Monday, March 2, 2015

Blogging SURVIVOR: Worlds Apart - "I'm a fat guy, it's not going to hold."

Survivor - Worlds Apart began with the players diving up into tribes by social class, mainly, "white collar," "blue collar," and "no collar."

Boston guy Rodney wanted to clarify that he wasn't as stupid as he looked.

"Everybody looks at me and thinks I'm a meat head, but against the competition, I'm a fillet Mignon and everyone else is just a steak."

Of course, much to Rodney's surprise, or maybe not, there are several other cuts of steak that are considered to be even better than a fillet Mignon.

Given his view on women, Rodney Lavoie, Jr.'s not a Boston butt...He's just another ass from New England.

Rodney told the rest of the blue collars that he still moves furniture and Jacuzzis for a living even though he'd moved on to much bigger an better things, the world of sales, out of fear of intimidating them with his intelligence.

Why do I think that Rodney Lavoie, Jr. is now  a car salesman?

Each tribe was asked to select one leader, who then had to pick one person to come along with him/her for a task.

White collar leader and sleazeball Joaquin chose recent divorce So to join him. Blue collar leader Dan chose oil driller Mike to go along. Meanwhile, no collar leader and YouTube sensation Will chose rich girl Jenn to be his bitch.

Each pair was then presented with the option to take a big bag of beans back to their tribe, or a smaller bag in return for a clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol, with nobody else any the wiser.

The only team to bit was the "white collars," where Joaquin talked So into screwing their tribe over in return for the clue saying, "That's a silly decision."

However, nobody at camp believed that they were being honest when they saw the size of Joaquin's bag of beans.

And while the "white collars" were busy trying to figure out the best way to fuck each other up the ass, the "blue collars" worked together and found a butt-load of crabs, made fire, and built a shelter right away.

However, not everything was perfect with the "blue collars."

Creepy Boston Guy tried to use his sister's death to bond with the the girls, then went on to say, "My strategy from day one - get the girls. Girls, they want to sit back and let a man take the leader role,"

And while the "blue collars" weren't expected to get by on their smarts, oil driller Mike decided to try and get some extra protein in his eating a scorpion.

"I knew when I came out here, that if there was an extra chance to get protein, I was going to take that chance...I'm the type of guy, if I see an opportunity in front of me, I'm gonna go grab it."

Sure enough, that caused Mike to puke, pass out, and possibly die.

After establishing that Mike's an idiot...Dan realized that he didn't fit in with the rest of the "blue collars," and took issue with their plan to build a raised shelter supported by nothing but bamboo.

"I'm a fat guy, it's not going to hold."

Dan Foley: Fat guy in a little suit!

At the "no collar" camp, Fabio guy tried to form an alliance with Jenn, and then immediately fell in love with her.

However, Jen was in love with Joe, and thought that he, and not Fabio, should be on the cover of a romance novel.

And after Jenn and Joe made fire together, Fabio guy's jealousy got the best of him and he interrogated Jenn about her feelings for Joe.

"I want to ask you a real human being question. Do you feel more of a connection with Joe? You're not attracted to him, not even a little?"

However, Jenn was smart enough to turn things back on Fabio guy, and she asked him if he was still on board with the alliance he had proposed. Sure enough, he was...Like, he really, really was.

"I do. I really want that."

Unfortunately for Jenn, Fabio guy reclaimed her by rubbing his scent all over her face.

"Vince hugged me forever after. We smell bad. We smell bad, okay. Do not get that (his armpits) all over my face."

Vince Sly: What girl wouldn't want this guy's swiss chard all over her face?
At the "white collar" camp, ironically it was the kicker who first that they all needed to get down on their knees and get dirty in order to survive in the game...Or at least figure out how to make fire.

Not trusting her tribes "leaders," Carolyn noticed Joaquin and So sneak off to look for Idol. More importantly, she paid attention to where they looked, and beat them to the punch by finding it first.

The First Immunity Challenge consisted of an obstacle course with a puzzle at the finish, with the first two teams to complete it winning immunity and fire starting tools.

With the "no collars" winning and the "blue collars" coming in second, the "white collars" earned a trip to Tribal Council thanks to Shareen, who fucked up on the puzzle so bad that she had to be replaced, but by that point it was too late.

To make things worse, the "white collars" were the only tribe that hadn't been able to make fire on her own.

Before Tribal Council, Tyler tipped Carolyn off that her name had come up in discussions. That caused her to tell him that she had found an Idol, and she lobbied to vote So out.

At Tribal Council, Joaquin and So threw Tyler and Max under the bus for being in an alliance with them.

However, Carolyn was feeling so cocky that she not only didn't play her Idol, but she made up some purely ridiculous nonsense as well saying, "Oh by the way, I am just as athletic as anyone else."

While Carolyn was completely full of shit, So was still voted out, and just like that, the "white collars" voted out their most athletic player.

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