Saturday, March 8, 2014

Blogging SURVIVOR: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty - "People say they have a 'gaydar,' well I have a 'copdar."

Last week Survivor: Brawn vs. Brains vs. Beauty started off with perhaps the greatest episode ever.

And in case you missed it, it finished with the Brains Tribe deciding not to vote out the crazy bitch who poured all of their rice in the fire, which understandably left a few of their members pissed off at the start of this week's episode.

But as Spencer said, "Garrett was bad enough at the game that the girls were willing to choose someone who destroyed all of our food over him."

At the Brawn Tribe, Tony finally admitted to Sarah that he was also a cop, who had him pegged as a fellow pig since day one.

"You know how people say they have a 'gaydar,' well I have a 'copdar,'" which pretty much just another way of saying that "stupid finds stupid."

And with that, the "Donut Alliance" was formed.

Apparently not quite understanding the whole concept of being cops being the good guys, Sarah went on to boast, "We're going to be partners in crime!"

Over at the Beauty Tribe, Jefra still hadn't pooped by night six.

Or so Jefra Bland would like to have you believe!

However, being constipated wasn't her only problem, as the former pageant queen was clearly having problems living out in the elements.

Jefra Bland looks like your typical pageant girl...Until she talks.

While Morgan received the initial clue to the hidden Immunity Idol, it was LJ who found it without even the benefit of having a clue after he noticed how she had been looking in the ocean when the rest of the Beauty Tribe arrived at camp.

Ironically, J'Tia was the one begging for rice at the Brains Tribe after being the one who threw their entire supply in the fire.

The Immunity Challenge required the tribes to use buckets to throw water to their teammates in order to fill a reservoir, which would then release a ball used to solve a table maze.

And while the Brains had practiced their technique using coconuts, they were in dead last heading into the maze.

The Brawn tribe ended up winning Immunity, along with a reward in the form of a tarp, blankets and a hammock.

However, the Beauty tribe completely fell apart on their table maze, allowing the Brains to come from behind and earn a much needed tarp for their shelter.

At the very least, I applaud Morgan McLeod for her effort(s).

As they headed back at camp, Tony found the clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol hidden in the Brawn Tribe's reward package.

But since Tony had already found the Idol, he covered up an evidence that he had found the clue, just like he learned to do on the Jersey City police force.

When Sarah went to try out the Brawn tribe's new hammock, Lindsey joked, "I hope you fall on your ass."

Sure enough, when the hammock really did break Lindsey laughed hysterically saying, "Dreams really do come true on Survivor!"

For the Beauty's, Brice worried that he might be the target at Tribal Council saying, "I just want to make that we're on the same page to get a girl out tonight."

And while the rest of the tribe was in fact on board with the idea of voting out a girl, unfortunately for Brice, that girl was him.

Alexis came up with a plan to split the vote between Brice and Morgan just in case one of them had the Hidden Immunity Idol. However, Jeremiah was playing both sides and was still considering blindsiding Alexis.

At Tribal Council, the Beauty's showed why they probably weren't meant to be on a show like Survivor, with Alexis worrying about a bug in her hair, and Brice arrogantly comparing himself to a butterfly.

"You're going through in your life to have that butterfly effect where where you can come out of the caterpillar and be a beautiful butterfly. So I really do feel like I'm at the butterfly stage of my life...and I'm just flyin' around eatin' plants lookin' pretty."

While I don't know how Brice Johnston came out, butterfly's sure as hell don't "come out of" caterpillars, they come from them.

Jefra used her time at Tribal Council to talk about how much she was enjoying the game before she got all wet, cold and constipated.

"Well the first couple days around our tribe was actually like one big party, Jeff. We were like a group of college friends, all these beautiful kids out here hanging out." 

Thinking he was safe, Brice all but went on to say that he was planning to vote Alexis out. "I feel like everyone should pull their own weight around camp."

And when Jeff Probst put him on the spot by flat out asking him if he planned on voting out Alexis, he said, "Dot, dot, dot - hmmph," whatever that means.

With Alexis, Brice and Morgan all tied at two after the initial vote, the Beauty's were forced to re-vote, with those still up for eviction forced to abstain.

And while Brice said that he was sure he was safe, he and his purple pants were evicted.

That left Brice Johnston free to go back home where he can resume his career of trying on outrageous clothes and taking selfies while grabbing his junk.

Brice directed his sour grapes at Jeremiah, dissing him by saying how he was surprised "he could even spell my name," after he had earlier bonded with him by curiously noting, "Us country folks need to stick together."

Brice then made a ridiculous self promoting statement, which sadly, I think he might have even believed.

"Clearly they wanted the cutest, most fashionable member out first, and I'm glad to take that title with bells and whistles on."

He left things off by saying, "I really hope Morgan does well, and to the rest of the people, I don't even remember their names."

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