Thursday, March 22, 2012

Blogging Survivor: One World - "I don't have any fingernails right now...All the dirt is in my mouth, and it was nutritious, but it was disgusting"

After proclaiming that voting Monica out last week was the "best blindside ever" (except for the part where it wasn't), Alicia gloated, "That was the funniest Tribal Council I've been to," rubbing it in Christina's face how she had defected from the women and joined up with the men...and Colton too.

Aside from Monica's ex-NFL player husband, Brad Culpepper, I don't think that anybody really cared that Colton and Alicia blindsided her.

Colton arrogantly added, "The thing is, no one's going to go off with you by themselves, Christina, so good luck. You might can make an alliance with that hermit crab over there."

Alicia got even nastier, refusing to make room for Christina in the shelter by saying, "I don't care, because you're going to be gone." When Alicia threatened to "whack her," Christina stood her ground and said, "Go ahead, do it," proclaiming that she was going to fight back.

At Salani, Kat woke up and proclaimed, "Alicia killed me in my dream...I was in the mall shopping for clothes and Alicia killed me...I don't know if that's a sign." Apparently Kat's "puppy dreams" got better later, as she talked about digging and eating dirt. "I don't have any fingernails right now...All the dirt is in my mouth, and it was nutritious, but it was disgusting."

I'm just hoping that all of the contestants on Survivor clean up their poop, because Kat is liable to try and eat it when nobody else is looking.

The Reward Challenge involved bouncing coconuts off of a trampoline to break targets, with the first tribe to break all five winning a trip to an ice cream parlor. After Kat completely missed the trampoline on her first throw, she went on to hit two targets, leading Salani to victory.

Colton and Alicia didn't come close to hitting any targets, with Alicia's effort getting ridiculed by Jeff Probst, yet Colton still tried to blame Christina for the Monano's loss for not running fast enough. "It ticked me off...You can quit, or you can wait and go home in two days, or you can jump in the fire and be Medevacted."

Realizing that she was Colton and Alicia's next target, Christina made an obligatory play to stay in the game by approaching Leif and Jonas, wait, make that Jonas and Leif since Leif isn't really capable of independent thought. Christina informed them that Alicia had already made an alliance with the women, and said that she'd be willing to play with the men if they'd keep her around.

Just when I was starting to like Christina Cha on Survivor, she goes and posts "modelling" pictures like this on her Facebook page, outing her a just another reality TV fame whore...At least she's not fat like Alicia and Colton.

Of course, Alicia walked up behind her during that conversation and proclaimed that Christina was only digging herself a bigger grave, to which Christina responded that she and Colton had already told her she was going home, so she really had nothing to lose by trying.

Alicia went on to say, "Christina is telling a partial truth. I do have an alliance with the girls, which Jonas doesn't need to know." To me, that kind of makes it sound like what Christina was saying was the whole truth, but I guess we can't expect special education teachers to be as smart as regular education teachers.

After I fast forwarded through the commercials, I was shocked to see Colton with his head on Christina's lap as she was massaging his temple. Thinking that I had fast forwarded too far and had missed an important scene, I had to rewind.

As it turned out, Colton was not feeling well, and Christina took on a motherly role in spite of how nasty he had treated her. Of course, Christina acknowledged that she was just trying to win his favor, while Colton proclaimed that he knew she was trying to kiss up. I guess we'll call that one a draw.

Tarzan got involved by saying, "I sensed something was wrong, and I know the signs of, you know, appendicitis, and gallbladder, and bowel obstruction, I know all those signs and symptoms."

With the creepy plastic surgeon trying to weigh in with his diagnosis, Colton had to be praying that the producers at least had access to a semi-real doctor like an osteopath, a veterinarian, a shaman, or even a chiropractor.

Colton walked into the jungle to lay down where he dramatically proclaimed, "I'm dying, I'm about to duh-eye." Seeing her opportunity, Christina rushed to get medical. In fact, Colton will be happy to know that she ran much faster than she did in the Reward Challenge with his ability to stay in the game...I mean his health on the line.

Medical immediately ruled out constipation, which was strange considering that Colton has been a major pain in the ass all season. With appendicitis the likley diagnosis, Colton, ironically, was medevacted from the game.

As much as I was happy to see the little "prep-neck' from the south go home, I was really hoping to see him get voted out based upon his game play and personality. Now that he has a medical excuse, we're all but assured of seeing him return on Survivor All-Stars: Racist Island.

Jeff gave Colton the option of giving away his Immunity Idol, but he elected to keep it as a souvenir, much to Alicia's dismay. "Colton is a spoiled brat. He's going to keep it as a souvenir even though he knows he screwed me, like, the biggest? I voted off Monica, and if Monica was here, the girls would have the numbers."

Of course, the girls would still have numbers if Alicia hadn't betrayed her alliance and participated in the plan to vote out Monica to begin with.

Jonas, feeling that he had more power with Colton out of the game, considered targeting Alicia instead of Christina. "I do believe that if there was a karma, Colton got some karma right back at him." You think?

With Colton declaring how he hoped Christina would be medevacted from the game, and then ending up getting medevacted out himself, I think I'm all in on this karma thing. I might even start cheering for Tim Cross-Bow, I mean t-bow.

There was no Immunity Challenge, with both tribes receiving a message that they'd be going to Tribal Council. When they arrived, Jeff informed the Salani Tribe that Colton had to be medevacted to a hospital to have surgery for acute appendicitis, to which Kat to exclaimed, "OH MY GOD!...What is that?

Alicia informed Sabrina that Colton had said to tell her "Thanks for the souvenir," referring the Immunity Idol that Sabrina had given him, causing Salani to question whether that statement was just a bluff. When asked whether it was by Jeff, Jonas said, "I cannot reveal that information Jeff," mocking Tarzan's from last week's Tribal Council.

Asked about the possibility of Alicia having lied about the Idol, Kat responded by saying, "Touche (Touche? To what)...I'm kind of more worried about the appendix thing, and how do I not get mine hurt. Everyone else has there's out."

Jeff then dropped the bomb that the Tribes were merging. With 6 men and 6 women remaining. Tarzan said, "I have to say, the game is afoot." In the end, nobody was voted out, and it will be interesting to see if the women can keep their alliance intact.

Umm...Tarzan, that's not exactly "a foot." 

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