Sunday, February 15, 2015

The Bachelor Blog: "You have to pop out babies immediately, or you can't stay here."

This week began with a special "two day Bachelor event," which meant that ABC was dedicating roughly twenty-five percent of their weekly prime time slots to Bachelor related programming.

We began with "Chris Tells All," which really just turned out to be an hour of Chris Harrison, not Chris Soules, rehashing the seasons events.

Andi Dorfman also made an appearance to explain why she broke off her fake relationship with Bachelorette "winner" Josh Murray, and I'll be damned if Andi didn't put on a show to make herself really look as if she was heartbroken.

And "coincidentally," at the exact same time that Andi Dorfman decided to clear the air about her break-up with Josh, there just happens to be an opening on The View.

On to the first real two hour episode of the week, Chris surprised the girls by announcing that they'd be hopping a bus and traveling to his home state of Iowa.

But before she ever got to live the life of luxury, Chris sent Megan home due to a lack of chemistry.

The other girls all seemed really excited to make the trip...That is, until they got there.

To make things a little bit more tolerable, ABC and Chris put the girls up at the local Days Inn, which featured a pretty nice outdoor pool.

Jade got the first 1-on-1 Date, and went along with Chris to tour his corn and go to a local high school football game, where Jade got to meet all of the fat women that Chris went to school with.

After seeing where Chris lived, Jade tried to get up the nerve to tell Chris that she was in Playboy.

Then again, perhaps Jade Roper really just wanted Chris Soules to send her home right away.

However, after meeting Chris' parents, the closest she could come to telling Chris, was telling Carl, who was pretty much a guy.

The second 1-on-1 Date went to Whitney, who being from Kentucky felt a little overwhelmed by being in the big city of Des Moines, where Chris took her to see some art...Or as the locals called it, "The Mad Potter."

Whitney seemed to win over Chris' three best friends over drinks before informing Chris that she no longer had any family for him to meet after her mom died during liposuction surgery.

Whitney Bischoff, formerly of Bluegrass Orthopedics, seems like a 50-year-old woman at heart...So she should feel right at home in Iowa.

Meanwhile, the other girls road tripped to Chris' hometown, which caused Britt to break down in tears.

Kaitlyn may have come up with the town's new slogan when she said joked that Arlington's town sign read, "You have to pop out babies immediately, or you can't stay here."

A 3-on-1 Group Date was announced for Britt, Carly and Kaitlyn, all of whom Chris took ice skating.

Britt admitted to Chris that she was having "a hard time maintaining that special feeling" after arriving in Iowa. She also confessed to her mom that she was feeling "not so fresh," mainly due to the fact that hasn't showered since being on the show.

Carly took her time with Chris to throw Britt under the bus for hating Iowa, which is never a good idea if you want to stay on the show, even if what you're saying is true.

Sure enough, Chris confronted Britt on her feelings about Iowa, which only lead to him making him out with her, like pretty much any other topic would have.

Kaitlyn actually spent her time with Chris talking about how she felt about him, and ended up getting the much coveted Group Date Rose. Meanwhile, Britt stewed in her juices, or possibly her own urine, knowing exactly what was happening.

Britt then proceeded to lose her shit over not getting the Group Date Rose, even causing the clear third wheel Carly to say, "It's so much better of an explosion then I could have ever possibly expected!"

Sure enough, the episode left off with Chris' decision on who went home pending...

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