Monday, July 21, 2014

The Bachelorette Blog - "This sucks"

This week was the Men Tell all Episode, where ABC attempts to drag out the season by another 2-4 unnecessary hours in conjunction with the After the Final Rose episode.

I mean, fuck, even the commercials had Andi in them.

Worst yet, we saw Cody flexing and posing like he was Ed Hardy in an ad for Bachelor in Paradise...Hopefully this time none of the cast members hang themselves after doing the show.

The episode started out with the very pregnant former Bachelorette Ashley H. and her husband J.P., who agreed to do a sonogram to determine their child's gender on live TV.

As it turned out, it was dead.

The guys from this season all came out in scarfs, which was supposed to be some kind of play on J.J.'s pants. 

Andrew was asked to respond to J.J.'s allegation that he had leaned over and said, "She gave the rose to the two blackies" during the week one Rose Ceremony.

Sure enough, the video showed that Andrew had indeed leaned over and whispered something to J.J. at that ceremony, although no audio was available.

Nonetheless, the house was in consensus that Marquel handled such a potentially volatile subject with class.

Even Andrew seemed to agree, "I completely agree with the way that Ron approached this whole predicament."

Of course, Ron was the other black guy on the show, not the one that Andrew had the serious conversation about whether or not he was a racist with.

Then again, in all fairness to Andrew, all black guys look alike on ABC.

From the looks of things at The Guys Tell All special, J.J. was finally able to get Marquel in his pants, or at least he had him wearing them.

Chris Harrison then spent 30 minutes trying to convince America that Andy got rid of Marquel because they were in "the friend zone," and not because he was black...America was not convinced.

And while Marquel did get a good plug for his cookies in before he left, he continued to insist, "I don't think she wanted to kiss me," before Chris tried to revise history by saying, "I think you might have missed some signs."

After reviewing scenes from his time with Andi, Chris Harrison looked at Marcus directly in the face and said, "I can tell man, emotions in your eyes."

In fairness to Marcus and his manhood though, those weren't emotions, they were tears.

Farmer Chris addressed questions about how a guy from Iowa could ever find a woman, leading to speculation that he'll become the next Bachelor.

Cody bemoaned the fact that he was a midget who had nothing to talk about aside from taking selfies while at the gym saying, "You never did get to see the real Cody."

Of course, that much was obvious since Andi didn't send Cody Saddler home after week one.

Funny enough, when Marquel complained about his lack of quality time by saying, "If you go on a 1-on-1 Date, you got a kiss," Cody jumped in and deadpanned, "No," referring to how he struck out with Andi on his 1-on-1 Date.

I was wondering why the producers once again let the ultra douchey Chris Bukowski creep around the set, but then we learned that he'll be appearing in Bachelor in Paradise, which they were trying to plug.

Andi denied the tabloid rumors that she was pregnant, which was good news for Josh and Nick since she hadn't, and has no intention of ever sleeping with either one of them.

Andi was offered the results of the Group Date lie detector test that she previously threw away, and it was revealed that Josh, Dylan and Marcus had all lied during their exams.

Much to the surprise of Andi and audience, it was revealed that Marcus lied when he responded that he had slept with fewer than 20 women.

We also learned that Dylan lied when he said that he preferred brunettes over blonds and when he said that he was ready for marriage before he simply put his head down and said, "This sucks"

However, Josh's lies were not revealed, as Andi didn't want to see his results, fueling speculation that he was her final choice.

The episode ended with Chris Harrison handing Andi a letter from one of the final two guys and Chris telling her, "I think you ought to read it."

Of course, I'm sure that it was just a teaser for a love letter, but at least we can all dream for another week that one of the guys walked out on Andi and her agenda to land a TV career. 

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