Saturday, November 30, 2013

Blogging SURVIVOR: Blood vs. Water - "I don't know why I've been wearing my shirt the whole time like an idiot. Here you go ladies"

With Tina getting voted out to Exile Island last week, Ciera and Laura M. rejoiced at being the last couple left in the game, which was kind of like being proud of being the second guy in high school who knocked Ciera up.

Surprisingly, when it came to strategy, it was Ciera who ended up leading her mother even though Laura M. was actually the returning player of the two of them.

Then again, I guess I'm not all that surprised considering that Laura M. forgot to have the "birds and the bees" talk with teen mom Ciera when she was an adolescent...Twice.

Ciera Eastin: I'm pretty sure that once you get the engagement ring you're supposed to take out your nose and vag piercings.

And while Ciera acted as if she liked her mom on the surface, she definitely showed that she had some unresolved "mommy issues," as she was not so secretly plotting against her.

"If my mom needs to go in order for me to win the game, then my mom needs to go...Here's the thing, I'm okay with my mom not being in the game."

The Redemption Challenge required Aras, Vytas and Tina to use a grappling hook to retrieve a series of bags in order to get a ball that they needed to complete a table maze.

Tina made it first to the final section of the maze first, but unlike Ciera's high school boyfriend, she couldn't quite get it in the hole.

Vytas ultimately won the challenge over Tina, sending his brother Aras out of the game.

And with Vytas finally beating Aras in a challenge for the first time (not just in the game, but in life in general), Vytas was finally able to let go of the sibling rivalry he had with his more successful younger brother.

On the other hand, Aras proved once again that he was the nice brother. "I didn't win the million dollars, but we got a lot closer, and that's worth more than any money in the world."

Of course, that's a lot easier to say when you've already won a million dollars playing the game.

Meanwhile, Tyson's delusions continued to grow, and he erroneously came to the belief that he was some sort of sex symbol. "I don't know why I've been wearing my shirt the whole time like an idiot. Here you go ladies. You're welcome."

Tyson Apostol: If only homosexuality wasn't outlawed in Utah...

And while Tyson went on to declare himself "The biggest threat in the game," people really just wanted him to put some fucking pants on.

Having been given a clue to the Immunity Idol by Vytas, Katie woke up at dawn to look for it.

However, Laura M. pulled a dick move and also woke up early just to follow her and make sure she didn't find it. Of course, Tyson already had the Idol, so they both got up early for nothing.

The Immunity Challenge required the contestants to balance on platform while hanging onto to a rope that they slowly had to let out as the game went along.

In addition to Immunity, they were also competing for a reward of burgers, hot dogs, fries and soda.

And when Jeff Probst teased, "You desperately want a cheeseburger," I couldn't help but think that it was mean of him to single out the fat girl Katie like that.

Katie Collins might be the only contestant to go on Survivor and gain weight.

Monica defeated Tyson for Immunity, mainly because she had years of practice of being drug along while hanging onto her husband's dick.

Monica then unselfishly gave her entire reward of burgers, dogs, fries and soda to the rest of the tribe...You know, because that type of goodwill gesture in Survivor always ensures that nobody will vote you out the moment you don't have immunity.

Katie tried to lie to Ciera by telling her that she found the Hidden Immunity Idol. However, Ciera called her bluff by saying, "No you didn't...because I have it." Sure enough, Katie cracked right away.

However, Ciera may have inadvertently put a target on her own back, as when she told her alliance how she had tricked Katie Tyson took notice by saying, "Ciera, smarter than we thought originally, is making moves as well."

At Tribal Council Laura tried to save her own ass by selling Ciera and herself as a package deal. "One is two, you get one of us, you get two."

Laura Morrett and Ciera Eastin: Of course, that's the same pitch they use when they go out to the clubs together back in Oregon.

Of course, she didn't realize how much her own daughter was plotting against her, and Ciera looked pissed that her mom was still trying to sell them as a power couple when she was trying to break free and play her own game.

And when Laura M. was voted out, it slowly seemed to sink in that her own daughter betrayed her. "It sucks that I'm here. It sucks that my daughter had to do that. It sucks that she did that!"

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