Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Big Brother 16 Blog - "I'm doing everything I can to fit this bone in the dag gone hole"





With Frankie and Derrick winning the two HOH spots, The Detonators guaranteed Victoria that she's safe.

Victoria Rafaeli: And by safe, they meant free to eat as many cheeseburgers non-kosher hot dogs as she could before she checks into Jenny Craig on her way back to her parents' house(s). 

Upon seeing Frankie's artifacts from home in his HOH Room, Zach declared,"Frankie's sister is a smoke bomb" (referring to his famous sister, Arianna Grande), while Caleb exclaimed, "She's beautiful!"

The Detonators were essentially forced to nominate one of their own, and with nobody volunteering, they decide to go with a random draw based upon skittle colors.

With Christine's color getting drawn along with Cody's, Derrick nominated Donny and Christine, while Frankie nominates Caleb and Cody.

That was clearly painful to Frankie, or as he said, "All summer both of you have been teasing me with your amazing abs, your perky pecs, your sensual smiles, and your bubble buttocks...Also I picked your candy out of this hat."

Caleb Calafiore: At this point, Frankie Grandie was just using his power in the house to try out cutting edge jock straps. 

The Detonators asked Christine to throw the BOB Competition so they could vote Donny out, which she agreed to do.

The final BOB Competition was the "black box," or a dark room where players have to find bones hidden in the dark, with the first team to find five winning and taking themselves off the block.

That left Caleb confused and saying, "I'm doing everything I can to fit this bone in the dag gone hole."

Caleb Reynolds: The "abdominal douche bag." 

Donny realized Christine is throwing it when he found his team's first four bones, handed another to Christine (which she gave to the other team), and then found the 5th and won the BOB all on his own!

The janitor actually provided some of the best insight of the game all season when he said, "Derrick has blowed smoke up everybody's tail this whole season," even though "blowed" isn't really recognized as a word real outside of North Carolina or a strip club.

As some much needed relief, the Zingbot arrived, but only to throw out compliments to the players.

Then D-List comedian Kathy Griffin arrived to try and fuck Victoria, and if that didn't work, fix the Zingbot.

Some of her better "zings" included:

"Caleb, you and Amber have something in common. You think she's drop dead gorgeous, and she wants you to drop dead." 
"Christine, people think that wearing glasses makes people look smarter. Thanks for disproving that." 
"Victoria, I would zing you, but I'm only supposed to zing people who are actually playing the game."

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The POV Competition had the contestants follow a maize to connect cables to a circuit box, light up all four in order to "reboot the Zingbot" and win.

Frankie ended up winning the POV and used it on Caleb in order to replace him with Zach, because the house suspected him of stealing personal items from the house when it was really Team America.

Sadly, Frankie decided to make his replacement nominee a not so Broadway worthy production:

"I'm going to take a page from my best friend Zach Attach, but I'm going to do it better because your shit was kind of whack, I love you so much, and I want for you to stay, but if I don't put you up, I'm going to look cray cray. So Zach my friend, go and have a seat, it's time for you and Julie Chen to finally meet." 

Fortunately, the Zingbot returned to his form of old to put Frankie and the others in their place:

Frankie, that's a nice tan, but I'm surprised you get any sun at all considering how much time you spend in your sister's shadow. 
"Cody, you're such a nice guy, you haven't made any enemies this summer, except for maybe Christine's husband."

Desperate to stay in the game, Zach asked Caleb if it would change his opinion to vote for him if he promised him to never come after him. However, Caleb all but ignored him and said, "No."

In her first victory of the season, Victoria stole her pink hat back from Zach and tore it apart, which caused him much grief.

Or as he yelled, "I need a hat...I need a woman's hat!" That caused Victoria to gloat, "This is the most satisfying thing I've done all summer!"

Sadly, those were both accurate statements.

Knowing that he had to shake up the game, Donny tried to tell Christine that she was at the ass end of "The Detonator" alliance, but to no avail.

Knowing that he was going home, Zach lobbied Frankie and informed him that despite their differences, he was still his best friend, and that he would never put him up.

Sadly, a hand job probably would have worked better.

At the live vote. Zach announced that he'd see Julie soon, asks people to follow him on Facebook for his eviction speech.

And when asked why he was evicted Zach told Connie Chung, "One reason, because I couldn't keep my mouth shut."

Regarding his on again of again flirtation with Frankie, Zach said, "He had my game in the palm of his hands," and by game, Zach meant, "his penis."

Asked why he acted like such a douche at times Zach explained, "I thought if everyone hates me enough, they would not give me the satisfaction of sending me home. Clearly, that was not the case."

In what was billed as the big twist of the summer, the evicted Jury Members finally competed to return to the game.

That meant that Zach, Hayden, Jocasta and Nicole all got to compete in a seven round battle to slide discs onto a moving turntable, with however ended up with the most discs on the table at the end returning to the Big Brother House.

Fortunately, Nicole ended up winning, which meant that somebody was going to go back into the house and try to shake things up, unlike Jocasta or Zach.

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