Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Big Brother 14 Blog: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I'm a dumb ass"

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Danielle began the final two episodes in shock that Dan broke his word to her and sent her boyfriend Shane home...You know, because she apparently didn't watch the way he played the game all summer.

Danielle confronted Dan by demanding to know, "Why do you continuously lie to me?"

However, Dan cut her off by saying, "Sit down." And like any true southern girl, Danielle immediately did exactly what the guy told her, and she "popped a squat."

After Danielle settled the fuck down, the final three contestants sat and reminisced about the game over brunch. That caused Dan to say, "This beats Chef Joe's cooking any day."

So you don't add oil to the salmon because it's a naturally oily fish...But then you drench your beautiful creation with fucking mayonnaise after you cook it???

That pretty much wasted the better part of the episode, unless you like scripted questions like, "Ian, do you remember when you and Ashley went on that date?"

As if Ian was going to say, "No," and just let them move on to the next question without any flashbacks that the producers had pre-prepared.

After the first of a three part final HOH competition began, we learned that Ian had made a deal with Dan drop out first in return for Dan voting Shane out at the last elimination ceremony.

In what turned out to be an endurance contest where the contestants were dunked into a pond while hanging onto a rope and then slammed repeatedly into a wall, Ian held true to his word.

Dan then tried his best to convince a skeptical Danielle that he had her best interests in mind by evicting Shane when he told her about his deal where Ian would quite 10 minutes into the competition.

Dan then did the inexplicable and asked Danielle to drop out of the first round of the HOH contest, just as he did with Ian.

Danielle protested by saying, "You're asking me to throw my game...Do you know why I'm scared? Your actions, Dan!"

Dan then reasoned with her by asking, "Did he drop after ten minutes?" That caused Danielle to stammer, "Yeah, but...You drive me crazy!"

I don't know how Dan sold it, but something he said triggered Danielle Murphree's innermost daddy issues and got her to intentionally drop from her rope, giving Dan the win in round 1 of the HOH Competition and a free pass into round 3.

Danielle agreeing to throw the first leg of the HOH Competition caused Dan to gush, "I just won the 1st round of the final HOH because I convinced not one, but two people into dumping their chances of winning $500,000 all for me!"

Dan then hatched a contingency plan with Danielle in the event that Ian won the 2nd round of the HOH.

That plan involved Dan congratulating Ian in the event that he won by saying, "We did it," with Danielle intentionally overhearing and calling Ian out for double dealing with her in the attempt to get Ian to drop out of the 3rd round of the HOH Competition with the threat that she would rat him out to the Jury.

And while Ian did go on to win the 2nd round of the Final HOH, he refused Dan's request to throw the third round.

When Dan and Danielle hatched their act Ian said, "Guys, I ain't playin' it, knock it off." Surprisingly, that made Ian the first person all summer to foil one Dan's crazy plans.

Ian then went on to defeat Dan in the final round of the HOH, which required them to guess the correct ending to various quotes about the game that were made by members of the Jury.

While Ian would have had a clear path to victory by taking Danielle and her constantly expanding ass along with him to the final two, he surprisingly remained true to his word to Dan, who may have played the best strategic game in the history of Big Brother ever and sent Danielle home.

I don't know if it was the slop or Chef Joe's cooking, but over the course of the summer, Danielle Murphree turned into a brick shit-house. 

As Ian and Dan were confronted with questions from members of the Jury, Dan held to a plan of complimenting his competitors and telling them that he did what he needed to do.

Meanwhile, Ian pleaded his case by saying that he changed sides and turned on Frank and Mike Boogie in order to put his fate in the game in his own hands.

When Danielle asked Ian why he thought that Dan would take him to the end instead of her, Ian dropped the bomb that her assumption was erroneous.

Ian then revealed that Dan had given him his grandfather's gold cross as security that he would not break his word, and then reiterated that statement in his final speech to the Jury by saying, "His grandfather's cross..."

Ian's revelation once again left Danielle Murphree with her mouth agape with nothing to stick in it after having put all of her trust in one man.

In response to Dan's comment that he was up to his elbows in blood, Joe asked, "What blood are you talking about, and what blood are your trying to take credit for?"

Joe apparently forgot that Dan single handedly sent every single member of the Jury out of the game, thinking for a moment that he was "immaculately evicted," even though he got fucked by Dan just like everyone else.

For some reason Jenn seemed to harbour some type of resentment towards Ian saying, "Where I come from, rats eat cheese." True to her statement of giving a rat a reward that it would absolutely love, she flipped her vote in the end in favor of Ian.

Janelle supported Dan's game by saying, "If (Dan) doesn't win Big Brother 14, it's an absolute travesty." However, the Jury seemed put off by Dan's back-stabbing and voted for Ian to win the $500,000 7-1.

While Danielle had said, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I'm a dumb ass" after Dan had evicted Shane, she went on to add a fouth to the equation.

As the only Jury vote in Dan's favor, even though he reportedly fucked her over during the course of the game, Danielle took the terms "fool me" and "I'm a dumb ass" to an exponential level."

Janelle did have some interesting words for Danielle, seemingly calling her out for her lies for no apparent reason.

However, if you've been watching the after hour live feeds, Danielle Murphree had apparently told a series of lies including having been abused, kidnapped, treated for breast cancer and a number of other ridiculous claims.

Not only does her  butt seem to waffle, but interviews with some of her former friends revealed that Danielle Murphree may be a habitual liar...Not just to further her game, but to the extent that she may have some serious mental problems.

After prematurely proclaiming himself as the best player in Big Brother history earlier in the season, Mike Boogie had to endure Connie Chung's question about whether Dan had cemented that title during this season's game.

As much as it obviously pained him, Boogie had very little he could say against Dan since he was sitting with the rest of the losers who didn't even make it the Jury, while even Chef Joe Arvin had a Jury vote and a final say in the matter.

Speaking of Joe, the night concluded with Frank winning America's Favorite House Guest and a $25,000 consolation prize, and Wil doing his best impersonation of Joe hating on Dan in true Big Brother fashion.

And to prospectively answer your questions...There's no fucking way that Shane Meaney and Danielle Murphree are ever going to date in real life...Not only is he gay, but that bitch be crazy...See y'all next summer!

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