Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Big Brother 15 Blog - "What game are you playing? Because we’re playing Big Brother"

Click here to get the most up to date Big Brother 15 Blog posts

This week began with GinaMarie, oblivious to the fact that Nick had no romantic feelings towards her whatsoever, locking herself in the bathroom and crying about his eviction.

“My heart is in pieces. I really liked him, and had like a good connection…I really like him, and we were getting closer everyday...I wanted to kiss him."

I don't know what's creepier, GinaMarie Zimmerman crying over Nick Uhas while on the pot, or the fact that Big Brother has a camera in there.

Moving on from Denial to "Anger" in the Kubler-Ross Model for Levels of Reality Show Grief, GinaMarie lashed out at the rest of the house for having the audacity to send Nick home.

“All of youz are so stupid!…You know I’m from New York, and you see the attitude, so bring it! Now it’s time to play!" She was then promptly eliminated from the HOH Competition.

As GinaMarie scolded the house, "Nick is so smart, and such a good frickin’ kid” Judd, who is trying to establish a Mendoza Line for borderline intellectual functioning, jumped in and said, “That’s why he’s gone!”

McCrae explained why he broke away from his alliance and voted against the Moving Company.

"The Moving Company was pressuring me to make a choice tween Amanda and Nick, so I made my choice,” before smiling, knowing that he was about to get laid. 

Jeremy handled Nick's eviction in typical manner.

“This is a miserable moment in the Big Brother house for your main man, "The Cherokee Wonder." But it‘s not over yet. I‘m just going to hang this chin high...It‘s too pretty to hang low.”

Aaryn attacked Jessie for voting along with Elissa instead of the Mean Girls Alliance with Kaitlin and Ginamarie and shouted, "Do you think she has loyalty to you?"

That caused Jessie to reply, “At least she has respect," referring to the numerous times they had bullied and belittled her in the house.

Sure enough, when Judd walked in to room Kaitlin yelled, “Judd get the fuck out of here right now!”

However, Judd kept minding his own business by saying, "It’s my house too!"

Aaryn then proved Jessie right about not respecting her by saying, "That’s okay, Judd can be like your fifth chance at a showmance."

Kaitlin finally seemed to realize that she was no longer one of the cool kids. "I feel like I’m back in high school, but I’m on the other side.

Meanwhile, Aaryn took it upon herself to maliciously trash Candice and Howard's beds, even though they weren't even privy to her argument with Jessie.

On the other hand, they are black, and Aaryn sure as fuck wasn't going to tolerate that under her watch.

Kaitlin then forced her way into Jessie’s bed, but not in a hot way, as she simply wanted to invade Jessie's personal space and make her feel uncomfortable.

Strangely, when Jessie objected as politely as she could, Kaitlin snapped, “Oh my God, you want to talk about immature now? That‘s awesome."

Jeremy also forced his way into Jessie's bed along with Kaitlin, but once again, not in a hot way.

When Candice entered the room and had the audacity to object to having her bed flipped over simply because she was black, Aaryn did her best Michelle Obama impersonation.

“Whatcha gonna do girl? Watcha gonna do?” Aaryn then started swayin' her head back and forth like she was Oprah and shit.

Not to be outdone as the biggest racist in the house, GinaMarie jumped up and got in Candice's face and yelled, “You want the black to come out?"

Of course, the closest GinaMarie Zimmerman comes to having any black in her are the roots from her bad dye-job.

Howard then punched Aaryn and GinaMarie in their faces, and they both died.

Actually, Howard refrained from engaging with Aaryn or GinaMarie, and actually picked up Candice and carried her away from the Klu Klux Klan Junior League.

Howard then prayed and said, “All I need is an excuse, and I will go home happy, No money or nothing.”

Candice, clearly not wanting to walk away told Howard, "We have had racist remarks said to us. I have been called 'Shaniqua.' They flipped my bed over, started talking ghetto talk to me.”

When GinaMarie turned her anger back towards Jessie, Amanda stormed in and set shit straight.

"The truth of the matter is ladies, you all talk shit about each other...Katilin, you said shit about Aaryn, Aaryn, you said shit about Kaitlin.”

Amanda then lit into Aaryn for being a racist little bitch.

“I tried to clue you in. You're fucking racist on this show, okay, and when you get out of this house, you’re going to have a lot of people hating you. That’s why I came to you in a subtle way and tried to help you.”

In complete denial, Aaryn tried to defend herself by saying, “I didn’t say anything racist.” Sadly, she actually seemed like she believed it when she said it.

And when Aaryn called Amanda a "liar," Amanda just stopped and deadpanned, "What game are you playing? Because we’re playing Big Brother," before smiling and walking away.

Being the bigger person, Candice actually ended up consoling GinaMarie when she came across her crying over Nick.

That caused Aaryn to apologize to Candice as well. Well, kind of.

“Just because I’m southern and I say things that probably aren’t appropriate all the time, I have nothing against any other race."

Of course, Aaryn had to issue a disclaimer saying that she really didn't do anything wrong, and that Candice just misunderstood her N-bombs, which were really just bombs without the "N."

"I am sincere in my apology to Candice to the point that she needs to know that she took my comment wrong.”

In fact, Aaryn was so naive that she actually had the nerve to tell Jessie that she was the one being portrayed poorly on TV, erroneously thinking that America approved of racism more than boobs...Although, their popularity polls probably came out closer than one might think.

As HOH, Helen nominated Aaryn and Kaitlin stating, "Aaryn is my target for now, but she’s also the most hated person in the house. I wonder if I should keep her around."

For some reason, Elissa won America's MVP again, and she put Spencer up as the third nominee.

Elissa Slater/Rat Boy: Then again, America does seem to have an obsession with people who undergo ridiculous amounts of plastic surgery and Botox to try and look like someone who they really aren't.

The Veto Competition trying to memorize the sequence of some creepy Big Brother inspired art, only they had to jump on a trampoline in order to peek over a wall to see the arrangement.

Not so surprisingly, David Girshon was the only dog playing poker with his tongue hanging out.

The highly overweight Spencer was less than happy at having to jump on a trampoline, "This is a lot of activity for me. I was hoping for a thinkin’ challenge."

Unfortunately for him, Spencer is from Arkansas, so he wouldn't have fared much better even if that was the case.

Kaitlin wins POV, causing Jeremy to say, “I just want to make love to you right now…So I’m going to turn on the Cherokee charm and get her to do what I need her to do,” thinking that she might decline to use to Veto in order to protect him.

However, Amanda told Kaitlin that she’d be going home if she didn’t use the POV on herself.

Sure enough, Kaitlin used the POV on herself. That allowed Helen to nominate Jeremy as her replacement, which was her plan all along so she could back door him.

While the writing for his eviction was on the wall, Jeremy refused to give up. "This 'Cherokee Chief' doesn’t go out without a fight." Unfortunately for Jeremy, all he had left was a Trail of Tears.

Even after making blatant racist and homophobic comments, Aaryn tried to downplay the seriousness of her slurs.

“It's getting to the point in this game where everyone is getting very easily offended about something you say, even joking, they take as being attacked…And I apologized for things I don’t even want to apologize for."

GinaMarie didn't miss a beat in agreeing with Aaryn. "It don’t bother me," which is usually the case when you are completely oblivious to your own racism.

Trying to make America hate her even more, Aaryn implied that she was the one being discriminated against because she was pretty.

“This place is ridiculous…This is such a perfect example of how life is. People hate people who are good at things. People hate people who are cute…Jeremy is being discriminated against because he‘s a winner, and I think that is unfair.”

Trying to make himself less threatening being that he was on the block, Jeremy dressed up GinaMarie's baby costume from last week's POV competition.

"I’m no threat, I’m just a harmless little baby boy." He then was in the middle of saying, "I think the baby outfit really got into people’s hearts,” before someone yelled, “Please put on some pants!”

Unfortunately, his plan didn't work, as Amanda freaked out when Jeremy approached McCrae and herself in the backyard hammock.

"When Jeremy approaches McCrae and I dressed as a baby, I know that he is either looking to breastfeed or campaign."

Amanda then covered her breasts and said, "Thank God he was just looking for some votes."

Also campaigning for votes, Aaryn decided to be fake nice to the house, which really just involved whipping her hair around likes she was a 90's hairband video.

However, that turned out be more than Aaryn could pull off. “You know it’s hard for me to like act the way I’ve been acting and be nice to everyone, and I feel like I deserve to be acknowledged for that.”

When Amanda and Aaryn tried to hide items from the shrine GinaMarie made to Nick, GinaMarie lost her shit. “This is not funny, who took Nick’s cup? I just need it!”

And while Amanda went to retrieve that item for GinaMarie, realizing that she had taken the joke too far when GinaMarie started crying, Aaryn complained, “GinaMarie crying like a little baby, it ruined the whole joke.”

In a last ditch attempt to stay in the house, Jeremy made a proposal to work for Helen and Elissa for the rest of the game.

Hilariously, Helen told that him, “I need the attitude to change…The pompous, the walking back and forth and intimidating,” which had to kill Jeremy to agree to.

Even worse for Jeremy, he was still voted out even though he proclaimed, "I’m a winner, I’m a champion when I eat sleep and poop.”

Even after his eviction interview, Jeremy remained in denial about his skills.

"I’m a winner, and it’s in my blood to win, and I don’t lose. It is what it is.” That made it that much better when Connie Chung taunted, “So how does this feel, cause you just lost.”

Connie then went on to ask Jeremy about being perceived as a bully in the house.

“What it is, is my image…You know, all the tattoos…I’m not a bully, it just comes off like that because of how big I am…If someone smaller said it, it wouldn’t come off as hard, but since I’m so intimidating looking...and I got an amazing profile and whatnot.”

After sending Jeremy back to Texas, Connie announced a new twist...That America is the new America's MVP, who gets to nominate 3rd person for eviction this week.

Meanwhile, the new HOH Competition, called “Big Brother Royalty,” was based on the contestants trying to guess America’s vote on certain titles for the players.

For example, the contestants had to choose between A) McCrae, and B) Judd for the title of "The Duke of Laziness, for the player most likely to live in his mother's basement.

And when it was revealed that America voted for McCrae, Amanda was secretly traumatized when she realized that the person she had been cheating on her boyfriend back home with was not a "secret Wall Street millionaire, but was in fact just a lowly pizza delivery boy from "Minn-a-soda." (She voted for Judd).

In the end Judd won HOH, ensuring a room full of Moon Pies, hunter orange UT gear, and country music cassette tapes, the likes of which have never been seen.

Kaitlin: It sucks so much that he's gone. Aaryn, "I know, but anyways."

Big Brother 15 Power Ratings - Each week I'm going rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after the second week:

13. Aaryn Gries - While Aaryn has created a firestorm for her racist, homophobic and otherwise insensitive remarks (to the point where Big Brother is now running a disclaimer disclaiming Aaryn's racist slurs before every show), she shouldn't worry, because her Mommy has already hired a publicist to help Aaryn rehab her image when she gets back home.

12. GinaMarie Zimmerman - Talking herself up as most ugly people from the East Coast do, GinaMarie said, "I guess I just hang out with good looking people…I’m from Jersey…I modelled in pagaents…It’s like the Jersey Shore, you know how many tanned buff tattooed guys out there?"

Here's a much slimmer GinaMarie Zimmerman dressed up like a green Jolly Rancher, which makes a bottle of Smirnoff Ice taste just like a STD when you mix them together.

11. Spencer Clawson - In response to Jeremy saying on Big Brother After Dark while playing a game, “Amanda, we’re out of time. The Jew girl got Jewed," Spencer called Jeremy out, calling him “Adolph McGuire”

10. Howard Overby - Not only was Howard a former college football player at Southern Mississippi University, he's also a bodybuilder and aspiring model/actor. According to his "Model Mayhem" account. You can send inquiries to

Howard Overyby sure doesn't leave much for his penis to be imagined.

9. Kaitlin Barnaby - Realizing that she's not long for Big Brother, Kaitlin already started planning her next reality show appearance. "OMG, how awesome would it be if me and Jeremy were on the Amazing Race...That would be so much fun."

She then appeared to lobby some more by asking if CBS would let them do that. Does America get a vote? Please don't let this happen.

Not only did Kaitlin Barnaby get hit with a makeup gun, but somebody mother-plucked her eyebrows.

8. Jessie Kowalski - Jessie should probably be really happy that Aaryn, GinaMarie and Kaitlin are on the show, because they actually make her come across as sympathetic or likable on TV, which I'm not so sure is the case in reality.

Jessie Kowalski slowly undressed to show us all the terrible flower tattoo on her left side. I'm just hoping that she got it to cover up a hiddious birthmark or something.
7. Rachel Reilly's Sister - For some reason, Elissa was pissed that Kaitlin got on the show after being discovered in a bar instead of applying. Of course, Elissa is only the show riding the coattails as America's favorite stripper and two time Big Brother contestant, her sister, Rachel Reilly.

Of course, it was revealed on Big Brother After Dark that Elissa married into money, and that her husband drives a Lotus, so Elissa is hardly deserving of being on the show herself.

6. Judd Daughtery - After winning HOH and the cast getting to see his room with pictures from when he was a kid, Helen asked him to tell three of his favorite childhood memories.

Not ruling out the possibility of a traumatic head injury like we all suspected, Judd said, "Like before twelve, I don't remember much."

On top of that, Judd could barely read letter from his Mom and Dad that came with his HOH Room...Despite all of that, I still I kind of like the guy.

5.  Candice Stewart - I don't understand how America keeps voting for Elissa as MVP when Candice had been enduring racist slurs with the utmost of class. Then again, CBS charges America to vote, and they wouldn't want to rig the first few competitions so people have an incentive to vote against someone they hate or anything, would they?

4. McCrae Olson - Upon being asked to comment on the budding romance between McCrae and Amanda, McCrae‘s mom said, “I was more surprised than anyone. Amanda crawled right into bed with him. What’s a boy to do?”

3. Andy Herren - Andy is moving up in my rankings, as he seems to be successfully playing several sides of the house right now without making any enemies. 

And while Andy Herren is a terrific floater, I just don't know how much longer I can handle his tank-tops and extra short Chino shorts.

2. Amanda Zuckerman - Amanda, a high end real estate agent in Florida, laid out the parameters of a future relationship with pizza boy McCrae. “I get up every morning…I walk my dog…And I go to work. Then at night, I’ll make you dinner…And you need to get a job.”

1. Helen Kim - Is it just me, or does Helen Kim always seem like she's drunk? If so, good for her.

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