Friday, November 18, 2011

NFL Picks Week 11: "Because Joe Paterno is living proof that you can get lung cancer second hand from pole smokers"

Week 10 NFL Picks: 5-8
NFL results season to date: 72-64-7

Week 10 College Football results: 2-1-1
College Football results season to date: 19-21-2

Week 11 NFL Picks (winners in parentheses):

New York Jets vs. Denver (New York Jets, road, -7) Tim Tebow and the Broncos finally escape the comfort of the AFC West and face a real defense.

Tennessee vs. Atlanta (Tennessee, road, +6.5) Despite losing Kenny Britt to injury and CJ2K mentally, the Titans are not all that bad.
Buffalo vs. Miami (Buffalo, road, +2.5) So, are Dolphin fans comfortable with the fact that Matt fucking Moore might cost them Andrew Luck? It's time that Buffalo gets back to winning, and Miami gets back to losing.
Cincinnati vs. Baltimore (Baltimore, home, -7) I'm not sure the Bengals are ready to win a big game yet, especially on the road. The Ravens only seem to be able to win big games, especially when they're at home.
Jacksonville vs. Cleveland (Jacksonville, road, +1) Umm, no thanks? I think I like the Jaguars over the Browns in a 1-0 game.
Oakland vs. Minnesota (Minnesota, home, -1) Call me crazy, but I think Jared Allen and the Vikings defensive line will get all over Carson Palmer and the Raiders asses in a loud Metrodome.
Carolina vs. Detroit (Tennessee, road, +3.5) Take the points whenever the Panthers get them. I still think Detroit wins, but Carolina should be able to shut down Calvin Johnson, a/k/a Megatron, and keep this one close with Jahvid Best still unable to keep defenses honest due to lingering effects from a concussion.  
Tampa Bay vs. Green Bay (Green Bay, home, -14) The Buccaneers have been huge disappointments this season, while the Packers still haven't yet set the bar on how high the point spread can go for them to cover.
Dallas vs. Washington (Dallas, road, -7.5) The emergence of Demarco Murray has allowed the Cowboys and Tony Romo to play conservatively, which is a good thing considering that he has the playmakers to make plays off of conservative calls instead of making him force things. On the other hand, Rex Grossman has to force things for the Pigskins to have any chance at winning, which is a bad thing.

In a side note, Washington TE Chris Cooley challenged Tony Romo to a fight earlier this season. He also tried to make a hillarious video spoofing Romo and Cowboy TE Jason Witten. I'm no Cowboy fan or Tony Romo apologist, but considering that the only "hillarious" thing about Cooley are the pictures of his penis that he "accidentally" posted on his blog, he and his white trash deuche bag in crime Colt Brennan might want to lay off the comedy and work a little harder on getting real jobs now that their cups of coffee in the NFL are all but over.

Fantasy Files from Tanner Cooley on Vimeo.

Arizona vs. San Francisco (Arizona, road, +9.5) I think the 49ers can shut down the Cardinals running game, but can they contain Larry Fitzgerald now that John Skelton is taking shots to him down field? I think Arizona keeps this one close...just a feeling.
Seattle vs. St. Louis (St. Louis, home, -1) Just when the Seahawks were starting to run the ball effectively, they lose two starting offensive linemen for the year. That should also help the Rams up and coming defensive line put significant pressure on Tavaris Jackson and force some turnovers.
Chicago vs. San Diego (Chicago, home, -3.5) The Chargers just don't seem to be in sync this year, and I can't see a road game against the Bears in November at Soldier Field being the spark that gets them to turn their season around.
Philadelphia vs. New York Giants (New York Giants, home, -4.5) I'm not sure I wouldn't take the Giants at -4.5 against the Eagles even if Michael Vick was certain to play. Since we still don't know Vick's status at this time, I'll take the Giants pass rush and power running game over  Philly regardless of who their QB is.

New England vs. Kansas City (New England, road, -14.5) My gut tells me not to take the road team in night games such as this. My brain tells me that the Patriots varsity teams kicks the asses of their JV counterparts in the Chiefs, especially with Tyler Palko as their quarterback.

College Football's Top Games of the Week:

Nebraska vs. Michigan (Nebraska, road, +3.5) Now that they are in the BIG, Nebraska has firmly established an identity as a whiter version of the Wisconsin Badgers. With that said, the Cornhuskers (is that one word or two?) should still be able to keep Denard Robinson and the one dimensional Wolverines in check.

What are the two things that come from Ann Arbor? 1. Year after year the most overrated football team in America. 2. Ugly chicks.
Ohio State vs. Penn State (Penn State, road, +7) Ahh, the Scandal Bowl! Let's just say that there's no program in America happier that Penn State and Jerry Sandusky's Nittany "Loin" got busted for an underage sex scandal than the Ohio State Buckeyes, as covering up some free tattoos doesn't look nearly that bad when you compare it to keeping silent about your defensive coordinator wrestling small boys in the locker room shower with nothing but his penis. Despite the scandal, Penn State's chances of winning the B1G are not dead yet, and I don't think the Buckeyes will be able to score enough points to keep up with them. BTW, it's worth your time to check out this clip from this week's episode of South Park, in which they completely trashed Penn State. I don't know how those guys consistently knock out topical episodes in less than a week's time, but they always do.

Joe Paterno is living proof that you can get lung cancer second hand from pole smokers.

Kansas State vs. Texas (Kansas State, road, +9) K-State has done me right so far this year. I'll take the points against an overrated Longhorns team playing behind a back-up QB.

So let me get this straight....the University of Texas Cheerleaders wear chaps?...And they can get away with that on a college campus?

Oklahoma vs. Baylor (Oklahoma, road, -15.) I can't see the Bears having the talent to hang with the Sooners in this game. Afterall, they are a Southern Baptist University, so their talent pool must be pretty shallow, unless something shady is going on down in Waco...which their probably is given the unexpected success and recruiting exploits of their football and basketball teams.

So when I tried to find pictures of University of Oklahoma Cheerleaders, it turned out that the girls at Oklahoma State were just inherently hotter...sorry Sooners.

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