Survivor - Blood vs. Water is upon us, which features returning contestants competing against their loved ones.
And there's nothing that America likes more than recycled reality stars, it's seeing their undeserving relatives ride their coattails on TV.
Speaking of which, I am a bit surprised that none of the returning contestants or their loved one's are related to Russel Hantz, because I was thinking that CBS could have easily found enough unemployed members of his clan to come on the show and form their own inbred tribe.
Aras Baskauskas - A 31-year-old musician from Santa Monica, California.
Tribe: Returning Players (Exile Island).
Pros: He won Survivor Exile Island.
Cons: I consider myself a pretty big Survivor fan, and I have absolutely no recollection of who this fucking guy is, so maybe there's a slight chance that nobody will recognize him as a past winner and target him as a past winner.
|Aras Baskauskas: And if this whole Survivor thing doesn't work out, Aras can take his acoustic guitar and go on The Bachelor.|
Vytas Baskauskas - A 33-year-old yoga instructor and math professor from Santa Monica, California
Tribe: Loved Ones (Aras's brother).
Cons: A former heroine addict, I'm afraid that Vytas might have some flashback trips if he gets hot and dehydrated when the game gets strenuous.
Pros: Claims that he learned how to manipulate people to sustain his heroine addiction, so he's got that going for him.
|Vytas Baskauskus also attended "Occupy Santa Monica."|
Candice Woodcock Cody - A 30-year-old doctor from Washington D.C.
Tribe: Returning Players (Cook Island, All-Stars vs. Villains)
Pros: Candice survived going to Exile Island the first time it was in play in the game, so she should be prepared to deal with it again this season if needed. She also lived in a mud hut in Africa doing medical work, so she's experienced in living in primitive conditions.
Cons: She always seemed to jump around from alliance to alliance the previous two times she played the game, always seeming to end up on the ass end of the totem pole.
|Candace Woodcock Cody: An Officer and a Gentleman.|
John Cody - A 30-year-old doctor from Washington D.C.
Tribe: Loved Ones.
Pros: A West Point graduate and physician, John seems like the classic all-American guy.
Cons: He also seems like your classic overbearing military dickhead.
|I'm not saying that Dr. John Cody secretly wants to get back-doored while on Survivor, butt...|
Colton Cumbie - A 22-year-old student teacher from Alabama.
Tribe: Returning Players (One World)
Cons: The polarizing gay-cist (gay racist) from Alabama who had to be Med-evacted from Survivor One World.
Pros: He's certainly entertaining.
|I'm not saying that Colton Cumbie is playing a different game than everyone else, but this is a Survivor logo that he had up on his Facebook page. |
Caleb Bankson - A 26-year-old farmer from rural Alabama.
Tribe: Loved Ones (Colton's boyfriend).
Pros: Don't let Caleb being gay fool you, this guy's as redneck as rednecks get. A farmer, fisher and hunter who's claim to fame is bagging a 12-point-buck on his first hunt, this guy can certainly live off the land. In fact, Caleb even lists one of his necessary items as his camouflage University of Alabama hat.
Cons: The twelve-pointer he's referring too was bagging Colton Cumbie. Not only is Colton's abrasive personality going to bring Caleb down in this game, but I really don't get what they see in each other. Caleb is redneck and country, while Colton is all preppy, rich and entitled. Maybe racism is their common ground. My guess is that Caleb will dump Colton once he gets a little taste of fame of his own after being on the show.
|Caleb Bankson: ROLL DAMN TIDE!!!!|
Gervase Peterson - 43-year-old bar owner from Philadelphia.
Tribe: Returning Players (Borneo).
Pros: Wrote on his Facebook page, "In five days, the greatest reality star returns to TV."
Cons: No, Gervase wasn't talking about Rupert Boneham, he was talking about himself, saying, "That's right, your boy is back on Survivor!"
|Gervase Peterson and Donovan McNabb: Gervase is hoping to make it to the final Tribal Council, where he plans on throwing up, gaining 30 pounds, and criticizing RG3.|
Marissa Peterson - A 21-year-old student in Chapel Hill, N.C.
|Kat Edorsson: There's being excited to see your cousin, and there's being a little too excited to see your cousin.|