Saturday, October 13, 2012

Blogging Survivor: Philippines - "In my book, unless it's a manly handshake, it's not going to count"

This week's episode began with RC continuing to try and re-assure Abi-Maria that she was not being looked at as a liability by the rest of the Tandang tribe despite the fact that she was complaining of several knee injuries.

Even though RC shared the clue to the hidden Immunity Idol with her, Abi threatened to cut RC's "fucking head off" in the event that she ever betrayed her.

You know, because all women from South America are bat-shit crazy...Especially the one back in college who chased me around a party with a knife just because I called her a "Mexican."

And when RC finally grew frustrated and said, "I'm done with this, it's pointless," Abi snapped back by saying, "Okay, get out of here," essentially ending their girl alliance for some "Peter."

Abi-Maria then immediately betrayed RC and went to Peter and shared the information about the clue to the hidden Immunity Idol that RC had found.

All is not well on "Boobie Island" for RC and Abi-Maria.

Sure enough, Abi-Maria and Peter used RC's clue and found the Immunity Idol, which caused Abi to go all Gollum and proclaim, "Oh my God! I found it...I found it!

What size are RC Saint-Amour's boobs? Obviously, they're a '10.'"

Peter made his own little power play by telling the ostracized Facts of Life star Lisa Whelchel that she was Tandang's first target to go home, but that he'd make a move to save her if she was willing to help blindside Michael, who was actually one of Peter's initial alliance members.

Even though Michael was the only player to that point to reach out to Lisa, she decided to take the good, and take the bad, "and play the hand that you have," and took Peter up on his offer.

Lisa Whelchel Art: I was always a big fan of Mrs. Garrett...But why isn't Molly Ringwald naked?

At the Kalabaw Tribe, Dana wondered what happened to the little symbol in the top of the rice box, not putting two and two together after walking up on Jonathan foraging through camp in the last episode searching for the Immunity Idol when he thought he was alone last week.

Jonathan decided to reach out racist ex-Major League Baseball player Jeff Kent by telling him he had found the hidden Immunity Idol.

True to the loyalty that he displayed when he "Betrayed the San Francisco Giants for the sissy ass Los Angeles Dodgers," Jeff agreed to form an unlikely alliance with Jonathan by shaking his hand, but quickly claimed that his handshake didn't really count.

"So I gave him a four fingered hand shake, not a five finger handshake. In my book, unless it's a manly handshake, it's not going to count."

The Immunity Challenge required the tribes to take turns diving to a series of flotations and unlocking them for clues, with each flotation device being a little bit deeper than the one before it.

That lead to a comical moment when Angie, Matsing's reigning beauty queen, had her own personal "flotation devices" hinder her from diving and releasing the shallowest one at just two feet deep. After that, she decided to quit taking any more turns.

Unfortunately for those of you Google searching for "Angie Layton's boobs," her bikini is yet to release her "flotation devices."

In addition to Angie's overly buoyant boobs, Russell also struggled for Matsing. In reference to being unable to dive down ten feet and release a flotation he said, "Everybody has their weaknesses, mine showed up today."

That statement apparently not only included his diving ability, but his ability to climb ladders as well, as on two occasions the muscle bound Russell cost Matsing precious time when he was simply unable to pull himself up out of the water.

That raised questions about whether Russell's so ripped because he's naturally strong, or if he's just artificially strong, a/k/a "LiveStrong," like Lance Armstrong.

Russell wondered aloud, "What is it about this game that frightens me so much? Last time I almost died!" Of course, he failed to realize that he had just answered his own question.

Michael Skupin continued his masochistic journey in Survivor by diving face first into the water for Tandang while wearing a diving mask, which promptly shattered, which is precisely why he had just told Peter not to do.

That's not face paint, it's blood...But given that it's Michael Skupin, you already knew that.

However, it was Matsing who finished in last place, again sending them to Tribal Council with Tandang and Kalabaw both winning fishing supplies. And to add insult to injury, Matsing later discovered that they had forgot to properly secure their raft, allowing it to drift out to sea with the tide.

New Feature: Retro commercial break!

At Tribal Council, Matsing had to decide between voting out the muscle bound but un-athletic Russell, or the pretty but cognitively challenged Angie.

Angie went on the offensive first by claiming that she'd never quit at an Immunity Challenge the way Russell did, even though that's exactly what she did.

And to answer your questions, yes, Angie Layton's boobs are fake...Barbie dolls don't have size D boobs.

Angie proclaimed, "I know I'm only 20-years-old, but I think I can fight more than Russell, honestly."

Of course that "honestly" at the end made it clear that she was still trying to convince herself what she was saying was true just as much as she was trying to convince her fellow tribe members.

After hearing Angie's argument to stay, Russell went from being insulted to being full blown condescending to her as a woman. "I was willing to die for this game the last time I played. You willin' to put your life on the line little girl?"

Just a guess here, but I'm guessing that Russell would not have appreciated it too much if she had referred to him as "little boy," so he probably needs to reconsider how he talks to women.

In the end, Matsing decided to stay with the slightly stronger player, and voted off Angie 3-1, which was unfortunate, because not only did they lose their raft and yet another player, but Malcolm lost the pillows that he'd been sleeping on.

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