Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The Big Brother 15 Blog - "Last year on my birthday, I was at my house watching live feeds all day. This year on my birthday, I'm in the feeds getting spanked at the Big Brother house"


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This week began with everyone in the Big Brother house continuing to eat non stop and getting exponentially fatter, especially GinaMarie.

I don't know who GinaMarie Zimmerman used to model for, but Kirstie Alley probably needs to be frightened for her job.

Amanda tried to influence Judd's nominations as HOH. “I have to remind him that he always has to come home to where his bread is buttered, which is right here."

However, Judd was none too pleased. “Amanda’s getting on my nerves right now...If you want one, win one for yourself. She might control McCrae, but she don’t control the J-U-Double D."

I'm not sure if Judd Doughety was referring to his title as HOH or the Tennessee blanket that Amanda and McCrae defiled when he said, "If you want one, win one for yourself."

Upon getting to see Judd's HOH Room, the cast found pictures of Judd from when he was in high school and voted "biggest party animal."

That caused Jessie, who Judd clearly has a crush on, to say, “High school Judd is so adorable. Maybe I wouldn’t have let him take me to Prom, but I definitely would have let him do my homework for me.”

I had been thinking that Judd wears his plaid button down shirt to be fashionable, but it turns out he's just from Tennessee.

With Connie Chung announcing a surprise twist that would affect this week's MVP, Judd struggled with his nominations.

Howard tried to calm his nerves. “Don’t over think it…You’re not a Have-Not, Your HOH, and you get to sleep Jessie, I don’t see a downside to it.”

Maybe Judd will be able to figure out what that God awful tattoo is on Jessie Kowalski's side.

 Howard and Candice finally decided to hook up, or at least they admitted that they like each other.

“We just have a lot in common. We both from the South, we’re both Christian, and both of us were affected by a lot of the racial things that were happening in the house.”

Sadly, thanks to people like Aaryn Gries and GinaMarie Zimmerman, this season of Big Brother has more closely resembled the deep south in the 1950's than George Orwell's totalitarian vision from "1984."

The self absorbed Aaryn complained about Judd winning HOH, even though she wasn't even one of his targets since she's such an awful person that she isn't any threat to win.

“Judd thinks it’s a terrible time for him to be HOH, well, me too…I’m really hoping that Judd doesn’t do something stupid this week.”

Aaryn went on to complain to Kaitlin and Gina Marie, “You guys, being on the block is so stressful. I don’t want to go through it again.“

And when Kaitlin and GinaMarie tried to calm her down by reminding her that she hadn't even been nominated, Aaryn lost her shit.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that GinaMarie!”

And when GinaMarie said, “Check your little head Aaryn,” Aaryn snapped back by saying, “Don’t tell me to check myself…I just don’t like the way you talk to me. It’s disrespectful, I don’t deserve it."

Of course, Aaryn Gries is the same girl who has made numerous racist and homophobic slurs while on camera, so maybe she's not in the best position to throw a pageant queen temper tantrum just because somebody didn't talk to her as respectfully as she may have liked.

The Have/Have Not Competition involved teams competing to eat the most frozen yogurt out of soft serve machines.

However, the flavors were nasty unholy unions like anchovy/habanero, chocolate/vanilla and Aaryn/GinaMarie.

That much was evidenced by Howard's first impression. "It’s burning my mouth, but it’s cold. I’m confused. This is not a dessert at all, it's a disaster." 
And while McCrae puked at the end, not all was bad for everyone.

On Big Brother After Dark Candice gushed, “The highlight of my day was seeing Howie eat it like a vagina. I really enjoyed watching that.”

She also said, "I just like seeing him with his shirt off, so that’s awesome, which caused a jealous McCarae to ask Amanda, "How come you don’t ever complement me with my shirt off?"

Then again, McCrae Olson isn't exactly the man of steel.

With Amanda trying to persuade him to nominate Howard for eviction Judd said, “If I do end up putting Howard up, then I have Candice, Spencer and Howard all against me."

Unfortunately Judd didn't exactly understand the concept of voting out the target of his nominations, as Amanda had to remind him, “No, Howard will be gone."

Ultimately, Judd decided not to rock the boat by making a big move, and nominated Aaryn and Kaitlin for eviction as the two easiest targets.

Aaryn, She didn't understand why she was still targeted as trouble maker, thinking that hurtful racist comments would just go away just like the semi-naked pictures of her on the Internet did.

Wait, that's not how it works?

“I feel like everything coming out of (GinaMarie's) mouth is mean. I don’t feel like I’ve been negative for a few weeks now.”

Aaryn continued to live in her own little narcissistic world of going to pageants and waking up next to strange dudes with empty cans of Aqua Net strewn throughout her hotel room.

“A lot of things said about me, or that I say catch on,” causing Amanda to deadpan, “That’s giving yourself a lot of credit.”

Howard and Spencer wanted to keep the moving company going, and made a new alliance with Judd, Kaitlin and GinaMarie that they called “The Outsiders”

Of course, Judd immediately told Helen and Andy about what he considered to be a "fake alliance," dooming The Outsiders from their inception.

Helen guessed that America was this week’s MVP, who curiously nominated Elissa after having voted for her to be the MVP for two consecutive weeks.

In the "girls who shouldn't think" category, Kaitlin was convinced that Elissa won America's MVP, but secretly nominated herself as some sort of strategy.

On the other hand, Elissa was convinced she was "betrayed" and snapped “Please stop” and "You put me up" at GinaMarie when she tried to hug her to console her.

Elissa continued on with her pity party. “I really just wanna go home, like honestly. You guys just vote me out, seriously…This is just not fun. I’m up every week."

Candice tried to get Elissa to regain her focus by asking, “What would your sister say to do," apparently not realizing that threatening to quit is exactly what Rachel Reilly would threaten to do whenever the game didn't go her way."

The Veto Competition required the contestants to did around in a pit of mud to find cards with varying numbers of points on them and accumulate the most points.

Kaitlin described the mud as being "so chunky, smells disgusting, and it is in so many places you don’t want it to be in,” meaning that her showmance with Jeremy left her perfectly prepared for the challenge

Aaryn. “This mud smells like manure, and the last think I want on my face is manure. If my face was covered, I would be useless,” which  I guess is just a matter of opinion.

Actually, I'm guessing that the only time Aaryn is useful is WHEN her face is covered.

Pizza delivery boy McCrae got the tip of his life when he found a card giving him $5,000 instead of points. “With $5,000, I could probably buy 25,000 pizzas, and that makes McCrae very happy.”

In order to redeem cards that had the highest total number of points Helen accepted a punishment of an 8 p.m. curfew for two nights.

Meanwhile, Judd was sent to solitary confinement in a room where a snooze alarm went off every 9 minutes, and Elissa agreed not to compete next week's Veto Competition.

Elissa, ended up with the highest point total, winning the Veto and making Helen and Judd's punishments for naught.

With Elissa finally feeling comfortable since she knew she would no longer be on the block, she went back to being a bitch.

And when Amanda tried to dress up and give McCrae a lap sexy lap dance for his birthday, for some reason Elissa thought that was the appropriate time to question her choice in attire, forgetting that Amanda is, well to put it nicely, fat.

"You brought a one piece? Who are you?”

And when Amanda told her that she got it Goodwill, Elissa dug a little deeper.

“Obviously, because, like, no one else would wear a one-piece bathing suit, ever…It looks like you’re working at a strip club.”

Thinking that America might not be clear on where she stood on one-piece swimsuits, Elissa kept going.

“I thought Amanda’s dominatrix outfit was ridiculous. I can’t believe she put that on. I don’t know if it embarrassed McCrae, but it embarrassed me. If I was doing something something hot for my husband, it wouldn’t be a one piece bathing suit.

And when Amanda finally tried to get everyone to leave the HOH room so she could get down to business, which consisted of eating "Happy Birthday" in icing off of McCrae's thigh, Elissa pushed the envelope even further.

"If I see that, I’m going to vomit. I'm not trying to be mean…But it is pretty gross."

That pushed Amanda to tears. “Elissa is malicious and mean, and plays it off like she’s this good Christian girl, but she’s just nasty.”

Elissa used the Veto on herself, and GinaMarie was added by America as her replacement nominee, putting all three of the "Mean Girls" on the block.

Wanting to win Elissa’s trust, Aaryn volunteered to throw HOH or give Elissa and Helen the power to make her nominations in the event that she won. 

However, Elissa had her own agenda. “I just don’t support mean girls. Aaryn is trouble, so she needs to go home.”

Of course, Elissa and her sister Rachel Reilly are two of the biggest "mean girls around," but I guess Elissa was just pissed when she found out that she wasn't the prettiest "mean girl" on the show. 

So when Helen told Elissa not to tell anyone about The Outsider alliance, she went straight to Kaitlin and asked, “Did you make a deal with Spencer and Howard?"

Of course, Aaryn overheard Elissa's conversation with Kaitlin and went straight back to Helen.

Not knowing that she had been busted, Elissa emphatically denied tipping Kaitlin off.

“Aaryn doesn’t know what I said, I didn’t even say that to Kaitlin…I want to know why you were talking to Helen about something I said to Kaitlin?"

With Kaitlin trying to play both sides, she was ultimately voted out 9-0, saying good bye only to GinaMarie as she stormed off.

At her exit interview, Connie Chung asked Kaitlin what she thought about being referred to in social media as "The Mean Girls," along with Aaryn and GinaMarie.

"That kind of hurts, I’m from Minnesota (because that automatically makes her nice?)…But I will admit, I aligned with some catty girls, some seriously catty girls.”

When asked if she had any regrets about the mattress flipping incident, which turned out to be a racial incident, Kaitlin replied, “A little bit, I definitely picked the wrong side of the house, but what can you do,” showing that her only concern was that she didn't make it any further in the game. 

Finally, when asked about her showmance with Jeremy, Kaitlin replied, “I’m going to Vegas…He can do what he wants," proving that showing your tits to old men for tips at nightclubs runs just a little bit deeper than reality show romances. 

The POV Competition was game of roulette, with the contestants dropping a ball into a spinning wheel to try and record the highest score.

And while Aaryn won, she pledged her power of nomination to Helen, although Elissa clearly gave her an out by secretly lobbying against her with Kaitlin. 

And to prove that she's really taking a hard line on the racist and homophobic comments that have been issued in the house this year, Julie Chan brought back Big Brother's favorite homophobe, Jeff Shroeder, for an interview that included no talk whatsoever about Aaryn and GinaMarie's prejudicial comments.

Keep up the good journalism Julie.

Big Brother 15 Power Ratings - Each week I'm going rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after the third week:

12. Aaryn Gries - On Big Brother After Dark it was revealed that Aaryn also made finals for MTV's The Real World, but picked Big Brother instead. Of course, The Real World might been a better choice, as their cast members can make racist comments, fight and still be invited back to appear on their Real World - Road Rules Challenge show.

Apparently there was some confusion when Aaryn was asked, "Do you want me to nut all of them?"

11. GinaMarie Zimmerman - With quotes like, “I do not like pickles at all, they disguise me, I mean despise me" (I think she was going for 'disgust me'), and “If I want to compromise somebody, I have to have a situation worth compronization," GinaMarie has been ripped for her linguistic skills.

Andy was up first. “I have never heard anybody butcher the English language quite like GinaMarie does, and as a teacher, part of it send shivers down my spine,” while Candice said, “With GinaMarie, I am a speech therapist, but I‘m definitely not a miracle worker.”

GinaMarie Zimmerman's fat: Just look at what Nick Uhas missed out on.

10. Rachel Reilly's Sister - Elissa's bitch attitude is starting to make her more and more of a target, especially since she no longer seems to be a threat to win America's MVP each week. Perhaps she should just lay low

9. Howard Overby - Howard Overby disrobed on the Big Brother After Dark live feed and while showing Spencer his penis...but I'm not going to go there.

8. Spencer Clawson - Spencer has tried hard to make some moves to shake up the game, but he keeps winding up on the wrong side of the fence. 

7. Jessie Kowalski - Is it just me, but now that Kaitlin is gone is Jessie starting to assume her place with Aaryn and GinaMarie in the "Mean Girls," kind of like when one of the girls would die in the movie Heathers?

6.  Candice Stewart - Did you know that Candice has a really big heart? Because if you didn't, she'll tell you every chance she gets on Big Brother After Dark.

5. Judd Daughtery - On the other hand, Judd seemed right at home. “I'm no stranger to mud. I like to go frog giggin'. Whenever you go, you get at the edge of the pond, you spear the frog, and you cut it’s legs off for dinner.”

4. Andy Herren - On Big Brother After Dark Andy joked, “I went into college a testiclology major but it was too hard." Actually, he wasn't joking...I don't think it was very hard for him at all.

3. Amanda Zuckerman - While Amanda has been controlling McCrae's game, she has a little bigger target on her chest than McCrae does.

Okay, make that two targets. At least we finally learned what Amanda Zuckerman was doing with all those Band-Aids she's been hording. She's been using them as pasties to cover up the bulls eyes on her fake boobs...She's calling them "Amand-Aids."

2. McCrae Olson - Talk about living the dream, here's what McCrae said in response to his birthday lap dance from Amanda.

"Last year on my birthday, I was at my house watching live feeds all day. This year on my birthday, I'm in the feeds getting spanked at the Big Brother house. This is awesome…Thanks guys, that was the best birthday gift ever.”

1. Helen Kim - Helen remains in control of the game, although sooner or later somebody is going to realize that they need to make a big move by either taking Helen out or splitting up Amanda and McCrae.

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