Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Blogging SURVIVOR: Caramoan - "I would never do this in real life, I don't even wait on my husband"

Eddie began the episode pissed off because he was convinced that his love interest, Hope, was voted off because "She was the prettiest person here."

I'm just shocked that Eddie Fox didn't consider himself the prettiest person on the show.
Wanting to bring everyone in the Favorites Tribe into his "Stealth R' Us" alliance, but having very little to offer in return, Phillip tried to take a page out of Napoleon's playbook.

And according to Phillip, that meant trying to secure their loyalty through giving them bitchin' covert secret agent names like "Pinky Winky."

"Stealth R' Us," where Phillip Sheppard can be an idiot.

Phillip tried to bring Russell's Nephew on board by giving him the title "The Conqueror," not realizing that even someone of Brandon's limited intellect wasn't buying what he was trying to sell.

That caused Russell's Nephew to say, "This agent sucks bad," noting how Phillip was supposed to be able to figure out who was lying to him given how he was just playing along with his proposed plan.

The only person influenced by Phillip's naming game was Andrea, but only because she was the only person he didn't invite to join his alliance or give a stupid name to. So just for shits and giggles, I'm naming her "The Unicorn."

The Reward Challenge required the tribes to hold planks in order to transfer two fellow tribe members from one floating platform to the next, and then having all of them climb above a line on a narrow stand.

The Favorites won that challenge, which gave them a visit from a local tribesman who brought them a chicken, fruit and vegetables, along with tips on how to live off the land and rape the indigenous women.

Sure enough, the Favorites got a little bit more than they bargained for when the 60 year-old four foot tall local tribesman, Hata, seemed to take a liking to their ladies.

As Cochran said, "Hata's a married man, but that didn't seem to impede him from really trying to get his bump and grind on...And since he's this kind of bizarre little woodland creature, he gets away with it. If I tried that, I'd be some kind of creepy predator.

Cochran was right about Hata's creepy and predatorial behavior towards the Favorite's women...As it turned out, he ended up being related to Brandon Hantz and his uncles, Russell and Willie.

Shamar boldly declared that he'd be willing to stay in the game in order to help his alliance, but only if they allowed him to sleep 19-hours per day and brought him rice.

 And for that we thank Shamar Thomas for starting the first "Occupy SURVIVOR" movement.

For some reason Sherri and her alliance bought in saying, "I would never do this in real life, I don't even wait on my husband."

And while she may not wait on her husband, Sherri Biethman's boob pictures clearly suggest that she's servicing somebdody.

Shamar ended up scratching his eye while sleeping, which he claimed prevented him from sleeping all night.

Fortunately, Shamar had been sleeping all day, so he really didn't lose any sleep in the grand scheme of things as compared to his other competitors.

Surprisingly, the SURVIVOR medics arrived on the scene and confirmed that Shamar had suffered a serious injury to his cornea that needed immediate medical attention, and Shamar seemed relieved to use that as an excuse to exit the game.

Unlike Shamar, Reynold did not shed any tears upon his departure. "He was disrespectful, lazy. I'm just happy that he's gone."

The Immunity Challenge required the contestants to swim out to a platform, retrieve keys to open a chess, and throw bags that they obtained to knock blocks off of a platform.

With the Favorites winning behind Phillip's amazing ability to toss his bags at poles, Matt tried to rally his alliance to vote against fellow member Laura in favor of Reynold or Eddie, so as to try and play to their physical strength at challenges.

Or as Reynold said, "Are you prioritizing winning, or are you prioritizing losing?"

As it turned out, Matt's plan worked out perfectly.

Not only did the Fans vote out Laura to make their tribe physically stronger, but Reynold was so paranoid that he played his Hidden Immunity Idol, even though he wasn't the target.

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