Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Big Brother 15 Blog - "I'm not gay, but if I was, I would tear him apart!"

Click here to get the most up to date Big Brother 15 Blog posts

The season of Big Brother began with the introduction of several twists.

The first of which being that host Julie Chan is not pregnant for the first time in fifteen seasons of the show, mainly because Maury Povich's prostate finally gave out.

Other twists included the announcement that there would no longer be two contestants. nominated for eviction each week, along with America's Vote selecting a "Player of the Week."

That caused the house's resident stoner, McCrae Olson, to surmise that there would only be one contestant nominated for eviction, temporarily forgetting that would defeat the purpose of having a weekly vote.

And it's the new Player of the Week, not the HOH, who gets the "Super Power" of secretly being able to nominate a third player up for eviction.

Finally, and most significantly, Big Brother After Dark has moved from Showtime to TVGN.

Big Brother After Dark cameras pick up pageant queen Aaryn Gries giving her fake boobs one final check before she left the bedroom and went out to flirt with the guys.

Why is this significant, you might ask?

While I initially thought this was great since I didn't subscribe to Showtime and I actually get TVGN, it actually turned out to be a nightmare.

Being somewhat OCD, I now feel compelled to watch two hours of live Big Brother feed EVERY fucking night, which is stressing out my DVR space...Plus all the bad words are bleeped out, so it's virtually impossible to follow any conversation.

As the house guests were introduced, Howard chose the finest white women available and promptly left the house...Unfortunately, black guys have horrible taste in white women.

With GinaMarie Zimmerman's ass in hand, Howard Overby is already a winner on Big Brother 15.

Ellen Kim described walking into the Big Brother house like "Meeting your favorite celebrity of all-time," which was obviously the show's host, Connie Chung.

Butt-hole surfer dude David Girton had an immediate physical attraction to one particular person on the cast.

"I like to look at myself in front of the mirror and just like hold my peck and see how hard it is and touch my abs. I love the ladies, and the ladies love me."

David went to add, "I definitely can't leave home without my v-necks to show my pecks, but yeah," as he lost his train of thought while provocatively rubbing his nipple.


We all now know that David Girton thinks pretty highly of his pecks, but what the fuck is up with his obsession with playing with his own nipples?

The in-house chemistry didn't stop with just David and his salt-kissed, rock-hard nipples.

Kaitlin Barnaby let us know that she was all about bagging a gay guy. "OMG, Andy's so cute! I was hoping for a gaymance this summer!"

And if this prospective relationship goes through, it will put an end to the notion that the "Hag" is inversely proportionate in hotness to her "Fag."

Real physical attractions also started to develop. For example, Jeremy really seemed to like Kaitlin, Amanda was really into Nick, while McCrae was all up in Howard's nether-parts.

Or as McCrae said, "This guy is absolutely jacked, he is cut from stone. I'm not gay, but if I was, I would tear him apart!"

And the while stoner pizza delivery boy Fry, seemed to fool Amanda, Ellen and Andy into thinking that he was secretly some sort of genius on the down low, Rachel Reilly's free-riding sister wasn't fooling anybody.

Even the mentally challenged Judd Daughtery seemed to pick up on the resemblance between her and her sexually transmitted sister, but only in his own way.

"So, Elissa looks a little bit familiar...I kind of want to get to the bottom of it."

It was only after Candice said, "That girl looks like Rachel Reilly's sister...She looks just like her, like lips and her eyes" that the light finally clicked on for Judd, or as he likes to call himself, the J-U-double re!"

"So I thought Elissa looked familiar, and then Candice said she looked like Rachel Reilly, and then it just dawned on me, she's Rachel Reilly's sister!"

A strong initial alliance formed between Nick, Spencer, Jeremy, Howard and God. And while I could be wrong, I believe the ultra religious Howard named their group "The Disciples."

Drunk on people who actually pretended to like him, Jeremy went on to make another alliance with Jessie and Elissa, just in case somebody needed to be evicted from the Jury House at some point.

The seasons' first HOH competition was an endurance contest, that involved hanging onto Popsicles this longest, which made Rachel Reilly's sister the clear favorite to win, and she was only using her mouth.

And literally, before the contest even began, Spencer Clayton (or is it Clayton Spencer) was showing us his "Southern" or "Plumber's Smile."

Proving that white guys from the South talk a good game that they can't back up, Judd dropped out after just of 5 minutes. 

Despite possibly being the most buff guy in the house, Howard went out next.

Of course, he had a built in excuse. "Look at these arms, I can hang on to a giant Popsicle as long as I want to, but I didn't want to come across as big of a threat, so I threw it."

And if that was Howard Overby's way of saying that he's "on the down low," I think McCrae Olson just may be interested.

Meanwhile, Jessie somehow seemed able to hang on to her Popsicle immaculately, causing Aaryn to question, "Are your Kegel's holding on to that Popsicle?"

Surprisingly, Jessie Kowalski and her "Polish pussy" was able to hang to her Popsicle even when she let go with her hands!

That caused a stunned Jeremy to almost drool when he said, "Never in my life have I wanted to be a Popsicle so bad."

However, Jeremy didn't turn out to be as strong as he thought he was and he immediately started making excuses. "The challenge to me is, I have 210 pounds to hold up. I may have these guns, but gravity's not my friend,"

Sure enough, Jeremy dropped out after playing what he claimed to be a "Cherokee Mind Game" with David, which apparently involved not doing very well in battles and drinking heavily. 

Did I say Jeremy McGuire was Native American? Because the Native American's wouldn't claim him even when he was a white kid put up for adoption to a white couple.

And as Jeremy was busy making excuses about why he wasn't as athletic as he claimed he was, David seemed more worried about his hair than winning HOH.

"My hair would have to be, definitely, be my prize possession. If all these Big Brother competitions are going to be like messing up my hair, I don't know, like - I don't know."

"Angry Bird" David Girton is "definitely" mistaken if he thinks that he has "good hair."

In the end, Nick ended up making a deal with McCrae where he wouldn't go up for eviction in any shape or form in return for dropping from his Popsicle.

That caused McCrae to forget all about his job at the local pizza place and go for an endorsement deal with Digiornos by coming up with an awesome catchphrase and yelling, "Pizza boy's delivering baby!"

Big Brother 15 Power Ratings - Each week I'm going rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after Episode 1:

16. Elissa Slater - With the house realizing on day one that Elissa looks like her sister, Rachel Reilly, there's probably not much she can do at this point. However, there's even worse news for Elissa....She looks just like her sister.

At least Elissa Slater learned something from her famous Big Brother alumni relatives. Her brother-in-law Brendan Villanueva taught her to bend over and take it like a man...Then again, so did her sister, Rachel Reilly.

15. Jessie Kowalski - Jessie seems like the girl who maxed out back in high school and still thinks way too highly of herself. "I was varsity swim team, I was captain of the cheerleading squad in Junior High. Girls are always jealous of me because of my great personality and good looks."

Girls who have "great personalities,""good looks" and who wear shirts without bras like Jessie Kowalski aren't  usually unemployed, single, or the first ones on the nominating block unless they have some serious flaws.

14. Candice Stewart - A black girl who was adopted and raised by white parents, Candice took the worse traits of both females from both races...Competing in pageants and trying to date pro athletes.

Candice Stewart: She got some crazy in her eyes...Plus she's fat now.

13. Helen Kim - As the old chick at 37, Helen seems a little too reclusive and a little too interested in having sex with Candice to aspire to be anything more than a floater...And that's her best case scenario.

12. Kaitlin Barnaby - Kaitlin seems like a bitchy mean girl, but aside from Aaryn, she doesn't have any other bitchy girls to bond with.That probably won't get her very far in this game, not unless she and Aaryn can bond with Jessie and turn some of the boys, or at least turn some of the boys on.

On the other hand, Kaitlin Barnaby's boobs are really, really nice!

11. Aaryn Gries - Trying to prove her grittiness, Aaryn claimed, "I am the ultimate Texas girl, I have no problems getting my hands dirty." That is, except for the part where she's a prissy pageant queen who actually won the title of Miss Teen Colorado International, which should probably just be shortened to Miss Teen Colorado*

Then again, Aaryn Gries really might be a tomboy from Texas...They even had to blur out the penis between her legs when she was riding this 4-wheeler.  

10. Andy Herren - Andy is either laying low and analyzing the competition, or he's totally boring and intimidated by the rest of the cast.

Much like Aaryn, Gina Marie and Candice, Andy Herren made  the obligatory pageant face with spirit fingers upon being introduced to the house.

9. Judd Daughtery - Judd's not the sharpest catfish in the shed, but at least he seems entertaining to the other house guests based upon his stupidity. For example, Judd talked about his hobbies back home.

"I'm just a good ole boy, and around these parts everyone calls me 'J-U- double D, party darty!' I like to frog gig, I like to fish, and I like to cook-out with all my friends."

He went on to say, "I hope they have some hot Italian women in there from Staten Island in there, that's something that I'm not used to here in 'East Tennessee,'" you know, because hot Italian women definitely love them some guys who can gig them some frogs.

Crazy enough, not only were there two girls from Staten Island in the house, but "East Tennessee" became an official state in protest of Obama being elected President.

But despite all of his faults, at least Judd was socially aware. "I was kind of thinking that people might think that I'm the dumbest guy in the house, and then I meet David (Girton), and maybe that's not going to be the case after all."

8. Gina Marie Zimmerman - This aging porn model immediately sought the ultra religious Howard, literally mounted him and said, "I'm from Staten Island, we like out muscle. This guy definitely got some muscle."

She went on to add, "I'm GinaMarie, I'm from Staten Island, and these are real," making her the only girl from Staten Island with blond hair and real boobs. 

Is that a cleavage piercing, or does GinaMarie Zimmerman have genital herpes on her fake boobs?

7. Amanda Zuckerman - I can't get a good read on Amanda yet. She seems very personable, but also very polarizing, meaning I can see her sharp sense of humor rubbing people the wrong way...And by people, I just mean Jeremy.

6. David Girton - David introduced himself to the house by saying, "I'm David, I'm a beach lifeguard, and, yeah..."

David Girton lost his train of thought before he could tell everyone that he played Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Rex Manning in Empire Records.

5. McCrae Olson - Saying, "I don't aspire to anything aside from being the best damn delivery boy there's ever been," I can't say that McCrae has set his sights on anything higher than co-starring in a Jenna Jameson porno.

Unfortunately for McCrae, I'm talking about the current meth'd out Jenna Jameson, not the hot Jenna Jameson back when she was only drunk and coked up. On the plus side I don't think McCrae would care, and he may have found his way into the all guy alliance.

Well, by going in "black face" McCrae Olson can probably rule out the Digiorno endorsement gig, but the porn role with Jenna Jameson may still not be out of the question.

4. Howard Overby - If the ultra religious Howard turns out to be the leader of the all guys alliance, does that make him Black Jesus? Does that make GinaMarie his whore?

Honestly, I'm still impressed by Howard Overby's one-handed catch of GinaMarie Zimmerman and her ass when she lunged at him...It's kind of like he was just palming a basketball.

3. Spencer Clawson - Spencer is overly dramatic with his quotes, kind of like Lane and Kentucky Joe, who thought that being loud in the confession room would magically make what they were saying interesting. On the plus side for Spencer, he seems tight with a pretty strong alliance to start the summer off.

2. Jeremy McGuire - Jeremy is also in strong with the guy's alliance, but he just puts out this psychopathic vibe, like he wouldn't think twice about skinning you alive with a buck knife or dealing your cards from the bottom of a stacked deck if you rubbed him the wrong way.

Jeremy McGuire keeps talking about how he's Native American. His tattoos are a tribal symbol for "Giant Douche Bag."

1. Nick Uhas -Nick appears to the the ringleader of the all male alliance. The way he looks and the way he acts kind of reminds me of the best player in Big Brother history, Dan Gheesling. Now let's see if he can live up to that comparison.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

The Big Brother 15 Blog - Meet The Cast

Click here to get the most up to date Blogging Big Brother 14 posts

Finally, a new season of Big Brother is upon us, which is the official sign that either Rachel Reilly or one of Russell Hantz' relatives stop drawing unemployment and starts listing their occupation as "best reality show villain ever."

This season's twists for Big Brother include putting three house guests up for eviction each week instead of two, which will only make it easier for dominant alliances since they can take an extra vote away from the minority side simply through the nominations.

The show will also allow America to vote for a "Big Brother MVP" each week, who will then receive some sort of secret power. I'm just hoping that "Retard Super Strength" is one of the options.

Now let's get to know the contestants and break down their pros and cons based upon their official bios on the CBS website, as well as anything I can find on them from their social media pages.

Nick Uhas: Originally from Columbus, OH, Nick now lives in New York City where he claims to be an entrepreneur.

Pros: This kid is like ADD on crack...He'll have no problem talking to people.

Cons: Despite what he says in his profile, Nick appears to be an Ivy League Graduate (Yale). He's also a burgeoning actor, having appeared in many popular shows and movies. Nick's either downplaying his career, or he's a habitual bullshitter. Either way, he's on the show just looking for his 5 minutes of fame.

Actor Nick Uhas: I vote to give him Big Brother Super Power in the form of an American Apparel t-shirt and some underpants so we don't have to see his pubes.

Spencer Clawson: A train conductor from Arkansas.

Pros: I'm not sure if he's gay or not, but Spencer sure looks like a "Hair Bear." He even lists James from Season 6 as his Idol, so any gay contestants should take an immediate liking to him.

Cons: Spencer claims to be a polarizing personality, and given that he's from Arkansas I can't see him having the social skills to do well in a house full of young Type A personalities.

Spencer Clawson: The "Hair Bear."

Jessie Kowalski: An unemployed single dog mom from Beaumont, TX.

Pros: Jessie's a pretty face, but she's probably more ideally suited to appear as a contestant on the The Bachelor.

Cons: Since Jessie lists her iPhone5 and her dog as the things she'll miss the most about being in the house, she may not be emotionally prepared to play the game.

Jessie Kowalski: If you look closely, her finger and toenail polishes don't match, which suggests a major character least coming from someone who has to have his underwear match his outfits.

Kaitlin Barnaby: A bartender from Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Pros: Kaitlin seems pretty hot, and while she lists herself as "single," her Facebook pictures suggest otherwise. That should lead to some uncomfortable moments for her (former) boyfriend back home when she eventually hooks up with Nick or Jeremy. (Editor's note, the remaining house guests revealed that Jeremy confirmed that he indeed ended up having sex with Kaitlin while they were in the Big Brother house).

Cons: Kaitlin appears to have some serious "daddy issues," as she considers overcoming her family problems to become what she is today (a bartender) to be a one of her biggest triumphs in life, throwing Spencer and McCrae into the list of guys she might hook with.

Kaitlin Barnaby's boyfriend appears to have out kicked his coverage, so I'm guessing that she'll have no problem ditching him for the first pretty boy on the show who tries to use her for her vote...I mean sex.

Jeremy McGuire: A 23 year-old boat shop associate from Katy, Texas.

Pros: Being that he's from Katy, Texas, I was afraid that Jeremy might in some way be related to Russell Hantz, but he doesn't appear to be a dwarf.

Cons: Claiming that he's never watched Big Brother (but his mom has), I have to wonder what Jeremy's motives for coming on the show are.

Helen Kim: Helen is a 37-year-old political consultant from Chicago.

Pros: Helen lists her least favorite player in Big Brother history as Rachel Reilly, whose sister is a contestant this season...So that should make things interesting.

Cons: Helen seems to come from a very close nit and conservative family...Plus, being that she's Asian, she apparently didn't make the cut to be on Survivor.

Helen Kim:

Elissa Slater: A nutritionist, mom and Jesus freak from North Carolina (go figure).

Pros: A legacy contestant selection...She's Rachel Reilly's sister.

Cons: She's Rachel Reilly's sister.

Elissa Slater: Fortunately, Elissa appeared on Big Brother one year too late, or there would have been an outside possibility that Rachel Reilly's sister could have hooked up with Russell Hantz's brother...And there's not enough genital wart cream or restraining orders in the world that could have prepared us for that unholy union of reality trash.

Amanda Zuckerman: A real estate agent in Florida, but originally from Long Island.

Pros: Unlike the other girls, she's never competed in a beauty pageant, appeared in Maxim, or hawked herself for anything other than her real estate business.

Cons: I'll give her three months before she's appearing topless in Maxim.

Amanda Zuckerman: Okay, so she's never held the title of Miss Teen New York...But you should never say never!

Candice Stewart: A speech therapist from New Orleans.

Pros: While she claims to be a speech therapist, a quick Google search shows that she has also been a cheerleader for the Houston Texans and New Orleans Saints.

Cons: She didn't last very long when she was Robyn on The Bachelor.

Candice Stewart: Joining Maxim models, cheerleaders for professional sports teams appear to be the new target for reality show casting agents.

McCrae Olson: A 24-year-old pizza delivery boy from Minnesota.

Pros: This whole "Big Brother Superpower" twist might be right up McCrae's ally.

Then again, McCrae Olson isn't exactly the Man of Steel.

Cons: Unless he's on the show to sneak weed to the other other contestants, I'm thinking that McCrae might be a little bit outmatched intellectually by the other contestants...Even the Maxim models and cheerleaders.

According to his Facebook page, McCrae Olson was ecstatic to meet fellow Minnesota native, Playboy Playmate and Big Brother contestant, Janelle Pierzina...I can only imagine how bad he'll freak out when he's in the Big Brother house and actually gets to live with a house full of women who've posed naked before.

Judd Daughtery: A property appraiser from Etowah, Tennessee.

Pros: His claim to fame is that he's overcome dealing with anxiety.

Cons: He seems pretty rednecky. There's also a chance he will be cut off from his medication while in the house while in front of a national audience, which would at least be fun to watch.

Judd Daughtery

Howard Overby: A youth counselor from Mississippi.

Pros: Howard loves church, fishing, shooting guns and helping kids.

Cons: Based on his "likes," he sounds a lot like a redneck.

Along with Elissa Slater, Howard Overby appears to be this year's resident Big Brother Jesus freak.

GinaMarie Zimmerman: A 32-year-old pageant coordinator from Staten Island.

Pros: GinaMarie is also a Maxim model and former Bud Light Fantasy Girl, so I guess some people must find her pretty.

Cons: Her favorite inspirational quote is a line from The Fast and the Furious...And given that GinaMarie looks to Vin Diesel movies for inspiration, she's officially stupid.

GinaMarie Zimmerman's ass also doubles as the "good side" of her face.

David Girton: A lifeguard from San Diego.

Pros: He's your cliche laid back butt-hole surfer dude, so he should be easy to get along with.

Cons: David lists homophobic former contestant Jeff  Schroeder as his favorite contestant, and he rates Jeff's retarded girlfriend Jordan as a "10" on a scale of 10, so I'm thinking that he might have been trapped under water too long at some point in his life.

David Girton

Andy Herren: A professor from Chicago, Illinois

Pros: He's proud to be a red-head, which goes a long way with the editor of this site.

Cons: Andy may be a little too aggressive and full of himself...No red-head voluntarily calls himself "adorable," we have too many scars from high school.

Andy Herren: That is one lucky gerbil!

Aaryn Gries: A 22-year-old college student, currently living in Texas.

Pros: She's the former "Miss Teen Colorado International," for whatever that's worth. Aaryn also claims that she's going to put her training in psychology to good use on the show, hoping to become the first person in history to ever put their undergrad psychology major to any sort of use whatsoever.

Cons: Her strategy for winning is, "I think I will go into the game with the same mentality I go into life, only focusing on myself," which goes hand in hand with her shitty pageant girl persona.

Aaryn Gries: Aaryn somehow parlayed her title of Miss Teen Colorado International into a deal with Maxim, although she lost out on the title of Maxim Hottie of the Year to Maine's Blueberry Queen...But it was really, really close.

The Bachelorette Blog - "You guys missed out, the single dad from Texas - Hi Hollywood!"

This week's episode of The Bachelorette began with Des and the guys heading to Munich, Germany.

Chris revealed that it was Desiree's first trip to Europe, you know, because poor people who grew up in trailers can't afford international travel.

Having received the first date card, Chris read it in what appeared to be fluid German, "Das ist nicht eine Boobie!!"

Meanwhile, a jealous and bitchy Bryden not only decided that he was going to go home, but that he needed to find Des and tell her...While she was on her date with Chris

Before Bryden arrived, Desiree Hartsock and Chris were sucking on wieners like they were bratwurst.

Bryden then proceeded to wander the streets of Munich asking locals whether or not they've seen two people being followed by a bunch of television cameras.

He then showed why he couldn't get into college after high school when he said, "I really hope it doesn't ruin those guys date together."

Interesting...Bryden Vukasin gets a slightly cooler bowl cut, and suddenly he thinks he can do better than Desiree Hartsock (you also can't help but notice all of the protein powder he takes in the background).

With Desiree in tears and worried that her guys would start leaving her, Chris assured her that he was in it until the end, and that he wouldn't abandon her...Unlike her father.

With their date going on into the wee hours, Chris was happier than an 8-year-old on a sleep over.

"I don't have to worry about what time I go to bed, I don't have to worry about brushing my teeth, I don't have to worry about anything!"

Chris, who's my frontrunner to win this season, also gushed about Desiree and why he was falling for her.

"She is intelligent, she can throw a football, she's witty."

That made Desiree Hartsock a pretty good consolation prize, considering that this season's Bachelorette didn't turn out to be Jesse Palmer as he had hoped.

With Chris receiving a Rose, the Group Date involved a cable car ride up to the top of a mountain in the Alps overlooking Germany and Austria where they met a professional yodeler.

That caused a linguistically challenged Don Pablo to ask, "There's this guy who's juggler, he's juggler? I don't even know how to say it...Yodeler."

Meanwhile, Mikey T. sang the chorus from "Laid" by the singer James.

As Des and the guys prepared to sled down Germany's highest peak Drew said, "You know that something seriously bad  can happen here," You know, because the injury prone Brooks was on the date.

Zak Waddell and his glowing teeth was particularly happy while working his stick.

After going to a snow motel, or as Drew called it, an "igloo hotel" (Personally, I would have gone with "Snowtel"), Brooks took Des to bed where they shared a kiss.

 Meanwhile Mikey T. made her a snow penis before Zak W. interrupted them by singing from afar.

Unlike Zak Waddell's penis, Mkey Tenerelli's is very white...and curved.

And while James made out with Des too, Brooks ended up getting the Group Date Rose in the end.

...While James Case ended up stealing  Desiree's scarf.

That left Michael G. and Ben to go on the dreaded 2-on-1 "loser leaves town" date.

Michael decided to get himself pumped up early. "So, in this competitive gladiator style setting, I need to now go and murder Ben."

Of, never having watched The Bachelor or The Bachelorette before, Michael G. decided to use the 2-on-1 to talk badly about Ben instead of trying to bond with Des himself, which is always a recipe for going home.

"I am an attorney...I do have certain trial tactics when it comes to cross-examining and impeaching someone...Today Ben will be found guilty of fraud and impersonation of a southern gentleman."

Michael G., Ben and Desiree Hartsock also rode in a Hot Tub Time Machine, which transported them back to a point in time when knitted hats were cool for girls to wear.

And even though Des warned Michael G. to back off, he still continued to attack Ben further, lashing out about his failure to attend church with the guys on Easter, and criticizing him as a father for coming on the show.

That finally caused Ben to step outside during dinner in order to cool off, because for the first time in his life, his faith had been questioned.

...Ben Scott, the spiritual guy who owns a bar called The Trophy Room, which is described as an "upscale" Dallas sports bar with a mechanical bull, if there is such a thing.

Based upon the potential of a future together, Des gave the 2-on-1 Date Rose to Michael G., much to his own surprise.

A bitter and irate Ben then let his true intentions known. "You guys better be really careful on who fucking makes it in, you're not gonna have a Bachelor. You guys missed out, the single dad from Texas - Hi Hollywood!"

Here's Ben Scott posing as The Bachelor before he ever came on The Bachelorette.

That caused Ben to say, "Let's go," to the limo driver before asking him, "Where are we getting drunk, lets have some fun tonight," and, "How long do I have to wait before I can be seen in public with somebody? Because I don't want to wait!"

Back at the hotel, Mikey T. and James tried to continue their secret love affair, only they were overheard by Kasey and Drew.

James Case has a thing for dimples...Face dimples, ass dimples...They're all the same.

That conversation consisted of James talking to Mikey T. about going home to Chicago together and macking on chicks, with James also saying that he had a good chance of becoming the next Bachelor.

Not yet aware that James and Mikey T. were contemplating running off together, Des talked to Chris Harrison about her guy Holocaust while in Germany. "I feel great about the guys that are here."

In fact, she was so confident that she went on to waive the Cocktail Party since she had already made up her mind, essentially shitting in Jeremy's Easter basket since he was planning on ratting James out.

Jeremy surprisingly got the second to last Rose leaving Mikey T. and James as the last two guys standing without a Rose, proving that Desiree's not as dumb as Mikey T. and James look.

The final Rose went to James. That cause Mikey T. to lament, "It doesn't make sense to me....She's never going to know the guy she missed out on."

But sadly for Mikey Tenerelli, being a womanizing plumber who moonlights as a male stripper at bachelorette parties does not necessarily qualify you to be on The Bachelorette.