Friday, April 5, 2013

The Bachelor Blog: "What do you think of Sean with his shirt off?"

The final episode began with one of Sean's toddler relatives bluntly telling him, "Emily didn't pick you!"

Of course, considering that Sean is a born again virgin and Emily Maynard is a born again NASCAR slut, that may not have been such a bad thing.

Upon meeting with Sean's parents in Thailand, Sean's mom approved of Catherine, but begged him not to get married...Which kind of negated her whole approval.

On the other hand, Sean's dad, who was like Ned Flanders cooler hippie father, was more than willing to marry off his only son when Catherine asked for his Sean's hand. "If it's cool with him, you got it baby!"

Lindsey also joined Sean in Thailand, but only for Sean to tell her that his heart was with someone else.

That left her free to go back home to resume substitute teaching...Because apparently Missouri has a glut of qualified full time teachers.

The much hyped "Letter to Sean" turned out to be as anti climatic as his "Fantasy Suite" dates.

As while America was lead to believe that Sean got left after proposing, it simply turned out to be a letter from Catherine declaring her love for him.

And after Catherine accepted Sean's proposal, they rode off on an elephant...Which promptly went crazy and killed them both, as all elephants do.

After two hours of torturing Lindsey, we moved on to "After The Final Rose," where Chris Harrison was just as eager to marry Sean off as his father was.

Chris joked by saying, "The best part about this is that I don't have to see you naked ever again," in reference to Sean's propensity to take off his shirt as soon as any camera appeared.

And with doubts that Catherine was not necessarily the marrying type, she informed Chris that she was ready to go straight to the courthouse with Sean, to which he responded that he was an ordained minister if they were ready to go right now.

Of course, that was just build up to a ABC wedding special for Sean and Catherine this summer, which will be preceded by a "very special pre-nuptial agreement signing," and followed by a "very shocking divorce petition."

Desiree Hartsock also showed up with hair extensions and being entirely too polite to Sean, which was a sure fire clue that she was being named the next Bachelorette, much to Tierra's dismay.

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