Thursday, July 17, 2014

Blogging Big Brother 16 - "Hey man, I'll curl up with you dude"

Feeling guilty about selling Donny out for the Bomb Squad alliance last week, new HOH Devin called a house meeting where he admitted to casting judgment and handed out a tearful apology.

That caused Frankie to inquire, "What is happening now?"

Zach seemed even more confused by Devin's bi-polar behavior.

"I'm layin' there dreaming about jellybeans and unicorns, when he starts spilling the beans about everything." Sadly, Zach forgot the Camaros...He forgot the fucking Camaros.

However, the meeting kind of backfired, as Brittany figured out that last week's nominations were for personal reasons and not simply based on the first two competitors who went out in the first week's two HOH Competitions as she and the other nominees had been told.

Upon hearing that, Devin immediately reneged on his vow to play the game with integrity for his daughter, and wanted to target Brittany for eviction.

But not before he had and Caleb shared a moment.
Caleb:  "I'm used to callin' up my certain people that will cuddle, and hang out with me, and curl up and watch certain movies with me, and I feel like I'm loved a little bit, I don't really now exactly what it's called."
Devin: "Hey man, I'll curl up with you dude."
Caleb:  "I know you will."
     Devin:  "Just know, man, that I'm always gonna be there fore you."
Caleb:  "Because I will cuddle up in a heartbeat, just because I miss it so much..If no one was scared to cuddle. Just the thought of holdin' somebody..."
Devin:  "You're a good man dude...If I could sing, I'd sing you a great song right now."

And Poo! Just like that Devin and Caleb were gay. I'm pretty sure their night ended with Devin cuddling the bejesus out of Caleb to the point that he squealed like a wild boar. 

Caleb and Devin weren't the only two guys trying to climb Brokeback Mountain.

While Zach maintained that he wasn't gay, he began cuddling up with Frankie at night. However, he proclaimed his straightness in a rather odd way.

"I'm not gay, but the bond that Frankie and I share is so genuine, that I truly feel like he is my boyfriend...I'm straight, and I only date women, but Frankie is one of the greatest people I've ever met."

Frankie didn't seem to mind the attention. In fact, he seemed to treat Zach like his own miniature chihuahua.

"Poor Zach, he's just like a puppy dog. He follows me wherever I go, he cuddles me in bed...we do weights together." 

In what could turn into the first Tea Party sponsored couple in the house, Nicole began flirting with Hayden, who already had a bit of a crush on her.

Zach took the cue and left the room by saying, "I'm going to go brush my teeth, I'll let you guys flirt a little longer."

And while they were embarrassed Hayden admitted, "I really would take you on a date though."

Sadly, everyone forgot about the third wheel, Christine, who either ruined the moment or proposed a threesome by saying, "Us, you know, weirdos need to stick together."

After getting pissed at Brittany for not cleaning up the kitchen, or in this case, leaving her lotion in it, Devin nominated her and Paola for eviction, while Amber's nominations were Hayden and Nicole.

Following the Nomination Ceremony, Devin had Nicole bring Hayden up to the HOH Room were he assured them that they were not going home.

Telling Pow Pow that he wanted Brittany gone, Devin asked Pow Pow to throw the Battle of the Block Competition.

With the four nominees being forced to unexpectedly wake up 5:00 a.m., the BOB contestants were asked a series of questions about the specific images from photos that were quickly flashed in front of them.

With Pow Pow apparently throwing the competition as Devin had asked her, Hayden and Nicole ended up winning, making Devin the HOH over Amber, leaving Paola and Brittany alone on the eviction block.

And while at that point we weren't entirely sure as to whether Paolo threw the competition of if she was just plain stupid, Devin began calling himself "The Puppetmaster," with a #.

Having already raped Caleb, Devin apparently turned his attention to Hayden.

"Devin has lost his mind...He's giving me this creepy man hug. It's like super intimate, I'm thinking like he's going to stick his tongue in my ear."

Excited after his victory, Hayden asked Nicole to "kiss it out." And while she said "no," she did so in a really cute Michigan accent.

Zach seemingly turned against Devin's wishes and personal vendetta against Brittany, declaring that he wanted her to stay over Pow Pow.

Even Caleb called Devin "a problem" after Amber said that Devin treated her dismissively, saying he'd protect his women and would treat them with "dignity and respect."

Caleb Reynold respects all women...That is, so long as they aren't black and don't like Obama.

And when Caleb tried to diplomatically tell Devin that he was pissing off their alliance, especially the girls with the way he treated them, Devin snapped at Caleb "Why are you talking to me like this right now? You're over there getting love struck."

Once again, Frankie was left babysitting.

Or as he said, "I'm standing there watching this clash of the not so titans, and the last thing I want to happen is for the Bomb Squad to blow up in front of everyone."

Sure enough, Devin got his panties in a wad and stormed off saying that there was no more alliance, and Caleb threatening Devin, "You'll be goin' home next week."

But like any relationship based upon nothing but hot machismo chemistry, Caleb later apologized.

However, Devin no longer wanted to target the floaters as was the initial goal of the Bomb Squad alliance.

Instead, Devin demanded to know who in the alliance was targeting him as Caleb had let slip during their little tiff.

After Devin called an alliance meeting to snuff out the traitor, Zach came to Devin and told him it was him, but he didn't mean it.

Not unexpectedly, that didn't go over well with Devin, who later told Zach that he no longer trusted him.

The Veto Competition required the contestants to set up a mobile of the solar system by hanging balls without letting any of them touch the ground.

That set-up nearly gave Frankie and orgasm, but fortunately he was able to relax. "I want to do my house like that Veto Competition...Just gigantic floating balls."

Christine didn't seem to have any love for the better looking, but weaker, Paola. "Pow, she can't do anything. She can't sit, she can't stand, she can't spell, she can't hang things, hold balls."

Honestly, I think Christine was being a little hard on "Pow Pow," a/k/a Paola Shea...I  bet she's really good at holding balls. 

Devin ended up winning the POV and considered taking Brittany off the block for Zach because Brittany came to Devin and reminded him that she was a single mom...Huh?

Zach didn't understand how he got on Devin's shit list simply by truthfully telling him that he disagreed with his plan to evict Brittany.

But Frankie gave him a wake up calling by telling him, "Please, this is Big Brother, stop telling the truth!"

At the POV Meeting, Devin saved Brittany because of her single mom speech even though he had promised to use it on Paola if she threw the BOB Competition, which he had acknowledged that she had.

Given a chance to plead her case, Paola simply posed for the camera...Sigh.

I didn't realize that Paola Shea knew any poses where her arms weren't strategically placed to cover up her tits.

After pulling off his own nominee, Devin put Zach up as Brittany's replacement.

However, Brittany did not seem to appreciative of Devin's use of the POV, because immediately upon being taken off of the block she said, "Can I say something really fast.?"

Brittany then shockingly went on to addresses the house by saying that she knew her supposed friend Pow Pow threw the POV and said, "So I know what it's like to have a knife in your back."

And instead of taking her anger out on Brittany, Pow Pow lashed out at Devin, even though she was still on the block.

"We all know who he is...I'm sorry, but your (Devin) not a good person. I'd rather throw my head on a toilet bowl than stay with you another week. Brittany, you're right, he asked me to throw the Competition. Did I throw it? No, I did not throw the competition."

Of course, she was lying about not having thrown the competition, but the damage to Devin's integrity as a player had already been done.

Not one to let things rest while he was ahead, Zach declared that it was his turn to speak.

"I might have to blow up some other people's game. Frankie, don't feel threatened. Pow, you suck at everything, straight up, it's no deal. Devin, there's not an ounce of truth in your body."

It then became clear that Zach's strategy was to let the house know that his entire strategy in the gave was to get Devin evicted.

And when he said, "I'm going after you, everyone else in the house should be going after you too." even Pow Pow, his fellow nominee agreed saying, "Yup, it's cool with me."

However, while Zach thought that he was speaking for the entire Bomb Squad, they didn't necessary like being outed.

Or as Zach's "boyfriend" Frankie whined, "I have no idea why you would do that to me."

Having nominated and enraged a fellow alliance member, Devin scrambled to bring Hayden into the Bomb Squad alliance as a replacement.

That didn't turn out to be a great idea because Hayden commented, "Devin is revealing the golden bomb squad to me...I'm going to say yes to his face, when in reality my goal is going to be to blow up the Bomb Squad."

Devin did his best to seal the deal with Hayden by giving him the hollow promise,  "I promise you dude, I will never ever ever again put up another alliance member."

However, when the rest of the Bomb Squad decided that they wanted to keep fellow member Zach over Pow Pow against Devin's wishes, he told Frankie, "I'm not in this squad no more bro."

At the Eviction Ceremony Pow Pow lashed out at Devin for breaking his promise to use the POV on her saying, "I'm sorry Devin, you have five different personalities, and they all suck."

Likewise, Zach did little to campaign against Pow Pow, and told the house that Devin was his only target.

When it was all said and done, the Bomb Squad decided to back Zach over Devin, and Pow Pow evicted.

Unfortunately, there were way more naked pictures Paola Shea on her Facebook page than there were weeks that Pow Pow spent in the house.
tears "Who knew that I would be best friends with the bearded 42-year-old man in the house."

The HOH Competition called for the contestants to hit a polo ball down a course into numbered slots, kind of like Plinko on The Price is Right, with the two highest scores winning HOH honors.

And while the contest was about 90% blind luck and 20% strategy (think about it), Nicole and Derrick ended up as the HOH's.

Connie Chung also announced a twist involving devices designed to track the house guests movements to measure their laziness, and added that the results were "bound to effect the game."

Big Brother 16 Power Ratings - Each week I'm going rank the Big Brother contestants based upon their power and vulnerability within the house. Here's how the contestants break down after the third week.

14. Jocasta Odom - This whole Big Brother laziness monitor is not looking good for Jocasta.

13. Devin Shepherd - Devin pretty much fucked himself last week by not only polarizing his alliance with the rest of the house, but by changing his mind and nominating one of his own alliance members for eviction. Moral of the story...Don't put an alliance member up.

12. Donny Thompson - Donny was caught wearing t-shirts for both North Carolina and North Carolina State, which in my mind makes him the ultimate floater.

11. Victoria Rafaeli - After winning the first ever Battle of the Block Competition, Victoria apparently left the show and flew back to Israel, because I haven't seen her ass since.

Victoria Rafaeli: It is a great ass though.

10. Zach Rance -Zach went all in to get Devin out of the house, to the point that his own alliance even considered evicting him. He may get his way but still end up losing at the same time.

9. Brittany Martinez - Brittany apparently borrowed Joey's fake balls after she left and made a strong move last week. She's still out of the power alliance, but she at least made her presence known that she's not a weak player.

Nicole Franzel - Nicole is likely safe this week as one of the HOH's, but she's still on the outside looking in when it comes to the top alliances that could take her further in the game other than her flirtmance with Hayden.

7. Derrick Levasseur - Derrick seems like a good dude. In fact, it almost makes me think that he really isn't a cop.

6. Cody Calafiore -
What can I say, this dude is single handedly trying to bring pubes back in style...That's got to be worth something, right?

5. Amber Borzotra -
She's the initial girl in the guy's alliance, she's good looking, and Devin and Caleb both have the hots for her...I think she'll be sticking around for at least a bit.

4. Caleb Reynolds - I doubt that Caleb ever watched an episode of Big Brother before he thought about coming on the show. While he's been on the right side of things the first two weeks of the game, I'll be curious to see how he fares with two HOH's who he hasn't bonded with yet.

3. Hayden Voss - Devin bringing Hayden into the Bomb Squad was a horrible move on Devin's part, because it

2. Christine Brecht -
Christine remains under the radar, is privy to key information as a member of the Bomb Squad, but is still more closely aligned to the Freaks and Geeks without anyone really knowing.

1. Frankie Grande - Aside from Victoria, who may or may not still be on the show, Frankie has gotten very little blood on his hands while still being one of the top power players in the game.

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