Friday, March 13, 2015

Blogging SURVIVOR: Worlds Apart - "I just saw monkey sex, start to finish!"

This week began with Nina making the not so strategic play of announcing that she knew that she's the next player who was going to get voted out for the "No-Collars," and just asking everyone not to treat her like she wasn't deaf until she was sent home.

For the "White Collars," Shirin grunted at two monkeys and asked them to show her how to survive in the wild, right before they began fucking like, well, monkeys.

That caused Shirin to gush, "Big Papa, Big Momma howler monkeys just got it on...I just saw monkey sex! Start to finish!"

For the "Blue Collars," Dan jokingly called Rodney's mother a whore, which struck a nerve with him, mainly because it was true.

If Rodney Lavoie, Jr.'s mother wasn't busy being a whore, she would have taught him not to be a douche bag. 

Hali and Jenn decided to exclude Nina this week by going boogie boarding with driftwood. Or as Hali said, "Body boarding is so much fun. Surfing is probably like my number three passion in life."

Meanwhile, Joe, who's mother wasn't a whore and taught him sign language, comforted Nina.

Back at the "White Collars," Shirin was starting to try everyone's patience.

Or as Tyler said, "Shirin's at the point now where crazy is as crazy does, from the nudity, to the talking to the monkey in the trees, to the excessive talking around camp."

For the "Blue Collars," things weren't any better.

Mike got upset with the rest of the tribe, and Rodney in particular, because nobody else would work around camp, making him the first blue collar person ever to realize why "white collar" people hate union employees so much.

Rodney took exception to Mike's accusations, not because he was working, but because comin' from Boston he don't take horderves from nobody.

"Mikes the number one target right now, so I need to go back to my three 'C's,' cool, calm and collection."

Things got even worse for the ultra religious Mike when he challenged Lindsey on how she had tended to the fire, who let her testosterone get the best of her as she lashed out at him, and who he was.

People may think that Lindsey Cascadan is an atheist, but her other Jesus is a Camaro! 

"How the fuck do you think this fire's going right now? How do you think that got there? Magic? Your God? Did your God come down and do it with his beard?"

That left Mike all butt hurt, who forgot all about the part where Christians believe that the process of getting butt hurt is a sin in and of itself, but that's a story for another blog post.

The Immunity Challenge required the contestants to navigate a mud filled obstacle field in order to fill a barrel using only a leaky bucket, with the winners getting a tarp and luxury items for their camp, and second place getting immunity and a tarp.

For the second time in three weeks, Will was too exhausted to finish the job for the "No Collars," who had decided to exclude Nina from the challenge, not because they had to have somebody sit out, but because they just decided not to let her help.

Sure enough, the "Blue Collars" ended up winning, the "White Collars" came in second, and the "No Collars" were sent to Tribal Council.

At Tribal Council it all came down to Will and Nina, with Will throwing Nina under the bus for blaming everything bad that had happened to her in the game on her disability.

Fortunately for Will it worked, as Nina was voted out and his fat ass stayed in the game.

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