Wednesday, March 25, 2009

ANTM Cycle 12 - Makeovers!!!!

I know that I'm a few episodes behind. I'm going to burn my Tivo and get caught up as quick as I can. But let's take some time and go over the best episode of every cycle, the makeover! Here is a brief overview of what Tyra had in mind for each of the girls:

Jessica - Sensing that she needed an "edge," Tyra took her short and red.

Sandra - The nasty mohawk is gone. Sandra immediately embraced her shaved blond look to compliment her ivory African smile.

Allison - She was told that she deserved to have big blond hair to compliment "those eyes, those eyes, those eyes!"

Nijah - Her weave was exaggerated.

Fo - Given that "cute doesn't cut it" for a model, they cut Fo's hair off. This caused Fo to be the model that had the meltdown over her new look.

Celia- With her hair in the way of her cheekbones, they made her a short platinum blond, causing her to proclaim that she was "liberated."

Aminat - They took out her "weave-fro" in favor of a more "Naomi like" weave. Comedy ensued when Ms. Jay wore her old weave like a boa in a fake runway walk.

Kourtnie - In spite of her fake tan she was made a red, which blended in perfectly with her NASCAR groupie neck.

London - They took her to a short platinum blond, which I have to say totally transformed her into a contender.

Natalie - After freaking out when she was told they were going to cut her hair, she was told that they liked her just the way they found her. They should have shaved the bitch bald just to spite her.

Teyona - Tyra decided that she needed some Jerry Curl in her life (to make her more black???), only to decide by the end of the episode that it didn't work and that she would need a redo.

Tahlia - Went from brown to a big blond weave.

After the makeovers, the girls had a "light yourself and find the camera" photo shoot in which they were to self direct and shine hand held lights on themselves. Teyona, in spite of her Jerry Curls, nailed her pose and finished first. Celia was called second after overshadowing the primary models when she posed in the background and "just getting it" when she was the primary model. Allison finished a solid third for her unique look and ability to find the camera.

The final two models called were Fo and Jessica. This was one of ANTM's classic wake-up calls, as Fo was taken to task for having a meltdown over her new look while all the Judges felt that it only enhanced her ability to compete. On the other hand, Jessica's beauty was just not showing through in her photographs, and she was sent home.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

ANTM Cycle 12- A Black On Black Cryin' Shame

Well, it's time for another cycle of America's Next Top Model. This season starts off with 34 applicants in Las Vegas, who will be narrowed down to 21, and then 13 before the finalists get to move on to New York City. Starting off at Caesar's Palace, the show went with a "Goddess of Fierce" theme.

Upon arriving, the girls were immediately asked to dress up in gold strapped heels, a white goddess dress, and show their goddess runway walk to help narrow the field down to 21. There was no real surprises in the cut down to 21, as of 34 initial applicants the camera really only gave air time to about 3 of the girls who ended up getting cut, and they were mainly the odd-balls like Monique, the "conspiracy theorist" who believes that FDR staged the Pearl Harbor attack so the U.S. could get involved in World War II. While she referred to herself as a "killer poser," when asked to demonstrate that skill her poses seemed as if she was leaning against a wall in a crooked room.

So as the girls headed towards the cut down from 21 to 13 with a "goddess" photo shoot, I have to say that one of the things that I most look forward to in America's Next Top Model is the inevitable dynamic when the A-type personality African American girls gang up on scared naive white girls from small towns and make them cry for their insensitive and ignorant comments. I mean, who DOESN'T love seeing a racist girl with an eating disorder in tears? This dynamic is not just unique to America's Next Top Model, as Coral from MTV's the Real World has proven that one can make a career out of it if you are bad-ass enough. Hell, a former Top Model contestant even pulled it off in real life when the cameras weren't rolling, so it can't just be for the publicity.
So imagine how shocked I was when in one of the pre-cut down photo shoots, the two A-type African American girls went after each other! Remember girls, united we stand and divided we fall. Anyway, here's some excerpts of how it went down:

Angelea, who desperately wants to make it out of the mean streets of Buffalo and avenge her daughter's death, rolled her eyes during Sandra's photo shoot. Sandra, who is initially from Kenya, immediately confronted Angelea and called her a "long nail (referring to her Flo-Jo's), you don't have any class whatsoever, so, therefore I do not have no time for you!" Out of desperation, Angelea tried to hit Sandra with a, "bitch you got ugly ass corns" while pointing at her feet. After they traded dueling "talk to the hands" at point blank range, Angelea had to go directly to her photo shoot where she was asked to pose as the "goddess of love." Sandra smirked as it was clear that their fight clearly broke Angelea's focus. Breaking down in tears, Angelea stated to the camera, "Sandra, she knows I'm competition, that's why she's trying to pull my buttons.....I don't want people to think I'm just this ghetto-ass, ghetto-fied, you know, low class bitch who don't care." Meanwhile, Sandra was all smiles. Guess who didn't make it past the cut down for the final 13?

And without further adieu, here is a quick overview of the girls who made it to the final 13:

Aminat - "The Amazonian." At 6'1 and in 4 inch heels, she took it to new heights with her self proclaimed 3 inch 'fro.

Natalie - "The rich girl." She declared that her family is rich and that she has never worried about money. Jay loved her "legs and length," so I guess that makes up for her everyone hating her for her personality.

Fo - "The blaxican." A self described hippie tree-hugger of of black and Mexican descent. Her brilliant freckles remind me of when I was a young "blaxican" model, making her one of my early favorites. She was once told as a child that "someone got a screen and just threw dog poop on (her) face." I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that she has a quick wit about her. She also needs your support.

Tahlia - "The burn survivor." A swimsuit pose revealed burn scars all over her stomach and legs. Her confidence and cheek bones should get her through the first few competitions in spite of her obvious limitations due to her scars.

Celia - "The Kentucky woman." She was absolutely hideous looking in a childhood photo that they showed, and she's not that pretty now, but she looks weird and seems like a trouble maker. My guess is that she'll stick around for a while if I know my Top Model.

Nijah - "The Prom Queen." Not much really stood out about Nijah. A middle of the packer.

London -The "street preacher." This girl loves telling random people about Jesus. I just can't wait to see how she reacts at their first semi-nude photo shoot.

Allison - "The porcelain doll." She has a self described obsession with hemophilia and nose-bleeds (apparently she has never had one). When Tyra declared that she used to get nose-bleeds all the time, Allison's creepy doll eyes grew two sizes as she excitedly blurted out, "JEALOUS!" Her unique look will make her a strong contender if she is able to pose for the camera at all. I just hope that for the love of street preachers none of the girls get their period while she is still in the house or things might get ugly.

Teyona - "The dreadneck." An African-American country girl/tomboy from New Jersey who is just now realizing that she is pretty. Ms. Jay loved the elegance of her face. She seems like she'll get along with everyone.

Kourtnie - "The plus-sized NASCAR groupie." She once dated Dale Earnhardt, Jr., who is perhaps the biggest redneck on the planet. Apparently NASCAR fans accused her of being a groupie. All I can say is that if you are at the ass end of a relationship with Dale Earnhardt, Jr., well.....NEXT!

Isabella - "The epileptic." Isabella is on medication for grand mal seizures. As Tyra said in one of her Tyra voices, "I just want to buy cornflakes from her, but model fierce cornflakes." I have no fucking idea what that meant.

Jessica - "The Puerto Rican." Ms. Jay says that she has perfect skin, but don't we all.

Sandra - "The go-dess." Not only is she cocky and mean, but Tyra loves her dark complexion, calling her "straight out of a British fashion show." She also apparently has some sort of bone above her eye that all models should aspire to have, and that all women from California should try to replicate through plastic surgery. It is clear that Sandra is going out of her way to be this cycle's villain.

So as we move to hour two of the season premier of Cycle 12, we learn that the girls will be living in the Empire State Building. Fo notes her fear of heights and describes becoming nauseous on their 80 story elevator ride (I think I'm in love). The contestants learn that there are only 12 beds for 13 girls, and Sandra is the odd girl out until London volunteers to sleep on the floor since she loves Jesus and all. She also notes that she is confident that she will be getting a bed back real soon.

The girls compete in a "naughty and nice" runway walk, and then a "beloved childhood" games photo shoot where they are surrounded by "girls gone bad" extras. Sandra proclaims that she nailed her walk, not realizing that she walked only half way down the runway before turning around. At judgment, Allison gets called first for having the best photo, followed by Fo who was the runner up. Isabella, who was described as looking like "a little person" at her photo shoot (and the panel was absolutely correct in that statement), was one of the last two models called and put up for elimination. After receiving comments that her runway walk was "the biggest disappointment," and that her photo shoot was disappointing too, Sandra was also left on the block. Sandra got a wake-up call and was spared from elimination, but was told to be more creative. Perhaps she should work on scaring some white bitches next week.

After watching the first hour of the episode (up until the girls left for New York), I had already chosen Fo and Allison as the girls that I'm pulling for. Sandra is the obvious villain, and Celia has the potential to step into that role as well, although she blended in more than I thought she would after the initial cut-downs. There were a lot of girls who didn't get too much camera time this week, so I'll probably pick another girl or two to follow more closely in the upcoming weeks.

We also learned that ANTM is casting for Cycle 13, with the unique twist that you have to be 5'7 or under to apply. You wanna be on top?