Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Bachelor Blog - "The only thing that pisses me off is that you didn't sing enough for me."

This week Juan Pablo brought the remaining six girls back to his adopted home city of Miami.

While most of the girls actually seemed happy to go there despite every guy under the age of forty thinking that he's was auditioning to replace Paul Walker in The Fast and the Furious every time he gets on the Florida Turnpike, Sharleen still had reservations.

"At this moment I'm not ready to introduce Juan Pablo to my family."

And while Sharleen's been bipolar about Juan Pablo all season, she finally let America know that her biggest hangup with him was...The fact that Juan Pablo's stupid!

"I still feel like I'm missing this cerebral connection that I so need."

Right on cue, the first 1-on-1 Date went to Sharleen, because Juan Pablo was too dumb to pick up on her signals and realize that she only viewed him as a temporary boy toy when she wasn't on tour doing opera groupies across the German countryside.

And while Sharleen continued to express her doubts about Juan Pablo to the camera, she kept leading him on with her lips.

When Juan Pablo finally put her on the spot and asked her how she felt about meeting his family, she could only manage to say, "I, I think it can work."

Regretting how she hesitated before she answered Juan Pablo's question, Sharleen described how it was for the other girls to lie and tell Juan Pablo what he wanted to hear by saying, "I wish I was a little dumber."

Fortunately, Juan Pablo was dumb enough for the both of them saying, "I love honesty," as he ignored the red-flags and decided to keep her around.

In case you missed it, M and M's debuted a new commercial starring Juan Pablo. Not surprisingly, no same color M and M's were allowed on screen together. 

When Nikki got the next 1-on-1 Date card that said, "listen to my heart beat," she asked, "Do I have to dance again," almost as if she was put off.

As it turns out, Juan Pablo took Nikki to his daughter Camilla's dance recital, where she got to meet his mom, dad, and ex-wife all while inappropriately dressed in daisy dukes and a low cut boobie shirt. 

When Juan Pablo returned back home, Sharleen was waiting for him to tell him that she had finally decided to go home.

As a true gentleman, Juan Pablo held it together and wiped her tears and told her not to be upset.

He then went on to say, "The only thing that pisses me off is that you didn't sing enough for me."

However, the cameras showed him breaking down in tears as soon as she left.

As she left, Sharleen attempted to explain to the cameras how she didn't see Juan Pablo as anything more than a temporary fuck buddy. "I just know that he doesn't have what I'm looking for in terms of a 'forever.'"

For the Group Date, Juan Pablo took the girls on sea plane to private island.

Chelsie, who received advice from both her mother and her father before coming on the show, shared their advice to Juan Pablo.

According to Chelsie, her mother told her not to chew gum, have more than two drinks, and to keep her clothes on.

On the other hand, Chelsie's father told her to have fun and to do the opposite of whatever her mom told her to do, making him the coolest dad ever!

Holding true to form, Andi got insecure and had another mini-melt down. Sadly, Juan Pablo once again rewarded that behavior by giving her the Group Date Rose. 

Shortly after this photograph was taken Andi Dorfman began crying because the guy in the panda costume was paying more attention to one of the other girls.

Because the recipient of the Group Date Rose got an extra 1-on-1 Date with Juan Pablo, Clare was infuriated.

"I deserve something amazing and wonderful...It doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't make sense...It's times like that make me question, 'what the fuck am I doing here?'"

When Juan Pablo took Andi dancing at a real live Latin club, he told her that he has more fun with her than any of the other girls, which was kind of confusing since Andi comes across as one of the least fun people on the planet.

With Andi out on the town with Juan Pablo, Clare and the other girls got the consolation prize of heading back to the hotel and hanging out with Nikki, who already had her 1-on-1 Date.

"We get to hang out with Nikki...I want to hang out with Nikki like I want to get stung by a jellyfish."

Nikki was no more excited to hang out Clare, and when she walked off to her room in the middle of a conversation, Clare chased her down.

That caused Nikki to snap, "I have nothing to say to you. Let's just be honest, we'll never be friends. Why don't you just excuse yourself?"

The two then went on to discuss who paid for the room, and who had the right to ask the other to leave.

Nikki blamed the incident on Clare for getting jealous over not getting a Rose or a 1-on-1 Date.

"There's been times where I didn't get a rose, very few, but I didn't act like that. Clare is like a dog. She peed on him first, like she claimed her territory, and the fact is she claimed some territory that might not be hers."

Nikki went on to lobby against Clare getting a Hometown Date.

"I think if Juan Pablo goes to Clare's home town he has a giant crazy family to meet. I mean, she didn't get crazy on her own, it had to come from somewhere."

Nikki then got a bit cocky, calling Juan Pablo her "boyfriend" whenever she mentioned his name, and even forgetting that he hadn't yet given her a Rose yet. "Well, I have a rose...Wait I don't? Pretty much." 

Whether it's her relationship with Juan Pablo, or the "modeling agency" at her local mall, Nikki Ferrell seems to have a pretty inflated view of herself.

Meanwhile, Chelsie was less confident saying, "I need this guy to see my hometown."

Unfortunately for Chelsie, nobody wants to go to Ohio, and Juan Pablo ended up giving Roses to Nikki and Renee over her.

Juan Pablo just couldn't see himself traveling to Ohio and wearing "pi-yamas" with Chelsie each Christmas.

That left Clare muttering, "Such a mistake, huge mistake," more bemoaning the fact that Nikki got a Rose than celebrating the one that she was fortunate to receive despite having showed him her crazy.

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