Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Bachelorette Blog - "Emily looks so hot with a gun. I just want her to hold a gun all day long"

Down to just the hometown dates, Emily described each of the remaining four contestants. When it came to Arie's turn she said, "Guys like Arie are really, really hard to find," mainly because there are only thirty-three drivers on the IndyCar Circuit.

Up first was Chris, who took Emily back to Chicago. Chris described his family first generation Polish, or, "On a scale of 1 to Polish, we're Polish."

Unfortunately for Chris, Emily described their relationship as one where "I could see myself falling in love with Chris," which on a scale of 1 to NASCAR, is still Polish.

After speaking with Chris' dad, the language barrier may have come into play, as he returned back to Chris and informed him that she said he was falling in love with him, which is not exactly what she said.

And just seconds after Chris' sister asked Emily to end things with Chris sooner than later if she knew that he was not going to be the one so he didn't wind up with a broken heart, Chris set himself up for the big fall that everyone aside from him knew was coming.

"My Dad tells me that she's falling in love with me, and telling her how I feel now is going to be the best thing I've ever told her in this whole journey."

Emily then traveled to Utah to meet Jef, where she was forced to join the Church of the Latter-day Saints in order to cross the border.
When Jef escorted Emily to the passenger seat of a souped up ATV, she responded by saying, "Alright, I'm going to try and do this as lady-like as possible."

While going offroading might be fun, keep in mind that Emily has dated at least two former NASCAR drivers, so on a scale of 1 to NASCAR, Jef's ATV is a 3.

When Jef took Emily skeet shooting she responded by saying, "He's a little more country than he wants people to know...I mean, who knew that Jef in his skinny jeans had such a good shot."

Emily then stated how nervous she was to shoot before asking, "Is there, like, a kick?" She then proceeded to hit each and every target that Jef launched for her.

"I may or may not have pretended that I have no idea how to hold a shotgun," before telling Jef that she takes gun lessons back home...which was a surprise to absolutely nobody except for Jef, who couldn't contain his excitement. "Emily looks so hot with a gun. I just want her to hold a gun all day long."

I don't know who was more pleasantly surprised, Jef when he realized that Emily can shoot, or Emily, when she realized that Jef was a closet redneck just like her.

Jef's parents weren't in town to meet Emily, because apparently having a son who's one of four finalists to get engaged on a national TV show wasn't as important to them as doing charity work in South Carolina...Either that or they're embarrassed for him.

Emily ended up meeting Jef's non-skinny pant wearing brother, his two good looking sisters, and his one fat sister. As they talked, a trained toddler crawled up into Emily's lap, obviously confusing her for one of her other moms.

Surprisingly, Jef grew up on a ranch and not in a skate park.

Jef concluded his hometown date by reading Emily a letter that he wrote listing the things that he loved about their time together, which was the antithesis of Ryan's list of demands for his future wife.

Emily responded to Jef's list by saying, "That honestly was like the sweetest thing that anybody has ever said to me," which is probably true since NASCAR drivers aren't particularly known for their manners when they are telling a groupie that it's time to put her panties on and get the fuck out of the RV.

Emily then followed Arie to Scottsdale, AZ, where she met him at the race track. Even though he's more of a TV correspondent than an actual racer, Emily said, "If that's Arie's passion and we work out, it will become one of mine too."

Arie's father was the real IndyCar driver in the family, and he had his own trophy wife, who was just an older and European version of Emily.

Arie's father was the real IndyCar driver in the family, and he had his own trophy wife who was just an older and European version of Emily, although I'm not sure that even Emily would wear a strapless gown with a raised bra strap exposed.

Arie's family made Emily feel at home by speaking nearly exclusively in Dutch for prolonged periods of time, which was only slightly more confusing to her than people speaking to her proper English.

At Sean's hometown date in Dallas, Emily worried that she might be a little to rough around the edges for his flawless white-bread family. While she might be white trash, the key word for Sean's family was white, so they ended up accepting her with open arms.

In his first ever attempt to show that he has a personality, Sean played a joke on Emily by telling her that he still lives at home.

When he showed her to a clearly staged room that was littered with food, dirty clothes, stuffed animals and used condoms, Emily tried to pretend that she was taken aback given her prior opinion on how perfect he was. "He's a mess, and he's really into stuffed animals."

Fortunately Sean ultimately let Emily in on the joke and everyone had a good laugh. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone except ABC's national viewing audience.

At the Rose Ceremony, Emily sent Chris home, who took things less than gracefully, and demanded an explanation from Emily. "Is there a given explanation?"

Rather than tell Chris that it was because he's a psychopath, Emily tried to explain to him that her relationships with the other guys had grown faster and deeper. However, that did not seem to satisfy Chris.

Chris pleaded, "I don't understand. How much faster could it have possibly have moved? I told you that I loved you," not understanding that it's not about how much he loved her, but about how she felt about him.

And just like that, we're down to the two remaining contestants plus Sean, as Emily and the cast move on to Curacao.

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