Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Blogging SURVIVOR: Blood vs. Water - "I don't have pockets, so I have to put it right in my crotch, where nobody will suspect a bulge"



After his closest ally got voted to Redemption Island last week, Hayden congratulated Tyson on his blindside of Caleb.

In an attempt shake things up, Hayden went to say, "I hope everybody here likes second place...Because if Tyson goes to the end, he's winning. Because he's playing one hell of a game, pure poetry."

Like an idiot, Gervase jumped in yelling, "Hey, hey, hey hey! Tyson can't do nothing if it wasn't for me! Tyson wouldn't be where he's at if it wasn't for me!"

Of course, Gervase Peterson probably should have saved that for his jury speech, because that was pretty much the same as yelling, "You guys better vote me out too!"

While Tyson's brain may not have liked Hayden putting a target on him like that, his ego did.

"I didn't really like how Hayden threw me under the bus...It was nice to hear, but it does put a little bit of a target on my back. I wish I hadn't played the Idol."

Upon arriving at the Redemption Challenge Caleb whined about getting blindsided at the last tribal Council.

Forgetting that he had disregarded his "southern gentleman" handshake with Brad Culpepper earlier in the season, Caleb complained, "A man's word is a man's word, and in the south it means something, and in the game of Survivor and Utah and Philly it just doesn't mean as much."

Then again, the guy who made it a point to bring his University of Alabama hat onto the show probably shouldn't get a vote on loyalty until after he's on the break-up end of a relationship with Nick $aban...That should give Caleb Bankston about one more week before he can talk.

Of course, Gervase aptly pointed out how Caleb "tried to do us dirty first, so we got smart and did it to them before they did it to us, so I think that's sore loser status there."

The Redemption Challenge was a race to build house of cards either 8 feet tall or whoever had the highest one after 30 minutes.

Laura M. won easily, and gave the clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol to her daughter Ciera, who decided to keep it.

And while Tina blew her big lead for second place with just three minutes remaining, Caleb inexplicably tried to keep building his house and was eliminated from the show when his tower collapsed with just 30 seconds left despite a safe advantage.

Jeff Probst commended Caleb on his game saying, "I'm guessing you impressed a lot of people with your work ethic and the way you handled Colton."

Jeff then did his best to convince Caleb that he was too good for Colton by adding, "Your relationship is still a mystery to me."

And when Jeff asked Caleb how similar he and Colton were, Caleb could only respond, "We're both guys, even though his estrogen level is probably a bit higher than mine."

As other players commend Laura on her amazing success in Redemption Challenges, her daughter Ciera said, "This is the first Redemption Island I've gone to where I was like, "Mom you better pull this one out.'"

Of course, it wasn't out of loyalty to her mother (who stuck by her despite one or two teen pregnancies) that she was pulling for her, but because she knew the Hidden Immunity Idol was back in play and she just wanted the clue.

Not realizing that she was number four of four in their alliance, Ciera shared her clue with Gervase, Tyson and Monica.

Of course, Hayden and Katie decide to spy on her, and saw them looking in trees near the well, which tipped them off to where the Idol might be hidden.

Of course, Hayden was standing right under the tree with the Idol but didn't realize it. That allowed Tyson to later climb up that same tree and find the Idol.

Deciding to stay silent about the Idol and keep it for himself, what Tyson lacked in chivalry, he made up for in logic.

"I don't have pockets, so I have to put it right in my crotch, where nobody will suspect a bulge."

Tyson Apostol is right, if there's one place on him where nobody will suspect a bulge, it's in his crotch.

The Immunity Challenge consisted of navigating an obstacle course while balancing a ball on top of lengths of pole, and then tossing sandbags to knock down pins once they successfully made it through the course.

Gervase won Immunity, as well as a reward of an ice cream social. He then elected to take Monica and Tyson with him, leaving Ciera hanging on the ass end...Just like when she was in high school.

Ciera Eastin

And as Ciera stood and watched the rest of her alliance eat ice cream, the former teen hellion sadly asked, "Is that a beer?" Fortunately for Tyson, Gervase and Monica it was only root beer, and Ciera forgave them.

Still, even after being slighted by her alliance, Ciera made it known that she had no intention of flipping.

"Part of my strategy has been making Hayden and Katie feel like they have a glimmer of hope, but I have no intention of doing anything with Hayden and Katie." 

And as Tyson walked up, Hayden matter of factly said to him, "I'm just sitting here trying to convince everybody to blindside you, but it hasn't worked...You know I love you, but I'm just trying to play the game."

At Tribal Council, Hayden tried to convince the others that Tyson was running the game. Jeff Probst even chimed in, reminding Ciera how she was the one alliance member left out of the ice cream social.

However, all was well until Monica fucked up and told Ciera not to join Hayden and and Katie because "fourth is better than sixth," flat out telling her where she stood.

That gave Hayden an in, who quickly pointed out to Ciera, "If you came on this side there is no four, five or six, there's one, two and three."

Realizing that his alliance was caving in faster than Michael Jackson's face, Gervase interjected, "That's incorrect!" Of course, Hayden indignantly retorted, "What do you mean that's incorrect?!!?"

And when Gervase tried to remind Ciera that they were the "honest ones," everyone in the jury just started laughing at him.

Gervase then made things even worse by saying, "There is no jumping ship in this alliance, it's one, two, three and four, as he pointed directly at Ciera at "four."

And while Gervase started yelling, "Hayden, guess what, you're going on the jury. Believe that! You're going on the jury," Hayden calmly looked at Ciera and whispered, "Monica."

Then, in the middle of one of the most heated Tribal Council's ever, Tyson had to make things weird.

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That caused Jeff Probst to say, "That is the craziest conversation before a potential $1 mil vote that I've ever heard." 

Writing down "Hay done," Gervase said, "Don't hate the players homie, hate the game. This isn't Big Brother, it's Survivor. We do things different here, and you're about to get a lesson in how to play the game."



Meanwhile, Hayden continued to whisper into Ciera's ear about voting for Monica, which helped him produce a tie 3-3 vote between Monica and himself when he finally convinced Ciera to flip.

That caused Tyson to demand of Ciera, "What are you doing?", to which she replied, "Don't glare at me!"


When the re-vote (with Monica and Hayden sitting out) came back 2-2, Jeff explained what would happen for just the second time in twenty-two seasons.

Unless those voting could unanimously choose who to send home, Hayden and Monica would both be safe, and the rest contestants would have to draw rocks to see who would randomly be eliminated.

With Ciera telling her alliance, "Tell me I'm number four and vote my way, or I'm drawing rocks," Gervase, who had Individual Immunity, egged her on.

In the end, it was Katie who drew the lone white rock.

And while that turned out to be a miraculous turn of events for Hayden, it sent Katie Redemption Island to be reunited with her mother, who unlike Ciera, she actually liked.

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