Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The Bachelorette Blog: "Do you wash your hands after you go to bathroom?"

This week Andi and the guys traveled to Venice, Italy as a reward for them having to spend all of last week in France. 

The first 1-on-1 Date went to Nick, who was excited for some unexpected alone time with Andi even though she was just evaluating whether or not she wanted to keep him around any longer.

Andi and Nick's date began like one of my very worst days ever in the 5th grade...With romantic school lunch pizza and a bird shitting on their heads. 

After spending the afternoon making out with Nick on the canals of Venice, Andi finally got around to questioning him about why all the other guys, or at least Cody, think that he's an arrogant ass.

Andi even went as far as to ask the overly confident Nick, "Do you think you're a front-runner?"

Nick responded by saying, "I don't like the word," and then went on to say that he felt "incredibly fortunate," to still be around, which wasn't at all what he said to Cody. In fact, it was the complete opposite.

I don't know what it is, but there's something about this Nick Viall guy that just doesn't seem honest.

Not knowing that, Andi completely ate up his bullshit story up and gave Nick a Rose before the two of them hit a private mascaraed concert given by 90's pop star, Gerardo.

The Group Date turned out to be a trap, and consisted of a lie detector test that Andi wanted to use to gauge the guys' true intentions, which would have been more appropriate had Nick not been selected for the first 1-on-1 Date.

While Andi stood in for a few questions, none of them put her on the spot and asked her the tough questions like, "Are you here for the right reasons?"

Then again, why would Andi want to risk her shot at going from a $40,000 a year prosecutor to a cushy job as a legal analyst for a hometown network like CNN. 

Chris was nervous about taking the lie detector test because he was hiding a secret from Andi that he only wanted to come out on his own terms...That he was really secretly Prince Harry.

And while the guys faced some ridiculous question about farting in public and washing their hands after pooping, they also had to answer whether or not they came on the show for the right reasons.

Interestingly, Dylan took off immediately after taking the test claiming that he was sick, which didn't make him look good, especially since that Andi ended up tearing up the test results without even looking at them.

After all that stress, Andi spent the remainder of the evening making out with pretty much all of the guys.

And while Chris was included in that group, he ended up earning the Group Date Rose after he finally revealed to Andi that he was her "Secret Admirer," which was something that she apparently already knew.

Interestingly, the normally cool J.J. got pissed when people congratulated Chris because he didn't think it was right to be cordial in a competition for a girl.

That caused the normally polite Chris to snap back at J.J. for shitting in his Easter basket after he got the Rose.

Cody received a 1-on-1 Date, which was a Romeo and Juliet themed day on the town.

Sadly though, Cody never even had a chance.

Even though he wrote Andi a lovely poem and even babbled on about how he wanted her to meet his family, Andi stopped Cody and told him that she didn't have any romantic feelings for him and sent him home on the spot so he didn't make a further ass of himself on national TV.

Acknowledging having been caught off guard, Cody Sadler handled getting sent home well, taking one last bitchin' shirtless "selfie" before riding off to the airport in tears.

At the Cocktail Party Nick kissed Andi before she could even walk in the room causing her to gasp, "That is a man. That is a man right there! Good job Nick!"

Of course, Nick was already safe, so that just took time away from the other guys who were still competing for the chance to have Andi dump them once her career takes off. 

After a back and forth evening over their emotions, but not their feelings for one another, Andi gave the final rose to Josh, sending J.J. packing. 

Unfortunately, J.J. O'Brien was sent packing and back to looking into how to get more guys into his pants.

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