Sunday, June 1, 2014

The Bachelorette Blog - "I got cock blocked by a bouquet of flowers"



As if we weren't getting enough Andi Dorfman to begin with, Sunday was the start of a two night "special" Bachelorette event.

With two 2-hour episodes on back to back nights, coupled with last Monday's 2-hour episode and Thursday's replay of Monday's episode, ABC dedicated 8 of it's 24 prime time hours over an 8-day period to Bachelorette related programming.

The episode began with Andi and the guys packing up and moving on to Santa Barbara, where the first 1-on-1 Date went to Nick, a software sales executive from Chicago.

Andi took Nick on a hike up a mountain, who saw it as an opportunity to see if he really felt like being on the show.

"It's my opportunity to spend some quality time with Andi and see if it's worth sticking around."

Instead, Nick used the date to ramble on about how he'd been hurt in his past relationships. Taking that as a challenge, Andi gave him a rose thinking she could fix him and make him love again.

Nick Viall: Sadly, girls can get puppy's fixed and rescue them, but they can't rescue men and fix them. 

The Group Date turned out to be a classical singing lesson from Boyz ii Men, who's remaining members are all apparently struggling to make ends meet after Michael Bivens died.

Marquel was excited to learn that the guys would be singing one of their most famous songs, I'll Make Love to You.

Marquel went on to say, "I'll make love to you is one of the most iconic songs of all the history of music."

Marquel Martin proved that all black guys judge the quality of a song on it's ability to help them get a girl in bed...Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Josh made fun of Bradley the opera singer for trying to sing the song in falsetto...Although Josh didn't exactly use that term.

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Being the only professional singer in the group (and no, I didn't forget about Tasos), Bradley was chosen to start the song off in front of the 10-17 people that had gathered to watch Boyz ii Men perform first.

Unfortunately, Bradley felt the need to address the crowd before he started singing, and the most romantic thing he could come up with as a dedication to Andi was, "Andi, we dedicate this song to you big girl."

And after he called Andi fat, or at least big boned, Bradley kicked things off with some really shaky vocals for an opera singer. Sadly, things only went downhill from there. 

At the post Group Date Cocktail Party, Andi decided to play a joke on Cody and told him that there had been chatter around the house that he had a girlfriend.

That joke seemed to take Cody Sattler by surprise...Mainly because he's clearly gay in real life.

After Andi made out with Marcus and Josh back to back, the Group Date Rose went to Josh, which seemed to quickly transform Marcus from the sweet quiet guy, into the creepy possessive guy.

Andi's second 1-on-1 Date went to JJ, and turned out to be one of the worst in Bachelor/Bachelorette history...Not because they had a bad time, but because the theme was so fucking stupid.

For some reason, the producers decided it would be a good idea to dress Andi and JJ up as old people and let them hit the town like it was their 50th Anniversary to try and fool people.

The problem was that despite the best effort of ABC's makeup artists, Andi and JJ still looked and sounded like two young people who were just dressed up like old people and trying to make fun of them.

Sadly for the authenticity of Andi and JJ's "50th Anniversary Date," Rascals aren't for old people, they're for fat people.

Proving that nobody will get sent home this season after a 1-on-1 Date, JJ got a rose after admitting to Andi that he was a dork, even to the extent that he had to switch schools because he was so socially awkward.

Back at the mansion, Ron left the show after getting a phone call and learning that a close friend had passed away.

That caused Josh to say, "It could have happened to any one of us here, that's what's so real about it," forgetting about the part where he was a privileged white guy and Ron was black.

The Cocktail Party before the Rose Ceremony brought some much needed drama to an otherwise boring episode.

First off, Andi was asked to sign for a delivery of flowers from Nick as she was talking to Eric, which lead to an uncomfortable moment. 

Or as Eric said, "I got cock blocked by a bouquet of flowers."

The first real controversy of the season arose after Andrew allegedly got the number of a hostess at dinner and then bragged about it to some of the other guys.

When Josh confronted him about it, Andrew simply ran up to his room saying, "I'm not going to engage in this," as Josh yelled, "So that's the type of guy you are?"

After thinking about how to justify his actions, Andrew came back down to the party and said that the hostess simply gave him her number, and he denied bragging about it to the other guys, even though they all said otherwise.

As it turned out, Andrew got the final rose of the evening, sending home opera singer Bradley, as well as Brett, the hairstylist with the really bad hair.

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What can I say, Brett just didn't seem into the who "women" thing.

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