NFL Picks - Week 14: Because Brett Favre needs to get a dog. Not a Mississippi dog, but one that actually lives indoors and can keep him company when he gets lonely.

Week 13 NFL Picks: 7-9
NFL results season to date: 89-91-8

Week 13 College Football results: 4-1
College Football results season to date: 29-27-2

Week 14 NFL Picks (winners in parentheses):

Thursday
Browns vs. Steelers (Steelers, home, -14.5) Cleveland is going to be hard-pressed to score enough points to keep up with Pittsburgh's offense, which could put more pressure on Browns QB Colt McCoy than he's able to play up to.

Sunday
Colts vs. Ravens (Colts, road, +17) I know that New England's defense is terrible, but the Indianapolis offense actually held on the the ball and showed some signs of life behind former 3rd string QB Dan Orlovsky last week. I look for Ray Rice and the Baltimore offense to have another big game like they did against Cleveland this week, but I think the Colts might be able to keep up with them for the most part, or at least 17 points worth.
Texans vs. Bengals (Bengals, home, -3) Both Houston and Cincinnati feature top defenses and rookie quarterbacks. Andy Dalton and his Bengals offense have just a few more healthy weapons, which gives Cincinnati the edge in what should be a low scoring game.
Chiefs vs. Jets (Jets, home, -9) New York's defense needs to fare better against Kansas City QB Tyler Palko than they did against the Broncos a few weeks ago. With this game being played in New York, I like the Jets to win by double digits.
Lions vs. Vikings (Lions, home, -8) Much has been said about Detroit imploding after a strong start, but if you looked at their schedule you could pretty much anticipate their recent swoon. Things get easier again starting this week when Minnesota comes to Ford Field. Throw in a few comments from redneck DE Jared Allen that slam the cities of Detroit and New Orleans that are beyond being even borderline racist, and the Lions should have plenty of motivation in this game. BTW, I voluntarily took not one, but two vacations to Detroit this year and had a blast both times. Great food (Slows BBQ, Detroit "square style" pizza, Polish Village Cafe, and original Detroit coney's at Lafayette) great people, great sporting events. And as a point of reference, I used to live in the Florida Keys...so Jared Allen can take his stupid ass mullet back to Idaho, white trash Texas or wherever the fuck he likes to rape cattle and suck it.  

You might be sartorially challenged if you're basing your look on Jim "Hacksaw" Duggan

Saints vs. Titans (Saints, road, -4) There is a good chance that Drew Brees breaks Dan Marino's single season passing record and loses the league MVP award to another quarterback. In fact, I don't you'd hear anyone even so much as complain if that happened and Aaron Rodgers won MVP in a unanimous vote. Look for Brees and the New Orleans offense to continue their assault on the record this week against a solid, but not spectacular Tennessee team.
Eagles vs. Dolphins (Eagles, road, +3) Philadelphia and Miami are teams heading in two different directions. DeSean Jackson has completely tanked his season. Personally, I think that most NFL players looking for a new contract absolutely despise getting hit with the Franchise Tag. I suspect that Jackson and his agent have put together a plan where he plays so lackadaisical and alienates himself so much from his teammates and coaches that Philadelphia wouldn't want to bring him back under any circumstance, including under the Franchise Tag. Of course, if I was the Eagles front office I'd publicly announce that if he picks up his play they could negotiate a new deal during the off season, and if not, they'll "Franchise" him for sure. DeSean Jackson's issues aside, I look for Michael Vick and Jeremy Maclin to give the Eagles a boost with their return from injuries.
Patriots vs. Pigskins (Patriots, road, -9) New England should be able to move the ball at will against Washington, who would have benefited from a flextime move to Sunday Night Football that could have enhanced their home field advantage.
Falcons vs. Panthers (Panthers, home, +3) Carolina is the team you just don't want to bet against when they are getting points. A heavy dose of Michael Turner is clearly in Atlanta's game plan, but they haven't played a game outdoors in almost two months. 
Buccaneers vs. Jaguars (Buccaneers, road, -1) Jacksonville has already fired their coach mid-season, while word has it that Tampa Bay will fire Raheem Morris as soon as the season ends. Neither team can sell out their stadiums. The clear solution I see is to let the winner of this game move to Las Angeles, with the loser moving to Orlando where they can rename the team and draw fans from both sides of the state. As for the game itself, the Jaguars have the better running game and better defense, while the Buccaneers have the better quarterback. I hate to do it, but I'm going to go with Tampa Bay's potential on offense over the sure thing in the Jacksonville's running game in this game.
49ers vs. Cardinals (49ers, road, -4) Arizona has an underrated defense, which could cause San Francisco some problems. On the other hand, the 49ers should be able to shut down Arizona's running game and make them a one dimensional passing team, which is not a good thing the way Kevin Kolb has been playing. With a home field advantage and Alex Smith playing mistake free football all season, I can't bet against the 49ers.
Bears vs. Broncos (Bears, road, +3.5) So Brett Favre made it known this week that he'd be willing to come out of retirement and play for the Bears if they were interested. My first thought was that Brett Favre needs to get a dog. Not a Mississippi dog, but one that actually lives indoors and can keep him company when he gets lonely at times like this. Then when I thought about it, signing Favre actually seems like the logical thing to do with Jay Cutler likely out for the rest of the season due to injury. If I was Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith, I'd send Mike Martz on a sabbatical, and run a simplified offense where they pound the ball with Marion Barber and put Favre in a position where he only has to make simple reads and passes. With Chicago's defense, that should at least get them one or two wins and put them in the Playoffs. As it stands, Chicago is stuck with Caleb Hanie and the Broncos are stuck with Tim Tebow. I don't think either one of them will be able to move the ball against the other's defense. In that case, I'll take the points, especially when they amount to more than a field goal.

...Just not this one, it would probably bite him.

Packers vs. Raiders (Packers, home, -11.5) Carson Palmer and the Oakland Raiders are not going to score enough points on the road to keep up with Aaron Rodgers and Green Bay. In fact, Darren McFadden's hammy tightened up just thinking about playing at Lambeau Field in December.
Bills vs. Chargers (Chargers, home, -7) San Diego and Buffalo have been two of the coldest teams in the NFL in recent weeks. They also have two of the most inept general managers in the league. I guess it's not a coincidence that Buddy Nix worked under A.J. Smith in San Diego. Given that Buffalo has no pass rush and an injury riddled secondary, it seems like a prime opportunity for Phil Rivers and Vincent Jackson to have big games. Then again, we are talking about the Chargers, Phil Rivers and Vincent Jackson.
Giants vs. Cowboys (Cowboys, home, -3) The Cowboys had a huge letdown last week against the Cardinals, mainly because they got away from using DeMarco Murray as their full-time back in favor or using Felix Jones more on passing plays. Jerry Jones and Dallas are obviously oblivious to the fact that using Murray full time after Jones was injured is what took the pressure off Tony Romo by making them less predictable and made them into the front-runners in the NFC East. Fortunately for Dallas, the Giants are in a downward spiral. So if they can go back to properly using Murray, they should prevail at home in a game that looks like it could be a shootout.

Monday
Rams vs. Seahawks (Seahawks, home, -4.5) The Rams and the Seahawks on Monday Night Football? Really? At least I have Marshawn Lynch playing in a fantasy football playoff game to keep me interested. Seattle's running game and a prime time home field advantage should allow them to easily cover against a St. Louis team that has been amongst the worst in the league this year against the spread.