebron of North Carolina fall to them at #23 in the draft. In fact, a TE with receiving skills may even be a better fit for Alex Smith than a WR considering the conservative west coast passing scheme that the Chiefs employ.

24. Cincinnati Bengals - Bradley Roby, CB, Ohio State:

Will the Bengals find a DB worth drafting at #24?

On paper the Bengals look good at CB, but they are aging and injury prone. Leon Hall is coming off his second Achilles injury, and pro athletes aren't always lucky enough to come back after one Achilles injury, let alone two. Bradley Roby of Ohio State struggled at times last season, but he has the size and speed at CB that NFL teams covet.

25. San Diego Chargers - Dee Ford, OLB/DE, Auburn:

Should the Chargers improve their defense or draft a T?

With the versatility to excel at OLB in a 3-4 defense, Dee Ford would give the Chargers a much needed edge pass rusher. CB and T could also be considerations depending on who might fall to the later part of the first round, but in this scenario, a pass rusher like Ford represents the best value of any remaining player.

26. Cleveland Browns (from Indianapolis) - Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville:

Should the Browns wait until their second pick in the first round to draft a QB?

The Browns could be gambling if they wait until their second pick in the 1st Round to try and find their new franchise QB. Their ideal situation would have one of the top QB's like Teddy Bridgewater or Derek Carr falling to pick #26, but Cleveland also needs to be aware of other QB needy teams trading back into the 1st Round and taking a signal caller in front of them, which could leave the Browns standing empty handed with a pocket full of draft picks when it comes to the QB position.

27. New Orleans Saints - Kyle Fuller, CB, Texas Christian:

Will the Saints solidify their secondary, or go for the best player available?

With Patrick Robinson coming off of an injury, the Saints could really use some depth at CB, if not a starter. While Kyle Fuller is not of the caliber of a Justin Gilbert or a Darqueze Dennard, he is a big corner with the man-to-man cover skills that NFL teams value too much for him to slide into the 2nd Round.

28. Carolina Panthers - Odell Beckham, Jr., WR, LSU:

With Jordan Gross retiring and Steve Smith having been released, do the Panthers need to draft a LT or a WR in the 1st Round?

While the Panthers now have a huge need at LT after the relatively abrupt retirement of Jordan Gross, their needs at WR have reached crisis mode after their release of all time franchise player Steve Smith. Given that they'd be reaching for any of the remaining OT's this late in the 1st Round, the Panthers should select the most explosive WR left on the board and target an LT like Joe Bitonio in the 2nd Round.

29. New England Patriots - Ra'Shede Hageman, DT, Minnesota:

Will Bill Belichick ever draft a WR in the first round again?

With Vince Wilfork aging and injury prone, New England can use a disruptive DT to either play along side or ultimately replace him at NT. Ra'Shede Hageman's size and versatility make him an ideal fit in a Bill Belichick defense. In fact, after playing in relative anonymity at Minnesota, he could end up being the steal of the draft.

30. San Francisco 49ers - Donte Moncrief, WR, Mississippi:

Who's the best fit at WR for the 49ers?

The 49ers biggest obstacle to returning to the Super Bowl are their division rivals, the Seahawks. The best way to counteract Seattle's super-sized secondary is with quickness, and that's where an explosive player like Donte Moncrief in the slot could help not only negate the size advantage in the Seahawks' secondary, but possibly even turn it into a liability.

31. Denver Broncos - Stephon Tuitt, DE, Notre Dame:

While the Broncos have needs at ILB and G, are either of those positions worth using a 1st Round pick on?

Denver would be better off waiting until the 2nd and 3rd Rounds to address their needs at ILB and G. While the Broncos did a great job of beefing up their defense in free agency, with Derek Wolfe coming off of a spinal injury they could still stand to add a versatile DE/DT like Stephon Tuitt to their rotation.

32. Seattle Seahawks - Marqise Lee, WR, USC:

Will the Seahawks trade up to improve a position of need, or choose the best player available at #32?

The Seahawks have relatively few weaknesses after winning the Super Bowl, although they did suffer some losses at DE, WR and T in free agency. Marqise Lee of USC would seem like an ideal replacement for Golden Tate if he happens to fall to the end of the 1st Round.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

SURVIVOR: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty - "You disgust me. Everything about you is annoying, your laugh, your teeth, your face."

This week's Survivor began with Trish trying to make amends to the rest of the Solari Tribe for blindsiding Cliff. 

But when an upset Lindsey warned, "You guys just screwed up majorly," Trish couldn't contain how ugly she was.

"Let me make this really clear to you moving forward. I don't respect you because this is a team moving forward, and I don't like you."

And after Trish said that, Lindsey lost her shit and went the fuck off:
"You know what, you disgust me. Everything about you is annoying, your laugh, your teeth, your face. Everything about you I cannot stand, so how bout you just back off a little bit, and shut up and not talk to me for a little while...I think that your annoying, I think that your terrible, I think you might be the most horrific person I've ever met in my life."

Trisha on Survivor's teeth...Advantage Lindsey!

However, after that exchange Lindsey walked off into the wild in nothing but her bra and underwear, which was apparently enough to bring Jeff Probst out of the wood works.

Unfortunately, Lindsey informed Jeff that she wanted to go home because she was afraid that she was going to hurt Trish.

"I'm going to flip out on her...I need a million dollars more than anyone here...I'd rather cost me a million dollars than for my daughter to see her momma like that."

And while I believed her, that just seemed to fuel Tony's ego.

"Just as we expected, you turn the head and the body always follows. She was the body, Cliff was the head."

LJ tried to explain the same thing in terms that Southern people could understand. "That obviously was a huge volatile zit waitin' to pop."

The Reward Challenge consisted of a series of 1-on-1 battles, with the competitors trying to hold on to an Idol on platform while trying to knock their opponent's off.

The Solana Tribe ended up winning, with the reward being a chance to raid the Aparri Tribe for supplies.

Solana elected to send Woo and Tony, who took Aparri's  blankets, pillows and fishing gear.

They also decided to give "a clue" to the Hidden Immunity Idol to Jeremiah in order to make him a target, especially since the clue wasn't even for his tribe.

But since Tony and Woo took the clue with them, Jeremiah had no way to prove it.

Once Tony got back to Solana's camp, he was so proud of himself that he finally told the rest of the tribe that he actually was a cop instead of a construction worker...Like there's a difference.

Or as LJ said, "So to solidify that Tony is trustworthy, he told us he lied. Different."

With everyone blurting out the truth, Trisha apparently felt compelled to join in, because she yelled, "I'm going to admit something to you guys that I haven't admitted, I'm really a man!"

And sadly that just confused me, because I was pretty sure that everybody already thought that Trisha was dude.

The Immunity Challenge required the teams to race through an obstacle course, maneuver a key through rope maze, chop through a rope to get puzzle pieces, and solve that puzzle to get the winning combination.

But when Solana ended up winning, Tony yelled, "Top five, we made the final five!"

That caused his Donuts r' Us alliance member Sarah to notice, "I wasn't standing over there, so I think that's a pretty tell tale sign that I'm not included in their future plans."

So much for swearing to each other on their badges.

Of course, even with five on his side and Aparri going to this week's Tribal Council, Tony still didn't have numbers going forward, as Solana still had them outnumbered 6-5. 

Even the intellectually challenged Jeremiah noticed saying, "Tony made the dumbest mistake on Earth by yelling out 'Top Five.'"

At Tribal Council Alexis got blindsided, meaning the last two hot girls both left unexpectedly. I guess I'll have to see if I still have it in myself to blog again next week.

Alexis Maxwell posing in her underwear


Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Blogging Survivor: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty - "He always asks her to shake her butt"

This week's Survivor began with the Nerd Tribe in shambles.

Or as Kass said, "We're not the Brain Tribe, we're the crap for brain tribe. Just a rolling log jam mess, with a couple of nerds on top."

However, when the teams arrived fore the Reward Challenge, Jeff dropped a bombshell, "All right everybody, drop your buffs," as he announced that the three original tribes would be merging into two new ones.

The three nerds stayed together, while adding Morgan, Alexis, Jeremiah and Sarah to form the new Aparri Tribe. Meanwhile, Cliff, Wu, Trish, Jefra, LJ, Lindsey and Tony joined forces to form the Solana Tribe.

The new tribes then participated in the Reward Challenge where the teams sent out pairs of two to try and remove an opponent who had wrapped themselves around a pole, and then drag that opponent to the finish line the fastest.

Unfortunately, the reward wasn't all that great, as all the winners got was some coffee, sweets and a case of the shits.

The new Solana Tribe ended up winning because Aparri was unable to pry Cliff off the pole two times in a row.

That made me think that the Aparri Tribe probably should have put Morgan up on their pole, because like Cliff, I'm pretty sure that once she gets on that pole, she's on it for life.

Talk about an amazing Reward Challenge, Morgan McLeod nearly popped a boob, while Lindsey Ogle got an ass wedgie!

After the merge, Trish set her sights on the much younger LJ. "I think LJ's a really handsome guy, but I could be his mother. I mean, I'm not Ms. Robinson."

And LJ saw that as an opportunity to stay in the game.

"If for whatever reason I'm a draw to somebody who's a little bit older, that's single, and you know, who's been through a lot of stuff, whether it's the sex appeal...I'm going to use it to save myself."

Lindsey was less than impressed with Trisha's "Fire Marshall Bill" impersonation.

"Trish totally exaggerates her laugh around guys, and it makes me sick. I mean, you're 50 years old, stop trying to get attention from 20 year old men.

Trisha was much funnier when she was "Fire Marshall Bill."

Alexis approached former Brain Tribe members Kass, Tasha and Stewart about joining up with them, while throwing Morgan and Jeremiah under the bus.

Morgan had the same idea, and tried to throw the bus right back on top of Alexis.

"LJ and her like cuddle together every night, and he always asks her to shake her butt. She like prides herself on being able to Twerk really well."

Then again, I don't know that Morgan's attack was quite as hard hitting as she thought it was, because if I was in a tribe with Alexis, I'd probably ask her to shake her butt too.

Of course, Jeremiah made it three when he volunteered to jump shit and leave the former Beauty's in order to align with the pathetic Nerds, who like redheads, were all but extinct heading into the merge.

Meanwhile, Jefra and LJ went the other direction, and lobbied to join up with the former Brawns.

Jefra Bland doing her best to lobby for a new alliance.

The Immunity Challenge required the tribes to use a log as a battering ram and blast through two walls, and then navigate that log through a table maze.

Aparri ended up winning Immunity, while Tony asked in disbelief, "How did that happen?"

Sure enough, Tony targeted LJ for eviction, as did the rest of the former Brawns. Or as Lindsey said, "Trisha is up his ass."

However, Trish wanted to get rid of Cliff because he was "Shady," even though he wasn't, and when she told LJ of her plan, he seemed to think that he was safe enough not to play his Idol.

At Tribal Council, Lindsey declared how the former Brawns needed to stick together regardless of pecking order, as they needed numbers heading into a merge.

Lindsey Ogle: Talk about sticky buns!

For some reason LJ decided not to play his Idol, which turned out to be the right move, because Cliff got blindsided when Tony and Trish both decided to vote against him.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Blogging Survivor: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty - "I'm not surprised they voted me out, I threw all of their rice away."

This week's Survivor began with the first pure Reward Challenge of the season.

That challenge required each tribe to select a caller to guide two blindfolded teammates through an obstacle maze in order to collect five items, and then hoist them up to a platform along with their tribe's flag.

As it turned out, the maze turned out to be a little more hazardous to the men than the women. 

Or as Jeff Probst winced, "The one spot you want to avoid, LJ just took it square on!"

And while LJ tried to use his hands and the items he had retrieved as a makeshift cup, he took at least two more shots straight to his gnards.


The Beauty Tribe ended up winning, but all victories come at a price. And for LJ, that price was one of his testicles.

The Brains not only narrowly lost out on first place, but they blew second place as well because of J'Tia, who like a raccoon, apparently didn't know how to let go of the flag that they simply needed to place on their hoist and pull it to the top.

Back at the Beauty Tribe, Alexis, along with the rest of her camp seemed confused about where baby chickens come from, making it perplexing how people like The Beauties manage to reproduce in general.

Alexis went on to ask, "Does a rooster have to get it on with one of the hens to make eggs? So what's the rooster for?"

Much like the chicken, Alexis Maxwell hopes to one day reproduce asexually, but if that doesn't work, she's got her ass working overtime to attract a more traditional traditional mate.

With the Beauties deciding on a chicken dinner and instant gratification over sustained sustenance in the form of a steady supply of eggs, Jeremiah ripped the head off of one of their four chickens.

Sarah decided that she wanted to eliminate the likable Cliff, so she concocted a plan with fellow cop Tony to throw the Immunity Challenge and showed the world how honorable cops are.

In fact, at one point Sarah asked Tony to swear on his badge to her, which he later said in his confessional meant absolutely nothing to him.

However, Sarah and Tony may have gotten just a little too far ahead of themselves when they proclaimed, "Two cops in the end? You've never seen that! Donuts r' Us!"

Of course, the Immunity Challenge was in part a basketball challenge, and Cliff was a former NBA All-Star, so you do the math.

The objective of the challenge was for each tribe to dive into the water, release five buoys, and then shoot the buoys one by one into a basket the fastest.

Sadly, Morgan McLeod got confused and unhooked her bra, thinking that her fake boobs were the buoys that she needed to release.

Fortunately, the guys were able to throw those around just as well, because the Beauty's won.

And even with half of the Brawns Tribe secretly trying to throw the challenge, they finished in...Second, because J'Tia and the Brains were just that bad.

That caused Sarah to say, "We tried so hard to blow that challenge. Seriously green tribe, I tried to help you out, but that team sucks!" Of course, Sarah could have been just as hard on herself for being so bad at throwing a challenge.

Spencer basically performed every task for the Brains at the challenge, but lamented the fact that he was still on the hot seat because the weaker girls were in control of the vote heading into Tribal Council.

"The worst part about being on this tribe is that the girls have succeeded in putting themselves in a power position. The problem is by doing that, they've run the tribe into the ground."

However, Kass and Tasha finally seemed to realize that they needed a stronger tribe, and that they should probably get rid of J'Tia to have a chance to survive.

But then in the same breath they seemed to reconsider, talking about how they valued J'Tia's loyalty in the even that a merge or re-draw of the tribes came sooner rather than later.

Tribal Council began with Jeff Probst absolutely speechless about how pathetic the Brains had performed so far in the game. 

J'Tia tried to deflect the accusation that she was weak performer.

"I think what she said is that I've been the weakest in challenges, I don't think that she said that I'm the weak link, that's the big difference. In Survivor, it's not just outplay, it's also outwit, so you have to think about that." 

Of course, J'Tia might have wanted to think about how she also threw her tribe's entire supply of rice in the fire before she tried to redirect the attention to her social game.

Jeff took note of how Kass and Tasha seemed to be having a private conversation amongst themselves while Spencer and J'Tia tried to plead their cases.

Neither of the two even tried to hide the fact that they were working together, with Kass saying, "If I'm a viewer, I'm yelling, 'Don't do something stupid Tash, don't do something stupid Kass!' The question is, what is stupid?"

While all of America knew what the stupid move would be, Kass still seemed completely confused as to what to do.

And when they eventually deciding to keep Spencer, it wasn't really even much of a decision.

Hell, even J'Tia knew what the smart play was saying, "I'm not surprised they voted me out. I threw all of their rice away, and I was weak in the challenges."

Sadly, with that move, the "Brains" seemed to think they "strengthened" their tribe.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The Bachelor Blog - "Oooh, I'm glad I didn't pick her."


This week began with Chris Harrison promising that the finale of Juan Pablo's season would be pretty much just like the

"Tonight we are watching what promises to be the most controversial finale in Bachelor history. You know, I never use that word."

Chis also built up a "surprise" that Juan Pablo promised during The Girls Tell All episode, which obviously could have been just about anything besides an appearance on Dancing with the Stars considering that all the male dancers are gay, and Juan Pablo is an admitted  homophobe.

The final two women, Clare and Nikki, remained in Saint Lucia where they met with Juan Pablo's family.

First up was Clare, who did her best to show Juan Pablo's family how little personality she had. After all, she billed herself up as being half Hispanic, yet never spoke a work of Mexican on camera.

Her lack of personality aside, Juan Pablo busted out the Batch-Copter for the first time all season in order to charm Clare into bed for something like the third time while she was on the show.

But as the copter landed, Clare mentioned how Juan Pablo had whispered something to her without any of the cameras or microphones on them.

"What I though twas going to be sweet kind loving words was not what came out of his mouth."

"That he doesn't really know me, and some sexual thing I don't want to repeat."

While ABC bleeped out what it was, by reading Clare's lips it's safe to say that the sexual thing that Juan Pablo said rhymed with, "You were a great fuck."

And if there's one thing that a girl who defines herself by using her sexuality to get what she wants doesn't want to hear, it's how good she is at it.

Clare was in deep thought about the incident when Juan Pablo later returned back to Clare's room, and she caught him off guard when she wouldn't give him any "besitos," or the kisses from her that he was expecting.

That's when Clare told Juan Pablo that she was offended by what he had whispered when they were on the Batch-Copter, as she tried to remind herself that she'd never let herself be some guy's fuck toy ever again.

However, knowing that Clare was completely insecure, Juan Pablo was able to charm her back into his arms when he told her, "I know if I end up with you, we're going to have a baby in like a year and two months."

Sure enough, Clare went from breaking up with Juan Pablo to gushing, "I know that he wants me here!"

Back before a live studio audience, Sharleen chastised Clare for ignoring her women's intuition and staying with Juan Pablo even as he continued to patronize her, noting how she was able to stay with her even though she patronized him.

Next up to meet Juan Pablo's family was Nikki, who made the questionable decision to wear a backless dress that exposed her tattoo of a pooping bird, which she explained by lying and saying that she was part Native American.

Nikki Ferrell: I just have an overwhelming urge to get a pen and color that pooping bird tattoo in.

Juan Pablo's family didn't exactly give Nikki a ringing endorsement...Of  him. 

Specifically, Juan Pablo's mom told her, "I am 'pretty sure that he's ready for this," before saying "he's not easy."

Meanwhile, his cousin Roldolfo warned Nikki how he has a tendency to walk away from relationships when things get tough, obviously referring to Camilla's mom and how much the rest of the family loved her.

Of course, we still weren't sure that Juan Pablo was feeling Nikki. 

And when Juan Pablo said, "I have to figure out how I feel about her, but there's something that tells me, 'she could be the one,'" those weren't exactly words that endorsed her as a front runner coming from a guy who was something like one day away from potentially proposing to her.

Nikki Ferrell

While Juan Pablo managed not to insult Nikki like he did Clare, he said he still had concerns about how she felt about him.

But when Nikki wrote Juan Pablo a letter telling him how much she loved him, he just kissed her on the head and started to leave the room, which caused her to break down in tears as she was forced to wait one more day for his final decision.

Nikki and Clare traveled by boat in their finest hoochie dresses to await a potential proposal from Juan Pablo, which as my fiance noted, there's nothing like a humid, windy boat ride to make you look your best (or worst) as you may or may not get proposed to on national TV.

When Clare got off the boat saying, "I'm nervous," Juan Pablo told her, "It's okay," to the groans of everyone in the audience...Or at least Andi.

Clare delivered a long speech to Juan Pablo before she realized that was supposed to be quiet and let him propose.

However, Juan Pablo pooped in her Easter basket when he ultimately told her, "I have to say good bye to you."

Of course, that didn't go over so well with Clare, who pushed him away saying, "I lost all respect for you," noting how he had just reassured her and told her how he could see himself in Sacramento and the two of them having babies just one night (at least in TV time) earlier.

However, Clare wasn't done telling Juan Pablo off adding, "I'll tell you what...What you just made me go through, I would never want my children having a father like you," to which Juan Pablo replied, "It's okay."

And as Clare stormed off, Juan Pablo completely won the audience over by saying, "Ooh, I'm glad I didn't pick her." 

When Chris Harrison took a page out of Juan Pablo's book by asking her, "Is it okay?" Clare snapped, "No," and then mumbled something like, "Don't tell me that you love fucking me."

After Juan Pablo's smooth break up with Clare came Nicki, who was expecting to get an engagement ring.

Nikki Ferrell arrived wearing a dress with a slit all the way up to her slot.

But instead of giving her an engagement ring, Juan Pablo kicked her right in her nuts.

"Honestly, I have a ring here in my pocket, and I'm not gonna to use it. I'm not 100% sure that I want to propose to you, but at the same time, I'm a 100% sure that I just don't want to let you go."

Even worse, after telling Nikki that he didn't feel strongly enough to propose to her, Juan Pablo insulted even further with a consolation prize that was essentially the equivalent of asking her to the 6th Grade Dance.

So when Juan Pablo finally told her, "I like you a lot, a lot," before asking, "So, Nikki, will you accept my final rose," my only surprise was that he asked her in person instead of having his cousin Roldolfo pass her a note.

Clearly not happy to settle for a "I like you a lot," but apparently wanting to rub her rival Clare's face in not winning, Nikki surprisingly told Juan Pablo, "Absolutely."

During the After the Final Rose episode, Chris Harrison asked Clare the rhetorical question, "Why didn't you leave," ignoring the obvious answer of how she's completely desperate for male attention, having grown up in a house full of women even more beautiful than she is.

Clare elected not to speak to Juan Pablo saying, "It was so liberating to be able to stand there, and say it's not okay," apparently forgetting the part where she was ready to accept his proposal had he been stupid enough to offer her one.

When it was Juan Pablo's turn to get interviewed, he came out  to music, which I suspect was done to drown out the audience's boos.

Kelly Travis was in the audience to announce that she was going to be...suing the plastic surgeon who cut off the end of her nose.

In our first indication that things behind the scenes had gone horribly wrong this season, and I mean horribly wrong in a Flight mh320/Emily Maynard kind of way, Juan Pablo interrupted Chris Harrison and snapped, "Can I speak?"

Juan Pablo apparently revealed the "surprise" that Chris Harrison had promised at the start the show when he declared that he and Nikki were actually still a couple.

Nikki came on and surprised the audience by saying that while she's still in love with Juan Pablo, he was yet to tell her that he loved her in the four months since the show last filmed.

Ignoring that obvious red flag, Nikki tried to justify their relationship by saying that while Juan Pablo may not say it, he "demonstrates it in his actions."

With Juan Pablo and Chris having some sort of standoff on national TV "Chris went on the offensive and decided to grill Juan Pablo, antagonistically asking him, "So you love her?

That caused Juan Pablo to get even more defensive by saying, "I'm not going to answer that question to you," before he looked at Nikki and announcing, "We're done with this show. We are so done."

With Juan Pablo receiving more boos after cutting Chris Harrison off once again by saying, "I said before, when you interrupt me last time," he put his arm around Nikki and kissed as if to say, "fuck you."

By then a clearly perturbed Chris turned his attention away from Juan Pablo and Nikki and whatever there relationship status might be by declaring, "I don't know what I'm looking at!"

He then came out of the commercial break by sarcastically saying, "We are live tonight with Nikki and Juan Pablo. As we can clearly see they're engaged and clearly in love, congratu..."

That's when Juan Pablo gave the first hint of some type of behind the scenes rift by saying, "We had plans that had to change drastically two weeks ago when we taped the women tell all," only saying that the change was due to some private information that he received from Production.

As it turned out, the reason that Juan Pablo was so pissy was because he had what he thought was a spot on Dancing With the Stars yanked by ABC because of his derogatory comments towards gays and Emily Maynard's retarded daughter, lil' Rickie.

Things got so bad that even Juan Pablo's "friends" from the beginning of the year, Sean Lowe and Catherine Guidicci, turned on him by the end of the episode.

As when Juan Pablo referred to Sean saying how he just wants to keep things private now that the shows over, Sean said, "I don't want to burst your bubble, but it's not private after the show. It'll still be public."

Catherine was even more cognizant of where her paychecks were coming from, warning Juan Pablo, "Don't slap the hand that fed you."

Chris finally left things by telling Juan Pablo and Nikki, "I'm going to say congratulations, I hope," before adding, "Another season of the Bachelor has come to an end...Not going to lie, I'm moving on."

And sadly, that was before he even introduced Andi as the new Bachelorette...Because apparently ABC gets better ratings when America hates the Bachelor/Bachelorette.

Sharing a mutual hate for Juan Pablo, Chris joked to Andi. "I just want to clear things up, you do know that this is going to be on television, don't you?"

Andi tried to act shocked that she was picked saying, "I never thought in a million years that this would happen to me,"

Of course, that didn't mean that she wasn't hoping, lobbying, and throwing Juan Pablo under the bus bus while trying to get that nod.

And while I don't agree with Andi being picked as the next Bachelorette, if that gets her redneck father Hy more camera time, I guess I'm all for it.