Monday, July 8, 2013

The Big Brother 15 Blog - "Just tell me you're a secret Wall Street millionaire"

Click here to get the most up to date Big Brother 15 Blog posts

With America selecting the new Big Brother MVP who will have the power to make the third nomination for eviction, and with the house believing that the MVP will likely be a female each week, Jeremy decided to sexually assault the entire cast.

"I'm going to have to have a snuggle session with each and every one of the these beautiful ladies. And you know what, I don't think that will be too hard, I'm a pretty charming guy.

Jeremy McGuire: From his greasy hair, bad tattoos to his lack of a career, what is their for the ladies not to love?

Upon seeing McCrae's Head of House Room GinaMarie exclaimed, "(The) HOH room looks amazing, it's kind of like I'm in a New Jersey club. I wanna sleep there!"

And just like that, GinaMarie peed in the corner of McCrae's room and quietly passed out next to Snookie.

Nick recruited Jeremy, Spencer and McCrae to join his original two man alliance with Howard, which Spencer named the "The Moving Company" after finding out that "The Electric Company" had already been trademarked by PBS.

Claiming that he came on Big Brother for a showmance and not the money, David aligned with Aaryn romantically.

In return for her affection, Aaryn informed David that he always needed to work hard to save her so she could just be a stay at home reality show contestant.

Amanda and the house quickly found Jessie to be a bit high maintenance and annoying, in a teenage girl sort of way.

In response to Jessie not being able to decide whether she liked Nick or Jeremy, Jessie asked an annoyed Amanda to go see whether or not Nick liked her.

"Being trapped in the house with Jessie is like being trapped with a little girl at a Justin Beieber concert, every single boy that looks at her, she has a crush on."

Of course, Amanda let it slip to McCrae what her real beef with Jessie was. "Jessie has a way better ass than me, I'm a little jealous."

No bra
Jessie Kowalski: Having been told several time by the producers on Big Brother After Dark to "put a bra on," Jessie Kowalski's ass is not the only thing she seems proud to show off.

Jessie, who revealed that she didn't like Elissa or Helen, was told by Judd that Elissa was really Rachel Reilly's sister.

Jessie immediately told David, who thought she was a genius for figuring it out, even though she wasn't the one who really figured it out, and even though David had no idea who Rachel Reilly was.

Got it? Me either.

Aaryn was less than happy when she found out that Elissa was related to Rachel.

"I think its super shady that Elissa is hiding the fact that she's Rachel's sister because its obvious, and kind of a slap in the face for her to think that we're stupid enough to not realize who she is."

Of course, Aaryn Gries was stupid and completely oblivious to the fact that Elissa was Rachel's sister until David told her, but when you your Colorado's Miss Bison Chip and your talent consists of filling out a string bikini, people tend to let little facts like that slide.

The Have/Have Not Competition required teams to build a 15 beer can pyramid by retrieving them from a large cooler filled with water.

Staying true to The Moving Company alliance, McCrae nominated Jessie and Candice for eviction.
That caused Jessie to bitch, "McCrae-crae, you don't have a good reason for putting me up," oblivious to the fact that he nominated the most unpopular people in the house so as not to get any blood on his hands.

Candice was a little less passive aggressive. In fact, she was aggressive-passive saying, "I'm not going to go in the corner and cry, I'm going to compete," before she literally went off to the corner and cried.

Meanwhile, Elissa seemed relieved, if not even a little bit cocky.

"I think my sister's fans are going to vote for me, because she has awesome fans ....My sister's a super model...Do you know that I'm related to Giselle Bundschen?"

Of course, when Jeremy called her out for saying that, she totally denied it...Although the Giselle thing kind of makes sense...Since all three of them sort of have man-faces.

Amanda probably described Elissa the best when she said, "Elissa's not the sharpest botox needle in the tray, but her sister is."

Elissa Slater seemed a bit too confident that her status as the less successful sibling of a former Vegas Show Girl turned reality show skank would carry her when it came to this season's twist. Plus, I'm not really sure that posing naked in magazines aimed at auto-mechanics with gambling problems makes one a "Super Model."

Sure enough, Elissa ended up winning Big Brother's first America's MVP, and told McCrae that she was willing to do whatever he told her to.

Mistakenly thinking that Elissa was talking about the game, McCrae told her to nominate David.

When it was announced that he was the third nominee, David was caught off guard "What? I feel like I was the most likable guy in the house, and I was pissed off."

Paranoid from either a lack of weed or an abundance thereof, David actually accused his showmance, Aaryn, of conspiring against him, who promptly ran off and cried.

Not understanding women, or perhaps intentionally not wanting to get laid, David decided not to just agree with the hot chick (even though she was the one being irrational), and made things even worse by calling her a "dude."

"I was just totally mind boggled...I'm the one on the block, and you're getting pissed off at me? So, I was just totally confused dude...So can we kiss this out?

A less than impressed Aaryn pulled away saying, "No. You're going to have to prove yourself more than that for a kiss."

The Veto Competition involved crawling through honey, picking up random tiles with letters on them, and then trying to successfully spell the longest word of anyone within the time that was allowed.

Speaking of the contest, Aaryn said, "I hold men in my life to a certain standard, and spelling is definitely one of them," right before her BF David became the first player in Big Brother history to finish that competition without spelling a single word correctly. 

Or as Andy said, "Congratulations David, you're an idiot!

Equally alphabetically challenged, Elissa spelled out "Potroasts"...Which is actually two words.

In the end, pizza delivery boy McCrae won the Veto for ironically spelling "Delivery." "Who would have guessed...I feel like the stupidest smart man in the house!"

McCrae then surprised everyone by going against his alliance and using the POV on Candice and putting up his friend Elissa instead.

Of course, Amanda began sharing a bed with McCrae, and began to tempt him with her pepperonis, or as she took her shirt off on Big Brother After Dark and said, "You can't stop looking at them, can you?"

"I decided to go visit the pizza boy, because he makes me feel at home...Crazier things have happened...Just tell me you're like a secret Wall Street millionaire." Of course, Amanda's intentions weren't necessarily pure (see below).

In the end, it was David who was voted out, much to Aaryn and his surprise.

Interestingly, Jeremy voted against his alliance with The Moving Company, and instead tried to keep his showmance alliance with David, Aaryn, Kaitlin and himself intact.

"I think because I'm a a likable guy, I'm pretty smart." He then asked whether Aaryn voted against him and who the BB MVP who nominated him was.

That caused Connie Chung to say, "You can go home and watch all the tapes."

Big Brother 15 Power Ratings - Each week I'm going rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after the first week:

15. Jessie Kowalski - Overall, I think that Jessie is in better standing with the house heading into this week than she was last week, but I'm still dropping her to last place given that Elissa now seems to be valuable as a swing vote and potential reoccurring MVP.

Jessie Kowalski:

14. Candice Stewart - While she's not very well liked in the house, Candice is a former NFL cheerleader.

And when I say Candice Stewart is a former NFL cheerleader, I stress the word "former."

13. Helen Kim - Ellen tried to console her friend Elissa after the Veto spelling competition by saying, "You did a good job. I mean, pot roast, I really thought it was one word," proving that she's the worst Asian ever. 

12. Elissa Slater - A fame whore just like her sister, Elissa kept talking about going to the "Reality Bash" in Vegas once the show is done. Elissa also showed that she traded brains for Botox, as when asked how tall her husband was she said, "He's like 6'0, maybe 5'12."

11. Kaitlin Barnaby - Kaitlin's probably the prettiest girl in the house, but aside from her close friend Aaryn, she has the worst personality and attitude.

The fact that she's on the verge of hooking up with someone as sleazy as Jeremy just cements the conclusion that she's destined to work in strip clubs for the next 10 years.

With that said, Kaitlin Baranaby's ass is to die for.

10. Aaryn Gries - Not happy with David being a slacker, Aaryn grilled him about his career aspirations.

"So don't you think that at 25 you should know what you want to do. Of course, David had the snappy response when he said, "I thought I wanted to become a beach lifeguard...And then I saw the commercial for Big Brother."

Aaryn went on to ask, "Do you make money surfing, because I don't understand," not really getting the part where he doesn't have a job, and at 25, still lives in his mom's basement.

But that didn't stop Aaryn Gries from getting all Tawny Kittean on David Girton's lap.

However, Aaryn soon might be joining David, as her modeling agency has fired her for directing homophobic comments towards Andy, and racist comments towards Ellen while on the show.

Zephyr Talent appreciates the overwhelming support of our difficult decision to release Aaryn Elizabeth Gries from her contract. We wish Aaryn the best of luck in her future endeavors, and recognize that while not everyone will support our decision, we feel that this is in the best interest of our other clients and our company.
Zephyr Talent fully supports free speech, but we also know that free speech does not mean free of consequences. Zephyr Talent, as a company, has always and will continue to be strong supporters of the LGBT community, and we celebrate all races, religions and cultures. While we disagree with Aaryn’s statements, we defend her right to make them; however, due to their direct conflict with many of the values we hold at Zephyr, we cannot continue to allow her to represent our company, nor do we feel comfortable representing her. We feel certain that there will be other agencies which will have no conflict representing her, and wish her nothing but the best.
Any future comments or questions regarding Aaryn Elizabeth should be sent directly to her Facebook page. Comments or questions regarding Big Brother 15 should be directed to CBS.
9. Andy Herren - Andy's clearly a floater, but at least he's finally adjusting to society.

Andy Herron's ears: Bat Child Found in Big Brother 15 House!

8. Judd Daughtery - The "J-U-double D Party Darty" had been stacking cans of Bush Light since he was thirteen in the hope that he might be able to participate in some sort of beer can stacking event on national TV.

Given that he still wound up being a "Have-Not" after participating in exactly that event, I'm not thinking that Judd's going to go too much further in this game.

7. Gina Marie Zimmerman - GinaMarie is doing pretty well in the house socially for now, but I have a feeling that she's going to be in trouble once she runs out of cocaine. In fact, her pageant company has already fired her for making racist comments directed at Candice and dropping the N-bomb (and not in a "I'm cool with black people" way) on the show.

GinaMarie Zimmerman: I'm not exactly sure what kind of pageants she ran, but I'm pretty sure that in the future they will involve poles and $2 bills.

6. Amanda Zuckerman - While I initially thought it was sweet that Amanda seemed to have a crush on the self proclaimed "weirdo," McCrae," Amanda let her true intentions be known to Elissa during a conversation on Big Brother After Dark.

"I don't know if I'm going to have a BF after this...Just because I'm sleeping in the same bed as someone doesn't meant that anything is happening."

In apparent reference of getting herself out of the Have-Not room she asked, "If you had a choice to sleep in a room with like light shining into can't see anything at night, what would you do?"

5. Jeremy McGuire - Jeremy went against the MC and tried to secretly vote to keep David in the game, which will either give him power from two sides, and mean his demise in this game.

He's also already taking heat for his bitchy girlfriend, which won't go over well with the rest of the house.

For example, when Kaitlin and Aaryn decided that they needed to drink and snuck a bottle of wine even the rest of the house decided to wait unit midnight when the Have-Nots got off of slop to open it, Jeremy took the arrow.

"I was the one who popped the red wine and drank it...And I drank the shit out of it, and I feel great and I don't give a fuck. I'm here to play anyway, so put me up, let's go! They (Kaitlin and Aaryn) didn't drink it, this guy right here drank it."

"If you all want to get hostile, I'm a Cherokee baby, I need a new tee pee, and I'm about to throw spears at buffalo!"

This Indian Outlaw, Jeremy McGuire, half Cherokee and slack-jaw, is already thinking with his totem pole and playing the wrong side of two different alliances, The Moving Company, and The Couples.

4. McCrae Olson -McCrae has a good spot in The Moving Company Alliance, but the writing's on the wall...At some point Amanda's going to entice him to vote against the MC, and then she's going to screw him over in the end.

It wasn't pretty when Amanda Zuckerman accidentally left a pair of her panties in McCrae Olson's HOH Room.

3. Spencer Clawson - Spencer was critical of alliance member McCrae for snuggling with Amanda for being "blinded by her boobies," but totally fine with Jeremy's showmance with Kaitlin, which actually lead him to vote against his alliance.

While Spencer is on solid ground for now, I can see this whole Moving Company thing falling apart relatively soon due to people like Spencer.

2. Howard Overby - Howard struggled with the Have/Have Not Competition. "I jump into the cooler and I totally forget to hold my breath. Just because you have a body and you work out, doesn't mean that you're going to do great in every competition."

As the black guy, Howard found a way to nearly drown in two feet of water.

Nonetheless, Howard still seems to be Nick's right hand man, and he's pretty strong as a competitor...So long as the competitions don't involve water or snow.

1. Nick Uhas -Nick not only remains in control of the game strategically, but he also appears to be making an in with Kaitlin and the Couples.

I keep getting blog hits asking if Nick Uhas is gay...I'll let you all be the judge of that.

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