Monday, March 9, 2015

The Bachelor Blog - "Well, that's not ideal."

The final episode of the Bachelor began with Chris agonizing which pig to put lipstick on and bring back to his barn, Becca the virgin, or Whitney, who's not a virgin.

With the girls getting to meet Chris' family, Whitney was up first, and she completely blew them away with how "country" she was, only in Iowa that's a good thing.

The only problem was that Whitney hadn't yet blown Chris away like Becca had.

Meanwhile, Chris' family seemed concerned about Becca's inability to say that she loved Chris, or even liked him...not even "maybe."

Chris summed up the biggest decision in his life by saying, "I'm standing in the barn where I raised my first pig," which was obviously the only logical spot for him to propose to his future wife.

And in that barn, where Chris raised his first pig, he broke things off with a clearly relieved Becca, not because he wanted to, but as he finally astutely noted, "You're not, really ready."

Despite not being chosen, you could tell that Becca was relieved when she was the one who apologized to Chris as she walked through cow shit in her ballroom dress and sped off in her limo to get the fuck out of Iowa as quick as she possibly could.

After Becca left Chris' barn like a herd of corn, Whitney arrived, none the wiser.

And when Chris proposed to her Whitney gushed, "I don't want to forget this moment ever," not realizing that she won't, especially after she watches the show and sees that she was clearly Chris' second choice.

But at least for the moment Whitney was thrilled, and ended things with a very fitting, "Holy cow!"

The After the Final Rose episode began with Chris meeting with Becca, who informed the audience that she was no longer a virgin after meeting Juan Pablo at a Bachelor related promotional event.

When Becca admitted that she's still never been in love, Chris Harrison added fuel to the fire by asking Chris if he should have realized that she was "a lost cause from the start."

However, Chris showed his true feelings for Whitney when he began by comparing her to his sister.

After months of being sequestered, Whitney still seemed completely head over heels for Chris, which she explained by noting how she never went back and watched the show.

Of course, that lead to many antagonizing questions from Chris Rose and Jimmy Kimmel, both of whom seemed to piss Whitney off, even though she tried her best to muster a smile for the cameras despite her missing upper lip.

The all important decision on the next Bachelorette apparently came down to Britt and Kaitlyn, with an overwhelming majority of the audience favoring Kaitlyn, even though Chris Harrison kept telling us that the nation was "split" between the two of them.

However, there was a big surprise when Chris Harrison announced that Britt and Kaitlyn would both be the next Bachelorette,

Kaitlyn probably summed up everyone's thoughts on that announcement the best with her candid response to Chris Harrison asking her initial thoughts when she learned she'd have to share the title by saying, "Well, that's not ideal."

And on that note, I'm glad to announce that I'm retiring from blogging both the Bachelor and the Bachelorette. Nothing personal to anyone aside from Emily Maynard, but much like the show, it's just run it's course.

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