This week marked the first half of the grand finale of Desiree's season of The Bachelorette, which consisted of the first two hours of a two part four hour long final episode...Or as other TV shows would call it, the fourth and third to last episodes.
Desiree's final choice came down to Chris and Brooks...And for some reason Drew was still on the show too.
The episode began in Antigua, where Drew got his obligatory date out of the way first.
Des tried to explain why she had kept Drew around. "His abs, his eyes, his face, his body looks amazing...I don't know, he makes me feel good."
And after establishing that Des has little self esteem, she and Drew ended up in the Fantasy Suite due to a rain storm, where Des successfully invited him to stay in the Fantasy Suite for the night.
That seemed to be going well, because Drew kicked the camera crew out.
If America didn't know Des was serious about Chris before their date, we knew for sure when the Batch-Copter returned to pick them up on a beach, and then flew off to a deserted island for a classic Bachelor/Bachelorette inspired picnic.
|Seriously, you could bounce quarters off that ass. Desiree Hartsock's isn't so bad either.|
When asked, Des told Chris she'd be open to moving to Seattle with him. Then again, that wasn't exactly an emphatic "yes" either.
Des then invited Chris to the Fantasy Suite, where he read her poetry all night long, and the camera crew was not asked to leave.
Brooks admitted to being nervous before his date with Des, realizing that he was going to have to come out of the closet on national TV after his "gay guy on The Bachelor" stunt went just a little bit too far.
However, Brooks first had to fly back home to Boise, Idaho in order to break the news to his mom and sister.
Even harder, Brooks still had to come out to Des, who was unknowingly his hag, because heading into their date she admitted that she had deeper feelings for Brooks than either Chris or Drew.
Brooks first met with Chris Harrison whom he told, "I can't pinpoint something like why I don't feel crazy in love with this woman." That is, aside from the part where she's a woman.
When Chris urged him to go to the Fantasy Suite and "talk it out," Brooks politely declined the ABC's offer to have sex with a beautiful woman on national TV.
"I feel like if I don't feel it at this point, I'm not going to feel it." And by saying "at this point," Brooks essentially meant his entire life since puberty.
As Brooks was clearly hoping that Chris would tell him that he could simply go home, Chris broke the news that he didn't want to hear to him.
"You know as a man, it's the conversation you have to have," to which Brooks responded, "It's gonna be tough, I don't know if I have the right words," not realizing that he already did..."I'm gay."
In anticipation of their date Des gushed, "I am clearly in love with Brooks, and I miss him every day that I'm not with him....If Brooks got on one knee and proposed to me, I would definitely say yes."
As Brooks awkwardly tried to explain that there was something wrong with their relationship in his eyes, Des finally put him on the spot by asking, "How do you really feel?"
And when Brooks tried to let her down gently by saying, "I really want to be madly in love with you," He won asshole of the year award by asking her, "Why are you crying?" when she started to sob.
Clearly upset that Brooks had lead her on, Des asked Brooks, "Why now?"
Brooks responded by saying, "You want the answer? Because I didn't know," which was a lie considering he knew he was gay since middle school gym class.
Des went on to confess, "I don't know what to say, I love you."
And when Brooks replied, "You should have told me that earlier," Des told him "I can't," referring to the rule that neither the Bachelorette nor The Bachelor can tell any of the contestants that they are falling in love.
Trying to make small talk as he was leaving, Brooks asked, "So now what are you going to do? I didn't know how conflicted (you were)."
That caused Des to lose it. "You didn't know why I was conflicted? Because I didn't want to share my heart, I wanted to give it to you!"
|And in his one action all season that resembled something that a heterosexual might say, Brooks replied, "Sorry, I'll shut up, it's not helping."|
With her heart broken, Des left the status of the first half of the final two hour episode (not counting the After the Final Rose final, final episode) in jeopardy, referring to Chris and Drew.
"It breaks my heart...I just can't love them enough, and that's not what they deserve. Honestly, for me, it's over."
Des crying in the ocean after Brooks dumped her is a portrait that is going up above my mantle...She kind of looks like a pelican.