Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Bachelor Blog - Because Courtney wins, but winning doesn't necessarily mean you won!

Now that we're down to the final two contestants, are you ready for the most controversial finale in the history of The Bachelor?... At until next season.

As Ben weighed over making the decision of who he'd chose, he was visited by his mother and his sister, who looked like Ben and had the exact same haircut...only with longer hair extensions. I'm going to call her "Not Ben."

If Ben's sister and former Bachelor Constantine ever hooked-up, would it be considered masturbating, or incest?

 "Not Ben" warned him to be weary of the girl who doesn't get along with other girls, which of course was Courtney. On the other hand, she really seemed to hit it off with Lindzi...So maybe those two will get together in the event that Ben doesn't choose her.

Is it just me, or does ABC's caption list the spelling of Lindzi's name differently each episode? One week it's Lindzi, and the next it's Lindzie...Oh wait, that is just me.

"Not Ben" was concerned about Courtney's career as a model. "The idea of a model as a sister-in-law, I'm like oh God Ben, come on." Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like someone feels just a little threatened that she'll no longer be the pretty one in the family.

Then again, as Ben's mom says, "Beauty only runs skin deep." Ben should be glad that she stuck around for 87 years and flew to Switzerland to pass along that proverb.

By the time she met Courtney, I finally figured out that Ben's sister's name is Julia, but I'm still going to call her "Not Ben." After two days of expressing his concerns about Courtney to his family, Ben said that his primary goal heading into their introduction was that they don't pre-judge her.

About 30 seconds after meeting Courtney, "Not Ben" rolled her eyes at her. If she was one of the contestants, at that point she would have been one of the girls yelling at Courtney on The Women Tell All episode.

However, by the end of the day, both "Not Ben" and Ben's mother warmed up to Courtney, and gave Ben their approval and blessing...Courtney then smirked to the camera and sarcastically said, "Winning." Okay, maybe she didn't, which is too bad, because that's the only time it would have been the slightest bit amusing.

received his family's blessing, his biggest internal questioned seemed to be whether he was willing to deal with the shit-storm that he knew was coming if he followed his penis and ultimately chose Courtney. When "Not Ben's" sister pondered the question of what their father would do, their mother chimed in to indicate that he probably would have thought with his penis too.

For Lindzie's date, Ben took her skiing in the Swiss Alps since she had never skied before, and because her real father was Sonny Bono. When Lindzi brought up meeting Ben's family, he informed her how they really liked her, and gave him their blessing to make the choice he wanted.

Unfortunately for Lindzi, those statements were not necessarily both made in reference to her. She proceeded to ask Ben about whether he envisioned a future of the two of them together and told him that she loved him, as he awkwardly went to his go-to move of nodding and saying yes, while making as little eye contact as possible when he knows he's sending the girl home.

The Bachelor producers went all out for Courtney's dating, chartering the finest helicopter in all of Switzerland for a tour of the mountains. They then landed for a mountain top picnic...I hate recap episodes.

Courtney wrote Ben a romantic letter talking about their future together...No word yet on where she plagiarized this one from.

When Ben informed Courtney that his family ended up liking her she said, "Ben, it's totally worth it...It hasn't been easy for me," presumably referencing the bullshit act she put on to win them over.

She also threw a mini-tantrum for Ben even having brought up her issues with the other girls to his family...Apparently her plan was to smash their TV's in the event she won so they could never see her true personality.

Before his proposal, Ben's dad arrived to help him pick out rings. Alright, I'm just checking to see if you've been following along all season. If you don't get this reference, congratulations, you haven't.

The Batch-copter whisked Ben and the two finalists to the top of a mountain. Lindzi arrived first, and as expected, Ben crapped on her dreams of a diamond ring by saying, "I've fallen in love with you, but I need those moments to last a lifetime, and - I've found that with someone else."

Lindzi managed to keep it together for the most part, and told Ben to call her if things didn't work out. Unfortunately for, when it comes to The Bachelor, they always do.

After a dramatic "but" in his speech to Courtney, Ben ultimately proposed to her. Courtney accepted and said, I'll love you forever, you're stuck with me!"

I don't exactly know how that constitutes "The most shocking finale in Bachelor history" as ABC had promised, so I'm organizing a class action lawsuit. If any one's interested, you can contact me.

Congratulations Admiral...I mean Courtney Robertson, winner of The Bachelor - Season Ben!
However, as we learned at the After the Final Rose episode, winning doesn't necessary mean you won.

The audience gasped as Ben announced that Courtney's actions on TV initially lead to them stop talking, and then subsequently breaking up. I think I even saw a brief shot of Emily doing a victory rap.

Courtney came out next to a smattering of boos from the audience. While she initially tried to take some responsibility for how she acted, she also blamed Ben for abandoning her.

As Courtney were reunited in public in public for the first time since the show, Ben seemingly acknowledged that I wasted a half hour of my time on made for TV drama on After the Rose by ultimately confirming that they were still engaged.

Even though Courtney was a bitch and mislead Ben about the type of person she really was, Ben ended up publicly apologizing to her for not staying by her side through all the criticism she received.

At least he threw it back in her face a little bit by taking a page out of her book in saying, "That wasn't fair to you, (but) that was my coping mechanism." You really can't be pissed off at someone when they steal the same bullshit excuse you use to get out of trouble.

And with that, Ben gave Courtney her engagement ring back, as the not so happy couple assured America that they'd try to work things out...I just look forward to seeing them complete as singles on The Bachelor Pad this summer.

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