Thursday, December 4, 2014

Blogging Survivor: San Juan del Sur - "I ate 58 chicken nuggets in five minutes in an eatin' contest once"

This week's episode began with Keith trying to convince Reed to join up with his alliance.

Keith "Reed's a gamer. He plays and he knows how to talk to folks and figure stuff out...Mathematic numbers and all that mess, which is way above me."

To be fair, most country music lyrics are way above Keith Nale

The Reward Challenge saw the tribe divide into two teams, swim out to a platform, dive back into the water to collect puzzle pieces, and then put that puzzle together as a team the fastest.

Jon, Jaclyn, Reed and Alec all won the reward, which allowed them to take baseball supplies to Nicaraguan children and get to eat their fill of baseball themed food.

Missy either really wanted to shove her mouth full of wieners or participate in the "do good" part of the reward, so Reed politely gave up his reward to her.

However, Reed had ulterior motives, as he really just wanted some time alone with Keith, but only in a semi-sexual way.

Reed actually just wanted to work the crowd against Jon while he, Jaclyn and Missy were away, but the sex with Reed was so good that he just couldn't pass it up.

In a not so generous display, the winners sent Wes to Exile Island under the guise that he could "look for the Idol."

Unbeknownst to Wes, Exile Island was as barren as Jaclyn when it came to Idols, who had acknowledged that she was born with a medical condition that left her unable to have baby with Jon, and possibly not any other white guys.

Baylor and Natalie used the clue that they found in Keith's sack to look for the Hidden Immunity Idol. Sure enough, Natalie found it, and in her new found confidence began to target Reed for eviction.

At the Immunity Challenge, the contestants had to hold themselves up with just their heels on a handle and their hands above their head without falling off.

For some reason, Baylor Wilson's pose for the competition kind of got me excited. 

Jeff also tempted the contestants with food to get them to voluntarily drop out.

For some reason Missy was way too happy to drop out of the competition without even soliciting a food reward, and when she talked out loud about walking in the sand as her reward her daughter Baylor scolded, "Mom, shut your mouth, OMG!"

A man after my own heart, Wes elected to drop out of the Immunity Challenge for chicken wings and beers even though he was anything but safe heading into Tribal Council.

His dad Keith tried to explain his decision by saying, "Maybe a food weakness...I'm going to have a little father son after we're through with this."

In true Survivor cast fashion, it turned out that Wes was just trying to use the show to promote himself as a competitive eater as he declared, "I ate 58 chicken nuggets in five minutes in an eatin' contest once.

That caused Jeff Probst to gasp, "You ate how many whats and won what?"

And when Wes affirmed it was "58 chicken nuggets (and that he won) the chicken nugget eatin' contest," Jeff asked the only natural question, "Is that an annual event?"

Sadly, in the South a "chicken nugget eatin' contest is generally just considered "lunch." 

The final two competitors were Natalie and Reed. However, Natalie actually asked Jeff if he would give her pizza, chicken wings, water and beer in order to drop out.

By that point I didn't know what was more surprising...The fact that Jeff actually met her demands and brought all of those foods to her, or that a big girl like Natalie didn't ask for an additional side of beef and three bottles of ranch dressing.

While Natalie could barely even walk to get her prize, Reed celebrated by doing the splits and yelling,"Jeff, It's a dream come true!"

Reed Kelly on Survivor: Ta-Da bitches!

Feeling frisky, Reed wanted to target Jon for feeling too confident and stepping down early, and as it turned out, Reed, Keith, Alec and Wes all also wanted to vote him out.

At Tribal Council, most of the early talk centered around who had an Idol, as one had yet to be played all season.

However, when Reed began giving a spiel to "stick to the plan," Natalie picked up that something was wrong and mouthed to Jaclyn, "Do you trust him?"

And when Jaclyn replied, "No," Natalie  said to Keith, "We'll go with you guys."

But for some reason Keith said, "No," which left the players all scrambling to figure out what the fuck was going on even as the vote began.

With so much uncertainty in the air, Natalie told Jon just before the vote, "Dude, play your Idol."

That turned out to be great advice, as not only did Jon decide to play his Idol, but so did Keith.

And while Keith offered his Idol to his son Wes, he declined it.

Sure enough, the majority of the votes went Jon and Keith, which were all rendered void by their Idols. The only votes that counted went to Wes, who was voted out by default.

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