Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Bachelor Blog: "Courtney's not even wearing a top...Classy, right?"

This week Ben took the remaining girls to Panama City, Florida...Actually, it was Panama City, Panama, which I'm sure is a close substitute for the "Redneck Riviera" when it comes to romance and local culture.

Kacie B. was chosen for the first 1-on-1 date of the week. Ben and the Producers pulled out all the stops, as Kacie B. was surely pleased to be the first contestant to ever get to go on a helicopter ride with The Bachelor.

After touring Panama City from above, the "Batch-Copter" took Ben and Kacie B. to a desert island where they were forced to live off the land for at least 47 minutes. Fortunately, the two aspiring love birds were allowed to bring three items each to help them fend for themselves.

Ben's machete, fish net and a fish that was strategically placed by the Producers helped the two of them eat and drink so well that Kacie B. felt compelled to reveal to Ben that she had previously been anorexic and bulimic...so much for her being the normal one.

After Kacie B. earned the Eating Disorder Rose, Ben took some of the girls on a Group Date to explore a Panamanian river and parts of the rain forest. In doing so, they made a "surprise" stop at a local village, where Hollywood extras had been cast to play native tribe members.

Unlike any of the other girls, Courtney was quick to replace her bikini top for the see-through beaded top that she was given by the villagers. She then proceeded to shake her boobs at anyone and everyone who would look at them. This caused Ben to comment, "The women are still in bathing suits with traditional garb, with the exception of Courtney. I appreciated that, in more than one way."

Much like a college co-ed competing in a spring break wet t-shirt contest, the prize that Courtney is competing for is probably not worth the damage she's ultimately doing to her reputation...but at least she got to enjoy the all you can drink wine while the contest was going on.

Courtney's decision to to flaunt her sexuality to the general public did not go unnoticed, as other girls tend to notice things like that. Emily commented, "Courtney's not even wearing a top - she's just wearing the beads. Yeah, I know - classy, right?" Lindzi investigated a little further and asked Courtney if she took her "pants off too?" Courtney's enthusiastic response was, "Yeah, when in Panama," before astutely noting how cold the beads were.

Back at their hotel, Courtney tried to manipulate Ben by trying to play the victim and telling him how she was being targeted by the other girls. Ben bought in, and responded by saying that he appreciated her assertive-tits...I mean assertiveness. She then continued on with her plan of seducing him by inviting him to her room for some secret alone time later that night.

Jamie, who was making her first appearance on camera since the first episode of the season, had plans to take Ben away from the other girls and initiate a make-out session. However, she got "twat blocked" by Courtney, who walked up near where they were talking and began frolicking in the pool by herself to steal Ben's attention, as Jamie blabbered on about something or another as girls tend to do when they are in heat.

After concentrating too much on her dislike of Courtney in front of Ben in prior weeks, Emily had a redeeming moment when she deadpanned to Ben, "There's actually another man in my life. It's recent, I wasn't expecting it...I just don't think I can deny it any longer...That man's 'the Chief'" (from the village they visited on the Group Date). Kudos to Emily for being the first girl in the history of The Bachelor to ever say something funny enough to actually make the guy laugh.

Emily went on to apologize to Courtney face to face for judging her to soon. After initially responding, "I appreciate you acknowledging it and being direct with me, because I respect that," Courtney sensed her chance to steal some camera time and did a quick 180. "You know in real life, we wouldn't be friends...We will never be friends, I don't respect you. Nobody treats me like that, period."

Lindzi stepped back into contention by getting the Group Date Rose. I don't know how I feel about Lindzi. At times she looks good, and at others she looks old and weathered. Not Madonna old and weathered, but old and weathered nonetheless.

Courtney sulked about Lindzi getting the Group Date Rose. "I feel like I went out of my way to make him feel special...So I would feel like I would deserve some sort of reward." I actually tend to agree with Courtney that Ben did not properly reward her for baring it all on the Group Date...I think the current going rate is a $2 bill.

When Ben failed to show up at her room for her not so secret invitation to have sex, Courtney complained about how she's always been disappointed in the men she's dated and been taken for granted in her prior relationships. Of course, this is coming from the girl who allegedly cheated on actor Jesse Metcalf, dated Reece Witherspoon's current husband until her realized that she wasn't really serious about dating, hooked-up with actor Adrian Grenier and purportedly dumped her boyfriend without warning before she came on the show...So in other words, I'm only going to give her the benefit of the doubt one more time.

The first 2-on-1 "loser leaves town" date of the season went to Blakeley and Rachel. Because of the stakes, a simple Latin dancing lesson quickly turned into dueling banjos...but instead of banjos, we had two girls whoring themselves out on the dance floor.

After a rocky start in the house in which she came on way too strong sexually, Blakeley had been trying to play herself off as being more sweet and vulnerable to Ben of late. While she told him how she thinks of one thing about him that she likes every night before going to sleep and showed him a scrapbook she had been making about their experience, Ben decided to give the 2-on-1 Date Rose to the more sexually reserved Rachel, causing Blakeley to storm off as Ben yelled, "Blakeley, will you slow down for a second!"

I guess there's something about a girl posing half naked on a dirty toilet that just doesn't exactly scream wife material. Hooters Calendar Girl of the Year? Maybe...just not wife. I do have to give the photographer props though, he went all out and booked Blakeley Jones a  "Two-holer."

Needing either more drama for drama, or maybe just to set an example for future contestants, Chris Harrison called Casey S. aside before the Rose Ceremony to drop a bombshell. Apparently he heard from three separate sources that she was still in love and in a relationship with a guy back home. Of course he also let it slip that he had known this since they left the United States, meaning he had been sitting on this information for at least two weeks.
While Casey S. tried to explain that she went on the show because her "ex" would not commit to getting married, she quickly stopped making sense and began to fake cry as a bailout move after she knew she was busted. In the end everything worked out. Ben told Casey S. that she "should go home," and now we can simply call "Kacie B." plain old Kacie.

Jamie made a last ditch effort to show Ben that she was attracted to him, and basically informed him that she was going to make-out with him. As Jamie awkwardly straddled Ben, she kept talking about how she was going to kiss him, and what her mouth was going to do - as she was kissing him. This caused Ben to dismiss her advances by saying, "I can't take you serious right now, it's like an instruction guide, I can't handle it."

Not surprisingly, Ben sent Jamie home. That subjected us to yet another scene with Emily attempting to rap to Ben in an out-take that ran during the closing credits. It's safe to say that "the white girl rapping" is The Bachelor's equivalent to the guy who brings an acoustic guitar on The Bachelorette and tries to sing. Either way, I'd rather propose to the girl (Blakeley) or the guy who we saw sitting on the toilet (the guy who wore the mask).

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