Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Blogging Survivor: San Juan del Sur - "Why couldn't you just poop?"

This week's episode began with the Huyopa tribe pissed that Julie quit the game, mainly because both alliances wanted the pleasure of voting her selfish and racist ass out themselves.

I'm thinking that with a few "stars and bars," Julie McGee could be just as popular as her boyfriend John Rocker playing the role of  "Redneck Wonder Woman," who wears only body paint instead of a costume, of course. 

That left Jon and Jaclyn reconsidering whether they should blindside Jeremy instead of voting Josh out as they had planned before Julie left.

The Reward Challenge had the tribe divide into two teams, load puzzle pieces on a cart, and then use those pieces to build a pyramid to help hoist up a statue and raise a victory flag.

The winners, Keith, Jeremy, Wes, Reed and Natalie all ended up winning reward over the girls, and elected to send Jon to Exile Island.

With the reward being a taco bar, it sent the winners on a run to the border, or at least to a place in the woods.

However, it wasn't that easy for everybody, as Wes literally ate as many burritos and drank as many margaritas as he could until he he plugged his sewage line, so to speak.

And with Wes' gas getting worse and worse, the winners' reward seemed more like a punishment, or as Baylor asked, "Why couldn't you just poop?"

Jeremy admitted that he was no stranger to the gas working in a fire station, but took issue with Wes' flatulence from an etiquette standpoint. "As soon as a woman comes in the room you shut it down."

Wes Nale's gas...Well, so much for the myth of the "Southern Gentleman."

Back at camp, the losers dined on beach snails and coconut water, which is slightly less disgusting than the high end coconut water you can buy at stores for like $3 a carton to prevent hangovers.

Josh approached Baylor and told her that she "owed" him at least one vote for keeping her afloat earlier in the game, which Baylor wasn't having no matter how bitchy and gay Josh was.

Wes' dad, Keith, proved that the Southern Gentleman apple doesn't fall far from the trees at Toomer's Corner when he got fed up with what he perceived was Baylor being lazy.

"If you were my kid, you would have done got whooped about seven times by now."

Of course, he did nothing about his son turning San Juan del Sur into one of world's top CO2 emitters.

In all fairness to Keith, in the South men are raised to believe that women and African Americans should do all of the work, while white guys get to sit around listening to Alabama and dreaming about the good ole' days when they didn't have to work.

This couple represents to rise of the South during the Civil War, and then their disappointing surrender at Appomattox. 

With Jon away at Exile Island, Keith's reluctance to include any of the women in his strategy talk rubbed his girlfriend Jaclyn the wrong way, who still stood to be the co-swing vote along with Jon.

Of course, Jon found a clue to the hidden Immunity Idol at Exile Island, and sure enough he found it, giving Jaclyn and himself even more security.

The Immunity Challenge required the contestants to memorize a series of symbols that were flashed by Jeff Probst and then recite them back in the correct order.

Jeremy ended up defeating Josh for Individual Immunity, which likely kept him from getting blindsided.

Upon returning, Jon not only hugged Jaclyn, but he seductively whispered in her ear, "I have the Idol," which just made Reed jealous.

While Josh, Reed, Alec and Keith all wanted to target Baylor, Jaclyn lobbied Jon to turn on Josh since he and the other the guys ignored her while he was gone.

Meanwhile, Keith told Missy, Baylor's mom, that he wanted Baylor out of the game. Of course, when word got back to Baylor she said, "He's not very smart."

At Tribal Council, when Wes was asked if the alliances were known, he literally shot his wad.

"I think the alliances are known. Me Josh, Reed and Alec teamed up with dad, and I felt like it was known to people that we was working together type."

However, with the guys getting a bit overly confident, Jaclyn took a shit in their Easter basket and called them out for not respecting her.

That caused Missy to jump in and call out Wes and Alec. "They literally belch, fart, spit...They don't care if there's females there or not."

With his son on the spot, Keith jumped in to save what was left of his family's reputation.

"We're not at the Hilton Missy, and I haven't heard Wesley fart lately or spit...I've had a little bit of gas. I'm sure everybody on this panel has had gas...This is Survivor...You're going to get dirty, you're going to get nasty and have gas."

Once again, Keith Nale was there to save his son's redneck ass. 

As is always the case with pretty girls, Jaclyn got her way as she convinced Jon to vote Josh out, who went home over Baylor, 6-5.

That made Josh the first member of the Jury, and left his boyfriend Reed scrambling to figure out who the next most famous guy in the tribe was so he could try and hook up with him.

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