Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Blogging Survivor: Philippines - "He has his hands between Skupin's legs, a very intimate way to play this game, but totally legal"

Tensions continued to mount this week at Kalabaw, where Michael Skupin had depleted their rice supply while eating it dry, leaving them dangerously close to running out of food.

That caused Peter to snap, "He thinks it cooks in your body because it's pretty much 100 degrees. So Mike makes horrible decisions. He's the most useless player who's ever been returned to Survivor, and he needs to go."

That brought the two tribes to the Reward Challenge, where they competed for soup and sandwiches by attempting to push a large wicker ball through a field of mud and into their opponents goal.

However, that challenge quickly turned into a mud wrestling contest, and not in the good kind of way, as there was a whole lot of head buttin' (literally) and guy on guy grabbing below the waist.

With Jonathan Penner closely checking Michael Skupin out to see if he had any "fromunda cheese," Skupin yelled out PENNER!" While Jonathan did say, "Sorry buddy," I'm thinking that he wasn't really all that apologetic about it. 

While Penner's action seemed like a low blow, or least a low grab, Jeff Probst reluctantly confirmed that he was playing within the rules.

"Penner's doing nothing illegal. He has his hands between Skupin's legs. A very intimate way to play this game, but totally legal."

With the first grouping deadlocked and unable to score after playing for over an hour, and with either tribe needing three goals to earn the victory, Jonathan asked Kalabaw if they were willing to make a deal.

When Penner informed Michael that he was not willing to let go of his nuts for free, Michael proposed giving Tandang the soup and sandwich reward for getting his balls back and the remainder of their rice.

With Jonathan assuring the rest of his tribe that he was able to catch enough fish to feed them with the fishing supplies they had previously won, Tandang apprehensively gave him the go ahead to make that deal.

Since it was Michael who ate all of Kalabaw's rice to begin with, that deal wasn't received that well by the rest of the tribe. However, because nobody spoke up to voice an objection, they allowed Michael and RC to push that deal through.

That gave Tandange the feast of soup and sandwiches, along with a warm shower and a surprise reward in the form of letters from home, which I'm guessing doubled as toilet paper after the contestants gorged themselves on real food for the first time in weeks.

Tribe moral was at an all time low back at Kalabaw, where Artis and Abi began serving as Monday morning quarterbacks while trying to analyze their trade to get more rice.

When RC tried to console Artis by saying, "Sorry Artis, we wanted to give you a birthday feast," he just waved his finger at her and said, "Go away."

Apparently Artis was pissed about getting enough food to eat until the merge.

Never one to miss an opportunity to throw a bitch fit, Abi retroactively raised her objection. "It was one of the dumbest moves of Survivor. People usually go into that (the challenge) and at least lose, but just giving up the prize like that, I've never seen that before in my life."

Of course, Abi -Maria Gomes apparently forgot that she deferred her vote on whether or not to trade the challenge reward for Kalabaw's rice, but apparently that's not enough to stop "The Bitch From Ipanema" from opening her pie hole.

Realizing that their tribe members were using the campaigning against them, RC called Artis, Peter and Abi "cruel," saying Abi's obviously doing her Abi thing...She's like this little Brazilian bomb who's about to blow up at any second." Likewise, Michael correctly identified Artis as "A 13-year-old girl."

While Roberta Saint-Amour noted how Abi and her alliance have the upper hand, RC's definitely one up on Abi when it comes to another body part her booty.

Abi went on to complain about how her tribe got duped. "I doubt Kalabaw would just give us all of their rice without a plan B. They're not stupid...Kalabaw totally used psychology, and it worked. Fucking stupid."

Of course, the Kalabaw tribe quickly came to the realization that Jonathan was not capable of catching them fish as he had promised when he came back with only two tiny fish after a full day of fishing in ideal weather and conditions.

The Immunity Challenge involved each team launching balls in the air with a slingshot and having their teammates try to catch them in a net that served very much like a baseball glove.

When Katie forgot to keep her hand touching the starting area before the balls were launched, Jeff Probst became what I'm sure will be the first of many men to remind her to keep her "hands on the pole."
In what has become a weekly ritual, Jeff Probst called Abi out for sitting out of yet another challenge. "Abi, you're sitting out again? That is what, two out of eight challenges you've participated in?

Of course Abi responded by saying, "Well, it wasn't my choice," even though she's never had a problem voicing her opinion and getting her way when....Well, ever.

While Jeff Kent seemingly had an advantage as an ex-Major League Baseball player, it was Malcolm who carried the challenge.

Still bitter about their loss, Jeff decided to blame Carter for their loss.

"Carter was definitely out-muscled and out-maneuvered by Malcolm, forgetting that it was Malcolm who beat Jeff out for the fifth and final catch that Kalabaw needed to win Immunity by knocking him to the ground.

Of course, this is the same Jeff Kent that was so concerned about winning during his baseball career that he was once quoted as saying, "Winning is the only thing that makes me happy. Ask my wife. I don't get happy about anniversaries or birthdays. I don't care about that. Just winning."

Nonetheless, Jeff stayed loyal to his alliance with Carter, but they did discuss the possibility of voting Jonathan out.

While not normally the sharpest tool in the shed, Carter did have a point when he said that Penner would have the biggest target on him if they brought him to the merge as a returning player. 

Jeff told Carter not to give Penner any clues that they were considering voting him out so he wouldn't feel threatened and use his Immunity Idol.

However, Carter promptly walked over and inadvertently asked him about the secret scenario that he and Jeff were considering. "What do you want to do, Katie or Penner?"

At Tribal Council Jonathan remained confident that he would not get voted out, and ended up electing not to play his Idol.

Jeff Probst asked Jeff Kent if he played any other games similar to Survivor in terms of strategy, which Jeff quickly denied by saying, "No, this game sucks," so as not to clue anybody off that he was a former pro baseball player.

And after several minutes of the contestants speaking in circles about who it was that was going to get blind-sided, it was Katie, not Jonathan who was voted out 4-1, although I'm sure Penner is going to be pissed and wonder why Katie voted for him instead of Denise as he thought she was going to do.

In the end, Katie acknowledged that she was totally overwhelmed by the physical nature of the game of Survivor saying,  "I came in thinking I'm an athlete, I'm so strong."

The last time I checked, you don't earn varsity letters for competing in beauty pageants.

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