Monday, May 14, 2012

Blogging Survivor: One World - "Maybe that was like God's way of opening my eyes and show me what a little bitch I am"

While we were left with an all female final five for the first time in Survivor history, all of the interesting personalities had already been eliminated from the game. And when I say "interesting personalities," I mean everyone except Leif.

When I heard that there was going to be the first "little person" on Survivor this season, I was hoping that he'd be some sort of genius or at least have midget super strength....Instead, we got Leif.

Alicia seemed to think the all women's final was her doing. "I never thought I'd be sitting here at the end, and I really have to say it's because I played one hell of a game."

The Immunity Challenge consisted of a race across a balance beam maze, running across a giant rope net to collect bags of puzzle pieces, and then solving that puzzle to receive clues to unlock a combination.

For some unknown reason, Alica began opening bags of puzzle pieces that were not hers, giving the other players an advantage while slowing her down at the same time. That allowed Kim to win Immunity and a guaranteed spot in the final four.

Kim wrestled with the choice of voting off Alicia as planned or blindsiding Chelsea. While she was one of the two targets, Alicia was in denial about her position in the game. "I definitely feel confident that Kim is 100% loyal to me...So I need to like not be paranoid, relax, and not over think stuff. I got this."

At the first Tribal Council of the night, Kim put herself in a position to be the deciding vote, with Chelsea and Sabrina committing to vote for Alicia, and Alicia and Christina having pledged to vote for Chelsea.

Ultimately, Kim remained loyal to her friendship with Chelsea and voted out the clearly weaker player in Alicia. While caught off guard, Alicia sent out a mixed bag in her exit interview.

"I am definitely not a sore loser. I'm proud of Kim, she fooled me completely. And Christina, I brought you...All those girls wanted you out from day one. So good job Christina, basque in it, because you suck right now," which sounds an awful lot like being a sore loser...but who's judging.

Chelsea began to lobby for her spot in the final three. "We know that Christina is definitely not well spoken, and if she has to sit in front of a jury and explain herself and how she played this game, it's going to be a joke."

So there you have it, Christina had her speaking ability criticized by someone who moments later actually uttered the phrase "dern chickens." 

The remaining contestants next took time to reflect on their fallen comrades, which also gave the eliminated a chance to comment on how good they thought they played the game.

Take Matt for instance, who was one of the least liked people to play the game of Survivor. He wasn't hated in a good way like Russell Hanz, who's heel personality was good for the game, Matt was just a stuck-up prick.

"A lot of people are going to say Matt didn't do too well. That's just not true, I played the best game out there. I don't think anybody still playing this game was playing a better game than me."

On other other hand, Colton reflected on his attitude in light of the bout of appendicitis that forced him out of the game. "Maybe that was like God's way of opening my eyes and showing me what a little bitch I am, and how spoiled I am."

Tarzan apparently thought the object of the game was to win his original tribe, and not the overall game. "I'm still an Alpha male, but I realized that a number of these girls had characterized their personalities in a masculine fashion, so I knew that the smart way to last with them was to be a bit more Beta....but smart enough to be the last man standing!"

Damn Tarzan...Apparently the game isn't the only thing that's "a foot."

The final Immunity Challenge involved manipulating 10 small bowls with tongs through a wire maze and then stacking them the fastest. Kim narrowly defeated Christina, guaranteeing her a spot in the finals.

Christina approached Kim after the challenge under the guise of lobbying for a spot in the finals, but ultimately just told Kim that she was okay if the plan was to vote her out, effectively giving up the way my dog did the time he fell in a river and he decided that he'd rather sink and die than try to swim and stay afloat.

Unfortunately for Christina, nobody was there to grab her collar and pull her to shore, as Kim even noted how she was surprised that Christina didn't even appear to fight for a a spot in the finals, and that she would have considered taking her over Sabrina.

At Tribal Council, Jeff asked Christina what her argument to stay in the game was. Instead of going with the logical thought that she's the best bet to go up against in the finals since she's not likely to get many jury votes, she argued that Sabrina was a weak player who did not deserve to have made it as far in the game as she did.

Meanwhile, as Sabrina responded Jeff's question about Christina laying down and dying, Kat was heard saying what a "great speaker" Sabrina was, with other members of the Jury nodding in agreement.

Apparently never having watched Survivor before becoming a contestant, Christina rhetorically asked, "What can I do to convince these girls to break a promise that they've already made since day one. It's not like I gave up...I mean how can I can I even convince these girls to make a switch."

Kim went on to say, "Christina's not a bad person to take to the final three potentially in that she has a lot of arguments that she could have made for herself today, but she didn't...You have to weigh out your options at the end, and things aren't always as clear as they seem."

In the end, Kim stayed true to her word yet again, and she voted with the remaining girls to eliminate Christina.

Kim, anticipating backlash from the jury for blindsiding so many former alliance members, jokingly rehearsed her speech for the jury vote. "I know I lied to you and voted you out, but I have no boobs left, so have a little mercy."

At the Final Tribal Council, Chelsea tried to convince the Jury that she was just as evil and cold hearted as Kim, which was a flat out stupid strategy since she should have played herself as a strong competitor who was "good-cop" to Kim's "bad-cop."

Sabrina talked about how she let Kim and Chelsea do the dirty work so she could preserve her social bonds, and then tried to get the sympathy vote by describing how she was laid off as an inner city school teacher just two weeks before coming on the show.

Kim emphasized her strategy as a means to and ends of winning the game, even if she was forced to stab a few people in the back along the way, essentially explaining herself, but not apologizing. Of all of the finalists, I'd have to rate Kim's speech as the best thought out and most effective.

Jonas began the Jury questions by pointing out how all of the guys on the Jury agreed that Chelsea was "the hottest chick on the season" before asking what her boldest move in the game was.

Apparently not wanting to receive any votes, Chelsea announced that it was her idea to vote out Kat, who had seemed more than eager to vote against Kim before that revelation.

Tarzan finally clarified why he blindly followed the women when he knew that he had little chance of making it to the end by thanking all three finalists for keeping him around long enough so his wife would have a chance to come meet him on the island, which really did appear to mean more to him than the $1,000,000 grand prize...Or even getting the shocks on his car fixed.

Leif proclaimed that he was still upset and trying to work out his feelings about getting voted out, because apparently he believed that he was in an alliance with Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina to go to the final four. Kim probably put it best when she told him that she voted him out because figured out he had mislead her on who he was going to vote for, and that he had even written her name down.

Nobody puts Leif in a box...Well, actually, somebody literally did put Leif in a box.

Alicia compared her game to Kim's, stating how she was a "kingpin," and that she had her own "pawns" in Christina and Tarzan. She then went as far as to say, "Homegirl, you know if I was sitting next to you, you'd be shitting bricks right now, because without you getting me out, I would have had more chances of winning that money than any of youz."

Kat revealed that as a child she underwent two open heart surgeries, and that she needs to undergo another surgery in a year to ensure that she doesn't get appendicitis. Kat also wins this year's award for being the girl that looks kind of cute, but not nearly as good on the show once she got voted out and cleaned herself up.

I'm a bigger fan of "dirty panty" Kat than I am of  cleaned up "Kat Gosselin."

Kim apparently won her enemies over, as she was voted the winner over Sabrina, who received two votes, and it was good to see that the most deserving player actually ended up winning.

At the Reunion Episode, Colton was asked to explain his behavior during the game. "I had two options, I could play the Southern Belle and the sweet little innocent gay kid from South Alabama, or I had to be a bitch with teeth."

I'm sure that trying to make a name for himself on television had nothing to do with the way Colton behaved. 

For some reason that clearly did not involve a shameless plug for a CBS, Miyam Bialik of the show Blossom made an appearance in the live audience to voice her support for Colton and saying that she'd love to see him play again.

Later it was announced that the next season would be Survivor: Philippines, with three former contestants who were forced out of the game due to medical conditions returning to compete again. They didn't actually announce who those three were going to be, but you can bet that one of them is going to be Colton.

Troy was asked by Jeff about the reaction he's received about his game. "It's been 99.9% positive. Everyone who's came up to me and said you've played the game the best I've ever seen. Some people were like comparing me to Richard Hatch and some of the best All-Stars of all time."

Apparently Troy's mom forgot to call in and vote, as the winner of the $100,000 for America's favorite player also went to Kim over the other finalists, Troy, Tarzan and Chelsea.

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