Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Blogging Survivor: Philippines - Meet The Cast

Survivor - Philippines is upon us. This season the contestants are being divided into three tribes.

Twists include the return of three former contestants who had to be medically evacuated from their respective seasons, Immunity Idols to be hidden in plain sight with clues in each tribes' rice bowls, and more water based challenges based upon their location this season.

Oh yeah, and in addition to the three returning former players, all of the other contestants are in some way related to Russell Hantz, which really isn't even a twist anymore, it's more like par for the course.

Now let's get to know the contestants and break down their pros and cons based upon their official bios on the CBS website.

Tandang Tribe

Abi-Maria Gomes - A 32-year-old business student from Los Angeles who has dual Brazilian citizenship.

Pros: Much like fellow Brazilian Gisele Bundchen, I can't figure out of if Abi-Maria is really good looking or secretly a man from just looking at her face.

Cons: Avi-Maria is arrogant enough to claim that Parvati was "as charming as she is," so I'm thinking that she might not be quite as awesome as she seems to think she is.

Abi-Maria Gomes

Lisa Whelchel - A 49-year-old ex-child star from Dallas, Texas.

Pros: Lisa used to play Blair on the popular show The Facts of Life. She is now an avid member of Kirk Cameron's ministries.

Cons: Unless there are any unexpected twists that I'm not aware of, Tootie isn't coming onto the show to help Blair with her social game.

Lisa Whelchel

Pete Yurkowski - A 24-year-old engineering graduate from New Jersey

Pros: Peter would seem to be relatively book smart and physically fit on paper.

Cons: He lists his hobbies as, "Going to bars and meeting girls, going to the gym, and making beats," proving he took MTV's The Jersey Shore just a little too seriously. Peter also put off a real career as engineer and is apparently working for Willhelmina Models.

Pete Yukowski

Roberta "RC" Saint-Amour - A 27-year-old investment banker from New York.

Pros: "RC" is a competitive swimmer who has swam the English Channel and holds several high school and collegiate records, which should be of benefit to her when it comes to the additional water challenges this season.

Cons: "RC" lists herself as the "112th Wellesley Hoop Rolling Champion," so the Jury may not be willing to give her the million dollars since she already owns one prestigous title.

Roberta "RC" Saint-Amour

Artis Sylvester - A 53-year-old computer engineer from Louisiana.

Pros: Cancer survivor and super fan of the show having applied to be on over twenty times, so he has resiliency and a knowledge of the game on his side.

: Artis lists his inspiration as his ex-wife and "prays everyday that we are brought back together." I'm sure that type of desperation on national TV will lure her back, even if he doesn't win the million dollars.

Artis Sylvester

Michael Skupin - A 50-year-old author, coach and motivational speaker from Michigan, Michael was medically evacuated from Survivor: Australian Outback after passing out and falling into the campfire, an accident that as Jeff Probst said "left his skin peeling off his fingers."

Pros: A natural hunter and out-doors man, Michael is in great shape for his age.

Cons: PTSD may prevent him from completing any challenge that involves building fire.

Michael Skupin

Kalabaw Tribe

Kate Hanson 24-year-old former Miss Delaware.

Pros: She's easy on the eyes.

Cons: Lists toilet paper and her "Miss Delaware sweater" as two items that she wishes she could bring on the show...I'm guessing that she may not be cut out for the whole Survivor experience.

Katie Hanson

Sarah Dawson - A 28-year-old insurance salesperson from Silver Springs, Maryland.

Pros: Seems to have the personality to be a strong social player.

Cons: Her relatively modest swimsuit may help or hurt, depending upon how her tribe plays out.

Sarah Dawson

Carter Williams - A 24-year old track coach from Kansas.

Pros: Carter ran track in college, so he should have endurance and fitness on his side. He also claims to be adept at climbing trees, which could be an asset in providing food for his tribe or finding the hidden Immunity Idol.

Cons: He's not in Kansas anymore, and Carter may be just a little too young and naive for the competitive nature of the game.

Carter Williams

Dana Lambert - A 32-year-old cosmetologist who came out of the closet at a young age while living in the south.

Pros: I always seem to have a soft spot for the cute little lesbian girls.

Cons: While she claims to be a country girl who enjoys the outdoors, she's never swam in an ocean before.

Dana Lambert

Jonathan Penner - This 50-year-old former contestant from Survivor: Cook Islands and Survivor: Micronesia is an actor and writer who penned an Oscar nominated short film.

Pros: A proven a schemer and strategist.

Cons: One of the most arrogant players and biggest bitches to ever play the game, so he definitely has the potential to rub his tribe members the wrong way, especially since he's on the same tribe with...

Jonathan Penner
Jeff Kent, a/k/a "The Racist Mustache" - 44-year-old former Major League Baseball player.

Cons: One of two Major League players that I can remember in the past 15-years to be accused of being a racist by a fellow player or teammate...The other was John Rocker.

Pros: After being accused of being a racist, former teammate Lance Berkman came to Kent's defense by claiming that he's not a racist, but that he just hates everyone equally...But especially if you're black.

Jeff Kent

Matsing Tribe

Malcolm Freberg - 25-year-old bartender living in Hermosa Beach, CA.

Pros: Played college football at Dartmouth. Comes across as a party jock, so he's probably pretty social.

Cons: Way too cocky. Lists O.J. Simpson as one of the people who inspired him. Parlayed an Ivy League education into working as a bartender.

Malcolm Freberg

Roxy Morris - A 28-year-old Seminary student from Brooklyn, NY.

Cons: Roxy is Survivor's typical bible thumper, where everything she says seems to have to do with her religion.

Pros: She's got that joy, joy, joy, down in her heart...So she has that going for her.

Roxy Morris

Zane Knight - A 28-year-old "tire repair" man from Virginia.

Cons: Zane claims to be wilder than Brandon Hantz. He looks like a chronic weed smoker and may have racist tattoos.

Pros: They are still casting for the pilot of America's Deadliest Tow-Trucks on TLC.

Zane Knight

Angie Layton - A 20-year-old former Miss Teen Utah, and 3rd place in Miss Teen USA.

Pros: Her fake boob job is nice.

Cons: She's likely married to a polygamist and has four kids at the age of 20.

Angie Layton

Denise Stapley - A 41-year-old sex therapist from Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

Pros: Denise runs triathlons, seems to be in great shape for her age, and lists her luxuray item as a strong sports bra because nobody wants to see her "40 year old ta-tas dangling out," so at least we know she's considerate of of her tribe members and the viewing audience.

Cons: She's a sex therapist from Iowa, which relatively speaking is kind of like being an evolution professor in Mississippi. 

Denise Stapley

Russell Swan - An environmental attorney from Pennsylvania, Russell is a returning player who was medically evacuated out after suffering from severe dehydration or some type of heat stroke.

Pros:  He's played the game before.

Cons:  He literally almost died the first time he tried to play, so that may not be a good thing.

Russell Swan

1 comment:

  1. Your insights are funny, but some of them hold true. I think we have a pretty good mix of characters this season, while also having strong competitors. The returnees are going to work hard if they want to last or get that million check in the end.