Friday, September 27, 2013

Blogging SURVIVOR: Blood vs. Water - "He is a gay Russel Hantz"

This week began with the Gatang Tribe getting freaky and participating in a "love train."

Aras Baskauskas, the leader of the movement, and also the least selfish said, "The best is being the caboose. The gift is in the giving." 

However, Colton was so pissed off about trying to be nice that he couldn't even bring himself to participate.

"I thought that this whole zen, calm, yoga mentality would be appealing to me. Well, it was for like three days. Now I'm like over it...Like I love Caleb with every fiber of my being, and I just need to get to him."

Aras noticed that Colton's true colors were starting to come out.

"You can only fake it for so long...You can come out here and fake who you are for four days, five days, and then the elements get to you and your true personality emerges."

Meanwhile, John struggled with his decision to let his wife go to Redemption Island instead of taking her place and saving her as he prepared to go watch her participate in the season's first Redemption Challenge.

"If Candice looks at me and smiles and she loves me, like honestly, that would take like this weight that's like crushing my heart right now, it would just throw it off."

Unfortunately for John, Candice is never going to speak to him again. At the very minimum, she's won his nuts for life, and not in the good kind of way.

When the tribes arrived, Marissa told Gervase his gloating was the reason she was voted out after staring her tribe down. "You rubbed salt in their open wound, and that's why I'm here."

Unfortunately, Gervase didn't seem to get the hint and said, "I'm going to rub some more, I can tell you that."

Candice came in first place in the Redemption Challenge, which consisted of running spools through a wire maze and stacking them ten high without any of them falling over.

That allowed her to give John clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol. Marissa ended up taking second place, which sent Rupert home for good.

Rupert Boneham was voted off of Survivor for good...At least until the 5th time he gets to come back and lose.

Rupert departed by getting all sappy and saying, "I love Survivor, but I love my wife more."

Back at Tadhana's camp Ciera proved that she's an idiot. Nothing specific, she just seems really stupid. 
The Gatang Tribe seemed relatively drama free and happy, which apparently really pissed Colton off.

"Do you think that this is a YMCA camping trip where we want to improve ourselves? Well, you know what? I want to improve myself by winning a million dollars." 

Colton decided to take it upon himself to start telling lies just to stir things up.

"When I get angry, I turn into like a raging bitch. And hopefully this camp will erupt into chaos, 'cause if there's one thing I know, I can rule in chaos." 

Despite Colton's best efforts to make Kat look bad, they were lost on a tribe full of returning players who wanted a drama free tribe, or as Aras told him, "It doesn't matter to most of us."

However, Aras' indifference to Colton's lies only fueled his raging pre-pubescent anger.

"I hope we go to Immunity Challenge tomorrow and get slaughtered. These people need to experience Tribal Council and realize that this is a game. This isn't National Lampoon's Horrible Vacation."

Monica seemed to distance herself from Colton, who she was reluctantly aligned with.

"I like Colton, but for the first time in my life I came to play for me. And that Monica that's just going to sit in mediocrity, she died in Samoa." Sadly, so did Junior Seau.

Of course, that's why she brought her ex NFL player husband with her to play the game this time.

Even Tyson, one of the worst players in Survivor history, started to pick up on Colton about half way through the episode.

"I think he came out here wanting to be different than the person he was, and he pretended to be for like a day and a half or something."

Aras used Colton's behavior to rally the Gatang Tribe against him. "He's a bully...He is a gay Russel Hantz," which was a bit of a redundant statement if you ask me. 

Aras then formed the "Life Experience" Alliance with Tyson, Gervase, Tina and Monica.

The Immunity Challenge required three members of each tribe to be tied together and push a fourth member in a barrel through obstacle course to untie sacks balls and roll them up a ramp and into six different holes.

Misunderstanding what the competition was, two time teen mom Ciera volunteered her holes for the Tadhana Tribe, while Katie rode in the barrel since she was a perfect fit...Narrow at top and bottom, but wide in the middle.

However, Gatang pulled off a narrow victory to win Immunity, with Gervase rolling his balls into the holes faster than Hayden could.

With Tadhana forced to vote someone out, Katie said, "I have to do what I have to do to win." Unfortunately for her though, none of the guys in her tribe wanted to see her naked.

In the end though, it was Rachel, Tyson's girlfriend, who was voted out, with Tadhana hoping that he would elect to save her by trading places and tribes with her.

With Tyson Apostol getting especially close to Aras Baskauskas, there might be some switching teams going on. And while it's not going to save Tyson's "girlfriend," Rachel Folger, at least the engine finally got to meet up with the caboose.

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