Monday, August 11, 2014

Blogging Big Brother 16 - "You fruit loop dingus!"

This week began with Hayden fantasizing over his girlfriend Nicole and her Wiener-tard saying, "We're like Hansel and Gretle."

Of course, Nicole seemed to have no idea what Hayden's wiener related fetish was as she replied, "Come on, I don't even you all these people."

Nicole Franzel: C'mon Nicole, you're almost from Frankenmuth!"

As HOH, Zach wanted to target Amber because "A little birdie on my shoulder" told him she was shooting for the guys.

That caused Zach to turn to Frankie for a hug, or as he said, "That was the best hug I've had in my entire life."

After Caleb realized that you can't unilaterally make a woman your girlfriend outside the South, he began to question his crush, Amber.

"Amber is gettin' a little too big for her britches in this house, and she's forgettin' who's keepin' her in this game."

However, with Caleb being deathly afraid of pickles, Amber dared him, "What if I said I'll go on a date with you if you eat a pickle."

But after Caleb sucked that pickle down like he was Snookie while she was drunk and pregnant, Amber second guessed her offer by
saying, "Next time think before you speak."

That lead to a really awkward and silent date between Caleb and Amber, which Caleb thought went awesome.

On the other hand, Amber wanted nothing more to do with him. "This was my first and last date with Caleb. I'm not interested, I just don't think he realizes it."

Caleb Reynolds: Sadly Amber, guys in Ed Hardy t-shirts never seem to realize it. 

Zach nominated Christine and Nicole for eviction saying, "If we pulled out the Big Brother dictionary and pulled out the word floater, there'd be a picture of you holding hands with Jen City."

He then went on to reference Nicole being a student of the game and said." You fruit loop dingus, I bet you didn't see this coming."

On the other hand, Frankie managed to nominate Jocasta and Victoria without making any reference to either one of them being a "fruit loop dingus."

The Battle of the Block Contest required the contestants to build and giant wedding cake and stand on top of it the fastest.

And while that would have seemed to favor Victoria Rafaeli, we all quickly realized that she may not be marriage material. 

In the end, Christine and Nicole ended up winning, leaving Victoria and Jocasta on the block.

Victoria, like any little rich princess, was less than pleased and pouted, "This sucks, Jocasta and I just lost the Battle of the Block, and to be honestly, it was all her fault."

Zach tried to stir the pot and intentionally ate food in front of the Have-Nots (Hayden, Christine and Nicole) saying, "That's what you get for being lazy."

That caused Zach's biggest ally, Frankie, to say, "If Zach doesn't stop running around terrorizing the country side, the villagers are going to revolt."

After her punishment was over, Nicole stripped off her Wiener-tard, causing Hayden to lose his mind over her wiener purge.

Or as he said, "Nicole is a terrible stripper, but I wouldn't have it any other way...I'm a little bit turned on."

We next learned that Derrick's grandpa died, which made me think that a ridiculous number of grandparents seem to die at work on Fridays on reality TV shows...Just saying.

Finally starting to realize that Amber wasn't into him, Caleb decided to go into "Beast Mode Cowboy," you know, because women respond to that.

"It pisses me off. I can't even look at Amber right now. 'You can't even talk to the king of this house?' No more romantic cowboy in this house!"

Zach, in denial about being gay, slept in the HOH bedroom with Frankie and gave him a back rub, which started out heterosexually enough.
Zach: "Who wants a back rub?!?" 
Frankie: "Me!" 
Zach: "I just like to sleep on you...I'm not gay, but if I was, (Frankie) would be my man for sure."
Frankie: "You'd be having the best sex of your life...Zach, are you going to make a move?"

I guess we'll just have to save that thought until the Jury House...Or maybe next week.

The Veto Competition was a cowboy themed contest where the competitors had to rock a horse to gain enough time to stack 50 gold bars before their time re-set, or go back and rock the horse to get more time.

Victoria proclaimed "All the house guests in the house think that I'm just some princess, but guess what, I'm a warrior princess." She still ended up losing.

Jocasta was obviously feeling a bit sexually frustrated about being away from her man when she said, "I'm making this high enough so Jesus can lay his hands on my blocks, cause lord knows I need his hands laid on me, Hallelujah!"

Hayden ended up winning, mainly because Christine hit her buzzer not realizing that she still had gold bars laying on the ground.

Hayden decided to use the Veto on Victoria, knowing that Frankie's plan was to backdoor Amber.

That caused Zach to say, "I know that we need to get 'Beast Mode Cowboy' on board with back-dooring Amber's pretty little butt this week," which was technically a correct statement, yet wrong in so many ways.

Even though he was being manipulated to think that he needed to go along with putting his crush Amber up for eviction just to "scare her," Caleb declared, "I've got this game in my fingertips."

That cause Frankie to say, "I don't know who's more clueless about what's going to happen this week, Caleb or Amber. I just might be able to pull off a double blindside."

At the Nomination Ceremony, Zach just couldn't leave well enough alone, as he took the stage and put himself on the spot and called Amber out.

"Hold on, I have to say something, I want to say something. Beast Mode Cowboy has saved you twice already in this game. He risked $500K on you, more than all of your boyfriend's have spent on you combined...And then to top it all off he ate a pickle, a freakin' pickle!"

Amber diplomatically chose not to respond. "He wants a reaction out of me, he's not going to get it."

Thursday's live eviction began with Connie Chung saying, "Caleb calls himself a 'hopeless romantic,' but this romance is just plain hopeless."

Mistakenly thinking that he had put Amber on the block just to scare her, Caleb told Amber that the rest of the alliance was on board with the plan to nominate her.

Frankie seemed shocked that Caleb thought he was responsible for Amber's nomination and actually took the blame. "I haven't seen a cowboy cry this much since Brokeback Mountain.

Unable to control her feelings for Caleb, Amber told Christine that she wants him gone Of course, as the most unreliable person in the house, Christine told Frankie, who in turn told Caleb, who in turn stormed off.

That left Caleb to finally see the light that the African American Amber wanted nothing to do with his redneck ass. "It is very clear in my eyes now that I have been blinded since day one."

Sadly, Caleb Reynolds can't understand why a black girl wouldn't like him. 

In their eviction speeches, Jocasta praised God and played the loyalty card, while Amber was much more intellectual and just sat around looking pretty.

After Amber got voted out, in part because of Caleb, Amber told Connie Chung, "I'm sorry I was not interested in him, and I'm not going to pretend to be to win some money," making her the coolest girl to ever appear on a reality TV show.

Caleb Reynolds is going to lose his tiny redneck freakin' mind when he realizes that Amber Borzotra has posed naked. 

Regarding Caleb's infatuation with her Amber asked Connie, "He has my bunny slippers still, can I at least get those back?" To which Connie truthfully replied, "I don't think your getting those back."

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