Survivor - Caramoan is upon us. This season the contestants are being divided into two tribes.
The main twist includes bringing in ten new contestants to compete against ten returning "fan favorites."
In actuality, those "fan favorites" only included two people that the audience actually liked, and seven other former players that were simply available because they have remained unemployed since they last appeared on the show.
|I realize that my math only adds up to nine...That's because Malcolm Freberg fell into both categories.|
Oh yeah, and included with the ten returning former players was yet another relative of Russell Hantz. Of course, that really isn't even a twist anymore, it's more like par for the course.
Gota Tribe (fans)
Hope Driskill - A 23-year-old pre-law major from Jefferson City, Missouri.
Pros: She's pretty good looking.
Cons: She describes herself as being "attractive," which automatically makes her much less attractive than she thinks she is.
Pros: Young and physically fit, Eddie claims to be a swimmer and athletic.
Cons: Posted a photo of himself shirtless on Facebook with the caption, "Very happy with myself. Hard work paying off," proving that he's a typical douche bag from Jersey.
|Clearly, this photo doubles as Eddie Fox's online dating profile picture. I just feel bad for all of the girls on "Plenty of Fish" that he emails pictures of his junk to.|
Laura Alexander - A 23-year-old administrative officer from Washington D.C.
Pros: Laura climbed a mountain in Africa and claims to be good a puzzles.
Cons: I can't find anything interesting on her, either positive or negative.
|Laura Alexander...Sorry, that's all I have.|
Sherri Biethman - A 41-year-old fast food franchisee from Boise, Idaho.
Pros: Lists her claim to fame as "finding the right diagnosis for my autistic son," which is amazing considering that she doesn't even own an Applebees.
Cons: Falls just below Jenny McCarthy on the hotness to crazy ratio for mothers of autistic children.
|At least Sherri Biethman's kid won't understand the social ramifications of having a mom who's a cougar.|
Pros: Despite a gruff exterior, seems like he's a pretty likable dude.
Cons: Lists one of his inspirations as the guy who grew the longest beard in history, which shows that he may not be the highest achiever that the show's ever brought on.
|Then again, Matt Bischoff's wife is pretty hot, so clearly Yosemite Sam is doing something right.|
Julia Landauer - A 21-year-old professional race car driver from New York who's currently attending Stanford University.
Pros: Currently heads a team of men as the head of her own racing team at the age of 21.
Cons: Even though she's kind of cute for a redneck, she is on record as having said that she is trying to develop her "Julia Landauer Racing Brand," so I'm not sure she's in the show for all the right reasons.
|Julia Landauer's breath also reeks of Danica Patrick's semen.|
Allie Pohevitz - 25-year-old bartender from Oceanside, NY.
Pros: She's easy on the eyes. Her claim to fame is being the editor of her school magazine.
Cons: She's a self professed clean freak and pretty girl, so I have a hard time seeing her shitting in the woods, or wherever it is that girls poop when they're on Survivor...Plus her only claim to fame other than being the editor of her school magazine is drinking on the job.
Michael Snow - A 44-year-old event planner from New York City.