NFL Picks Week 11: "Because Joe Paterno is living proof that you can get lung cancer second hand from pole smokers"

Week 10 NFL Picks: 5-8
NFL results season to date: 72-64-7

Week 10 College Football results: 2-1-1
College Football results season to date: 19-21-2

Week 11 NFL Picks (winners in parentheses):

Thursday
New York Jets vs. Denver (New York Jets, road, -7) Tim Tebow and the Broncos finally escape the comfort of the AFC West and face a real defense.

Sunday
Tennessee vs. Atlanta (Tennessee, road, +6.5) Despite losing Kenny Britt to injury and CJ2K mentally, the Titans are not all that bad.
Buffalo vs. Miami (Buffalo, road, +2.5) So, are Dolphin fans comfortable with the fact that Matt fucking Moore might cost them Andrew Luck? It's time that Buffalo gets back to winning, and Miami gets back to losing.
Cincinnati vs. Baltimore (Baltimore, home, -7) I'm not sure the Bengals are ready to win a big game yet, especially on the road. The Ravens only seem to be able to win big games, especially when they're at home.
Jacksonville vs. Cleveland (Jacksonville, road, +1) Umm, no thanks? I think I like the Jaguars over the Browns in a 1-0 game.
Oakland vs. Minnesota (Minnesota, home, -1) Call me crazy, but I think Jared Allen and the Vikings defensive line will get all over Carson Palmer and the Raiders asses in a loud Metrodome.
Carolina vs. Detroit (Tennessee, road, +3.5) Take the points whenever the Panthers get them. I still think Detroit wins, but Carolina should be able to shut down Calvin Johnson, a/k/a Megatron, and keep this one close with Jahvid Best still unable to keep defenses honest due to lingering effects from a concussion.  
Tampa Bay vs. Green Bay (Green Bay, home, -14) The Buccaneers have been huge disappointments this season, while the Packers still haven't yet set the bar on how high the point spread can go for them to cover.
Dallas vs. Washington (Dallas, road, -7.5) The emergence of Demarco Murray has allowed the Cowboys and Tony Romo to play conservatively, which is a good thing considering that he has the playmakers to make plays off of conservative calls instead of making him force things. On the other hand, Rex Grossman has to force things for the Pigskins to have any chance at winning, which is a bad thing.

In a side note, Washington TE Chris Cooley challenged Tony Romo to a fight earlier this season. He also tried to make a hillarious video spoofing Romo and Cowboy TE Jason Witten. I'm no Cowboy fan or Tony Romo apologist, but considering that the only "hillarious" thing about Cooley are the pictures of his penis that he "accidentally" posted on his blog, he and his white trash deuche bag in crime Colt Brennan might want to lay off the comedy and work a little harder on getting real jobs now that their cups of coffee in the NFL are all but over.


Fantasy Files from Tanner Cooley on Vimeo.

Arizona vs. San Francisco (Arizona, road, +9.5) I think the 49ers can shut down the Cardinals running game, but can they contain Larry Fitzgerald now that John Skelton is taking shots to him down field? I think Arizona keeps this one close...just a feeling.
Seattle vs. St. Louis (St. Louis, home, -1) Just when the Seahawks were starting to run the ball effectively, they lose two starting offensive linemen for the year. That should also help the Rams up and coming defensive line put significant pressure on Tavaris Jackson and force some turnovers.
Chicago vs. San Diego (Chicago, home, -3.5) The Chargers just don't seem to be in sync this year, and I can't see a road game against the Bears in November at Soldier Field being the spark that gets them to turn their season around.
Philadelphia vs. New York Giants (New York Giants, home, -4.5) I'm not sure I wouldn't take the Giants at -4.5 against the Eagles even if Michael Vick was certain to play. Since we still don't know Vick's status at this time, I'll take the Giants pass rush and power running game over  Philly regardless of who their QB is.

Monday
New England vs. Kansas City (New England, road, -14.5) My gut tells me not to take the road team in night games such as this. My brain tells me that the Patriots varsity teams kicks the asses of their JV counterparts in the Chiefs, especially with Tyler Palko as their quarterback.

College Football's Top Games of the Week:

Nebraska vs. Michigan (Nebraska, road, +3.5) Now that they are in the BIG, Nebraska has firmly established an identity as a whiter version of the Wisconsin Badgers. With that said, the Cornhuskers (is that one word or two?) should still be able to keep Denard Robinson and the one dimensional Wolverines in check.

What are the two things that come from Ann Arbor? 1. Year after year the most overrated football team in America. 2. Ugly chicks.

Ohio State vs. Penn State (Penn State, road, +7) Ahh, the Scandal Bowl! Let's just say that there's no program in America happier that Penn State and Jerry Sandusky's Nittany "Loin" got busted for an underage sex scandal than the Ohio State Buckeyes, as covering up some free tattoos doesn't look nearly that bad when you compare it to keeping silent about your defensive coordinator wrestling small boys in the locker room shower with nothing but his penis. Despite the scandal, Penn State's chances of winning the B1G are not dead yet, and I don't think the Buckeyes will be able to score enough points to keep up with them. BTW, it's worth your time to check out this clip from this week's episode of South Park, in which they completely trashed Penn State. I don't know how those guys consistently knock out topical episodes in less than a week's time, but they always do.




Joe Paterno is living proof that you can get lung cancer second hand from pole smokers.


Kansas State vs. Texas (Kansas State, road, +9) K-State has done me right so far this year. I'll take the points against an overrated Longhorns team playing behind a back-up QB.

So let me get this straight....the University of Texas Cheerleaders wear chaps?...And they can get away with that on a college campus?

Oklahoma vs. Baylor (Oklahoma, road, -15.) I can't see the Bears having the talent to hang with the Sooners in this game. Afterall, they are a Southern Baptist University, so their talent pool must be pretty shallow, unless something shady is going on down in Waco...which their probably is given the unexpected success and recruiting exploits of their football and basketball teams.

So when I tried to find pictures of University of Oklahoma Cheerleaders, it turned out that the girls at Oklahoma State were just inherently hotter...sorry Sooners.

Blogging Survivor: South Pacific - "I'm not going to be aggressive...We're not like gangsters out here man."

Things started off fairly tense given that Cochran betrayed his Savaii Tribe alliance when he voted with Upolu and blind-sided Keith.

When Ozzy calmly questioned Cochran about flipping, Russell's Nephew tried to intervene by saying, "I'm just trying to make sure that nobody's being aggressive with him," Ozzy responded by saying, "C'mon, I'm not going to be aggressive...we're not like gangsters out here man."

Jim, on the other hand, was not as cool. Right after Ozzy wished Cochran luck in the game, he jumped in and blurted, "Coward! You're a poor excuse for a man. Don't ever fucking talk to me again." While you question Cochran's decision making, and maybe his manhood, I have to admit it took some nuts to betray his entire tribe, so I don't think I'd call him a "coward."

Aspiring country music singer Whitney was not much more sympathetic or any less hostile. So you were the vote?...You realize Keith and I saved you three times...and that's what you fucking do? You got a lot to learn buddy. You disgust me." Suddenly I'm seeing a little more Gretchen Wilson in her career and a little less Taylor Swift.

At the Immunity Challenge, the first four players to toss a coconut into a ring moved on to a second round, where they had to crack open coconuts and then spitting the juice into a container until it reached a certain level. The final four contestants were Whitney, Dawn, Sophie and Jim, so three of them had a distinct advantage when it came to busting nuts and spitting out the creamy white liquid that came out. Unfortunately for Dawn, she is a devout Mormon...so had little practice in life to prepare herself for the challenge.

On the other hand, Jim attended the University of Michigan, so he had no problem tossing balls, busting nuts and spitting out the creamy goodness. He ended up winning the Immunity Necklace when Sophie swallowed her milk and vomited it back up just as she was about to hit her fill-line.

Jim went on to propose giving the necklace to Ozzy just before the vote at Tribal Council and making a last second plea for the Upolu Alliance to vote out Cochran instead since they wouldn't have a chance to discuss who to change their vote to. 

At Tribal Council, Savaii's remaining members, or a least Jim, continued to attack Cochran for flipping alliances. Cochran rationalized his decision by saying, "I didn't mentally prepare for this for 11 years to have my fate decided by drawing a rock out of a bag. There's a reason why the last time people drew rocks was Season 4...That's not the essence of Survivor, it's about taking control of my own fate." 

Jim responded by questioning Cochran's integrity, knowing that was an important factor to Upolu Tribe members like Coach and Brandon. "I saved Cochran in the First vote. I saved Cochran in the second vote. Keith, Whitney and I saved Cochran in the third vote. Then Ozzy saved him at Redemption Island...I've gotten to know the Upolu Tribe over the past couple days, and there's not a single one of them who would let someone fight their battles for them, and there's not a singe person among that tribe that would do something so dishonorable, in my opinion."

After his rant on playing honestly, Jim went back on his plan to give Ozzy the Immunity Necklace and kept it for himself instead. Ozzy made one last play to stay by pointing out that if he got sent to Redemption Island he'd be fishing for one person and not fourteen, allowing him to stock up on protein and regain his strength. "I hope to see all of you coming through there, and I'll make you a nice fish and send you on your way."

Ozzy was ultimately voted out, and he headed to Redemption Island where he immediately caught a 15 pound fish that he shared with Keith...Also, I'm also pretty sure that Ozzy's blurred out eviction vote read "Cockless" instead of Cochran, or at least something very similar.

With this week's episode featuring two Tribal Councils, the contestants were given the option of playing in the second Immunity Challenge or feasting on pastries and ice coffee until it ended. The only tribe mates who decided to compete were the former Savaii members Jim, Dawn and Whitney, with Whitney outlasting Dawn standing on a plank and balancing a ball on an arch.

Russell Hantz and Russell's Nephew both wearing Tap-Out/Affliction style t-shirts? Well at least we know they have Wal-marts in Texas.

Dawn gained the support of the Upolu when she said she'd compete as long as she could so they would be able to keep eating. That rubbed Albert the wrong way, who saw her trying to "eek" her way into their alliance. Russell's Nephew "tapped out" from eating too much, prompting Cochran to pat him and say, "You can rest your head on my shoulder..." just like any good prison bitch would.

At Tribal Council Dawn said, "I don't think I would have eaten the food today to be honest. I really did see this as one tribe, so that was hard for me to watch them eat." Russell's Nephew took exception when he replied, "I love you Dawn, but you told us you had wanted to stay up there as long as possible so we could eat...You just contradicted what you just said."

When Dawn interjected by saying that it was just hard for her to watch them eat since she was hungry but had to compete for Immunity in order to secure her own safety, Russell's Nephew said, "I'm don't buy it." That's why Savaii Tribe, excluding Cochran, is going to be picked off...We're trying to be nice about it, but sometime it just gets on your nerves...I can promise you Jeff, that none of us are going to stop until that whole Savaii Tribe is completely (hand gesture).

Despite Russell's Nephew's bizarre hostility towards Dawn, Jim was voted out and sent to Redemption Island by the rest of the Upolu Tribe, which has to be concerned with Russell's Nephew's inability to keep his mouth shut regarding their overall game strategy.

Ranking the Survivors:

10. Jim - The weakest competitor and least liked of the three former Savaii tribe members stuck at Redemption Island.
9. Keith - Keith probably has the best chance of taking Ozzy out at the Redemption Island, just so long as the Challenge doesn't involve swimming or climbing trees.
8. Ozzy - Ozzy on Redemption Island is kind of like the final episode of Lost. It's not in Purgatory, he's in Heaven. He can spear dive and climb coconut trees in peace without the pressure of having to think.
7. Dawn - She obviously needs to pay for saying it was "difficult" to compete as hard as she could and forgo food so Upolu's former tribe members could sit and eat pastries.
6. Cochran - He made a big move to go from in the mix with Ozzy as a strategic player in the Savaii Tribe, to the becoming most expendable member of the Upolu Alliance. I guess they don't teach logic at Harvard Law School. Cochran still needs to make another big move in this game in order to get numbers in his favor if he wants to make it to the final 2 or 3.
5. Albert - Given that he's probably the biggest physical threat in the game, the fact that he has his own opinions and is not necessarily willing to blindly vote out whoever Coach is targeting is probably not going to go over too well with The Dragon Slayer. Along with Cochran, I think Albert is in the most need of, and probably the most likely to make a big move in this game.
4. Rick - Pros, the only time he may have spoke all season long was when he told Christine "good luck" at her Redemption Challenge, only to have her promptly flip him off. Cons, he wears a cowboy hat and has a huge mustache...Wait, those are neither pros nor cons. Unfortunately, that's about all I have on this guy.
3. Russell's Nephew - Everyone wants to bring him along with them to the Finals, but his mouth might make him liability before he ever gets that chance.
2. Edna - The perfect mix of flying under the radar and not being a strong enough player to be a threat to anyone. An ideal candidate to take to the Finals in the event that Russell's Nephew is unable to fulfill his duties as Least Likely to Win.
1. Coach - People are buying into Coach as the leader of the Upolu alliance. Then again, Survivor is a lot like a horse race...you don't necessarily want to be in the lead early.

Blogging Survivor: South Pacific - "I should have stood up for Cochran sooner...I have a son who reminds me of him who has red hair"

While last week's episode had ended with Ozzy volunteering to be voted out by his Savaii tribe mates so he could try to eliminate Christine at the Redemption Challenge, Cochran was not necessarily buying in to his role as a "double agent." "I think if anybody in this game is capable of being a double agent it's me...I've already been pretending like I like these people in my tribe through the last 18 days. I think I deserve an Academy Award for that performance - 'First you get the egomaniac returning player voted out, then you get his Idol, then you get the million dollars.'"

I kind of like Cochran's three-step plan to winning Survivor...at up until the part where he leaves out getting the sugar.

When he arrived at Redemption Island, Ozzy began to sell his story that he was blindsided by Cochran to Christine:

Christine: "What happened Ozzy?"
Ozzy: "Idol."
Christine: "Who had it?
Ozzy: "Guess."
Christine: "Cochran?"
Ozzy: "Yes, how'd you know!?!"

At that point Ozzy was starting to feel pretty good about the job he was doing on selling his story. "First step was getting myself voted out. Second step - getting her to believe that. Third step - beating her and getting the other tribe false information."





If Cochran and Ozzy could have a baby together, that child would be Eddie Rabbit.


Unfortunately for Ozzy and the rest of the Savaii Tribe, things didn't go as smoothly when Ozzy proactively volunteered how bitter he was about getting blindsided to the Upolu tribe members when they showed up to watch the Redemption Challenge. Or as Al said to Coach while shaking his head, "I don't buy it."

After Ozzy beat Dawn in a challenge that consisted of tying sticks together until they were long enough to reach sets of keys to unlock themselves, it was announced that the tribes would merge as Savaii had anticipated.

Coach wasted no time in calling Cochran out when he volunteered that he had been treated like shit by his Savaii tribe mates. "I feel like you guys are trying to play us, OK? You guys came up with a story, you guys sent Ozzy to Redemption Island, you got an Idol in your pocket, and knowing Ozzy would win Redemption, it was a risk, but you know Ozzy would win Redemption...We will not bend, we will vote six strong...There's a one if five chance you'll be drawing a black rock."

After calling a clearly rattled Cochran out and threatening to send him to the tie-breaker for elimination, Coach decided to Dr. Phil and reach out to him. "I've been made fun of my whole life. I might be the Dragon Slayer now, but I know what it feels like to be superior to people in one way, and they know it, so they try to find ways that you're inferior to cut you down. I now what that feels like man, and you have a chance to change the game for your self. There's a line in the sand - come across that line."

It seemed as if Coach's "come to the dark side" speech clearly made an impression on Cochran, who said, "What I took away from Coach is he's an incredibly intelligent guy. I've watched and always viewed him as this eccentric "Dragon Slayer" who talks about Wizards and King Arthur, but he's a smart guy."

Coach found it much easier to manipulate the game of Survivor when he realized that John Cochran was really Steve Smith from American Dad.

Cochran wasted no time in spilling the beans on Ozzy's plan when Sophie quizzed him and asked, "I just want to know if (Ozzy) volunteered?" When Cochran confirmed her suspicion Sophie said, "There was no illusion...the beans were pretty loose."

Cochran confided to his former Savaii tribe mate Dawn that the prospect of having to draw rocks in the event of a tiebreaker had him worried and that he was considering switching allegiances based upon the way he had been treated. Dawn then launched her Mormon mother of the year campaign when she sobbed  "I should have stood up for Cochran sooner...I have a son who reminds me of him who has red hair!"

Based upon their equally "Redjudice" remarks, it sounds like Dawn and Prince Charles would have made the perfect couple. And just so Dawn knows, instead of sobbing on national television about how you feel bad for your son because he has red hair, the proper parental response is to buy him a weight set and teach him to make the first kid who tries to make fun of his hair cry by over escalating the confrontation and saying the one thing that everyone is thinking about him or his family, but is to afraid to say...It has the same effect as starting a fight on your first day in prison in that nobody is going to fuck with you from then on out.

And as for Prince Charles having been upset that his son was born a red, I'd like to remind him that it was actually Harry grew up to be the good looking one, while William ended up with his dad's receding hairline that he was able to parlay into a commoner as his Queen in waiting who has a whore for a sister that will embarrass the Royal Family for years to come.

Pippa Middleton is kind of like the UK's version of Bristol Palin, if only her mom had become President.

Alright, back to Survivor. The merged tribes agreed on "Te Tuna" as their new name, which according to Keith was apparently based upon a story of how the coconut came to be. The first Individual Immunity Challenge consisted of standing on a small perch while holding a coconut between two outstretched ropes and trying to keep it from falling. Dawn won immunity for women, while Ozzy won it for the men.

More importantly, we saw that Russell's Nephew had a spiderweb tattoo on his arm, meaning that he's either done time, is a white supremacist, or both.

Maybe Brandon Hantz just really liked that catch Spiderweb song by Gwen Steffani and No Doubt.

While Cochran did return Ozzy's Immunity Idol, he continued to make plans to switch his allegiance to the Upolu Tribe. Legitimately afraid that he might get beat-up by his former tribe mates, he asked Coach, "Where am I sleeping tonight?" Coach reassured him saying, "You're sleeping right between me and Edna, or you can sleep next to Sophie if you want - you have carte blanche." So I guess we can officially add "tribal pimp" to Coach's list of fake occupations.

Coach went on to explain, "I've convinced Cochran that...the weak will finally become strong, that the nerds will finally rise up to the bully and give them a bully beat-down." Alright, this is either another Biblical quote from Coach, or something like the fourth time that he's based his actions in this game upon a movie plot or scene from the 1980's or early 1990's. Either way, it's getting annoying.

Cochran and Coach have found an unexpected bond and alliance. Look for them to be surprisingly joined next season by Russell Hantz in Survivor Heroes and Villains II: In Paradise, which will be shot in Fort Lauderdale next year during spring break.

At Tribal Council, the former Upolu Tribe members confronted Ozzy about having the Immunity Idol and fabricating the story that he had been sent to Redemption Island after being blindsided by Cochran. Ozzy came clean when he said, "I do have the Idol, or rather, we do have the Idol." 

Ozzy gave the Immunity Idol to Whitney after the vote based upon Jim's reverse logic that Upolu would target their weakest member knowing that Savaii could use Immunity Idols to protect their strongest members in Ozzy and either Keith or himself.

Unfortunately for Savaii, Jim overthought the matter (in addition to overestimating his strength as a player in the game) and they ended up wasting Ozzy's Idol on Whitney when Upolu voted for Keith. That lead to a 6-6 tie between he and Savaii's target, Rich. With Keith and Rich sitting out the re-vote, Cochran changed his vote to Keith, thereby sending him to Redemption Island.

When Cochran tried to immediately explain himself to his former Savaii tribe mates, Jim dismissed him by snarling, "Coward!" In a touching moment of humanity, much like when an injured infant falls into a guerrilla's cage, and the guerrilla ends up caring for it instead of eating it, Russell's Nephew came to Cochran's rescue by snapping back, "Don't talk to him like that, that's what you get for talking to people like that in the first place!"

Russell's Nephew then whispered "stay close to me" in Cochran's ear as a clearly tense Te Tuna Tribe walked out of their first Tribal Council following the merge...Which I think is the official prison way of informing Cochran who he was going to be sleeping next to.

NFL Picks - Week 10: Because Marc Sanchez needs to work on average before he can become an elite QB

Week 9 NFL Picks: 9-5
NFL results season to date: 67-56-7

Week 9 College Football results: 3-1
College Football results season to date: 17-20-1

Week 10 NFL Picks (winners in parentheses):

Thursday
San Diego vs. Oakland (San Diego, home, -7) The Raiders are on the road in a short week. Phil Rivers and the Chargers showed some signs of life last week against Green Bay after a shaky first quarter.

Sunday
Pittsburgh vs. Cincinnati (Pittsburgh, road, -3) I'm tempted to go with the Bengals at home in this rivalry game, but they are such a young team I'm not sure that they will fully know what to expect.



A Steelers fan in a camouflage Roethlisberger? I think we've reached a new low.

Kansas City vs. Denver (Kansas City, home, -3.5) Is it just me, or does it seem like the Chiefs have played a crappy opponent just about every week over the past two seasons? Tim Tebow has yet another weak defensive match-up, although I'll give Chiefs the nod over the Broncos since this one's being played at Arrowhead.
Jacksonville vs. Indianapolis (Jacksonville, road, -3) These teams are equally inept at the quarterback position this season. However, unlike the Colts, the Jaguars have a strong running game and an emerging defense.
Dallas vs. Buffalo (Buffalo, road, +5.5) I keep hearing rumors that the Cowboys will give Felix Jones the staring RB job back when he returns from injury. If Jerry Jones insists on staying loyal to his fellow Razorback and former first round draft pick with an emerging star on his hands in Demarco Murray Cowboy fans should be irate. In fact, I'm starting to think that Jerry Jones is morphing into Al Davis since he passed away, kind of like the "lead bitch" position got passed around in the movie 'Heathers' whenever one of them died.
Houston vs. Tampa Bay (Tampa Bay, home, +3.5) The Buccaneers have not lived up to expectations this year, but I can't give up points with them at home against a Texans team that is looking like they will be without Andre Johnson for yet another week.
Carolina vs. Tennessee (Tennessee, road, +3.5) The Titans are not a sexy team, but they are halfway decent wit Matt Hasselbeck at quarterback. While I will admit that I was entirely wrong about Cam Newton, in fact, I'm actually starting to like the kid, I don't quite understand how the Panthers can be favored by 3.5 points in this game.
Miami vs. Washington (Washington, road, +4) Last week the Dolphins were winless, playing for the right to draft Andrew Luck with the #1 pick in next year's draft. Now, one win over a mediocre Kansas City team, and the Dolphins are actually favored? I'll happily take the Pigskins and the points in this game.
Arizona vs. Philadelphia (Philadelphia, home, -13.5) The Eagles and Michael Vick should finally be able to break out with the deep ball against the Cardinals secondary, while Arizona does not have the talent to take advantage of Philly's weak linebacking corps. The line on this one hasn't been set yet, but I'll take Philly giving anything from 13.5 points and less.
New Orleans vs. Atlanta (Atlanta, home, +1) The Saints have historically struggled stopping Michael Turner and the Falcons inside running game. The interior of their defensive line is once again a weakness for New Orleans, so I can't see the Falcons losing this game at home. 
Cleveland vs. St. Louis (St. Louis, road, +3) The Browns haven't been able to take advantage of the league's easiest schedule. The Rams might be starting to turn the corner now that Sam Bradford is starting to get healthy and learn Josh McDaniel's new offense.
Chicago vs. Detroit (Chicago, home, -3) Jay Cutler called out the Lions for not being able to play outside of a dome. With rain and win expected in Chicago this weekend, and given the way Detroit has struggled to contain Matt Forte in recent years, and he might be on to something. I still look for this to be a low scoring game.
Baltimore vs. Seattle (Baltimore, road, -7) The Ravens have been Jeckyl and Hyde this year. At time they have looked like an elite team, and at others they have struggled against inferior opponents. This is a true test for them having the travel across the country to play the Seahawks. I think the Ravens defense should be able to shut down Marshawn Lynch and the Seattle running game, rendering them one dimensional behind a quarterback who can't throw.
San Francisco vs. New York Giants (New York Giants, road, + 3.5) I'm still not sold on the 49'ers. Alex Smith will need to prove that he can avoid the Giants pass rush and take advantage of their beat-up secondary. If he can do that, I'll be a believer.
New York Jets vs. New England (New England, road, +1) This week a caption in USA Today asked whether Marc Sanchez was poised to take the next step and become an "elite" quarterback. I think he needs to take the step from mediocre to average before he ever thinks about the word elite.

Monday
Green Bay vs. Minnesota (Green Bay, home, -14) If the Vikings can't generate a pass rush and get to Aaron Rodgers early, I can't see them scoring enough points to even hang close at Lambeau Field.

College Football's Top Games of the Week:

Oregon vs. Stanford (Oregon, road, -3.5) It's time to find out if Andrew Luck and the Cardinal are for real. Until they prove themselves, I'm going to go with the established program and the points over the big time quarterback and an unestablished program.

I'm staring to worry that Oregon's cheerleaders are going to start going "one and done," because they look ready to turn "professional" if you ask me.

Nebraska vs. Penn State (Nebraska, road, -3) I can't believe that Penn State is actually playing in this game after. Not that I expected them to forfeit, I just always thought that it would have been Notre Dame caught up in a sex scandal involving young boys.

Georgia vs. Auburn (Auburn, road, +13) So is it proper southern etiquette for opposing schools to buy Mark Richt a farewell present as he makes his final appearances in the SEC as coach for the Bulldogs? If so, does he have to return them when Mississippi State recycles him and hires him as their head coach for next season?

Former Bulldog QB Mathew Stafford seems to be doing pretty well with his cheerleader girlfriend and her implants.

Virginia Tech vs. Georgia Tech (Virginia Tech, road, -1) The Yellow Jackets are just too one dimensional with their triple option run offense to stay with the Hokies.

This girl is neither one dimensional nor a Ramblin' Wreck.

Dean Hurt - One of few openly gay males in Hazard, KY.

Jon Trett  of Hazard is gay, but still hasn't come out to his family.

NFL Picks - Week 9: "Because Peyton Hillis just needs to knock it off"

Week 8 NFL Picks: 6-8
NFL results season to date: 58-51-7

Week 8 College Football results: 1-2-1
College Football results season to date: 14-19-1

Week 9 NFL Picks (winners in parentheses):

Atlanta vs. Indianapolis (Atlanta, road, -7) The Colts are going to get a healthy dose of Michael Turner. Even if they are successful in stopping him, the Falcons should still be able to successfully throw the ball.
New Orleans vs. Tampa Bay (Tampa Bay, road, +8.5) The Buccaneers seem to have the Saints number of late, and they've proven that they can win in New Orleans the last two seasons.
Houston vs. Cleveland (Houston, home, -11) The Browns are pretty much down to Peyton Hillis at running back. Unfortunately, Hillis has pretty much decided that he's not going to try until the Browns give him a long term contract, which isn't coming anytime soon considering that he's a white running back who couldn't even break the two-deep depth chart on his college team. He even went as far as skipping out on a charity event this week that he had committed to without even having the courtesy of cancelling or having a good excuse. Needless to say, Cleveland is going to need Colt McCoy to throw the ball in this game in order to win, which doesn't bode well for the Browns.
Buffalo vs. New York Jets (New York Jets, road, +1.5) The Bills are at home and are a much improved team. I just don't think that Ryan Fitzpatrick will be able to throw against the Jets secondary.
Kansas City vs. Miami (Kansas City, home, -4) While I'm not ready to say that the Chiefs have put things together after a horrendous start considering that their recent win streak has come against a handful of bottom dwellers and a Norv Turner coached team, their one and a half year deal with the Devil for the easiest schedule in the NFL continues this week with a date against the Dolphins.
San Francisco vs. Washington (San Francisco, road, -3.5) Rex Grossman is probably good enough to win 50% of the time, while the other 50% of the time he looks absolutely terrible. The conservative John Beck probably won't ever look as bad as Grossman, but he sure as hell hasn't proven that he can do enough to win any games at the NFL level...So yes, If I'm a Pigskins fan, I'm calling for Rex Grossman to start this week against the 49'ers, even if it does end ugly.
Dallas vs. Seattle (Seattle, road, +12) The Seahawks just don't seem to have it without a functional quarterback this season. I look for Matt Barcley to reunite with Pete Carroll next year. The Cowboys should be able to take advantage of a thin Seahawks secondary and put this game out of reach relatively early.
Oakland vs. Denver (Oakland, home, -9) Tim Tebow's only chance of success is with run options, bubble screens, and misdirection passes. The Lions proved last week that you can win if you take those plays away and make Tebow read his progressions and try to beat you down field, which is something that Tebow has pretty much proven that he is incapable of doing.
Tennessee vs. Cincinnati (Cincinnati, road, +3) It's time to jump on the Bengals bandwagon, as they're an up and coming team with an easy schedule. I can't see the Titans running on their defense, and Tennessee's passing game is not necessarily their strong suit. Gimme the points in this one.
Arizona vs. St. Louis (St. Louis, road, +3.5) Sam Bradford should be back for the Rams, while John Skelton will be starting for the Cardinals in place of the benched injured Kevin Kolb. It's officially time to put Arizona in the mix in the Andrew Luck sweepstakes...Thankfully for Cardinals fans, they packaged DRC and second round pick to get Kolb instead of giving up their first rounder in 2012.
New England vs. New York Giants (New England, home, -9) The Patriots and the Giants have two of the worst secondaries in all of football aside from the Rams. Look for both teams to air the ball out and run up the points. The Giants just have too many injuries with Ahmad Bradshaw, Hakeem Nicks and Jason Pierre-Paul all likely to miss this game due to injury.

I was equally as infatuated when a cheerleader I used to like in high school used to do this...I'm just a little gayer now.

Green Bay vs. San Diego (Green Bay, road, -6) I was initially going to go with the Chargers expecting a post bye week let-down game from the Packers, but from all accounts that I've heard, Green Bay is zoned in and fully ready for this game.
Baltimore vs. Pittsburgh (Baltimore, road, +3.5) Even though the Pittsburgh defense has been stellar at home, there's no way that I'm betting against the Ravens with this spread considering: a) they kicked the Steelers asses up and down the field in week one; b) the Steelers have 3 of 4 of their starting linebackers likely out for this game (including James Harrison and Lamarr Woodley); and c) the Steelers defense hasn't been able to generate many sacks or turnovers even when they had their star players all playing at once.

Monday
Philadelphia vs. Chicago (Chicago, road, +8) I'm not convinced that the Eagles have turned the corner just because they've won back to back games against struggling teams at Washington and at home against Dallas. I still expect the Eagles to win at home on Monday Night Football, but the Bears should put up a pretty good fight behind Matt Forte, who will be going against one of the worst linebacking corps in all of football.

College Football's Top Games of the Week:

LSU vs. Alabama (Alabama, home, -4.5) I love Alabama's defense overall, while LSU may have the best secondary in recent college football history. While LSU's offense plays pretty conservative and doesn't turn the ball over, I just don't have enough faith their quarterback situation that they will be able to make enough plays to overcome the Crimson Tide's "Game of the Century" type pressure on the road.



Even Alabama's band chicks are pretty damn good looking!




Don't get me wrong, while I think most women from Louisiana are pretty hot, this wanna be LSU Tiger Cheerleader is just a hot mess.

Oklahoma State vs. Kansas State (Kansas State, road, +21) I think this will be a shootout with Kansas State being able to keep up with Oklahoma State for the most part, or at least within 21 points worth.
Arkansas vs. South Carolina (Arkansas, home, -5) Steve Spurrier is kind of like Jenny McCarthy. Really hot 15 years ago, not too bad now, but you have to be pretty desperate to put up with all the baggage that comes attached. Aside from losing to Georgia, the Gamecocks haven't played a good team yet this year. I like Arkansas in this one.

Jenny McCarthy should just put the wiener in her mouth, vaccinate her kids, and shut the fuck up.

Oregon vs. Washington (Oregon, road, -16.5) The Huskies are better this year, but they're still no match for the Ducks.

Because pictures of the Oregon Cheerleaders never get old...especially when they're getting all hairband on that ass!

Check out live NFL games on your computer at http://www.watchlivenfl.com/

Blogging Survivor: South Pacific - "I don't know how well I can pull off the whole, I'm industractable so you better be shaking in your boots...you stupid bitch."

The Redemption Challenge featured Mikayla going against four time winner Christine in a race to assemble a plank bridge, and then turn those planks over in order to solve a puzzle once it had been assembled. As the cowboy hat wearing mustached guy yelled advice to help Mikayla with her puzzle, Jeff openly noted how she and Mikayla were both from the Upolu Tribe.

After Christine won the Redemption Duel, Ozzy noted how she would likely re-join the Upolu Tribe following the merge, which would give them numbers. As a result, he brought up the possibility of volunteering to be voted out so he could defeat her in next week's Redemption Challenge in order to keep numbers in their favor following the suspected merge. The other option he was considering in order go home in the most humiliating fashion possible was just giving Parvati his Immunity Idol, even though she's not even a contestant in this season's game.

At least Eric got charmed out of his Immunity Idol and sent home by a beautiful woman. If Ozzy goes home next week, his beneficiary will be a dude named Cochran, who can apparently suck the meat right off the bone.

At the Savaii Tribe Coach sat in the ocean and prayed, "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy father." He then staged a "snipe hunt" with Russell's Nephew, Rick and Edna to find the hidden Immunity Idol, who were the only members of the Upolu Tribe in the dark that he had already found it.

Coach's prayer went something like this.

Sophie, who was in the know that Coach had the Idol, did not necessarily go along with his religious hypocrisy. "I find Coach to be a little more questionable when he actually is the one saying...'Dear God, help us find the Idol, when he knows he has it in his pocket. I get a little bit of an icky feeling.'" Of course, an "icky feeling" is exactly what every adolescent should feel whenever someone they call "Coach" or say prayers with gets mentioned in the same breath as "in his pocket."  

On the other hand, when Coach came back five minutes later claiming that he found the Idol, Russell's Nephew was all smiles. "We found the Idol not even five minutes after we got done prayin'...It's definitely an advantage havin' the big buy upstairs on your tribe!" Let's just say that if atheists were trying to undermine faith and highlight the hypocrisies of religion, Coach very well might be their perfect mole...that is aside from Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, Lonnie Frisbie and Tim Tebow. I'm placing odds at 50/50 on Russell's Nephew getting charged with a sex crime after returning home to watch this season's episodes and realizing that his closest confidant actually used his new found faith to manipulate him.

At the Immunity Challenge, the Tribes each designated a pair of players to navigate an obstacle course while blindfolded, and another pair to serve as callers to help them find their way. Savaii lost when Cochran ended up panicking as caller, which caused Ozzy to throw a Real World style tantrum where he began kicking and throwing things...only his wasn't caused by three straight weeks of weed, hard alcohol, and underlying daddy issues.

For the victorious Upolu Tribe, Coach immediately organized a team prayer by demanding his teammates to get "On your knees," which frankly is a command that I would have probably expected to come from Russell's Nephew instead of Coach, especially since there were women involved.

Upolu did get to go to a screening of the movie Jack and Jill and eat movie theatre food like hot dogs, nachos and candy as a reward for winning, although it was probably not worth the explosive diarrhea they had to endure as a result...plus all the junk food that they ate probably didn't help their stomachs much either.

At least it's good to see that Mayim Bialik getting steady work these days.

Back at the Savaii Tribe, Ozzy continued to blame Cochran for their loss. "I don't understand why it was so difficult. I hate to say it, but Cochran, you lost it for us."

Cochran rightfully feared that his performance had caused Ozzy to go back on his pledge to volunteer himself for elimination. "Ozzy assured me that in the event that we lost, Ozzy would say 'send me to Redemption Island,' but after I blew the challenge it seemed like that plan went out the window. I knew immediately that I was the next target. I really did feel like crying, but I just stayed as strong as I could," which for some reason reminds me of my Prom date.  

The Savaii Tribe tried to rationalize the decision to vote out Cochran, yet keep him on their side in the event that he made it to the merger. Ozzy even tried to coach him up to be a bad ass when he said, "You're gonna make it so palpable that Christine's gonna be like, crap, that's it, I'm done," to which Cochran deadpanned, "I don't know how well I can pull off the whole like, I'm indestructible so you better be shaking in your boots...you stupid bitch." Seriously, each week Cochran is reminding me more and more of the real life version of the character "Sheldon" from Big Bang Theory.

After further reflection and waking up from a dream, Ozzy re-declared that he would lend his tribe his Immunity Idol and volunteer himself to go to Redemption Island in order to try and eliminate Christine. The cowboy hat wearing mustache guy was apparently not impressed, as he declared, "The biggest deal is if we have another challenge, and we're down Ozzy, and all of a sudden Dawn is our third guy and Cochran's our fourth guy," which I think was his way of declaring that Dawn is ahead of Cochran in his "Brokeback" pecking order if he ever got the chance to mount one of the two.   

At Tribal Council, when Jeff Probst began by wondering why Savaii would vote Cochran off to Redemption Island and still expect him to come back and be loyal to them following the merge. Ozzy then announced that he was going to voluntarily go to Redemption Island in order to make a "ballsy" move, much to Jeff's surprise. He also revealed that he was going to tell Christine that Cochran had blindsided him and the the rest of the tribe by finding the Idol and playing it, which would allow Cochran to act as a double agent of sorts after the merge.

When Jeff told Ozzy that if his plan didn't work he'd "go out a bigger fool than last time (when he had an Immunity Idol in his pocket but didn't play it)," Ozzy did a 360 and said, "Umm, I think I change my mind - I think I'm going to let Cochran go to Redemption Island," as he stood up during his final chance to play the Immunity Idol.

Unfortunately, Ozzy said he was just kidding and he stayed true to his word, which turned what could have been one of Survivor's all time great blind-sides into one of the the game's worst strategic moves ever, especially considering that he had no need to make himself a sacrificial lamb with an Idol in his pocket heading into the merge since Christine was already 100% ready to turn against her former Upolu Tribe mates. Jeff concluded the show by saying, "You just made one of the biggest moves in the history of the game based on one big assumption - that the merge is next."