Wednesday, December 21, 2011

NFL Picks - Week 16: Because in the end, the ghost of Wayne Fontes is returning to Detroit...only this time he's white and has really bad acne scars.

Week 15 NFL Picks: 8-6-2
NFL results season to date: 105-105-2

College Football results season to date: 29-27-2

Week 16 NFL Picks (winners in parentheses):

Texans vs. Colts (Texans, road, -6.5) Indianapolis didn't come close to stopping Arian Foster last year. They couldn't stop Ben Tate earlier this season. With the Texans playing conservative behind T.J. Yates and the Colts defense even worse off now due to injuries, I don't see anything changing.

Raiders vs. Chiefs (Chiefs, home, -1) Oakland absolutely needs to win this game to remain the the playoff hunt. In an AFC West where mediocrity is mandatory, that pretty much means that they are guaranteed to lose.
Broncos vs. Bills (Broncos, road, -3) Tim Tebow and Denver travel to Hell this week in order to take on Buffalo and whoever they have left who isn't injured.
Jaguars vs. Titans (Titans, home, -7) If Tennessee wants to make a push at the final Wildcard spot, I'm not so sure that Jake Locker isn't the better option at quarterback right now over Matt Hasselbeck. As a side note, I can't wait to see the prices in the Jacksonville area fake mustache market bottom-out when new owner Shahid Khan moves the Jaguars to Los Angeles. If Jaguar fans think a $25 million dollar penalty clause in his purchase contract is going to prevent him from moving the team from the worst market in the NFL to what would be by far the largest market, they might as well start praying for Tim Tebow right now...I heard that paper mill just outside of town is hiring.

The Shahid Khan inspired "Jag-Stache" is one of the few things that the Jacksonville fanbase has going for them right now.

Cardinals vs. Bengals (Cardinals, road, +4.5) Arizona, lead by their defense, has been quietly playing the best football in the NFC West over the past month. Granted, that's kind of like saying that Lindsey Lohan is the best actress in her community service class, but at least it's a start. Look for the Cardinals to hang around in a low scoring game with a very similar Cincinnati team. 
Dolphins vs. Patriots (Patriots, home, -10) Miami's defense has been playing well enough that they actually might have a decent shot at slowing down New England's offense. I'm not saying that they will, but at least they have a chance.
Browns vs. Ravens (Browns, road, +13.5) Cleveland hasn't exactly been lighting up the scoreboard behind Colt McCoy and their West Coast Offense, but they've been hanging close with some tough teams. Baltimore won the first match-up in Cleveland by 14 points, but if the Browns can slow down Ray Rice they should be able to keep things within two scores.
Giants vs. Jets (Giants, road, +3) I'm not even sure how the New York dynamic works for these two teams. If I hate the Yankees, which of these two teams should I hate, the Jets or the Giants? Season ticket holders aside, this is essentially a road game at home for the Giants since they don't have to travel. With two evenly matched teams both fighting for a Playoff spot, I'll take the better quarterback in Eli Manning and the 3 points.
Vikings vs. Redskins (Vikings, road, +6.5) Minnesota is really not all that awful for a team that only has two wins. Sadly, if Washington had stuck with Rex Grossman and just accepted his crappy games every other week, the Pigskins would be close to .500 and still be in the hunt for the NFC Division title.  
Buccaneers vs. Panthers (Panthers, home, +7.5) Tampa Bay is the one team that you can't gamble on under any circumstance this season, while Carolina behind Cam Newton is one of the teams that you don't want to bet against.
Rams vs. Steelers (Steelers, home, -13) Even if Pittsburgh elects to go with Charlie Batch at quarterback, they still have better talent across the board than St. Louis. Not only that, but they have far superior coaching as well.
Chargers vs. Lions (Chargers, road, +2.5) With a big running back, a versatile running back and a vertical passing game, San Diego seems like a match-up nightmare for a Detroit defense that has at least eight key players who will be out or limited due to injuries this week. Then again, Detroit should have a field day with their front seven going against an injury ravaged offensive line. In the end, the ghost of Wayne Fontes is returning to Detroit...only this time he's white and has really bad acne scars.
 49ers vs. Seahawks (49ers, road, -2) San Francisco still isn't getting any respect when it comes to the gambling lines. While the 49ers are not flashy, they are a solid team that stops the run and doesn't make mistakes That translates to easy money in a gambling world that is influenced by big names and bright lights. If they can shut down Marshawn Lynch and hold on to the ball, look for San Francisco to cover.

R.I.P. coach Fontes...

Cowboys vs. Eagles (Dallas, home, -1.5) People are once again talking about Philadelphia having an outside shot at running the table and winning the NFC East. I can assure you that this Eagles team has not changed much from the start of the season and their track record speaks for itself. Sure they have plenty of talent at their skill positions, but the Eagles are a team that is incapable of putting together a significant winning streak given their glaring holes at linebacker and offensive line. Even though this game means very little for Dallas since they still have to beat the Giants next week regardless of what they do against the Eagles in order to make the Playoffs, the Eagles will take themselves out of the Playoff race this if they haven't done so already.

Bears vs. Packers (Packers, home, -13) Chicago has finally come to the conclusion that Caleb Hanie was not capable of holding down the ship while Jay Cutler is out due to injury. With Mike Martz unwilling to adapt his complex offense even in the event of an injury to his starter, I highly doubt that Josh McCown will fare much better with only six weeks on the roster in which to get up to speed...especially with the Bears traveling to Green Bay.

Falcons vs. Saints (Falcons, road, +7) Superdome or not, prime time or not, these New Orleans and Atlanta are too evenly matched to lay seven points.

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