Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Blogging Survivor: One World - "I can't believe he's talking about my boob job...He's crazy"

After joining up with the girls alliance and voting out Jonas, Jay and Troy discussed targeting a girl next, not yet realizing that they had been duped by Kim, Chelsea and Sabrina, who were still playing with their initial all-girls alliance.

Talk about a bad deal, not only did Troy and Jay pretty much just give the women's alliance numbers, but they didn't even get a boob flash from Monica Culpepper in return, which was pretty much the going currency around camp before they...I mean she got voted out.

The Reward Challenge involved racing down a water slide and into the ocean to retrieve crates of puzzle pieces. The first team (picked in a school yard draft) to solve their puzzle won a product placement "afternoon oasis" with burgers, steak, pie, sodas and used Pontiac Azteks.

The Pontiac Aztek was once one of the premier prizes oin Survivor. This one now serves as Richard Hatch's home following his conviction for tax evasion in connection with his game show winnings.

Christina lead the strategy for her team on their puzzle, allowing Leif, Sabrina, Kim, Michael and herself to win the reward. When Leif began yelling "BARBECUE!" over and over like he was the boy on Bob's Burgers, the camera cut to Chelsea muttering, "Shut the fuck up."

As Sabrina and Kim enjoyed their reward, they went over a strategy to keep the girls together and target Mike. They also listed Alicia and Christina as the first two girls to pick off.

Back at camp, Troy tried to justify not winning the BBQ by telling Kat how bad her shits would have been had her stomach been forced to digest steak, which is a lot like telling a dog that it can't eat the bone your holding because it will inevitably poop in the house later that night.

I didn't realize that Kat was into...BAR BQ

Still ignorant to the fact that they weren't in a mutually reciprocal alliance, Troy and Jay indicated that they wanted to target Christina to even out the men and the women.

When Kat and Chelsea spoke up and said that they instead wanted to vote out Mike because he was a bigger physical threat, you could pinpoint the "Oh shit!" moment when Jay realized that he had been played by the women just by the look on his face.

As a storm approached, the newly merged Tikiano Tribe began to fortify the walls of their shelter. When Tarzan decided to start taking support beams down and cut them up for the fire, Chelsea questioned his logic.

"Tarzan took off part of our bamboo wall to cut for firewood when there's a whole stack of firewood for the fire." When Tarzan snapped back, "I haven't taken any intrinsic parts of this wall off, okay," Troy to said, "It sure looked that way," and Chelsea quipped, "The most educated people have no common sense."

Being the people person he is, Tarzan observed, "When you're around somebody you sense whether you're an irritant to them, and it seems as if Chelsea's been, sort of subliminally harassing me."

Indicating that he knew why she was upset with him," Tarzan decided to confront her. "I sense an aggravation with me, and I don't know if it's because you've had surgery, and I'm a plastic surgeon, and you don't like your plastic surgeon or something..."

A shocked Chelsea went on to say to the camera, "I can't believe he's talking about my boob job. He's just, he's crazy."

While Chelsea Meissner might have issues with her daddy, I'm pretty sure that she doesn't have any qualms with her plastic surgeon.

Kim told Troy a lie about Michael having talked about voting him out, causing Troy to say, "I hate that guy...If Mike wants to vote me out he's got another frickin' thing coming." Of course, he never bothered to check with Michael to get his take on what was simply a lie designed to divide the men.

For somebody who claims to be a famous swimsuit photographer, you'd think that Troy would be a little better at not getting played by pretty women.

The Immunity Challenge consisted of racing across a ladder bridge while maneuvering a bag of puzzle pieces through a rope maze that was attached. With Jay, Kim, Troy and Alicia making it to the final puzzle solving round, Jay came from behind and won Immunity.

After winning Immunity, Jay didn't exactly express an interest in going along with Chelsea's plan to vote Michael out. He questioned whether they'd target him next, especially after Chelsea's response was, "That's not necessarily true."

Reflecting on the brilliant strategy that the men employed to deal with Colton, Jay went on to reason that if he didn't go along with Chelsea's plan she might target him next for retribution.

That plan, of course, would easily Jay him the time he needed until each and every one of the women's appendixes exploded...Except for Kat's, simply because it would be that much more diabolical to make her sit and worry ultimately knowing that her's was coming next.

Concerned that Chelsea had tipped their hand too early, Kim tried to keep things from blowing up by approaching Michael and offering the possibility of voting out Christina out. That not only kept her options open, but it kept Jay and Michael aligned with her for the time being as well.

At Tribal Council, much to Jeff's surprise nobody raised their hand when he asked who was worried about going home. Michael went so far as to say, "It would definitely blow me away," while Kim explained, "I think there are people who think they are part of an alliance that they are not actually a part of."

Tarzan philosophically rambled on about how Jeff was actually the one getting played since the original alliances were still intact, that the game was afoot, and how he he hadn't pooped himself in over two full days."

Asked why everyone was relaxed and laughing seconds before the vote, Kat reasoned, "It's just because his rantics are so...Tarzan. That's what we call it. If it's a rantic, we call it 'you just got Tarzaned.'"

And just to be fair, I've learned that whenever Kat does or says something utterly ridiculous, it's to be called "Going Katatonic."

As the votes played out, it was Mike who got blindsided, with Troy nodding in approval, not realizing that he got played by Kim and the women, just like he did the week before.

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