Monday, June 29, 2015

The Big Brother 17 Blog - "I'm just going to wrap these legs around this pole and hang on for dear life"


A new season of Big Brother is upon us, and we have a new waive of racist and sexist house guests ready to make asses of themselves on national TV.

Better yet, host Connie Chung isn't pregnant this year, and she's looking hotter than ever...That Maury Povich is a lucky man!

Upon entering the house, Shelli immediately fell in love with Clay, despite the fact that she's ten years older than him.

Clay took a liking back saying, "There's a lot of hot women in the house, but Shelli absolutely takes the cake.

Shelli Poole is old enough to be the mom of the underage girls that Clay Honeycutt might have fucked on spring break at South Padre Island. 

However, as part of the season's "Twin Twist," we'll see how Shelli likes it when Clay tries to start making out with her sister. Then again, maybe it's Shelli' sister that Clay is in lust with...Thanks Big Brother, consider my mind blown.

Da'Vonne lied to the house and told everyone that she was a school teacher instead of a poker dealer...As if anyone would be intimidated by a card dealer. Not a poker PLAYER, but a fucking DEALER.

In a more honest note, Caitlyn, I mean Audrey, told her house mates that she's transgendered.

I'm a sucker for girls in glasses, so let's just say I'm glad I'm not on the show...Audrey Middleton makes me all confused and stuff!

Meanwhile, as the dudes all talked about how much they bench pressed, the girls, Audrey, Shelli, Meg and Da'Vonne formed an all girl alliance.

Before the second half of the house arrived, Connie Chung announced that the house guests would be competing in the first HOH Competition given that the "Battle of the Block," with four initial nominees for eviction, would be in play for the second year in a row.

The HOH theme was a fake red carpet event for a fake movie called "UFO-Oh-No!"

The actual competition had the house guests try to catch ten "rotten tomatoes" (or balls) while balancing on a plank in order to become the first HOH.

In a photo finish with the last four players falling at the same time, James ended up winning the first HOH of the season.

Connie Chung then revealed the new twist to the show, a weekly "Big Brother Takeover," which seems to involve either a past player or famous person coming into the house to temporarily mix things up with rules of their own.

On that note, the second wave of house guests arrived.

The best of which was John, the self dubbed "Rock star dentist," who can best be described as being similar to the "retarted" (the "t" was intentional) clone of Brian from the Family Guy.

"With the way he talks, Johnny Mac of Big Brother reminds me of "Bitch Brian" from Family Guy

Like all "retarts," John was a little bit self unaware, and just a little bit full of himself. Or as he said, "It's really hard to find a girl who's not a gold digger once you say you're a dentist."

For some reason, Da'Vonne didn't believe John when he said he was a dentist, while Clay thought Steve was Ian Terry's long lost twin, which obviously added some much needed distrust into the house and game.

However, it was Vanessa who lied, claiming that she was a D.J. instead of a poker player...You know, because she REALLY wanted everybody to initially hate her.

More importantly, after everyone moved in and did a "get to know you" round table, there were still two unaccounted seats.

That's when the initial "Big Brother Takeover" took place, with The Amazing Race host Phil Koeghan taking control of the game.

And since The Amazing Race took several Big Brother contests on their show, Phil gave Big Brother two of his former Amazing Race players....Jeff (an account executive), and Jackie (a former stripper), who were a "blind date" team on his show last season.

With that bomb, we moved on to the HOH for the new contestants, with Vanessa agreeing to sit out.  That selfless act caused the other house guests all agree not to nominate her no matter who won.

The Competition itself involved cornfields and aliens in a Hee-Haw like atmosphere, with the the players trying to hold onto a post without getting sucked up by a "UFO," or a harness that was attached to their backs.

Jackie made no attempt to hide the fact that she was a stripper.

"I just need to basically use these legs I've been using my entire life as a dancer. I'm just going to wrap these legs around this pole and hang on for dear life."

Upon further review, Jackie Ibarra of The Amazing Race and Big Brother was not a stripper, it was worse...she was a dancer form the Miami Heat...My apologies to any strippers I may have offended. 

With many of the contestants purposefully dropping out to keep the target off of their backs, Jackie ended up taking a deal from Jason to drop off in return for him agreeing not to nominate her, which gave Jason co-HOH honors along with James, the Asian Redneck.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

The Big Brother 17 Blog - Meet The Cast


A new season of Big Brother is finally upon us, which is my official summer cue to take off my pants and start blogging.

Some of the twists for Big Brother 17 includes the return of the Battle of the Block, or two head of households each week; a "twin twist," with sets of twins subbing in and out for one another during the game; a random twist that will differ from week to week; as well as a transgendered cast member who isn't Bruce Jenner.

Fortunately, so far there are no returning players, meaning that Rachel Reilly, her boyfriend Brendon, her sister, and their extensive team of plastic surgeons are merely on standby.

Now let's get to know the contestants and break down their pros and cons based upon their official bios on the CBS website, as well as anything I can find on them from their social media pages.

Audrey Middleton: A 25-year-old digital media consultant from Georgia.

Pros: Audrey has played a simulated version of the show Survivor using astrology and tarot cards to help determine her strategy, so at least she has some experience when

Cons: Online reality play is one thing, but using religion as the basis for how you play a game like Big Brother in real life is probably not going to cut it.

Audrey Middleton was arrested for marijuana possession and loitering in Atlanta a few years back. 

Austin Matelson: A 30-year-old pro wrestler from California who goes by the moniker, "Judas Draven."

Pros: Don't let the "pro wrestler" image fool you, Austin was raised by hippies and is into gymnastics, yoga and Pilate's...In other words, he's gay, just like fellow pro wrestler, Jessie Godderz from Big Brother 10.

Cons: I'm not sure that Austin's communal lifestyle will go over too well in the Big Brother house, especially since he lists his luxury items as "three Color Me Badd CD's," with the last two being replacements just in case the first ones broke...Then again, even though it was crappy, Color Me Badd only had one real album, so it's no real surprise that Austin's second and third items were duplicative.

Austin Matelson: Maybe it's just me, but I don't trust hippies that are into Satan...I guess Charles Manson ruined that whole shtick. On the other hand, with a stage name like "Judas," Austin Matelson just may have a tag team partner in Big Brother all time great, Dan Gheesling. 

Becky Burgess: A 26-year-old retail manager from Denver.

Pros: Becky seems very athletic, she's into sports, and even things that aren't sports...Like hiking and soccer.

Cons: Becky says she's aware of how pretty she is, but doesn't rely on her looks because she's "a total package." In reality, that just means she isn't as nearly as pretty as she thinks she is.

Becky Burgess is the type of girl who can even make drinking a beer look pretentious. 

Clay Honeycutt: A 23-year-old grad student at Texas A&M.

Pros: Not only did Clay grow up on a ranch, but he played football at Texas A&M. That means he should be an absolute beast in physical challenges to the point that he makes "Beast Mode Cowboy" look like a little bitch...Then again, "Beast Mode Cowboy" already is a little bitch, but you get the idea.

Cons: Clay likes to wear a cowboy hat, so it's really hard to like him.

Clay Honeycutt: It's also hard to like someone when they're an underwear model...That is, unless you're a girl. 

Da'Vonne Rogers: A 27-year-old poker dealer from Los Angeles.

Pros: The first transgendered Big Brother house guest since Wil Heuser.

Cons: With descriptions like, "Not worried about the opinions of others" and "doesn't like to team up with people," Da'Vonne may be a bit too black to do well in the game with a house full of really, REALLY, white people.

Transgendered Big Brother contestant Da'Vonne Rogers....Dude doesn't look like a lady. 

Jace Agolli: Jace is a 32-year-old personal trainer from Venice Beach, CA.

Pros: Jace also claims to be a semi-pro skateboarder, which would technically make him a professional athlete...?

Cons: There's no shame in being honest and admitting that you're unemployed.

Jace Agolli was busted for disorderly conduct just outside of Atlanta in 2012...Perhaps he was with Audrey Middleton? 

James Huling: A 31-year old retail associate from South Carolina.

Pros: Nobody expects him to win?

Cons: James was Asian until he was adopted by a white family, who turned him into a white redneck. Like most rednecks, James later joined the military and got arrested like most rednecks tend to do.

Jason Roy: A 25-year-old supermarket cashier who live with his mom.

Cons: Jason claims that he has a big mouth, that he is not afraid of conflict, and that he is not easily intimidated despite being short and skinny and the last person picked in gym class during school. He also plans to form an all female alliance because he does not like men...Well, he does like men, just not in a classical friendly kind of way. In other words, Jason is a bitch.

Pros: Jason Roy seems really, really happy to be on Big Brother...And by "happy," I mean really gay.

Skinny jeans aren't a good idea when you're super skinny. Then again, they're not a good idea when you're fat either. For a gay guy, Jason Roy needs to get some fashion sense from someone...Perhaps his mom can start laying clothes out for him. 

John McGuire: A 27-year-old dentist from Scranton, PA.

Pros: John runs in "Tough Mudders," so he has to have decent endurance for challenges.

Cons: Calls himself "Johnny Mac, a/k/a, the rock star dentist," and appears only to be looking for fame and a "showmance."

Just when we thought that dentists couldn't be more unlikable, Big Brother gives us John McGuire.

Liz Nolan: A 23-year-old marketing coordinator from Miami.

Pros: Graduated cum-laude, so she may not just be another pretty face.

Cons: Liz is said to be "a mainstay on the Miami nightlife circuit," so she's probably fucked former Big Brother contestant, Hardy Hill.

Say what you want about her nightlife, Liz Nolan has a great ass. 

Meg Maley: A 25-year-old server from New Jersey/New York City.

Pros: Meg seems like the perfect blend. Good looking, but not so hot and fake that women hate her; Funny, so she can fit in with the guys outside of a showmance; and Sassy, so gay guys love her.

Cons: Tried out for the hockey and baseball teams in high school just so she could flirt with boys...No wait, that's a "Pro" for her too.

Meg Maley is just quirky enough that she might fool some people and fly under the radar. 

Shelli Poole: A 33-year-old interior designer from Atlanta.

Pros: As part of this season's "twin twist," at least one of the two might be likable, right?

Cons: Got turned down for Real Housewives of Atlanta because she got divorced, so Shelli was forced to settle on Big Brother to pursue fame.

As twins, hopefully Shelli Poole and her sister got the same size of fake boobs, or else they'll be easy to tell apart. 

Steve Moses: A 22-year-old Ivy Leaguer from New York who's still a virgin.

Pros: Apparently he's a genius, which may or may not be indirectly proportional to being a virgin.

Cons: His plan to throw people off from his intellect involves sleeping with a teddy-bear...If Steve was serious about throwing people off about how smart he really is, he'd sleep with Shelli.

Steve Moses: Older people can no longer make the cast of Big Brother, but guys like this can...sigh. 

Vanessa Rousso: A 32-year-old professional poker player from Las Vegas.

Pros: She's a professional poker player, so she thinks that makes her a strategist.

Cons: Being a professional poker player makes Vanessa only slightly smarter than the dude who works at a grocery store and lives with his mom.

A super air-brushed pic of Vanessa Rousso...Don't get too worked up guys, she's got a girlfriend. 

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Blogging Survivor: Worlds Apart - "Silly redneck, you're going to get what's coming."

The final episode of the season began with Carolyn forced to justify to her alliance why she didn't tell them she had an Immunity Idol.

After Carolyn reminded them that they tried to blindside her, and that they would have succeeded in voting her out had she not played it, the contestants all moved on to the final Reward Challenge.

That challenge required the players to navigate an obstacle course while retrieving tiles, and then using those tiles to solve a puzzle the fastest in order to receive time with a loved one from back home.

Mike ended up winning the challenge, along with time with his mother and an advantage at the next Immunity Challenge.

Mike's mom got to spend the night at camp, and seemed impressed that Mike wasn't as fat as he used to be.

As for the Immunity Challenge advantage, Mike got to spend 30 minutes alone with his mom going through a maze that the players were going to have to navigate while blindfolded.

That advantage ended up coming in handy, as Mike easily won Immunity for the 4th time.

With Immunity in hand, Mike cut final three deals with Sierra and Carolyn, as well as Rodney and Will heading into Tribal Council.

In the end, Sierra was voted out, as Mike decided to go with his "bros" over the "ho's."

With Sierra gone, the final four competitors moved on to the next Immunity Challenge, which was yet another knot maze/obstacle course to find pieces and solve a a puzzle.

Right on cue, Mike won Immunity yet again, putting him in elite company in Survivor history with five Immunity wins, for which he gave praise to his lord and savior, Richard Hatch.

While Rodney was convinced that Mike would keep Will and himself safe over Carolyn, Will wasn't so sure, and rightfully so.

Sure enough, Mike promised Carolyn that he wouldn't vote her out, but also added the caveat that he wanted the vote to come down to a tie where she and Will would have to make fire the fastest in order to stay in the game.

So in other words, Mike wasn't so much promising her that he'd keep her safe as he was trying to tell her, "Go out in the woods and practice building fire."

Of course, "Momma C" was unable to start a fire even after practicing with the tribe's flint, leaving her "advantage" going into Tribal Council in question.

At Tribal Council, the vote did in fact come down to a tie between Carolyn and Rodney, just as Mike had indicated, which lead to them squaring off in a fire making contest to make it to the final three.

However, both Carolyn and Rodney exhausted their flints without being able to make fire...Several times.

After over an hour, Rodney was finally able to start his fire first, but Carolyn followed by getting hers going immediately after he did.

And while Rodney started off a bit quicker, Carolyn built a better base and ended up winning.

That left Mike as a Blue-Collar, Will as a No-Collar, and Carolyn as a White-Collar in the final three.

Boston Guy wasn't too happy with the way he went out, delusionally thinking that he would have won the whole game had Mike not sent him to the fire making competition.

In fact, he almost seemed to threaten him.

"For this scumbag redneck to make it into a fire making competition...You scared little baby. Silly redneck, you're going to get what's coming."

After Boston Guy's gracious exit, we went straight to the Final Tribal Council, where all of the bitter losers on the Jury got to take their shots at the final three contestants, as well as Jeff Probst.

Mike ended up defeating Carolyn and Will in the Jury Vote, and thanked Jesus Christ for paying the price for his sins "many years ago."

Apparently Mike had an open line of credit with "The Almighty," as it soon came out that Mike had intentionally lied to his BFF, Dan, during the game.

Rodney LaVoie, having calmed down from his tantrum upon exiting the show, apparently spared no expense at the Salvation Army for his suit for the finale.

The final few minutes was reserved for the few, the proud, and the bitter....Namely Dan and Shirin.

Dan had a bone to pick with Jeff Probst, claiming that he was misportrayed on the show, claiming that no matter what the cameras appeared to show, he's really smart and doesn't hate women.

And after Dan gave specific references to when and how his quotes were taken out of context, Jeff went back to the uncut footage, which proved his claims to be erroneous...He really was nothing more than a misogynistic postal worker.

Shirin tried to claim that public opinion was against Will after she falsely accused him of stealing/hording food, which, at least according to the reactions I received via this blog and on Twitter, was not the case the case at all.

And while Will even went as far to offer up an apology to Shirin, who was actually the one in the wrong, she refused to accept it. Actually, she didn't end up flat out rejecting it outright, but she added so many conditions to accepting it that the broadcast ran out of time.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

The Bachelorette Blog - "Meet the Cast"

The new season of The Bachelorette is upon us.

This year ABC is starting with two different Bachelorettes, Kaitlyn Bristowe and Britt Nilsson, with rumor having it that only one of the two will make it to the second show.

Further rumor has it that Britt will be the one going home.

As we all know, Kaitlyn is a...Well, let's just say that we know she's from Canada. We also know that she's not afraid to tell dirty jokes or moon a camera if it gets her a laugh.

Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe dropping trow and showing the North Americas her Canadian ass. 

As usual, the casting call for The Bachelorette brought out the worst that "man" kind has to offer: Ed Hardy t-shirts, personal trainers, aspiring actors/models/musicians, and soccer players.

With that said, let's take a look at Kaitlyn's...I mean Kaitlyn and Britt's prospective men.

First Impressions - A non exhaustive list of the guys on the show this season, and my initial impressions of them from their bio's and social media pages:

Brady Toops - A former baseball player at the University of Arkansas, Brady Toops decided to give up a minor league career in order to move to Nashville and wear "deep-V" shirts...I mean become country singer, which speaks volumes about his character...Only in the worst possible way.

Brady Toops is rumored to have left The Bachelorette in order to date Britt Nilsson after she was not chosen to be The Bachelorette by a majority of the guys.  

Ryan McDill - Ryan McDill is the owner of "All Star Auto Parts," which when you look into it, is really just a junkyard. Given that he works with trash for a living, that makes McDill's long term relationship with Nikki Ferrell (before she won The Bachelor with Juan Pablo) make all that more sense.

Ryan McDill is Nikki Ferrell's ex-boyfriend. You may remember her from when she "won" the right to be Juan Pablo's bitch.

Clint Arlis - A former collegiate wrestler at Illinois, Clint Arlis describes himself as "cocky and confident" and is currently an architectural project engineer in Chicago.

Clint Arlis seems like the type of guy who would come to your party and secretly pee in your ice box when no one was looking. 

Corey Stansell - Corey Stansell once owned a "College Hunks Hauling Junk" franchise, which means that he used to work for Ryan McDill (see above).

I love that Corey Stansell apparently thought so much of his volleyball skills to hash tag his own name on his photos. 

Shawn Booth - Shawn Booth is a former college soccer player who went to become a group fitness trainer in Nashville. His bio indicates that he likes "Bro Country" and One Direction, which seems about right for a soccer player.

As a "bro," we should all pray for Shawn Booth's future.

Ryan Beckett - An "equestrian real estate agent" from Boca Raton, FL, Ryan Beckett lists his hobbies as playing polo, show jumping, golf, tennis and sailing.

Basically Ryan Beckett is the douchey white guy in every John Cusack movie in the 1980's. 

Daniel Finney - Daniel Finney describes himself as a socialite and philanthropist from Nashville, which basically means that he throws keggers and gives his guests cab money to get home. He also has his own clothing and furniture lines where he uses reclaimed materials.

Daniel Finney is obviously just came on The Bachelorette to promote his clothing line, so let's just show his his tablecloths and get it over with. 

Shawn Evans - While he describes himself as a "realtor" from Ontario, Shawn Evans also turns out to be an "amateur sex coach," and while I was afraid to Google what that means, I'm 100% sure it means he has to register with authorities and can't live withing 500 yards of a school or park.

Shawn Evans also bills himself as a "single dad." Unfortunately, his daughter lives with her mother, not him, so while he's technically single, he's not really much of a "dad."

J.J. Lane III - J.J. Lane is a single dad from Denver who describes himself as an entrepreneur.

Unlike Shawn Evans, we have evidence that J.J. Lane III actually gets to see his kid. 

Tanner Tolbert - Tanner Tolbert, an assistant finance manager for Honda in Kansas City, is yet another dude who loves "Bro Country." I don't get it.

Tanner Tolbert: Unlike casting calls for The Bachelor, The Bachelorette apparently didn't require the prospective contestants to take their shirts off. 

Ben Higgins -
 Ben Higgins is business analyst from Denver...That's pretty much it.

Ben Higgins...Not sure how he got on the show.

Ben Zorn - A former football player at San Jose State, Ben Zorn is now a fitness trainer and lists his biggest accomplishment as obtaining his certification as a personal trainer.

Ben Zorn: Becoming a personal trainer is kind of the adult equivalence of passing the Presidential Physical Fitness Test back in grade school. Sure you get a nice certificate, but it doesn't mean anything more than you being able to do the "flex arm hang."  

Bradley Cox - Bradley Cox is a former D-1 collegiate tennis player, and now sells cars in Atlanta.

Bradley Cox said in his bio that he would want to be Tom Brady, so he could play in prime time and go home to have sex with a super model who looks like a dude. 

Chris Strandburg - Currently a dentist in Nashville, Chris Strandburg was once an Abercrombie model and a contestant on The Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency.

So in other words, Chris Strandburg is either gay, or he's covered in Janice Dickenson's stink. Either way, his past is not going to go over well on the show. 

Cory Shivar - Cory Shivar indicated that his biggest fear about a date is finding out that she's really a dude, so he had to be relieved when this year's Bachelorette wasn't Jillian Anderson from last season with Chris Soules.

Cory Shivar graduated Cum Laudie in Construction Management, which is kind of like graduating at the top of your class in psychology...You still didn't really go to college.   

David Blackguy David is a 26-year-old real estate agent in Orlando, which after the housing market crash in central Florida, has to be about as difficult as being one of the token black guys on The Bachelorette.

David I'm not really sure what David's real last name is, and I'm not really sure that he'll be around long enough for me to find out.

Ian Thompson - Ian Thompson went to Princeton, only to settle to become a "recruiter," showing just how bad the economy is these days.

Ian Thompson 

Jared Haibon - Jared Haibon lists himself as an aspiring actor/model, but he's really just a restraurant manager given that he's 26 and still lives in Rhode Island.

Jared Haibon: Somebody got suckered into buying "glamour shots" at the mall!

Joe Bailey - Joe Bailey is an insurance salesman. He also calls himself a racehorse owner, but lives in the part of Kentucky where they don't grow thoroughbreds, so I'm thinking this guy is full of shit.

Joe Bailey apparently got his casting call one year too late, as he's on record as saying, "I would totally appear on The Bachelorette to fall in love with Andi Dorfman. Sadly, that says as much about his taste in women as it does about his intentions for this season. 

Jonathan Holloway - A 33-year-old auto spokesman from Detroit, Jonathan  claims to "Always try to listen to a woman's needs, not just in the bedroom," which is his polite way of saying that he "doesn't go down."

Jonathan Holloway: There are token reality show black guys, and then there are black guys from Detroit. Ever since VH-1 cancelled their dating shows, they all end up on The Bachelorette.

Josh Seiter - Josh is a 27-year-old law student from Chicago.

Josh Seiter is also a stripper by night, proving that some people really do put themselves through law school by stripping, it's just that none of them are women. 

Joshua Albers - Joshua Albers actually majored in theater at Idaho State University, which was his way of trying to tell his friends and family that he was gay before he went to technical college and became a welder.

Joshua Albers, showing the perils of bad tattoos. When you live in cool places, you get talented artists who ink your designs. When you live in Idaho, you get little kids who color starfish and drink coasters on your arms in permanent marker. 

Justin Reich - Justin Reich is a personal trainer and single dad from Illinois.

Given that it looks like he has his son at a monster truck rally, the state of Illinois might want to reconsider Justin Reich's custody arrangement (in fairness to Justin, at least he made his kid wear earphones).

Kupah James - A 32-year-old "Entrepreneur" from Boston, Kupah James apparently thinks that having a Macbook and an iTunes account makes you a D.J.

Is it a coincidence that Kupah James set up his D.J. table along side what appears to be a group of fat white women doing yoga? Yeah, that was a rhetorical question. 

Tony Harris - Tony Harris is a 35-year-old "healer" from St. Louis. If I was on the show, the first thing I would do is punch him in the face.

A "healer" like Tony Harris seems like a better match for somebody like Jenny McCarthy than Kaitlyn Bristowe. 

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Blogging Survivor: Worlds Apart - "A reward that will fix wishin'!"

This week's episode of Survivor began with everyone in "The Alliance" against Mike, who had managed to stay in the game the last two weeks only by winning Personal Immunity and playing a Hidden Immunity Idol.

Dan even drew a line in the sand regarding Mike saying, "I have zero interest in working with Mike...It's the fact that he's so arrogant, he's so condescending. To Hell with Mike, to Hell with his Idol!"

Dan Foley then started to hallucinate, and began eating an imaginary cheeseburger. 

The Reward Challenge was yet another obstacle course, where the teams divided into teams of three and raced to release puzzle pieces, and then solve that puzzle in order to win a helicopter ride and a surf and turf dinner.

Unfortunately, neither team was initially able to solve the puzzle, which Jeff Probst hinted as being a phrase that he had said "over and over" throughout the years as the host of the game.

That caused Boston Guy to guess, "A reward that will fix wishin!", as even Dan laughed at him.

Apparently Rodney Lavoie, Jr. and Brandon Hantz tied in their Survivor "Wonderlick" scores at "0."

Mike, Carolyn and Will correctly guessed, "A reward with all the fixin's," causing Rodney to lose yet another Reward Challenge.

Carolyn debated out loud about weather or not to keep her reward or give it to Rodney, but in the end she embarrassed him by announcing, "Alright, I'm going to keep it."

Back at camp, Boston Guy began to plot his revenge for Carolyn not giving him her reward despite the fact that she won and he didn't, if that makes any sense.

The Immunity Challenge saw the players using grappling hooks to retrieve a bag of balls, and then try to use those balls to solve a table maze.

Apparently having growin up without a dad, Boston Guy proved to be unable to throw his hook better than any of the girls.

Equally as uncoordinated, Dan exclaimed, "I suck at life"

Jeff Probst gave the play by play, exclaiming, "Mike is in that inner circle! He just has has to drop it in that final hole...Mike is in the hole! He's back out!"

And after Mike got done having sex with Sierra, he went on to win Individual Immunity and said, Thank you Jesus," referring to having sex with Sierra, not winning Immunity.

With Mike winning Immunity and "The Alliance" forced to turn on each other, Dan was of the belief that Carolyn, who had a Hidden Immunity Idol at her disposal, was the next in the pecking order to go, while the rest of the tribe was considering voting Dan out.

But when "The Alliance" gave that information to Mike, he decided to use it to his advantage and approached Dan to get him, and his extra vote, on his side.

Of course Dan was in denial, and even said, "Mike has the audacity, the unmitigated gall, to look at me and say, 'I can save you!'"

At Tribal Council, Boston Guy was asked about how much he trusted his fellow alliance members.

"At day 35, trust is is uh...Let me think, I'm kind of, out of my mind right now a little bit."

Jeff Probst referred to Boston Guy's fatigue asking, "Your brain really has to work hard to try and form a sentence?"

Rodney Lavoie's inability to form a sentence had had less to do with fatigue than it had to do with him being a "Bro" from Boston.

Sure enough, Rodney had to ask Jeff, "So, what was the question again?"

After the votes were cast, Dan decided to play his advantage, which as most everyone knew, was getting to cast two votes at a Tribal Council, and he foolishly cast them both for Carolyn.

Carolyn then boldly proclaimed, "I'm not taking any chances, Jeff," as she played her Idol and said, "I'm not going home tonight."

As it turned out, that play saved Carolyn's ass, as she received 5 votes to Dan's 2, but none of the votes against her counted, sending Dan's foolish ass back home to Maine.

And with the game down to five players and Carolyn realizing that her alliance had attempted to turn against her, we're left wondering, 'Can Mike flip Carolyn and Sierra and change the game?'