Thursday, March 8, 2012

Blogging Survivor: One World - "That little munchkin is about to get knocked back to Oz"

At the Reward Challenge, the women were the first to knock out five targets in a row using slingshots. Out-shooting the guys, the girls won for their third straight challenge, earning them a much needed tarp for their camp over their other reward option, coffee and donuts.

At camp, the guys debated whether or not the game was even since the girls had evened things out with the men in terms of overall challenge victories. Jonas disagreed, "The game is not even. We're up one person. I will take one person up over all the donuts in the world." Just remember that Jonas said that...

Leif, who was yet to say a word the entire season, picked the wrong time to start speaking, as he accidentally told Bill how Colton had originally targeted him over Matt.

Michael brought his suspicion that Leif was playing both sides to Colton, who surprisingly slurred a midget by saying, "That little munchkin is about to get knocked back to Oz." Who knew that the openly gay redneck would be an achondroplasiaphobe bully...And how dare him to talk about Russell Hantz like that.

Colton then confronted Leif about what he said to Bill. When Leif came clean, Colton threatened him by saying, "You pretty much just sold your fate."

As much as I'd like to know how much money he "sold" his fate for, fortunately for Leif it wasn't "sealed." Colton went on to say, "He's turning into an annoying little Oompa Loompa," a strange dig from someone who's obviously no stranger to having visited the "chocolate factory."

At the Immunity Challenge, each tribe was to divide into pairs in order to solve a series of three puzzles. Realizing that she was a liability when it came to competitions that did not involve chasing sticks and jumping into water, Kat announced that she needed a partner who was strong at puzzles.

When Alicia volunteered, Kat (not intending to be rude, just being the dumb kid says whatever is on his or her mind) asked, "You're good at puzzles? Not that good, are you?" Alicia immediately took offense by yelling, "I know you are not calling me stupid!"

Moments later, the men took a huge lead at the Immunity Challenge because Alicia could not solve the first and easiest puzzle. As the men moved on to their third and final puzzle, Alicia and Chelsea even walked over and tried to copy the guys first puzzle, but to no avail. That caused Tarzan to go into a tizzy and start screaming, "CHEATER! CHEATER!"

After the men cruised to an easy victory, Jeff Probst and many of the Salani Tribe questioned Alicia for laughing at her inability to solve the easy puzzle, elevating her as the prime target for eviction over Christina. As Sabrina put it, "Alicia is just dead weight with a mouth," just like all special education teachers.

Bill attempted to "squash the beef" with Colton, who arrogantly dismissed him. "You're going home next, so it really doesn't matter - bye!" When Colton told Bill he didn't like him or even want to be around him, the normally nice guy Bill snapped back, "Listen, you little stuck up brat!"

As Colton pouted, he told Troy about how Leif had informed Bill that he was the initial target of their alliance last week. Colton went on to ponder, "Maybe I should go to the girls and say, 'Do y'all wanna trade and we'll go to Tribal Council this week?'" When Jonas said, "That would be interesting," Colton enthusiastically asked, "Would you be willing?" 

On camera Jonas said, "Here we just won immunity and Colton's saying we should just give it away, and I'm thinking, what?...I don't like that idea but...What am I going to say, no? Actually Jonas, if you don't want to be known as some redneck kid's little bitch for life...that's exactly what you should have said.

The idea caught momentum, although Colton still wanted to get rid of Bill while Tarzan and Troy both thought they were going to target Leif for betraying their alliance. Tarzan even went as far as to approach the women and say, "We're thinking of letting you guys stay and we'll go to Tribal Council...We have a betrayal."

Leave it to Jay, a model/motocross rider to be the one person to see how illogical giving Tribal Immunity up was. "I'm completely bum-puzzled right now, I don't know what to make of this."

Needing a unanimous vote to give up their Tribal Immunity, we did not know who was heading to Tribal Council until they arrived. A visibly shocked Jeff Probst announced, "Twenty-four seasons...Never had a tribe arrive at Tribal Council after winning Immunity."

Jeff continued by asking the obvious question, "What are the chances that this will go down as the single dumbest move ever in this game? Dumber than somebody giving up their Individual Immunity?"

When Jeff asked Colton why he didn't like Bill, he responded by saying, "He's obnoxious, he's loud, he's a struggling stand-up comic...Like, get a real job." When pressed by Jeff, Colton acknowledged, "Yes, I did go to a private, like, all-white school, but I do have, like, African-American people in my life." When Jeff followed up by asking him who, Colton giggled before reluctantly responding, "My housekeeper."

Realizing that Jeff was exposing him as the racist that he is, Colton tried to explain, "I don't have a problem with Bill because of his race at all. The problem I have with Bill is that he's 'poor pitiful me, I'm poor,'" referring to Bill's career as a struggling stand-up comedian.

Yeah, this is bad...But Bill's still a harder worker than Colton.

Bill then interjected, "Are you out of your mind? Bro, you haven't worked an honest day in your life or had to go out and get a job. You're gonna sit up here and tell me that me pursuing my dream...comedy...That's what I want to do with my life...Don't judge me, I don't judge you...And for the love of God, I work with people and for no one. You got that?"

When asked about the similarities about his view of Bill as compared to the people back home who judge him for being gay, Colton responded, "The one's who have a problem with it are the one's ridin' around in their jacked up trucks with Rebel flags hanging in the back and they go home to their trailers at night."

For reasons only known to "Joe the Plummer" and himself, Tarzan decided to interject his two-cents in defense of Colton:
"Here's the deal, the whole thing about race irks me. I think it's time to quit talking about God damn races! I'm fed up with people talking about race, I'm tired of it! I want people to base what they think about somebody on how they behave, and what their merits are...And I think this country is moving in that direction. We have a black President. That's what I think."

So there you go white people...According to Tarzan, people like Colton cannot be racist because they elected Barack Obama as President. In fact, I don't know what about Obama's first four years has been the most impressive; passing the healthcare bill, rescuing the auto industry, or erasing 250 years of white guilt.

I do have to give Colton some credit. In getting everyone to talk about how racist he is, almost nobody is talking about how he made the dumbest move in Survivor history in leading the way for the men to give up Tribal Immunity.

This "Outwit, Outgay, Outlast" logo was taken from Colton's Facebook page...He must have settled on the Rainbow Flag theme after running into a copyright problem that prevented him from going with a "Stars and Bars" background.

Colton ended up getting his way in the end, as Bill was voted out instead of Leif as Colton pretended to do his nails. However, Bill got the last laugh by saying, "(Colton) judged me because of my differences, and I accepted him because of his."

To that Bill, I salute you. Here's to Colton going back to the trailer park where he came from so he can be racist and wear undersized Abercrombie and Fitch polo shirts in accordance with the birthright handed to him by his forefathers.*

* derived through slave labor 

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