Wednesday, August 14, 2013

The Big Brother 15 Blog - "You told me that you wished that she choked on her saliva, and a boob would pop out, and she would die"

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Last week we left off with Aaryn winning the HOH. A tearful Elissa probably summed up the house reaction best when she said, “Aaryn wins HOH, and I’m speechless.”

Thinking that winning HOH gave her the right to be racist again, Aaryn told Candice, “You got me saying axed (instead of asked).”

However, Candice didn't take the bait saying, "I’m took that with a grain of salt. Clearly, I’m a speech therapist, so I know to talk," making Aaryn seem like the redneck farmer she really is.

Fortunately for Candice, Aaryn's nominations went to Helen based upon a prior deal that kept Aaryn safe. That meant that Spencer and Howard went on the block.

On the block, Howard delivered what he hoped would be a game changing speech to the rest of the house to play their own games.

However, Howard's speech even caused Judd to say, “People say I’m hard to understand, but I have no idea what Howard is talking about.”

Thinking that he had sealed the deal, Howard said, "I’m glad I got that off my chest. Message delivered. Message received. Done deal."

On the other hand, Spencer was more than pleased that Spencer rambled on while staring people down. "Major fail...This is great, Howard’s got everyone convinced that he’s gunning after them." 

In a bit of a surprise, America nominated Amanda as the third nomination, although she was convinced that the MVP who put her up was Howard.

McCrae agreed, “He just fucked you...Obviously Howard, I’d bet like a thousand like a bazillion dollars." 

Never one to make a correct assumption, Aaryn agreed. “So now it’s definitely not America.”

Amanda confronted Howard about being MVP, who correctly surmised, "it might be America." 

Howard being correct proved to be too much for Amanda to handle. "This is exactly why I want Howard to leave…I can’t manipulate him. He has to leave."

The Veto Competition required the contestants to find puzzle pieces in the yard and assemble a Veto Symbol.

Aaryn protested saying, “I don’t like puzzles, I don’t do puzzles," noting how she usually has her mother do them for her. 

Spencer ended up winning the Veto and used it on himself.

When Aaryn complained, "Candice has been the primary cause of every single thing I’ve gone through."

And since Aaryn was really referring to black people in general when she said "Candice," it didn't come as any surprise when she put up Candice as her replacement nominee for Spencer.

Candice was not at all happy that Aaryn targeted her again after being subjected to racial slurs from her earlier in the summer.

"In true redneck fashion, of course Aaryn puts me on the block. She even threw in a ‘saddle up girl'...She should’ve just said, ‘grab your rebel flag, black people on the block!’”

Being the little tattle tale that he is, Andy told Amanda that he made a fake alliance with Howard and Spencer.

Of course, that caused Amanda to confront Spencer, although that didn't go so well for her.

“I know what you think that you‘re doing, but it‘s not going to work. It‘s going to make yourself more of a target...Don’t go against me, because that’s going to hurt you.”

However, Spencer wasn't at all ready to take any shit from a woman, and especially a Jewish woman from New York.

“I don’t really give a fuck Amanda...You try to like threaten people and you try to act like your this badass, but I’m not some punk bitch who’s going to kiss your ass. I know you’re the reason that I’m up on the block this week." 

And when Amanda said, ”I don’t have that much power, but I appreciate," Spencer interrupted her like any guy from Arkansas would and said, "Shut up Amanda!”

And being a strong Jewish woman from New York, Amanda said, “Don’t you tell me to shut up...Who tells’ a woman to shut up?”

And officially winning the argument, Spencer snapped, “I do, when you need to listen," officially making the scoreboard read: Men-1, Women-0.

Of course, Helen overheard the argument and told Candice that Spencer said was targeting her, even though he only said that to Amanda to cover his ass when she confronted him about targeting her.

Not realizing that Spencer wasn't really targeting her, Candice freaked out and calls house meeting just to call Spencer out, and as Amanda said, “House meetings always go very well.”

Sure as shit, Candice sold Spencer out for targeting Amanda.

“Last night you said you would rally an army to get her out. You told me that you wished that she choked on her saliva, and a boob would pop out, and she would die."

And with that, Spencer had very little grounds to argue back, because that's pretty much exactly what someone who hated Amanda would've said if they were targeting her. 

Candice then concluded by saying, "I wish to God you’d keep my name out-your-mouth…Thank you, the meeting is adjourned!"

Proving that stupid doesn't recognize stupid, Aaryn suspected that Judd was playing the entire house. “Judd is a brilliant, brilliant human being."

And with that statement fresh out of Aaryn's mouth, Big Brother cut away to a clip of people from Judd's hometown of Englewood, Tennessee reacting to him being on the show.

That was actually surprising considering that Judd had said on Big Brother After Dark that his parents didn’t care at all about him on the show, and that they didn’t say goodbye to each other.

That spurred comments like, "Judd being on BB is probably the biggest thing since electricity," and, "I hope he doesn’t get all big town on us."

Big Brother didn't say whether or not Judd Daughtery is related to "Town Fan" Eugene, but given that he's from Englewood, Tennessee, I'm guessing that it's pretty safe to bet that they are.

In her pre-vote eviction speech, Amanda announced that she is "Big Brother engaged" to McCrae, whatever that means.

I'm pretty sure that Amanda Zuckerman's pre-show boyfriend was none too pleased that he was dumped for a pizza delivery boy who couldn't even afford to buy her the fake boobs that he had bought her.

In a 7-1 vote, Howard was evicted, becoming the first person involved in this summers racism scandal to be interviewed by Connie Chung.

"Why not confront the racism and say, 'I’m not going to put up with this?'”

Having taken the high road when it came to racists like Aaryn Gries and GinaMarie Zimmerman, Howard said he didn’t want to bring his temper out, which sounded like it might resemble the kid in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, or at least George McFly in Back to the Future when he finally let Biff have it.

In her parting video to Howard, Candice told him, “I hope we can continue our friendship outside of this house, and maybe ‘go sailing,” which was clearly a metaphor for sex since no black people actually sail.

We left of with the new HOH Competition, which required the competitors to hold on to bull head connected to them by a rope over a china cabinet while balancing on a spinning barrel.

And while Connie Chung offered mystery boxes to the first three players to drop out, one of which contained $5,000, there were no takers when the episode left off with the competition still in progress.

More importantly we learned that, unbeknownst to the houseguests, next week would be a double eviction week.

Big Brother 15 Power Ratings - Each week I'm going rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after the fifth week:

11. Aaryn Gries - Aaryn may not go down as the best or the smartest player to ever appear on Big Brother...

Aaryn Gries: But at least she's responsible for CBS adding a new viewer discretion disclaimer before the show as a result of her racist remarks.

10. GinaMarie Zimmerman - As Aaryn's partner in racism, GinaMarie was oblivious to the way that America, and her former employer, are viewing her on the show.

“I personally want to go home with something. I don’t necessary need to go home with $500,000…If I can go home with some chunk of change…Even if I go home with America’s Favorite Player, I’m freakin happy, because that’s 25 grand.”

GinaMarie Zimmerman's parents...That seems about right.

9. Rachel Reilly's Sister - Oh Jesus, not more Elissa Yoga poses!

Not realizing that wrapping yourself in Saran wrap while doing yoga makes you look stupid no matter where you are, Elissa Slater said, "I wish we had a gym, or like somewhere to work out where you don’t look so stupid.”

8.  Candice Stewart - If Candice Stewart doesn't win $25,000 for America's Favorite Player this year given all the racist crap she's had to deal with this season, something's wrong with America.

7. Spencer Clawson - Spencer seems like the kind of guy who would anally rape you if you passed out early at a party in college.

6. Jessie Kowalski - Jessie Kowalski may be in trouble after she stole and Herron's lips. 

Andy Herron looks like a bad burn victim, while Jessie Kowalski looks like...Well, Elissa Slater.

5. Judd Daughtery - After seeing this profile, I'm actually considering rescuing Judd from the local animal shelter in Englewood, TN.

4. Amanda Zuckerman - Amanda's her own worst enemy in this game, as the only thing bigger than her fake boobs is the target that she's painted on her chest using only her mouth. It's only a matter of time before somebody decides that Amanda and McCrae need to be split apart.

3. Andy Herren - Something just came to me...

I never realized that Don Knotts was gay...I guess I should've saw the signs.

2. McCrae Olson -It's kind of funny when America is wondering what a guy like McCrae is doing with a girl like Amanda.

Clearly McCrae Olson is above Amanda Zuckerman, no matter how much more money she makes than he does.

1. Helen Kim - really think that if somebody would just challenge Helen's power, she'd leave the show crying. Unfortunately, nobody has been brave enough to do so.

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