This week we had The Bachelor "shake-up" episode, with one girl voluntarily leaving the house, and an old contestant walking back in. We also learned this week that former Bachelor contestant Emily Maynard has been handed the keys to the mansion to be the next Bachelorette, or should I say "The NASCARette." My early money is on Dale Earnhardt, Jr. to win her hand.
Ben chose Emily, the epidemiologist, to go with him on the week's first 1-on-1 on a hike up the Golden Gate Bridge to the top of one of its arches. Of course, keeping up with The Bachelor tradition of intentionally sending people on dates that involve things they are afraid of, Emily just happened to be terrified of heights.
Sending Emily up one of the suspension cables of the Golden Gate Bridge was akin to having the girl who's deathly afraid of water snorkel on the Great Barrier Reef, having the girl scared of flying go on an open cock-pit helicopter ride, and having the NASCAR widow drive a race car (Her ex actually died in in a plane crash and not a car wreck, but she had a fat little daughter with him so I guess we're not allowed to question her emotions).
|Frankly, I don't blame Emily for being terrified of heights. There's only one reason to climb to the top of the Golden Gate Bridge, and that's to jump off and plunge to a horrific fucking death.|
In the end Emily was a good sport having conquered her fear of heights after Ben gave her a kiss, which ultimately earned her a rose. As a bonus, the other girls were able to spy on them climbing the Golden Gate Bridge from the mansion with telescopes, and they also saw the fireworks that went off when the two of them ultimately had sex...I mean made-out at the end of the night.
For the Group Date, Ben took roughly half of the girls on a ski trip down a San Francisco street that had been blocked-off and covered with artificial snow. Kind of like when any city in the South gets a quarter inch of snow, total chaos ensued. When Kacie B. finished the final leg of the hill going backwards and doing the splits, Ben proclaimed that "butt-skiing backwards is on my leap list."
|Apparently Kacie B. didn't back that ass up enough, as Rachel was the one who ultimately got the "Group Date" Rose. Now if we could just find a way to get figure skaters to wear less clothing...|
Back at the house, Brittney was asked to go on the second 1-on-1 date. Strangely, almost as if she had a secret boyfriend back home, Brittney declared that her heart wasn't in it for the right reasons and she decided to go home. This caused Ben to reflect, "Her departure represents that any of these women can leave whenever they want," proving that The Bachelor is a step above fundamental Mormonism and the Church of Scientology when it comes to women's rights.
|Between Blakeley and Brittney, ABC should have saved some expenses and just shot this year's season of The Bachelor at the local Hooters restaurant in San Francisco.|