Monday, February 16, 2015

The Bachelor Blog: "I make corn, I can't imagine what it might be like to make babies."

The second part of the not so special "two day Bachelor event" began with Becca getting a 1-on-1 Date, who Chris took to a completely different part of Iowa.

Meanwhile, Britt informed Whitney and Carly that she was definitely going home before the Rose Ceremony.

However, Carly caught on to her ploy when Britt noted how she she wanted to talk to Chris about it first. "This is what I mean by five seconds later I hear something different...She wants him to beg, and if not, she's leaving him."

But when Chris announced that there would be no Pre-Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party, Britt had no chance to corner him, so she had to disrupt the Rose Ceremony itself and ask to speak with him.

In what turned out to be a huge backfire, Chris scolded Britt for how she behaved, and he sent her home crying.

Upon Britt's departure, Carly, who ratted Britt out to Chris for her hatred of Iowa, gloated, "It's fun to watch Britt squirm, I don't feel bad for her at all...How does it feel?"

Funny enough though, Chris still decided to send somebody home at the Rose Ceremony, and that somebody was Carly.

That brought us straight into the Hometown Dates.

First up was Becca, and after spending a week in Iowa, the bayou in her hometown of Shreveport, Louisiana seemed like heaven on earth, almost in a Field of Dreams type of way.

Around Shreveport, and aside from Chris, apparently everyone was aware of the fact that Becca was still a virgin.

As for Becca Tilley's family, they all seemed embarrassed by her, and did their best to tell Chris that she was totally asexual. 

However, Chris proved them all wrong by making out with her on the ferris wheel at her local county fair.

Next up was Whitney, who took Chris to Chicago, but only because all of the family members from her real hometown in Kentucky were dead.

Instead of doing something fun in Chicago, Whitney decided to take Chris to see where she works as fertility nurse, which left him a bit overwhelmed by the extent of what .

"I make corn. I can't imagine what it might be like to make babies."

To make things even more uncomfortable, Whitney brought Chris into a room where she handed him a cup to take a "sample" of his man juice.

However, the joke was on Whitney Bischoff's when Chris noticed that his inspiration to make a "donation" was a Playboy with Jade Roper on the cover. 

Canada native Kaitlyn took Chris to a recording studio to record a reap, where they obviously met with 90's rap star Snow, and Chris proved that he had less rhythm than all of Nickelback.

Kaitlyn then introduced Chris to her father, Wayne Gretzky, and her step-father, Gordy Howe. She then surprised Chris with an electronic billboard that she rented out that read, "Kaitlyn hearts Chris."

Last up was Jade, who took Chris all the way to Nebraska just to show him her Playboy Playmate pictures.

However, it was slightly awkward when Chris went on and on about Jade's small town family values to her father, when all of her family not only knew, but was ashamed that she had posed for Playboy.

Even though Jade Roper told Chris that she had posed in Playboy, the most surprising part of their visit to her hometown was that Jade actually had a dad.

Jade finally told Chris that she was in Playboy by saying, "If you want, you know, I could show you some of the photos."

Being the gentleman he is, Chris replied, "This is about you. If it makes you more comfortable, then, sure."

Ultimately, Chris told Jade that he would only judge her for the person she is."

And fortunately for Chris Soules, Jade Elizabeth Roper is a dirty, dirty naked girl. 

However, that was apparently just a load of bullshit, as he went on to say, "I was waiting to see Jades' wild side and see her come out of her shell, and I saw her out of her shell, COMPLETELY out of her shell."

Or as Chris said, "She took her bottoms off."

And as all guys know and now have to accept, most girls have shown their titties in public from time to time, but taking your bottoms off is the dividing line.

In the end, Chris gave roses to Whitney, Kaitlyn and Becca...With Jade only getting a crumpled up Kleenex instead. And while it may have been just crusty enough to hold the shape of a rose, it wasn't a rose.

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