Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Blogging Survivor - South Pacific: "Being Mormon, I never felt comfortable swimming in my underwear and bra...I don't even know if mine are see-through."

After Cochran narrowly avoided elimination for the second time, Jim approached him about joining forces and targeting Elyse. Cochran seemed to be on board, as he liked the idea of getting rid of Elyse in order to "piss off the pretty people." Unfortunately, their alliance kind of reminds me of the lyrics from the old Pet Shop Boys song that went "I've got the brawn, you've got the brains, let's make lots of money." However, with Cochran being the brawn with Jim being the brains in their alliance, I'm not exactly filled with hope that they're going to go very they reminded me of a song by the Pet Shot Boys, which isn't exactly a vote of confidence either.

Meanwhile, Savaii convinced Mormon professor dawn to take a swim in the ocean against her initial religious impulses. "Being Mormon, I never felt comfortable swimming in my underwear and bra...I don't even know if mine are see-through." While I haven't received official word, I'm pretty sure that Dawn just set herself up to become the highest profile member of the Latter-day Saints to earn herself an ex-communication since Marie Osmond had the audacity to insult the spirit Joseph Smith by supporting her lesbian daughter, although it was apparently completely okay for her to do her brother Donnie in a cocaine induced binge during the 70's.

At the Redemption Challenge, Papa Bear faced off against Christine. It consisted of tossing bean bags onto trays on rows of raised platforms. After a quick start Christine held off Papa Bear, sending him home. It also marked the first time that he ever went home disappointed after tossing sacks.

The Immunity Challenge consisted of an endurance contest where competitors for each tribe had to balance a wooden bar across their shoulders as the opposing tribe added weight until everyone had been eliminated. It also involved a reward in the form of a rooster, two hens, a clue to the hidden Immunity Idol and a bottle of Roofies...just so Russell's Nephew would have an incentive to play along. With the strongest members of their respective tribes being targeted and receiving the most weight early, the competition ended up coming down to Stacie and Dawn, with Dawn narrowly winning.

Stacie lobbied her Upolu Tribemates to stay in the game because she had shown her strength over Edna based upon her strong performance at the Immunity Challenge. "I proved my weight...I didn't massage your back," in a dig at Edna for kissing up to Coach by giving him a massage.

Eddie George's wife has lost some weight
 Russell's Nephew continued to be unsuccessful in his desperate attempts to make a name for himself. First, he told Elyse that her alliance of six was really only an alliance of five, and that she was the odd person out. While that statement wasn't necessarily untruthful, it served him no real purpose other than being an obvious attempt to shake-up the game unless he wanted to sabotage his own alliance...then again, his Uncle Russell actually threatened to sue his fellow tribemates even though he allegedly leaked results of his seasons online, so I guess anything is possible when you're talking about a family of Coon-Asses. 

Russell's Nephew then approached Coach and falsely told him, "We have a problem...Stacie says Albert, Mikayla and Sophie have something going on," in yet another attempt to get his tribe to turn on Mikayla. Coach immediately shut him down by saying, "Stop it...No, I want you to stop it...stop...look at me, dude, look at me." In response to Russell's Nephew's deceitful ways Coach went on to say, "I'm worried that he's going to kick over the kettle at the most inopportune time and ruin the game for everybody, and that's why I also have to protect myself." 

After his plans were foiled, Russell's Nephew tried to come clean yet again at Tribal Council. "I just want to be somebody who God's proud of...I just don't want to be misrepresented to my family, because it offended my family so much when this whole thing went down with Russell...(he starts crying) It's not how you start, it's how you finish."

I'm starting to think that Russell's Nephew was a dog in a Southern family of rednecks, and if Survivor was his opening audition to go hunting, he'd wind up drowned in a garbage can because, as the old saying goes, "while you can teach a dog to hunt, the hunting is in the dog." In late breaking news, Russell's Nephew was found dead shortly upon returning home to Texas.

In the end, Upolu voted out Stacie over Edna. As she left for Redemption Island she refused a hug from Coach saying, "It's not real," leaving Coach now with two large and angry women who despise him on Redemption Island.

And so the "sweet and cute" Dr. Edna from Survivor also hawks creams to numb your Vag before you bikini wax it...If I was a girl, I'd definitely want to go to her family's "nail salon."

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